Chapter 9: Fun With Phil

"Let's keep score here," suggested Phil as she was driving Anne home to Kingsport.

"What?" asked Anne.

"Oh c'mon, Anne. With four handsome and eligible bachelors chasing you around, you gotta have a bit of fun with it. I mean, do you know how many girls would kill to be in your shoes right now?"

"But I don't want four guys going crazy over me! It's hard enough with just one, let alone four of them! And besides, two of the four are extremely annoying."

"Like how?"

"For one, Jack Garrison helped jump start my car back at a gas station in some town that I've never even heard of, which was fine by itself, but he just had to follow me to Kingsport. He knows nothing about me, yet he claims that he loves me."

"Psycho and a stalker. That's 1 point for being nice, -5 points for being psycho, and -10 for being a stalker."

"Huh?"

"That means the score is now Jack: - 14 and the others: 0."

"Oh."

"Anne, admit it: you know this is fun," Phil said with a grin.

"Well, I guess you're right," Anne admitted. "I get to rant about them somehow and kind of make a competition out of it."

"There you go! Now, what about this Morgan guy? What's he like?"

"Umm...he's the father of one of my students."

"Ooh...old fart. That's a -3 points."

"Phil!"

"Sorry!" She laughed. "I can't help it! Anyway, go on."

"Where was I? Oh yeah, besides being the father of one of my students, he's apparently rich since he was a major sponsor of the school."

"Rich, eh? Hmm...that's a plus. That gives him another 5 points."

"But he yelled at me on several occasions."

"For what?"

"For badly influencing the children of the Pringles, who are absolute snobs, by the way, and don't care for anyone that aren't like them. Another time he yelled at me for not being responsible enough, and the last time he yelled at me is was for having his daughter audition for the play that we're putting on as a school fund raiser."

"What a jerk! That's -9 points there."

"But he did try to reconcile things over with me at the dance or at least tried to be nice."

"But that's because the other three were there, and that makes him a showoff. So...that's another -3 points, making our total so far out to be Jack: -14, Morgan: -10, and the others: 0."

"Woohoo!"

"Yeah! So what about Roy?"

"Hmm," pondered Anne. "I met him the first day I arrived at Kingsport. He's sweet and an absolute gentleman, not to mention tall, dark, and handsome."

"Ooh," commented Phil. "He gets 2 points for being sweet, 2 points for being a gentleman, and 3 points for being a looker."

"He's also romantic, too. Did I tell you about our first date?"

"No! You need to tell me the details, girl!"

"Well, it was on top of our apartment complex. He decorated the roof with lights and created an intimate setting in an open space. There were two violinists standing in a corner, serenading us throughout the night. He ordered Italian food, my favorite, and asked me to dance. So we did and chatted afterwards, and when it was time for me to leave, he walked me down to my apartment and kissed me goodnight."

"Aww...how cute! He gets 5 points for being a romantic."

"But..."

"But what?"

"He wasn't the first to call me after the four way fight last night, and you would think since he is my boyfriend and all that he would be the first to do so. Or he could have at least suggested that we get out of there to avoid a potential disaster, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, and you're right. He definitely should have done that, so that's 6 points off his score, making our totals be Jack: -14, Morgan: -10, Roy: 6, and Gilbert: 0. Now for our last eligible bachelor, Gilbert Blythe. C'mon, Anne. Spill the beans now!"

She chuckled. "I've known Gilbert ever since I first came to Avonlea. I remember the first day of school where he tugged on one of my braids and called me 'Carrots.' Boy, I hated that. So you know what I did? I took the nearest object I could find, which was a small white board, and whacked him over the head with it."

"You did what?"

"I smacked him over the head with it, and it broke. I didn't mean for it to break, but it did."

"Aww...poor guy. What happened then?"

"I had to endure the torture of copying down 100 times, 'Ann Shirley has a bad temper.' What made it even worse was that my name was misspelled 100 times because our teacher forced me to copy it down that way. Gilbert tried to stick up for me, but that didn't work. I wouldn't speak to him afterwards because I was so mad."

"Aww. I'm giving him 2 points for sticking up for a gal when she was in trouble and another 5 points because I feel bad for him."

"Hey!"

"What?"

"Oh nevermind."

"I know that's not all of it, Anne. There's gotta be more," whined Phil.

"I'm not done yet," Anne said.

"Good."

"Okay then. Well, Gilbert and I would always tie for first on our exams."

"A guy who's intelligent and good looking...another 5 points."

"It took us awhile to finally become friends, but we did it. He's always been there for me, and I can always count on him whenever I need anything. He makes me laugh, and I can act silly around him without feeling embarrassed or fearing that he'll make fun of me."

"Reliable and funny...4 more points. He sounds perfect, Anne."

"But I turned him down twice."

"Why?"

Anne sighed. "He's too good for me. Gil's always been a good friend, and I don't know if I can ever thank him or repay him for that. I don't know if I can ever love him though. He's just, I don't know, not my ideal kind of guy that I'd want to marry."

"And what is your ideal kind of guy?" Phil wondered.

"Dashing and handsome and strong and brave. He's willing to go out of his way for me, my knight in shining armor so to speak."

"Oh." Phil was silent for a moment. "Well, if you tally up all the points, Jack has -14, Morgan has -10, Roy has 6, and Gilbert has 16. I think we have a winner, Anne."

"I don't know, Phil. Gil will always be dear to me but maybe not in that kind of way."

"I see."

Oh my gosh, Anne, thought Phil. Gil is perfect! He loves you and adores you and absolutely worships the ground you walk on. Can't you see that? Just be with him, so you can be happy!

The car ride was silent for a few minutes until Phil noticed a speeding red vehicle in her rear view mirror.

"Who's this idiot in the red Corvette trying to catch up to me?" Phil asked.

"Oh no! It's him!" Anne cried. She immediately unbuckled her seat belt and slid down in her seat to hide.

"Don't worry, Anne," Phil reassured her. "I've got him."

Jack's little red Corvette pulled up next to Phil's SUV. Jack looked at Phil to see if Anne was in her car, but he didn't see her. Phil gave him a nasty look before he sped off in front of her and was miles away from her view.

"Is it safe to get up now?" Anne asked.

"Yeah."

Anne got back up in her seat and put on her seat belt. "Whew."

"That's another -10 points for him!" Phil declared.

Anne laughed. "Hey, at least the old fart's ahead of him in that department!"

Both girls laughed and enjoyed the rest of the ride to Kingsport.