You guys literally blow me away. If I had socks on you would have rocked them off. I am so glad you guys like this story and this chapter there's a big twist, but I'll get into that later. Right now I really want to thank Tayna50801 (( I am so glad you liked the chapter! I really hope this one doesn't dissapoint))

VilandraofAntar ((! YAY ! YAY ! Ok, I'm finished, but you make excellent point about exclamation points. Hey that was kinda a pun right? I don't it struck me funny though. I'm glad you like the story, everytime I write I listen to Panic at the Disco. Except not, I just think about the lead singer lol))

Kimberlli ((lol, Tommy really needed a beatdown after the season finale. And after that he would need a doctor lol))

Varley990 ((Aw, I'm so glad you like my Pasty. She's my favorite character, I love her! I'm so glad you liked the chapter!))

Alexzgirl1 ((When the site kept throttling my reviews I wanted to kick it really hard! lol, I think you should plan the funeral for him now. He's going to get his ass kicked when he comes back on the show! lol, G-Major really is a nut house and since it's the holidays I've decided that everyone else is going to go slightly insane lol))

iamthatplace ((Ok I need to thank you for all your ridculously wonderful reviews! I would totally take being locked up with Tim over anything else in the world. I swear I was afraid to laugh at the porno story I was like 'does that make me immoral' but it was too funny! My sympathies to your friend, if that happened to me I would go into a breakdown. And I am so afraid of google now because of the 'buffy gentelmen'. OH MY GOD it was so scary! I almost cried and then I read the little song that creepy girls sing and I did cry and I ran to bed because it was like 2 in the morning when I go on the computer. I am currently sleeping with the light on.))

Latisha C ((YAY for finishing your last test! I would celebrate but I don't think it would be fun if I were all alone lol. I don't think Wally can ever be insane, he's just the baby of the group lol. I think Stuart is probably prone to conniptions. I'm so glad you like the sequel, I think it is on the path to surpass the insanity of Bang Theory))

Judeh05 ((I would totally love to meet Spied's stalker in real life. I think she would be so hilarious! It is quite a bad situation to find oneself in, but I would make out with Tommy any day. Seriously I am in love with him lol))

Tommy4eva ((lol, I love your sharing! I totally wanted to put on my PJ's when I read it but I had to go to summer gym and I was sad lol. Tommy is definitely in trouble this chapter lol))

jackjackio ((If I worked with Tommy, I wouldn't even try to control myself lol. I'm so glad you liked the chapter!))

CJMJM ((You read my mind. Seriously, after I wrote the stalker I was like 'now how am I going to get her to G-Major?' because I just really want to see what would happen lol. I think she would drug him and then rape him, I think it would be hard for her otherwise. Unless I make her obese and that would be so funny... ok I thikn she's going to be very large lol. I'm so glad you liked the chapter!))

tommys21 ((Isn't it sad to be left out because of TV? I hate it, it totally sucks lol!))

I love love love love love love you guys and I am so glad you guys like the story so far. But as I said there's a plot twist this chapter. And all I ask is that you guys keep faith. AndI'll go into depth at the end of the chapter, because I don't want to spoil any of it ;o) Anywho, here's chapter 5! and b-t-w I suck and found a large error in the other chapter 5 that I just submitted so I fixed it and this is the better one lol.

Chapter 5: Jagged Little Pill

"Tell me I'm nightmaring." I whispered frantically.

"Nightmaring?" He asked me and looked at me like I was stupid. Duh, nightmaring is a verb.

"Do you think that I would like to dream this shit? Do you think I'm enjoying this?"

"I would be worried if you were. Pinch me?"

"No way. Remember what happened last time?" I whispered at him.

"Should we really be discussing this now?"

"You are the one that screamed obscenities in public when Sadie was making you listen to Briteny's Spear's Greatest Hits: My Prerogative and made me pinch you."

"But that was bad. This is…"

"Badder?" I offered.

"Pinch me." He said again.

Liam continued to cackle at Tommy's face but stepped a little to him left and revealed a very red-faced gentleman. Who wasn't seething per say, his nose was just way pushed in like a pug's and it made him breathe heavy.

And who also wasn't my dad.

But he was rocking the whole sorta-bald-I-look-like-I-idol-David-Letterman hairstyle. And he had those Mr. Rogers inspired corduroys like my dad and he was wearing a Miami Vice polo in the middle of winter. It's really not a wonder why I thought it was my dad. But now that my heart is beating normally again, I'm exceptionally glad it isn't my dad.

Because then Tommy would be dead. Or skinned alive or something. And I would miss him. That actually makes me wonder what my dad is capable of when he's consumed by a fit of rage.

"This is Mr. Hansel." Liam informed us and flourished his arm towards a man with a weird black beanie on his head, and a shirt that said I'm a Jenius. How clever. Given all the people that G-Major exposes me to, I half expected him to be wearing a kilt or a skirt or biking shorts or spandex or… well I can't think of anything else, but these people never fail to astound me.

"As in Hansel and Gretle?" Tommy asked.

"As in Han-suck, Zoolander's nemesis turned BFF?" I asked.

"As in the party planner for Darius' Christmas first annual Christmas Yule Ball." Liam told us.

"Yule Ball as in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire?"

Seriously, when did my life become a frickin' open book of fairy tales and sorcery?

"I'm gonna leave now." I said awkwardly and hopped gingerly off of Liam's desk and limped towards the door. Half way through my journey I felt Tommy secure my balance as he grasped my arm tightly and guided me out the door.

"Hey thanks." I told him and leaned up to kiss him. But I was met only with embarrassment when he pulled away uncomfortably at the last minute.

What the hell?

"I don't have cooties, Tom." I told him on a laugh, trying to hide my embarrassment. I'm a wonderful actress. Please revel in my sarcasm.

"Jude, I really think we need to talk."

What the hell? Take 2.

"What does that mean?" I asked him, flicking my gaze from the ground to look in his face. If I hadn't known him better, I would have thought he was constipated.

But he wasn't, well I don't know that for sure but whatever, that was his if-I-were-on-the-Titanic-and-I-was-Rose-and-had-to-choose-between-Jack-and-myself-I-would-make-this-face-while-he-froze-in-the-water. Basically undecisive.

And I hate to go all Eric Mathews from Boy Meets World but I those are really those words no one wants to hear. He gripped my hand again and released it as soon as I plunked myself in a chair.

"I think there's a problem." He started after a long series of sighs.

What the hell? Take 3.

I just tilted my head to look at him from where I was sitting, shooting him a puzzled look. As far as I was concerned, there was a problem: Tommy's life was in perilous danger. But it was Hansel not my dad, so the crisis was averted.

"Jude, look." He started and kneeled in front of me and looked at me square in the face. "If we're so…guilty about us, that we sneak around and we lie, then maybe there's something wrong."

What the hell? Take 4.

"I'm not guilty about anything Tom. And I'm not lying about anything Tom. So please enlighten me."

"Jude, don't tell me we didn't just pull a-kid-caught-with-his-hand-in-the-cookie-jar act back there." Tommy said, jabbing his thumb in the direction of Liam's office.

"Tom," I started.He is not doing this again. This same old song and dance really sucks. And I do not think I can dance and I am tired of him trying to make me. It the most twisted version of Dancing with The Stars that I have ever known. I refuse to believe this is happening.

Seriously someone slap me with the splintered ruler.

Ok I did not just quote Alanis Morresette, because that has to be someone kind of omen. She's like the queen of breakups and this cannot be a breakup, because we never dated.

We never dated!

We did things that people who date do, but we were never official or anything. He never took me anywhere. He never kissed me goodnight at my doorstep. He never… ah!

Now my head is spinning. And I'm about to vomit and this really sucks.

"What does that mean Tommy?" I asked him seriously. But before he could open his mouth I started to scream and yell. And spit. But that just made it all better because in reality I really wanted to douse him with my bile, but spit had to cut it. Maybe if I get mad enough I can hock a loogie on him. That would be gross. And cool. It would be grool.

"Because it seems to me that you're trying to end this before it even started. It seems to me that you're being a coward. It seems to me that the little prick in you is coming out again. So please tell what is really happening and not I what perceive is happening!" I screamed frustratedly in his face. I suddenly palmed my forehead, as if realization was finally dawning. Because it was.

He's a shit face.

And gawd, am I acting like Meredith Grey. Seriously, this is like the You Can't Call Me a Whore speech from the hallway all over again. Except if Tommy called me a whore I would castrate him with a pair of dull scissors.

"No, instead of telling me what the hell is going on since you have never given me that courtesy before, how about you just take off again. I here Italy is nice all year round. I can call up my sister again, wouldn't that be a fun trip? Why don't you run scared again Tom? Just take the easy way out, I bet it won't even faze you this time." I yelled. He closed his eyes briefly before letting them flutter open with his mouth poised to speak.

"I am really interested in hearing you little speech, so why don't you forget that I just reamed you out and feed me all your little excuses. Why don't you just feed me little lies, because I really miss being the stupid girl. I really miss being the clueless girl. So please, anon my fair sir!" I finished. Anon my fair sir? See what he does to me? I bet Shakespeare is spinning in his grave right now.

But it's not my fault, I got it from that Gilmore Girls episode, when they held the Bracebridge Dinner at the Independence Inn and Jackson was Squire Bracebridge and he yelled at Rune and stuff. It was a really good episode, mainly because Jess and Dean fought in it and I swear I had Scar Face flashbacks and I swooned at the TV. Maybe I should just marry the guy who plays Jess, since Tommy is such a dud.

"Jude, I have never lied to you. And I have never meant to hurt you." Tommy told me, his volume quickly matching mine.

"Ever heard that the pathway to hell is paved with good intentions Quincy? Because in my book, you're gonna burn down there with Eden. And Liam. But knowing you, you'll just find a way to get some ass. I mean Eden's pretty easy. And so are you. It would be like Satan and the Spawn of Satan mating, talk about incest. But I would watch out for her, I'm pretty sure you take all your dieses into the Underworld. But give your sexual history you and Eden will probably be a match made in heaven. Or hell, I guess I should say." I ranted.

Wow I really hated Tommy at that point. I finally get that whole crazy/ex-lover/ex-girlfriend thing. I could totally cut somebody up right now. I so don't blame Lorraine Bobbit; I would totally chop off Tommy's penis right now. I guess I get the whole Sadie thing too. Poor Sadie, I was such a bitch to her about the whole Tommy thing. Well I was never a bitch upfront in her face, because I'm pretty afraid of Sadie. But in my head I was worse than Cady when she was all Plastic Wannabe and tried to usurp Regina's title.

And even though I knew I didn't hate him, the thing that made even madder was that I knew I still loved him.

And that was why I was so psycho. And that was why I was on the brink of tears. And that was why I felt like I was going to pass out. I felt Tommy looking at me and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of making me cry, even though I know he didn't set out to make me cry. And I don't really think he would feel satisfaction in making me cry. I think the only thing I'm really afraid of is Tommy not caring.

And really… a few tears could never hurt my case.

I think I will promptly turn on the water works. I squeezed my eyes shut as hard as I possibly could, trying to make the tears that had welled in my eyes, while I was raving like a lunatic, fall. But just as I lifted my lids again and I reached up to touch my cheeks, I found them completely dry. So I reached around and pinched the back of my arm as hard as I possibly could and I immediately felt the tears well again.

"Look Jude, I care about you, so much. I love you so much that you don't even know. You're all I think about, you're the one person I can see myself with, but I can't-"

Shut up! Damn you Tom Quincy, you are not allowed to say all the right things while you break my heart. You are only allowed to be a dick so that I can be bitter and hate you. I cut him off before I could listen to anything else I wanted to hear.

"You are not allowed to use the I can't do this to you anymore line because you already did. So please search the TQ repertoire and give me another crafty excuse." I spat. I watched his face soften and his eyes dim slightly. I felt a lone tear fall and his shoulders slumped.

YES!

I found the indent in my skin again and pinched again. A few more tears fell, but it was really starting to hurt too much. And I think I was breaking skin. How bad would that be if I started to bleed right now?

"Jude, it's not an excuse. I mean every word I ever say to you, girl."

"Don't say that." I said in a whisper and felt real tears fall.

"Don't say what."

"Don't call me girl. Because I'm not. I'm not you girl. I'm not your Jude. I'm not even your artist anymore. So I'm not seeing any more connection here. Are you?" I said, my voice dropping to a whisper.

You know what?

Damn Tom Quincy.

And I would do anything to not care about him at this point. And I would give anything in the world to mean that. But I don't.

"So I'm going to leave. And I… don't really care what you do Tom. Because now, you're just some guy who: used to be in a boy band, used to be my producer, used to date my sister, broke my heart too many times to count, and took my virginity. So why don't you pull the infamous pout on someone who doesn't want to vomit when she sees you. I recommend Lisa, Darius' secretary. I hear she was a serious Boy Attacker."

I told him and I walked to the doors as fast as could. Which wasn't very fast because of my stupid leg injury thing. Seriously, Eden is so going to hell. She stole my first boyfriend and now she ruining my exit.

DAMN YOU EDEN! Cue desperately evil scream here.

"Jude!" He called from behind me. I didn't even turn around to face him and kept walking. I knew that if I did and I saw him standing there, looking all sorry and pathetic, I would break again. And I wouldn't be able to walk away from him.

Power to Kelly Clarkson! I don't really remember what that song Walk Away is about right now, but I declare it my anthem right now.

"Jude, come on."

Walk Away.

"Shut up Quincy." I shouted back at him. When I made it to the door, I realized he hand driven me this morning. I heard his pattering footsteps behind me and with each step I took another stride followed me.

"Stop following me." I told him but I felt a hand on my arm, spinning me around.

"Let go of me." I told him and forcefully pulled my arm but his grip refused to slack.

Walk Away.

"Jude, hear me out." He started but I opened my mouth, ready to let my profanities fly. But he started before I could.

"I don't think you see what I mean-"

"But I do see your asshole!" I screamed. Ok, that didn't make sense.

Walk Away.

I looked him in the eyes and I saw how sorry he really was and I thought about staying for a second. And I thought about letting him back in for a second. And thought about forgiving for a second.

And then I remembered that he didn't really want me, he just didn't want to be the mean one. He didn't want to be the heartbreaker. Well too damn bad. I spun on my heel and tried to close the last few feet between my feet and the door, but his voice stopped me.

"Where are you going?" He called.

"Are you serious? Do you think I have nowhere to go if you leave me? Are you stupid? I would really encourage to grow a brain but hell, when have you ever listened to me?"

Duh. I'm going to my home. Why are people acting like I'm a run-away and I have no home left? I have never run away from home, except for that one time when I was 9 and I walked three blocks down from my house, in hopes to join the circus. But who hasn't done that?

…No one?

…Really?

Well whatever because it didn't work; I only got as far as the busy intersection at the top of my street before I started to cry because I had to pee. At least I think that's why I was crying…I mean I was nine years old. I don't think I was in diapers. No, I'm sure I wasn't. I've just always been a big baby, and I always cry.

I mean, hello, I almost burst into tears while I was making out with Jamie in an airport. But it was pretty weird. I mean kissing Jamie… I never want to repeat that in my whole life.

He is basically the only reason that I will never play spin-the-bottle whenever Spied suggests it.

And he's usually the reason why I almost always pick Truth when we play Truth or Dare. That time on the airplane was an exception because I wanted to make out with Tommy. But that didn't happen. We made out in the men's bathroom. And then he got mad at me. And told me to show him or something stupid like that.

He's like Summer Robert's clone. "You know what Tommy, you aren't worth my time. You're too girly for my liking." I told him meanly.

I hadn't noticed that a crowd had grown around us until Spied snickered when I called Tommy a girl. But it wasn't about them. It was about Tommy. And it was about Tommy being the biggest asshole in the world. And it was about me wanting to ram my fist into his face. And it was about me walking away.

An hour and a half later…

"Damn it Sadie! Where is my Jagged Little Pill CD?" I screamed furiously from my room. I probably shouldn't have driven home by myself. And I should probably give Spied his car back. Actually I probably shouldn't have taken it in the first place, but his keys were just lying there.

And Tommy was watching me storm out and I couldn't just stand there like a fool. So I kinda grabbed them. And then I kinda just…ran. It may have been a gimpy run, but it was a faster pace than a walk so I'm calling it run. And I almost got into an accident. But that's only because I thought a Boyz Attack! started playing on the radio.

And while I was swearing about what a bitch irony really is, I almost tail-ended a car, but whatever. It's not my fault; Tommy is the one who taught me to drive. Isn't that kinda sad? Don't fathers and mothers usually teach their kids to drive? And I got a frickin' ex boy bander who got a ticket on the Autobahn. Seriously, he got ticketed for speeding on a German freeway that has no speed limit. He amazes me.

But it turned out to be some weird new band. And that just makes me sad for humanity. I'm crying tears for the music industry. I mean, if people are emulating old stupid boy-bands that has to say something about the current music world. It must mean that we are all about to die. Or something emo like that because I just can't think right now.

WE WEREN'T EVEN DATING YET!

God I don't think I could hate him more right now.

If he had asked me out on a date, almost stood me up, and then took off without telling me if he was coming back I wouldn't hate him as much as I do right now.

If he had a kid right now I wouldn't hate him this much.

If he moved the hell out to … Montana I wouldn't hate him this much.

I feel like my anger and bitterness are welling up in my stomach and every time I think about him the pit is just growing deeper and the flames are licking more powerfully. And all I can do is think about him. And all those stupid lines he fed me. And the way I played right into his hands like the stupid sap that I am.

"Jude?" Sadie called uncertainly from the doorway. I flung my whole body around to face her as I watched her survey my room. There was clothes strewn all over the floor, a lamp was knocked over

(That wasn't my fault though. I thought I had found Alanis Morsette CD, but it was some stupid soundtrack and I flung it across the room. And it happened to hit the lamp.)

and I was generally a mess. In the moment it took everything I had not to burst into tears. My heart was broken, I was a mess, and it felt like my stitches were coming out. "Sadie," I nearly whimpered, feeling my lips tremble and tears well again. She let out an empathetic moan and ushered me into her arms.

At G-Major…

Tom Quincy sat across for some insane man with a stupid hat and Liam, thinking about the wreck that had become his life.

You're stupid.

You're an ass.

You hurt her.

The same thoughts rotated in his head on an endless loop. And endless loop that made his head spin painfully. But it was the truth. He was stupid. He was an ass. He had hurt her, again. He slumped even further into his chair, trying to list all the times he had hurt her.

-The night at the Vinyl Palace

-The time he made out with her sister at the farm

-The night of her Sweet Sixteenth.

-The night of her album release party

-When he picked her sister

-When he went to Italy with her sister

-When he didn't stick up for her after the yacht party

Each time he had managed redeemed himself. But this time he couldn't think of anyway that he could make this better. He had screwed up everything, big time. He couldn't pout his way out of this one.

He tried to think of what would happen if he tried to apologize. He tried to imagine what would happen if he took it back.

"You can't make this better, you idiot!" She screamed at him in his head. He saw her face turn an angry shade of red when he tried to mentally rebuttal.

"There has to be something I can d-"

"NO TOM! There is absolutely nothing. Even if you got down on your knees and gave me your best Tony Braxton impression and sang Unbreak My Heart at the top of your lungs, it would not make this better." She screamed at him furiously inside his head.

He shook himself of his thoughts, having thoroughly scared himself. He looked around Darius' office, remembering a dream he had had about Jude. He tried to shake the image of her sprawled across Darius' office, leisurely playing with the cougar statue that Darius loved so much.

As he felt himself growing hot, he thought about his grandmother and tried to stray from any thoughts of Jude. Liam would probably say something to him if he continued to think about her. Tommy wondered why Liam always caught onto stuff like that, which also made him wonder which way Liam's bat swayed.

"Mr. Quincy, are we boring you?" Liam asked loudly as Tommy felt himself yawn.

"Shut up Liam." He grumbled. He thought about calling her. He thought about chasing her. He thought about trying to explain what he had really meant versus whatever conclusion she had drawn. He didn't have a good track record, but he still needed to tell her.

All his words had come out in the worst way earlier.

And they had screwed everything up. He sighed in frustration as he ran a hand through his hair thoughtfully. He didn't want to let her go.

She was still his Jude, no matter what she said.

She would always be his Jude.

She was still his girl, no matter what she claimed differently.

She would always be his girl.

That Evening…

"His name's not Snuggles." Kat told me with a laugh.

"AW I LOVE YOU SNUGGLES!" I shouted to my dog over another brainless break-up song. Except, of course, it is not brainless because it speaks to my soul. I mean it really takes all this pain and heartbreak and screams it out. Or something along those lines.

"Sssssadie, how did you knovz how Candy Shop speakz to my…somethin'?" I asked her stupidly. What was in that third cup Sadie gave me? I got up to hug her, but I tripped over my feet and fell down in a giggling mess.

After I had finished crying and cursing an Acme anvil to fall on Tommy's head, Sadie decided that I needed some fun. Or something like that. I don't really remember. I really don't remember anything. No, I do remember her calling Kat to come over.

And Jamie had been with Kat to see if I was all right so he came too. And I also know that I'm feelin' like I did yesterday after I left the doctor's office. I mean today? No I mean tomorrow. I mean yesterday.

Well, I am feeling good.

No, I think I mean gud.

"What comes after yesterday?" I asked her from the floor. Kat answered for me.

"Tuesday." She told me and then opened her eyes really wide. Wow, how does she do that? I sat amazed for a few seconds before she started to talk.

"WHO? Dares me to chug this?" She screamed.

"I DO!" Sadie and I screamed in unison as Kat titled her cup completely upwards and emptied the glass in her mouth. Well not really in her mouth, most of it spilled all over the couch and her clothes and the floor.

"That was for Jamie." She informed us.

"HEY!" He shouted from the in front of the TV.

"I don't think it's healthy to be that close." Sadie, the most sober of us, told him. But then she burst into a fit of giggles when he tried to lick the screen.

Just as the song changed over the speakers, and the lull in noise left my ears pounding painfully, it was like my ears had a heartbeat, the doorbell rang.

"PARTAY!" I screamed and drunkenly. As I got up to answer the door, Kat stopped me and held onto my arm while she looked at me seriously.

"Jude. I am in love your dad." She told me. I looked at her for a moment before bursting into laughter and running for the door. Except then I fell really hard my ass because my leg wasn't up for such a spurt of energy.

"WAIT!" Jamie called for a moment.

"What?" I asked him with my mouth hanging open stupidly.

"I. Am. The. Flash." He told us while he stood on top of the coffee table and flexed his non-existent muscles.

But I was hooked. I felt myself sag to the floor, preparing myself for the awesomeness I knew was going to come.

"I'll go get it." Sadie said as she passed down the hall towards the door.

"I don't know you know comics like I do, bucko. But hell, I will give you the run down!" He started sloppily as Kat and I cheered.

"Let's start with Superman." He said and then gulped down a whole bunch of spit. We were all slowly regaining regular brain functions since Sadie had made us stop our O.C. drinking game.

(Ever time someone cries you take a swing)

And Jamie words slurred less as he continued to tell us about comic book heroes. "This guy has more powers than French restaurants have ways to say, "Your taste in wine is atrocious". But they wouldn't say that. Because they're French and they would say something about votre and vin and whatever else I learned from seventh grade French…Who was I talking about?" He asked.

"Supermanz." Kat stuttered.

"Oh yeah! He has powers to do with every part of his body and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot rays thingies out of his eyes,"

He put my two forefingers to my eyes and poked the air in front of him multiple times, like he was shooting rays at the…air.

"and frost breath from his mouth" He continued and made this weird 'h' noise with his mouth

"and red son radiation from his ass." He finished and bent over and stuck his ass out as far as he could. Because hello, he was trying to show everyone how red son comes out of his butt.

"How do you know all this stuff?" I asked him adoringly with awe. Jamie simply bowed in front of us before continuing.

"Who else is there?" He asked. Kat and I thought seriously for a moment before it dawned on her.

"DE NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA BATMAN!" She shouted

"His power? The anti-power. He's the hottest shit to ever shit on a plate." He explained, because hello, everyone needs to know about Batman. He turned to look at Sadie who had joined us, looking much more serious than the rest of us.

"You got a power?" He asked her and while she shook her Jamie continued.

"He'll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. He'll light you on fire when you're sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the power outlet. That's Batman. But those guys suck because HELLO! The Flash… The Flash!

This man has the greatest powers of all.Ok first off, he can travel at light speed. Not only does he travel at light speed, but also time slows down for him. So he feels like he's having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he's already gotten to Arizona. That's like fast as…shit. But wait!

The ability to move at light speed just isn't enough!This guy can punch you so many times in a second you've been hit five times in the dick and two times everywhere else."

"I don't have a dick!" I cried loudly, but he just ignored me.

"You think you're about to fight The Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he's beamed your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm."

"I don't have sperm either!" I shouted again while Jamie told me to pretend that I do.After I nodded acquiescently, Jamie continued.

"The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain't no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at light speed would run into shit but no, the Flash just goes right through them.

To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream, he can selectively choose to cause objects to be "okay" afterwards or EXPLODE. That's right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transferring kinetic energy into you. It's bad enough you can't hit this guy, but he doesn't even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you're thinking you're about to hit him. Just give up! He's The Flash." He said, running his words together because he was so excited. I think he really loves superheroes or he's way more wasted than I thought.

"Now imagine that somehow there's someone who can get around The Flash's secret ninja technique. Ok. But he can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it's going slow and then he's like WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS and bam it's going at light speed.So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other."

"I do not have nads!" I screamed.

"I KNOW JUDE! Just shut up and listen."Jamie shouted at me.

"He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST. I don't even start to understand the physics of that but basically SPEED equals REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR.You would think this is the end of it but ok let's say Flash is fighting Superman and shit he's going to lose. And how is Superman this strong? I don't know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flash can go back and forward in time ON COMMAND. How do you beat this dude?

You're thinking you're hashing him good, laying down the beat down, missing your balls and suddenly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there's a dent in your forehead and Superman not thunk so gud no more. Actually she didn't fall down the stairs The Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! Screw you Flash! You moved the stairs to frickin' Russia! RUSH-A! Bitch." Jamie told us as we sporadically burst into laughter. How does he know all this?

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Wolverine sucks cock and should go die in a freak grease fire." What? Where did that come from?

The drunk part must be wearing off, because I totally know that is so not why Jamie started that tangent to begin with. I was about to tell him that, when Sadie cleared her throat from behind us. I spun my head around and felt my face fall.

"What are you doing here?"

I forgot to mention this earlier, but I don't own a few of Jamie's rant about The Flash, I got it in a chain e-mail a hundred years ago and I dug it up earlier today lol. But please don't give up hope on Tommy and Jude, I love them too much to ever have not end up together in my fics. So don't worry, they will be together I promise! But please review, tell me what you thought reactions and all!

Rachel :o)