You guys blow me away, seriously! I am so glad that you guys like the sequel. I was afraid it maybe it was gonna fall flat on its ass like that weird Vin Dissel sequel with those demons and stuff. I can't remember what it's called for the life me. I really want to thank tommys21 ((I don't know what I'm gonna do with Pasty and Jamie quite yet. A breakup promotes many insane possibilites, but I sorta love them together. lol, they are complete opposites and that's why I can't help love them too!))

thatgirlyoucanttrust ((Jamie is one of the hottest dorks alive though. I take that back, he was kinda ugly the first season. But ugly in a... cute way. If that's possible. I actually loved Shay, despite the whole cheating/Eden, and I miss him. If they brought he and Tommy back, I wouldn't be able to love that show more! I know exactly what you mean about Darius! I think second episode of the first season, there's this beautiful moment in time where the lights are on his head just right and I swear I can see Tommy's face! I thought of that when I was writing the part lol. The bling-bling puts in me in temporary states of helplessness and I drool a lot. But not in a good way, lol))

iamthatplace ((lol! To prevent the nastiness that comes along with vomit, I updated! yay!))

Tommy4eva ((that song makes me giggle incessantly. I laugh every time I listen to it, except if one of my parents is around, then I walk away or switch the station. I've put Tommy in a very... awkward situation lol. I hope it doesn't dissapoint!))

Judeh05 ((I love the asshole song, I laugh and laugh everytime I hear it lol! I'm so glad you liked Bang Theory too!))

CJMJM ((I would follow up with the rest of the lyrics, but I don't remember them. Actually I might but I'm listening to the version of There's Us from the show, with Pasty and SME, and I can't think of anything else besides Pasty rolling around on the floor and Wally with his guitar. I have a new-found obsession with him. For real. I have to marry him or I will cry. Life is so hectic right now, but I'm chapter 4 of Unexpected just let me tell you something: I heart it with a passion! And I have never been more excited to come in on a story late because I have so many chapters ahead of me! lol, yay for promoting! thank you so much!))

Tanya50801 ((My God that is a lot of me to handle!lol, I'm so glad you liked Bang Theory!))

Varely990 ((lol, I always think that I'll piss my pants when I laugh really hard too! I'm so glad you liked it! And I just red 100 Girls and I just have to say that I love it lol!))

Alexzgirl1 ((You brought up a really good point, and I don't think Tommy and Jude know exactly what they are. But it's definitely going to factor into the plot. I think if Tommy and Mason got married I would have to be the flower girl, or the maid of honor. Wait... there wouldn't be one. The best man? I could wear a tux! That would be cool lol! I wouldn't take Jamie back either, but he gets super hot second season. Believe me. I would put a winking face but I hate look at three parentheses in a row. Just know that there a winking smilie out there for you!))

and I really want to thank everyone reviewing and reading Bang Theory. I think you are my favorite people in the world! You all are the greatest and I am so glad you like this story! Your reviews make my day! Ok, on with the chapter... Oh wait! The rating goes up a little bit with language, but I think this story is more upper T, than lowers.

Disclaimer: I'm officially blanketing my disclaimer and this is for all the stories I will ever write and the rest of this story too: I own absolutely nothing. If I did, Tommy would not be in Montana, he would be with me ;o)

Chapter 2: Stadium Arcadium

Are you familiar with the term 'lmao', which is an abbreviation for laughing my ass off? I really need you to know that I am literally laughing my ass off.

Kat and I rushed for the studio, thinking that Tommy's ego finally splattered across the room and broke something. But when we came in, it was quite apparent that nothing had been broken.

Officially.

Maybe Tommy's spirits were crushed a little.

"What's going on?" I asked neutrally.

"He! He's… Wanted to…" Tommy stuttered as he pointed at Mason. I looked over to Mason, whose expression was beyond amused and started reaching levels of evilness I never thought possible.

"Thought I would try and give him a little taste of a different juice."

"How different?"

"MAN JUICES!" Tommy hollered and sank down in his chair.

What the hell is up his butt?

I actually didn't really care at that point and I didn't even tried to hide my laughter as I burst out vociferously. I even added a little pointing, just for good measure. I felt like calling him a 'freak' but pronouncing it as if it has two syllables, i.e: FUR-REEK, but I refrained.Tommy looked up at me incredulously from his slouch.

But his gaze fluttered past me and he turned a deep ruby shade of humiliation. I'm thinking Mason tried to force some tongue, but I'm not sure. I turned behind me; throwing a look that told Kat and Mason that I would meet them in a few minutes. They fell over themselves on their way out, both still tittering with laughter as I crouched next to Tommy.

"How do those man juices taste?" I whispered as I placed a hand gingerly on his knee. He jumped slightly, and then grasped my hand tightly. I looked at me seriously, with an incredible pout on his face.

"I don't like them." It took every once of will power not to jump him right there.

"Pretty boy!" Boomed through the building, signaling that Pasty was more than ready to record.

"Please kill me now." He said softly.

"Hmmm, don't you wanna wait till I give you your Christmas present?" I mumbled against his lips.

"And what would that entail?" He asked with a suggestive smile as he pressed his lips against mine.

"A little of this," I told him as I kissed him back with more pressure "and this." I finished as tickled the waistband of his jeans lightly.

"Mmm, I'm likin' the sound of that." He said with a long moan as I slipped my mouth past his teeth.

"I knew you would." I told him as I pulled away, leaving him looking numb for a moment. I stopped at the doorway, leaning myself against the hinges before blowing him a small kiss. He captured it in his palm and pressed it to him cheek. I laughed lightly before throwing a wave and walking out to meet Kat and Mason.

Tommy Quincy waved Jude good-bye, bringing his fingers to his tingling lips. She always seemed to leave him completely unglued.

"Yea and after that, we can let Spied eat 10 Fear Factor Pop-Ups again. Wouldn't that be fun too?" I said through a feigned smile. Kat gave me a look, asking me why not.

Seriously?

"In the history of all ideas, that is absolutely the worst."

"But why?"

"I will pull my hair follicles out and eat them before I will enter a karaoke contest. And I would have sex with the corpse of fat Elvis before I sing in a mall. "

"Come on, I think we're alone now!" Mason encouraged me.

"Yeah, ok Tiffany. You are not helping your stance any." But instead of dissuading him, I seemed to encourage him even more.

"There doesn't seem to be anyone around. I think we're alone now. The beating of our hearts is the only sound." He sang loudly.

The palm of my hand started to tingle painfully as the need to smack him silly was becoming easier to give into. "Shut up Mason." I demanded when thering-leader of the insanity looked over at Mason, Kat and I.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a very special treat! Does Jude Harrison want to give us a little performance?" He asked me.

Every head in the crowd suddenly turned in the direction of the guy's outstretched finger as screams and applause erupted within the building.

Remember when people hated Jude?

Remember when Jude was getting way fat?

Remember when Jude's head was dyspripurshnite to the rest of her body?

Remember when people hated Jude as a blonde?

She misses that time right now.

So much so, that she feels the need to refer to herself in the third person.

Some people call that crazy… and Jude does too.

The man' teeth shined so brightly that I thought my eyes were going to fall out of my head.

What would posses someone to bleach his so white?

Does he think it's physically enticing?

Does he think that will make him more appealing to the opposite sex?

Or possibly the same sex, I don't know him well enough yet.

Kat gave me a huge heave in the direction of the stage as Mason accompanied me. "They didn't ask for you." I muttered to him through a clenched smile.

He let his hat hover slightly over his head and moved it in a waving gesture to the crowd. "Who doesn't love two Instant Stars?" He asked through an easy grin.

"One more itch, you son of a bitch." I gritted.

"If this'll make you happier." He retorted as we reached the man with the mic.

Before I realized he had shoved the thing in my face I had let a few obscenities loose all over Mason. "Go get laid up your butt." I told him.

I heard a collective gasp from the audience. (I know what you're thinking: Jude is so smooth. I wish I were as smooth as her. But don't feel bad…everybody else does too. Please note and relish in the sarcasm.) The man with the Hilary Duff teeth cleared his throat uncomfortably and snatched the microphone away from my face. I guess people learn faster than I give them credit for…

"What a special treat!" He exclaimed.

What the hell?

You have a microphone asshole.

That means it amplifies your voice, no need to shout.

He turned towards Mason and I with a gleaming smile that made my head pound, I wish he would back up a few feet. "Would you guys like to give a little performance?" He asked and looked at the crowd of people.

Don't they have to go buy Winder Formal dresses or something? I mean really why the hell are they just standing around like that. I know for a fact that Sadie's kind needs to fill a certain shopping quota or their highlights fade and their neurons begin firing at a normal pace. And thinking can only lead to bad bad things.

(I always wish I had a huge booming voice that could say bad bad things for me. Like on that episode of Sabrina and the fat guy with the grit-curly mullet was like a Zeus kinda thing, and she brought her mortal friend into The Other Realm and she got turned into a grasshopper.

I think it was called Terrible Things but I couldn't really pay attention to the episode because whenever Harvey would come on screen Sadie would run up and start making out with him. And then she would ask me if he would ever date her. And I would always tell her 'no.' and then she would take the batteries out of the remote and make me put them in my mouth. I was always afraid the acid would leak into my mouth and burn me to death. Sadie is really evil.

Plus she told everyone about me being in love with Mr. Kraft. I actually threw a fit and boycotted Sabrina for two months after they fired him off the show. Then I found him on Hollywood Squares and I got my Martin Mull fix every night before Everwood.)

"Sure! We'd love to!" Mason said cheerfully. He should be hit in the face. By me. And my flying fists of fury.

That's my new name: Flying Fists of Fury.

I discreetly pinched his ass, but not in a sexual way, in and 'I'm trying to break the skin on your ass so that you can get laid until it grows back' way.

"Well how about a nice little Christmas Carol?" Hillary-Duff-Teeth asked me.

Hmm, how about not? I

gritted a smile through clenched teeth as I reached down to pinch Mason's balls when I suddenly had an idea. "Well sure!"I exclaimed, in a voice that would make Andy Hardy proud, and grabbed the microphone from Hillary-Duff-Teeth and shoved my bags on Mason.

"Give me some room cowboy." I whispered to him as I smiled to the crowd. Using my mouth as a beat box and spitting left and right I started my Kwest-inspired rap. I think he would be proud of me.

"Lazy Sunday, wake up in the late afternoon, call Mason Fox just to see how he's doin'."

I winked at Mason and simultaneously threw him a look that said if he didn't join me, my dog would be enjoying his man-parts for dinner. And possibly breakfast depending on his…size.

Ok that was probably uncalled for.

Mason sighed and materialized a microphone, continuing on with the song. "Hello?"

"What up Fox?"

"Yo Harrison, what's crackin'?"

"You thinkin' what I'm thinking?"

"Narnia!" We both shouted before I enthusiastically picked up the next line. "

Man it's happenin'."

"But first, my hunger pangs are stickin' like duct tape!"

"Let's hit up Magnolia and mack on some cupcakes!"

"No doubt, that bakery's got all da bomb frostings!"

"I love those cupcakes like McAdams loves Gosling."

I shouted as Mason echoed 'Gosling, Gosling, Gosling'. I sucked in a breath of air before as Mason started the second half of the song.

"Two."

"No six!"

"No twelve!"

We looked at each other before sharing the next line with a little too much gusto. "BAKER'S DOZEN!"

"I told you that I'm crazy for these cupcakes cousin!"

"Yo, where's the movie playin'?"

"Upper West Side, dude."

"Yo, let's hit up Yahoo Maps to find the dopest route!" Mason cried and whipped out his cell phone, pretending to punch in a few numbers. "

I prefer Map Quest."

"That's a good one too!"

"Google Maps is the best!"

"True dat."

We looked to each other and then out at the stunned audience "DOUBLE TRUE!"

"68 to Broadway."

"Step on it sucka."

"Whacha wanna do Fox?"

"Snack-attack mother fucka!"

I stopped suddenly as everyone gasped again, staring at Mason in amazement. It felt like the entire mall was still until someone started laughing like an ass. I had a feeling it was Kat. I threw Mason a side-glance, seeing his face so red that it was bleeding into his cowboy hat, before spitting a rhythm into my mic again. It was getting kinda disgusting.

"It's the Chronic-"

"What?"

"-cles of Narnia!"

"Yes the Chronic-"

"What?"

"-cles of Narnia!"

"We love that Chronic-"

"What?"

"-cles pf Narnia."

"Pass that Chronic-"

"What?"

"-cles of Narnia!"

"Yo, stop at the deli. The theater's overpriced." I shouted as I watched Mason reenter the world of Narnia as he grabbed a shopping bag before his next line.

"You got that backpack!"

"Gonna pack it up nice!"

"Don't want security to get suspicious."

"Mr. Pib and Red Vines equals crazy delicious."

"Yo, reach in my pocket, pull out some dough."

"Girl actin' like she never seen a ten befo'." "

It's all about the Loony-toons baby."

(If you're wondering at this point how well rehearsed and clever we seem, just believe when I say: It's not the first time we've done this before. The first time we did it, all the lyrics were wrong and we sounded stupid. So we looked up the lyrics and since I can't do conversions and Mason just laughed when I asked what a Hamilton was, we made up that clever pun. Since our money is a Loony

((actually they're really just called Canadian dollars but whatever))

and SME was watching the Loony Toons while we were looking up the lyrics. But that was just in case you were wondering.)

"Throw the snacks in the bag."

"And I'm Ghost like Swayze."

After a long series of 'do do do do do dos' Mason started the last verse-thingy.

"Roll up in the theater."

"Ticket buyin' what handlein'."

"You can call us Aaron Burr."

"From the way we're droppin' Hamilton."

(We couldn't think of anything Canadian/clever for that one, so we left it. I actually had a few ideas but Mason and I fought so much that it ended with me biting him.)

"Parked in our seats. Movie trivia is the illest."

"What Friends alum starred in films with Bruce Willis?"

"We answer so fast that we're scary!"

"Everyone's gonna know when we scream,"

"Mathew Perry!"

"Now quiet in the theater."

"Or it's gonna get tragic."

"We're about to get taken to a dream world of Magic!"

"It's the Chronic-"

"What?"

"-cles of Narnia!"

"Yes the Chronic-"

"What?"

"-cles of Narnia!"

"We love that Chronic-"

"What?"

"-cles pf Narnia."

"Pass that Chronic-"

"What?"

"-cles of Narnia!"

"Narnia! Narnia! Narnia!" Mason finished off with a haunting whisper before I emulated the ring of a shotgun.

We looked out to the audience before taking a final bow. It was so quiet I could hear someone wheezing until they exploded in such thunderous laughter and clapping that the sound rafted up to the ceiling and rebounded with furor.

Stadium Arcadium anyone? But I really feel bad for anyone who actually enjoyed that.

I smiled over at Mason and then at Hillary-Duff-Teeth before pushing Mason off the stage and getting the hell outta there. With Kat hot on our tails, we stumbled to the parking garage.

Our laughter was reminding me of the way my crazy aunt laughed when she super-glued her fingers together at Christmas and then tried to get everyone to put liquor in her Egg Nog, when my cousins had already spiked.

Maybe she's not crazy… I guess she was just plastered off her ass. HA! I wish mom would do that, oh the things she could tell the family…

I hoped in the back with the shopping bags, mainly all Mason's,

(Even Tommy would be horrified at how much this man drops for polos in different colors. The Extreme Makeover: Home Edition team hasn't seen this many shades of fuchsia.

The sales lady, (Reminding me so much of a cross Janice Dickson and Jay Leno that I had to a double take. It was like a twisted episode of Desperate Housewives, packed into one long-chinned, bearded, balloon-boobed crazy woman. Ok, maybe I'm being too mean.) walked up to us with a more than dignified air.

What would I call it…well let's just say that even Liam would be like 'is that stick shoved far enough up your ass? No really, answer me.' And then demand a response because he's a dumbass and he likes to make people feel inadequate.

I think he's really compensating for his tiny penis. I mean it can't be that huge if he goes around grabbing himself all day.

Here's my theory: He's really small, which explains why he feels himself.

There are two other sub-possibilities for the constant self-love/touching: He is constantly thinking about how small his wiener is, so he constantly feels the need to see if it's still there and didn't like… shrivel up or disappear or something.

The other motivation for the persistent crotch grabbing could be that he wants to convince everyone that he's packing heat, and gropes himself to get the thoughts of his penis out there. And with an ego like his, most people would assume he's backing it up with something.

But Sadie told me…things. We'll just say that she is picky over her men and she's not dating Liam for an array of reasons. (One of them being his inability to smile. Seriously, is it that hard?)

But what was I talking about before?

… Oh yeah! The sales lady.

She came up to Mason, looking pointedly at his hat. Did she really expect him to take it off?

"Is there anything I could help you with sir?" I stepped in at this point, itching for some fun.

"Actually it's ma'am." She looked at me meanly and then jabbed a forefinger in Mason's direction.

"I believe I was speaking to the young man. But is there anything I can help you with?"

Ok bitch. You wanna Bring it On?

I'll Bring it On Again.

"Yes I am aware that you were speaking to my lady friend. Her name is…" Damn it!What should I say?"Amanda."

I can always count on Friends to help me out in these situations. I remember this one episode, I think it was Monica and Chandler's engagement party, and Rachel had to show Chandler's cross-dressing father around.

But she mistook this other lady for Chandler's dad and when she asked the woman her name she's was like "Amanda." And Rachel was like "Oooo, that's clever. A-man-duh!" And I laughed for days.

I continued on with the woman, not quite finished. "And she would love to be directed to the woman's department, seeing that she is a woman."

I shouted and pulled Kat and Mason out of the store with me. The whole thing absurdly reminded me of a Grey's Anatomy episode where this girl was actually not a girl, she was both. And she sat in her hospital drawing creepy cartoons while George asked if she was sexually promiscuous.

If people think he's awkward now, they should get him to ask Tommy if he's sexually promiscuous. Then he'll really be awkward.

It's really surprising how fast Mason can drop trou in a dressing room to try on a pair of pants. I guess he has practice.), as Kat climbed in the passenger's seat, next to the shopping diva.

Except I learned the term for a male diva is divo, from an episode of My Super Sweet Sixteen.

I really want to be friends with those kids because you still get to go the party but you don't look like the bitch. You look like the moocher. And I'm ok with that.

"Snack Attack motherfu-" started until I stared out my window. Mason turned his head towards my line of vision and immediately stalled the car.

"Call G-Major." I demanded, with my face plastered against the window. Anyone walking by would probably think that my brain wasn't working. Why would a person shove her nose against the window of a car, with her nose looking very pig-ish, and breathe so roughly against the glass that it looked like she was panting.

Alrighty, I left you with a mini-cliff hanger. Nothing too drastic :o) I hope you guys liked the chapter and I think you know the routine to make me happy, but I'll refresh your memory. Click that review button, tell me what you thought of the chapter/general story, make me happy! lol a sneak at next chapter... Jude attempts to teach Tommy something new; but he leaves her with a surprise. And more holiday cheer in the middle of June!

Rachel :o)