Random Wars
-everybody bursts into flames for no pathetic reason-
Luigi: people being boiled alive! Now that's heaven!
Mario: work for me bitch or I'll show humiliating pics of you!
Link: I eat shoes!
Marth: shaddap!
Zelda: -eats an ant- ants are my food!
Roy: give me a cigarette or I'll twist your face with my screwdriver bitch!
Falco: you suh, dunno knuw how tuh smokue! -points to a lamp-
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Ganondorf was walking down the street pissed off like always when's he delivering mail.
Random Guy: good morning!
Ganondorf: yeah, yeah...good morning my foot!
Random Guy: soooooo, how's your job?
Ganondorf: it sucks! People don't want mail because I shove it up my ass!
Random Guy: you do what?
Ganondorf: and I kill people when they get their mail!
Random Guy: ...riiiiiiiiight.
Ganondorf: -stabs the random guy to death and stuffs his body in some broken refrigerator- that's the end of that!
Boy: mommy...I don't wanna be eaten by the mailman!
Woman: don't you dare eat my son! –grabs the boy and runs away-
Ganondorf: lady, your son doesn't look appetizing!
Ganondorf: here's your package, bitch!-stabs a random baby and stuffs it in the broken refrigerator- burn people burn!-throws fire at random people-
The random people burn into a crisp.
Meanwhile in Sunny..
The sign outside says "Welcome to Sunny Village!" and bottom line says "it's always summer here!"
Hector: whatdowedo!-panics- The CPS is gonna get us!
Alessa: -foams like a rabid racoon on drugs- ahahahahahahahaha! –tries to open the door-
Hector: -drags Alessa away from the door- you don't wanna be taken away, right?
Alessa: Blueberry cakes rules! –smiles-
Hector: I should never have fed you too many sweets today.
Alessa: -stops being crazy- daddy, is mommy and my younger sister trying take me away?
Hector: no, it's the CPS. -is trying find a secret doorway- jackpot! Let's go!-opens the door behind the kitchen- gods, it smells like a guy who committed suicide!
Alessa: it smells like my great great great aunt!
Hector: whatever, let's escape while we can.
Alessa and Hector end up in the sewers.
Cult member # 45: open the damn door! The girl must be taken hostage!
Cult member # 120: yeah! Hostage!
A light purple haired girl appears out of the mist and spouts odd religious gibberish.
Girl: aah! My pencil! OoO! The world! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Noooooooo! I'm God mama!
Cult member # 567: poor stupid Florina. Just like Dahlia.
Florina: burn ahaha!-sets him on fire-
The cult guy turns into dust.
Florina: -is punching the door- biiiiiiiiitch, I know your in there!
Florina grabs a knife and stabs the door knob with it.
Florina: The Order is here! –eyes turn into dots- oh...just SWEET HEAVEN! –stabs the glass, grabs some cake and some lemon pie.-
Cult woman: no Roy here.
Cult man: I didn't know her dad was a baker!
Florina: - stuffs pie, cake and cookies into her pocket- bahahahaha!
Meanwhile in Redcrow city...
Snake: I dunno where your daughter is!
Harry: you kidnapped her, did you? For the love of kittens, tell me Snake!-shakes Snake and starts sobbing-
Snake: no, are you on drugs or something? Pull your self together, Jebus Christ!
Harry: give me my daughter back now or else!
Cheryl: -runs around in the background- daddy, look at me!
Marth: help! Stripper!
Maria: James! Marry me!
A scene shows Stewie and Link in an ice cream stand named "Wii are dancing Llamas".
Stewie: I'll have vanilla deluxe and your nuts.
Link scoops the ice cream with his feet. pretty stupid huh.
Link: here you go!-hands it over with his feet-
Stewie: eeeeeew...you forgot the nuts.
Link: huh?
Stewie: your nuts.
Link: huh?
Stewie: you're here to serve ice cream to people, not thinking "how-long-this-customer-is-bug-me"!-smacks Link in the head- give me your nuts!
Link: you mean my balls?
Stewie: NO! you dumbwad!
Link: aaaah, you mean the nuts!-points to peanuts- what kind do you want?
Stewie: pecan...I will rule the world with pecans! PECANS!
Link: -anime sweat drop- oooooooooook.
Stewie: just give me the stupid pecans.
Link: -gives the pecans to Stewie-
Stewie: -eats the ice cream with some spoon he found on the floor- so...where do you go after 7:30?
Link: nothing great.
Stewie: wanna take over the world with me?
Link: no, I can't.
Stewie: why? you know what? You suck. You really do.
Link: because donkey people might take over this very stand. -shudders over the thought-
And all of a sudden...raining S'mores and biscuits!
Stewie: YAY! –grabs a S'more and dips it in the pecan bowl-
Link: where's that coming from?
Harry: what the heck is that?
Snake: I like biscuits!
Cheryl: look at me!
Harry: not now, Cheryl. Daddy's wondering why the rain is S'mores and biscuits!
Harry turns around and sees Cheryl.
Harry: Oh my lord, your not kidnapped after all!-hugs his daughter-
Cheryl: ...dad.
Harry: what is it?
Cheryl: DOG GOATS WITH RABIES ARE GONNA IVADE MEXICO! AAAAH! O.o!
Harry: that's my girl! –smiles-
Luigi: is your kid for sale? I'll give you bazillion dollars for your kid!
Harry: no! you gonna eat my daughter for breakfast!
Cheryl: aaaaaah, kid eater! Don't eat me! I'm not goat cheese!
Luigi: oh, I changed my mind. Your kid doesn't look good to be food. Not even in a gazillion years.
Harry: phew! Cheryl is the only family I have left, so please don't eat her.
Luigi: yeah, your daughter is too ugly. -grabs a pic of Peach and Zelda- now these two are real food!
Harry: this city is a little odd, from cannibals to killer mailmen... -shrugs-...but there's so many nice people here! –hears screaming and gun shots from the Blood Shark strip club- sort of.
Cheryl: I wanna see the pink frog again! daddy!
Robo Ganondorf suddenly appears out of nowhere!
Robo Ganondorf: -burns Luigi- aha.ahahaha.
Angela: nooooooooooooo! Luigi!
Robo Ganondorf: who.are.you. –in a very dull voice-
Angela: uuuuuuuum, your "favourite" next-door neighbour!
Robo Ganondorf: oh.that.
Angela: what happened to you?
Robo Ganondorf: that.is.none.of.your.business.bitch.
Angela: you look a lot like my dad.
Robo Ganondorf: O.RLY.
Angela: Y RLY!
Robo Ganondorf: I.hate.you.
Angela: that's ok, I like mama better!
Robo Ganondorf: must.kill.Samus.
Angela: -grabs a spare knife and stabs Robo Ganondorf over and over again-
Robo Ganondorf: -explodes and screams- screw-aaaaaaaaaaaargh!
Link: you know, if it's your birthday...you get to dance with the ice cream llama and you get a truckload of ice cream for free!
Stewie: -gives 2 gold coins to Link- oh what a pity, it's not my birthday today...but can we pretend it is?
Link: works for me when I'm not working! But its 7:30, so somebody else is gonna take my place.
Stewie: you can't just leave! What about the—sobs-
Link:-takes off the hat, the uniform and puts back his green hat on his head and leaves-
Some geeky looking guy appears.
Stewie: -is still sobbing- why god why!
Cricket chirps.
Geeky guy: dunno what you're talking about.-is cleaning the tables-
Stewie continues sobbing uncontrollably.
Geeky guy: -blinks- yeah.
Green Devil Vista apartments.
Zelda is waiting for Marth to come to her apartment for some reason and becomes frustrated.
Zelda: -is walking around putting her hands behind her back- damn Marth. When will he come? When?
And then there was a loud knock on the door.
Zelda: who is it?
Marth: it's me Marth!
Zelda opens the door seeing Marth with Maria still clinging onto his leg and another girl with bandages wrapped around her eyes.
Zelda: oh...my...god. your cheating on me!
Marth: no, I'm not!
Zelda: I bet you have bazillion girlfriends! You wussy looking idiot!
"Angela": I'm not his girlfriend!
Maria: I'm not his girlfriend either! I'm just a stalker!-stops clinging to Marth and leaves-
Zelda grabs a glass bottle dropped on the floor.
Zelda: come here you god damn bastard!
Marth: -gulps- fine..
"Angela": can I come in, Zelda?
Zelda: hell no you bitch you stay out of this or else!
"Angela": -roars- fine, be that way! Be miss-I-kill-people-and-I-hide-them-under-some-people's-beds!-grabs a blood-covered screwdriver from her pocket- she must rot in hell! But first, I'm starving..-touches a bald priest- this is not a vegan sundae!
"Angela" falls into a mud puddle.
"Angela": huh? ewww...donkey –bleep-! Now where's my bloody screwdriver/gun?
Marth comes in and gets beaten to a bloody pulp by Zelda.
Two people hear loud screams from the apartment down on the 3rd floor.
Ashley: that jerk Zelda, she has some real issues!
Leon: Zelda? Again? I heard she kills her victims and eats them for breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner and dessert! Wait, that's Luigi. Ummm, she...uh..I forget!
They both look at each other.
Ashley: ...wanna weenie?
Leon: no, I'm on a diet.
Meanwhile..
James: oh...no. I forgot Mary!
Pyramid Head: Hubba Zubba Wha?
Link: Hubba Zubba Wha? Is that the new restaurant across the street?
Pyramid Head: yup, it has a cool name!
They both sing the Hubba Zubba Wha song!
Meanwhile.. in Mexico.
Mary: damn you James! Damn you!
Some Mexican: -translated- I can't hear you! I'm shovelling cow poop!
Mary: -faints-
Some Mexican # 8: -translated- let's eat burritos!
Crazy Frog: ding-ding-ding-buh-buh! Wait, I'm in Mexico? Oh well. Dingdodadingdadingdadodingda!
Ganondorf: -appears from nowhere- noooooooooo! Anywhere but Mexico!
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