A/N: Another chapter which I really enjoyed writing. DHr fluff yay! Honestly this was intended to be a very, very dark story and I instantly found myself altering the dialogue because it was WAY too angsty. This chapter is a page shorter than the others however this chapter is very significant in the development of the plotline. Enjoy!
Chapter 8 – Non-Existence
Hermione slammed the Evening Prophet down on the Dinner table causing an unsuspecting Neville to jump and spill pumpkin juice all over himself. "I'm sick of it! Just so sick of it!" She exasperated. "I've had it with Voldemort! - " A few in the vicinity winced at the use of the name. " – Break outs in Azkaban! Mysterious disappearances, murders and now this! This!" She cried patriotically indicating to the Prophet that lay amongst disarray of used knives and forks.
The Great Hall had been buzzing ever so loudly that evening, full of whispers and horrified gasps as repeatedly the story had been retold a hundred times over. That very morning, Lord Voldemort had attacked the town of Little Beecroft, a small town not too far from Hogwarts inhabited mainly of muggles and muggleborns. No surprises there. Mass murder, fires and chaos, the poor town was practically under siege as the ranks of Voldemort ambushed it. On the front page of the Prophet was a picture of the barren town, burnt crisp black to the ground with frantic residents running, screaming and not to mention crying. The big bold headline read:
You-Know-Who Makes a Statement:
The evil potentate return
Underneath it ran a lengthy and gruesomely intricate and detailed article that continued on for several pages of the horrible attack where half the town's population had been eccentrically executed at the hands of the Death Eaters and the foreword acts of the ministry.
"Just like last time…" Said Ron gravely; for once he was not vastly inhaling his food, instead chewing it slowly in small proportions as he read the devastating article.
"How do you know?" Asked Harry who sounded just as grave as well as exceedingly furious.
"Mum told me, wanted me and the rest to be, you know, acquainted with the idea to be prepared should something like his return happen…" Said Ron gloomily, "And it has."
"It's just that no one suspected his arise to be so imminent." Said Hermione, rereading the article, growing even more belligerent by the passing minute.
… Following the mass break out in the recent weeks from Azkaban, the ministry can only conclude that You-Know-Who is still at large and gaining power, obviously warning the wizarding community of his further imminent attacks. Aurors report the Dark Mark was seen high above the small and humble town of Little Beecroft minutes before ministry officials had arrived. Many surviving witnesses claim to have seen the convicted and escaped Death Eaters from Azkaban present at the massacre of Little Beecroft and also claim the accused spoke of 'a cause.' Although puzzling ministry officials…
She looked up from the article with an indignant expression. This 'cause' the Death Eaters had spoken of, she had a shrewd idea of what they meant. Exactly what they meant. Voldemort was preparing the wizarding world and Hermione knew it. It could probably be the most kind action he could preform and yet the most horrible. If Voldemort were to succeed in the ritual then all hell would literally run loose. Perhaps preparing the wizarding world by giving them a taste of what was to come would well be in their favour, although it was a dreadfully kind way. Sometimes you must make war to make peace - she had heard those words before. This was precisely what was happening. Voldemort was gearing us up for the worst and Hermione vowed that she would not allow such an abomination to happen. It worried and struck great fear in her heart that the fate of the entire world depended on an arrogant, conceited seventeen-year-old teenage boy. The mind of Fate was a diabolical twisted mess.
Ron tapped Hermione's shoulder. "Look." He said glumly. She shifted her gaze to where Ron was pointing. Harry had seen too. A fourth year girl not too far from them was bawling her eyes out. No doubt the news concerned her or a very unfortunate member of her family. Finally the truth of Voldemort's return was finally sinking in. Everyone was in danger and every living soul was involved.
Amidst the terrified gossip and low chatter, no one had noticed that their Headmaster Dumbledore had stood to address the school. With a 'tink' from Professor McGonagall's glass the hall was silenced. Dumbledore cleared his throat.
"Ah my dear students," he greeted warmly, "I am sure that you have already been informed by your peers of the dreadful news the Evening Prophet has brought forth to us." He announced sadly extending his arms out to all. "My deepest sympathies and condolences to whom have been affected by this devastating tragedy. But we must never forget the light of hope that shines so brightly within each of our hearts and to not mourn the tragic loss of a loved one, but instead to cherish the time that we have been privileged to spend with them, together." He gave them all a heartfelt smile. It seemed to be the end of his speech, until he spoke again. "Oh and before I forget, I would like to see the decathlon contestants Miss Hermione Granger and Mr Draco Malfoy in my office as soon as possible after dinner if you please." Lastly he gave them an assuring smile and seated himself at the staff table.
Harry and Ron rounded on Hermione. "What's up with the decathlon?" Asked Harry.
"Honestly I don't know." She answered, shrugging her shoulders. "Maybe we're getting more books or something, I have no idea, I'll just find out afterwards." After another reread of the formidable article and a few helpings of chocolate fudge, Hermione made her way towards Dumbledore's office. As she reached the stone Gargoyle, she saw Draco.
"What do you think is happening?" He asked as she approached.
"Why is everyone asking me that? Anyways I don't know, books I suppose." She gave him the same answer as she did Harry. Why did everyone think she knew? Nonetheless Draco rolled his eyes.
"Bookworm." He muttered. Hermione however ignored the last shrewd remark on her love for books and spoke the password. She had already been tolerant of his attitude and that was simply Draco. As the stone gargoyle leapt aside the two stepped into the revolving staircase and into Dumbledore's office where he had already been waiting for the two.
"Welcome, welcome." He conjured two chairs for them. "First I would like to congratulate the both of you on fulfilling my requests, I suspect things are going well?"
Draco and Hermione shared a glance. "Yes sir." Replied Draco.
"No shortcomings, problems, questions or anything of the sort?" Asked Dumbledore, interestedly.
"Quite frankly, no professor." Said Hermione.
"So everything is perfect." Said Dumbledore, "Or was perfect I should say."
Hermione shifted nervously in her seat. "What do you mean by that professor?"
"I am not pleased to inform you of this Miss Granger, neither to you Mr Malfoy but regretfully, in the light of recent events the officials and the other Headmasters and Headmistresses of the other participating schools have decided to suspend the date of the decathlon until further notice." Said Dumbledore, eyeing the two carefully.
Hermione's jaw dropped.
"I'm sure it comes as quite a shock to you Miss Granger but it is the truth." Said Dumbledore sadly, placing his hands together.
"B-But why?" sputtered Hermione. On the contrary to Hermione's evident shock, Draco didn't look too fazed, in fact he looked as if it were anything out of normalcy.
"Hogwarts is the school that is playing host to the decathlon Miss Granger." Said Dumbledore, "And as you may already know, the unfortunate town of Little Beecroft is not too a distance away from Hogwarts so in turn as a safety precaution we have decided to delay the date until perhaps these attacks have subsided."
Hermione sank back into her chair. "Will our study sessions continue?"
"By all means Miss Granger. If the both of you feel it advantageous then by all means, please do continue." Said Dumbledore encouragingly.
"Sir, if it's not too much to ask, what date can you estimate will be the reinstated date of the decathlon?" asked Draco, finally speaking since they received the news.
"Honestly, Mr Malfoy it is too early to tell, Voldemort's actions are too unpredictable at this point in time." Said Dumbledore acting equivocally timid.
"So for all we know the decathlon may not even take place at all?" Asked Draco.
"The prospect is possible but highly unlikely Mr Malfoy, the decathlon is a very renowned event I am quite sure it will take place." He turned to Hermione, who shrank back in her chair looking mildly depressed. "The good news is Miss Granger, Madame Pince will be the second half of all the books you have received are to arrive at Hogsmeade after Christmas. She has also requested if you two will be able to fetch them and bring them back here."
As if a light had suddenly been alit, Hermione instantly looked hopeful. "I knew there was more," she whispered. "Excuse me sir, but why has it taken such a long time for the rest of the books to arrive?"
"Grave times Miss Granger, grave times. Too many people are too afraid to step foot out of their houses let alone courier a stack of ordered books, but I trust nothing should go awry for the two of you. So not to worry." He assured them pleasantly. The two students nodded. "Thank you for your time Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy, that is all."
The both of them stood and made their way to the door.
"For all we know this whole thing might be for nothing and the decathlon won't happen." Said Draco as they both reached the corridor.
"Well, you heard him. He says that it's highly unlikely that, that will happen, or won't happen." Said Hermione briskly. Together they rounded another corridor. Draco turned down another one and continued down several flights of steps. Hermione did also.
"Why are you following me?" He asked impatiently. He was nearing the dungeons, if any Slytherin who happened by them were to witness him even walking with her that spelled immediate trouble for him.
"I'm not following you Malfoy, Why would I want to follow you?"
"Perhaps because I'm devilishly handsome and you can't get enough of my looks." He answered quickly looking very alert for any passing student, luckily, he hoped they were still enjoying dessert.
She rolled her eyes. "Shut up. As a matter of fact, I'm supposed to be patrolling the dungeons tonight." She told him sternly. "So don't let me catch you cavorting on a midnight escapade with Pansy Parkinson." She had meant it as a joke but she couldn't help but wonder if there was a possibility she could be right… Oh God she hoped not. When she imagined Pansy's hands running through his soft silky hair…She inwardly cringed at the very thought. But when she manipulated the mental picture and put her hands there instead, she found herself grow warm and blush.
Draco looked ready to hurl. "Jeez Granger, you Gryffindors may live in a saintly circle but it is unknown to all to what an extent your dirty minds are." Said Draco looking disgusted at the thought of a tryst with Pansy. This brought some relief to Hermione as she glanced furtively at his face.
"But have you actually seen the way Parkinson looks at you?" Said Hermione sceptically.
"It's public knowledge that the girl has it in for me, but then again – who doesn't?"
Hermione looked ready to swat him. "That is your enormous ego talking."
"I would think you'd be used to it by now." Said Draco airily. In fact Hermione had, but more outstandingly that was one of his traits she had learned to grow fond of. It was absolutely crazy. Draco had at last reached the entrance to the Slytherin dungeons. He hesitated and turned around to face her, unwilling to speak the password with Hermione at present. She rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips disapprovingly.
"Oh for heaven's sake," she exasperated. "I'm Head Girl, I know them already." She shook her head and took a step. "I'll see you tomorrow night Malfoy," she said as she half-heartedly stormed down the corridor. He took glance in her direction and laughed softly to himself. Most of the time she was a real pain in the ass, but he found that he liked it.
They met the next night, same time, same place –as per usual. They both walked in casually, never questioning what the other felt for the other, regardless of to which extent their resentful feeling had been mollified. Completely in spite himself, Draco was well aware of his tender feelings for the headstrong girl and even more so the burdening pressures of his world as they weighed heavily on his shoulders. It was if he were shackled to the floor by transparent cement and wrought iron chains.
Fear of disappointment and of family expectation was a grossly powerful fear. Like those before him, he hated inadequacy and he would loathe it if that were to become of him. Draco was a person that needed to be in control and his growing feelings for his partner needed to be kept under control. He wanted them to dissipate and vanish forever. She was just a mudblood and he was a Malfoy. Things, certain standards were expected of him. His feelings were nothing more than wrong, practically and on principle. He knew that fact even more so now than he had ever in his entire life. His fondness of her had stop and he would make it stop… or else both their lives would literally be in ruin. Only, he had learned to conceal his emotions, eradicating them completely was a different matter. Perhaps magical intervention would achieve this, but he wasn't ready to result to those means just yet.
He wanted, no, he needed to stop liking the way soft candlelight shone an array of colours in the curls of her hair – From chocolate to chestnut and sometimes even a mild streak of dark blonde. He needed to cease thinking about the wide brightness of her innocently naïve brown eyes. He expected forgetting to feel a jolt of excitement whenever she wasn't afraid to chide or tell him off whenever he was being stubborn arrogant ass would be difficult. However there was nothing Draco Malfoy couldn't accomplish. Her mannerisms were controlling, similar to his, only hers were in a caring motherly-leadership type of way. She was ideally headstrong and didn't give a damn to the irrelevant. But mostly, he needed to forget the way he liked the sheer outrageousness of it all.
But what he could not fathom nor comprehend was: How did he come from hating her, to this… confusion?
His mind was then lead to remembering the other day when he wanted unbelievably to kiss her. Oh Merlin, the deliciously abhorrent thought. She had done absolutely nothing to make him feel attracted to her, and she was oblivious to all of it – but that's what made her so enticing! He cringed and honestly thought he was going mad. It was crazy. Everything was simply crazy.
Why must he feel this way now, at this conjuncture? Why couldn't they just continue on with their primordial hatred and then everything would be smooth, simple, convenient. But no, life jumped in the way.
Granger obviously feels nothing for me, thought Draco. She was just that type of woman and Draco knew it. So if I do nothing, don't act upon my feelings and pretend like nothing has happened then nothing will happen, He concluded. My temporary hormonal feelings will mellow out and disappear, he though happily. And with a sudden boost of confidence he sat down with her convinced that he was most certainly in control. Little did he know, this night was going to be very… profound.
The night had started out all right, they read, kept quiet, had small talk. Only Draco didn't realise the furtive glances Hermione was giving him when she thought he wasn't looking. Or perhaps it was Hermione who hadn't realised the number of glances Draco was giving her. These quick exchanges continued on for over an hour until there finally came the inevitable point when the both of them caught each other staring.
Hermione dissolved into a fit of giggles as she propped up her head onto her hand. "What?" she asked smiling radiantly.
"Nothing." Said Draco airily, waving it off with a wave of his hand. Hermione gave him a look.
"Then why were you looking at me?" She asked, still wearing that maddening smile.
"I wasn't looking at you, there's a book right passed your shoulder, I was eyeing it wondering whether it would be an interesting read, besides, why were you looking at me?" asked Draco with an elated air of inquisition. God her smile was infectious… He grinned.
"Right, sure." Said Hermione disbelievingly, trying not so hard to conceal her knowing grin.
"Precisely Granger, right." Said Draco, and he was sure that he had ended this awkward conversation by then. Unfortunately it wasn't even silent for even thirty seconds until Hermione perked up.
"So… have you deliberated enough about that book yet?"
He looked up. "huh? I mean – what?" Malfoys were not supposed to sound uneducated and ineloquent.
"The book, that I'm assuming is passed my shoulder – will you read it or not?" She asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
"Oh right, yeah. I'll just – go get it – now." He stood standing uncomfortably, but he held his head high and strutted towards the bookshelf behind her. Hermione watched him and rolled her eyes. But just as he was passing her, he collapsed. In an instant Hermione was off her chair in an attempt to break his fall. Only she hadn't anticipated how heavy a fairly built seventeen-year-old male was.
"Malfoy!" she yelled just as he came crashing down on her. She squinted her eyes shut on the impact of the fall. They landed quite all right and nothing was injured, except for the fact that…well.
He was on top of her.
They were not in an awkward position or anything of the sort, he was just on top of her with his head laying just beside her left ear. Hermione took in a deep breath as much as she could - his body was kind of hampering her breathing ability.
"Well," she concluded loudly from underneath him, "This is definitely awkward." She breathed out heavily, a seriously crimson blush reddening her entire complexion. "Well, I'm just going to have to wait until he wakes up because I'm not nearly as strong enough to lift Malfoy off me." If Hermione was any lesser of a person, she would have admitted at that very moment that this was as close as she came to fulfilling one of her (as she now newly named them) 'Malfoy fantasies.' She categorized these fantasies as the ones where she was with Malfoy, as in with him – romantically. Which was really absurd. She took another deep breath in order to calm herself down from the annoying butterflies in her stomach, and the wicked sense of desire that arose in her chest. Without realising it, she caught a whiff of his very pleasant smelling cologne.
"Wow, that smells really good, where did he buy – oh yeah he's a Malfoy." She realised. "Of course." She said rolling her eyes for the umpteenth time that night. But honestly it was a very attractive smell. It was masculine and fresh – there was another smell mingled within it that she couldn't describe. Different from the smells she usually liked, different from freshly cut grass or new parchment. But she neither had the willingness or – heaven forbid – the mental capacity to entertain the thought. Her mind, let alone her body, was too concentrated on the closeness of Draco's proximity. Her throat was way too dry by now speak any more sarcastic thoughts aloud. Damn this was a long vision… she thought helplessly, only to be interrupted by waves of desire coursing through her.
A second later, a low and pained groan came from beside her – he was waking up. "Oh god…ow, my face." He groaned. As he slowly lifted himself up. He stopped immediately in an instant surprise when he found Hermione underneath him, red as a tomato and smiling nervously.
"Hey there."
He blinked.
"I – uh tried to break your fall." She explained quickly, growing even redder. "But then this happened and I couldn't…" She stopped short when she looked into his eyes. His silvery grey eyes were darkening but behind them she witnessed something inside his grey depths – a desperate swirling emotion. It connected her to him, in ways that transcended her lone imagination.
It was only then that she realised, he was staring at her lips. And before she was aware of anything else that moment, he was leaning in slowly. Hermione's heart quickened in pace, beating like a monstrous drum against her chest. Her world began to spin as unconsciously her eyes drifted shut and she forgot how to breathe. Time slowed and mere moments felt like a passing eternity. She had wanted this and she knew it, she hated it and wanted it.
It was a ghost of a kiss…one that never existed. The moment she felt his warm breath caressing her lips. His presence had vanished. When she opened her eyes, Draco was hastily packing up things. "I-I have to go" he muttered and ran out. Hermione sighed and ran a hand through her hair.
"That must never happen again." She said firmly as she collected herself and stood. "Never."
Draco ran and did not stop until he reached the Slytherin dungeons, chiding, cursing and berating himself the entire way. "Do nothing and nothing will happen, sure, and now look what I do, sure… sure they'll mellow out and disappear. Sure. I'm such an idiot!" He yelled the password and violently stepped inside. "I must control my feelings like this, I must control them, they must disappear." He muttered vehemently under his breath. "I'm so bloody stupid! That was idiocy."
A hand was placed on his shoulder. "Draco." Said a firm voice.
"Blaise." Said Draco, trying to keep himself calm and stoic so his anger would not be seen. Blaise kept a hand on his shoulder and steered him towards a secluded corner of the Slytherin common room.
"We need to talk."
"What's this about Blaise? I'm busy right now." Said Draco, hiding tones of impatience.
"Fine, I'll keep this quick. What's going on with you and the mudblood?" Said Blaise seriously, eyeing Draco carefully. But Draco had been prepared for something like this, his expression remained calm and non-existent.
"What? There's nothing going on between the mudblood and I." Said Draco. "Nothing."
"You seem to be spending quite sometime with her lately." Said Blaise.
"As I said, that's absolutely nothing. Strictly professional. Blaise you offend me by assuming I would demean myself in such a way." Said Draco with an equal tone of seriousness and tension, he stared straight into Blaise's suspicious eyes. Learning occlumency sure did wonders in many aspects of your life. Blaise squinted, as if deciding whether or not to trust him.
"Remember the rules and remember where you come from. She is a line that should not be crossed, no matter how alluring she is." Said Blaise as he released him. "It's forbidden."
"I know that!" Draco spat, annoyed. He had just spent the entirety of the last week telling himself the exact same thing. "I don't need a lecture from you."
"I hope so." Said Blaise as he gave him one last lingering look of suspicion, turned and walked away. As soon as Blaise was out sight Draco leaned against the stone of the corner, closed his eyes and sighed.
"Shit this is going to be difficult."
She was driving him crazy, and oh if Blaise knew, that it was in more ways than one. Draco and Hermione hadn't had an inveighed war of profanities and harsh language in an astonishingly long while. And the fact that Hermione was living within complete blissful oblivion when regarding his hidden attraction, was most efficacious on him. It presented to him a challenge on a silver platter – a challenge he was strictly prohibited from embarking on… However it was helpless that he did now and now he was faced with this predicament. Hermione was now informed of his attraction a few minutes ago when they had encountered the non-existent kiss – as he had now referred it.
He sighed once more and trod slowly down towards his dorm. Lassitude consumed him as a result of stress, confusion and not to mention endless contemplation. Draco reached his door and paused before reaching for the handle. "Idiot, idiot, idiot." He whispered banging his head on the door, just before eventually opening it. Carelessly he allowed his bag to slip to the floor with a resonating thump. Massaging his aching temples he lay on his bed. After a moment of silent thought his lips parted. "Her lips did not look enticingly delicious." He told himself.
By the time Hermione had already reached her own Head Girl dorm with her heart thrown into a wild paroxysm, or more like spastic fits. She was so nervous and wracked that she shook, occasionally almost resembling electrocution. Her breathing patterns were uneven and wild and her heartbeat had grown erratic. She paced the front of her bed for the better part of an hour making failed attempts to comprehend just exactly what had happened between her and Draco. She had always been the omniscient one, but when it came to matters regarding certain levels of intimacy towards the opposite sex, she was like a lone duck trapped in shark-infested waters. It was perhaps the only aspect in life or subject where Pansy Parkinson would exceed her greatly, in knowledge, experience and theory.
"Ok breathe, calm down, breathe." Hermione said to placate herself. It was so confusing and filled her with fear and trepidation. "I can't, we can't…" Hermione continuously repeated. She had realised that it was Draco who initiated the non-existent kiss but she too had just been at fault. She closed her eyes, she didn't fight, she wanted it to happen. If Draco had not stopped, she didn't know what would happen if their lips would in fact meet. Would she lose control? Would they lose control?
"Ok, it's confirmed, there's no turning back: I like him." She said. But even as she recited that sentence so simply she felt dirty. She felt like a dirty sinner. A tarnished saint. How could she commit to such an action? She didn't kiss him but she almost did. Gratitude towards him surged through her like exhilarating euphoria. Thank the lord Draco harboured the often overlooked and disregarded quality of ultimate self-control. In all those weeks of working with him, she had never been as grateful to have Draco as a partner. Most would argue with her but if by chance the saintly impossibly perfect Hermione Granger were to be paired with another individual and she became attracted to him, what would happen? But the odd fact was that as much as she tried to imagine Draco's face as another's, she couldn't reconstruct this situation. She couldn't imagine being attracted to any other, other than Draco. Eventually she had summarised the situation in three words: "Life is shit."
She often never swore, but the moment deserved it.
Her life had been planned out - grow up throughout Hogwarts, top grades, top marks, graduate become successful and then consider a relationship. She was still progressing towards completing tasks one to three, if only she was born an adult without teenage impulses. If only her body was set in her frame of mind.
Draco sat up that night. He almost kissed her, he was really pissed with himself and Blaise was growing suspicious, if only things could end now. Thankfully he had fended Blaise off for the moment. He didn't even have the time or brain energy to think about why exactly she was willing to kiss him back…
One Review last time. One. Thanks greatly to lilhouseelf who reviewed… I think it was you. You receive virtual chocolate! I have only eleven reviews compared to 1892 hits. 11/ 1892. Now that's a fraction. Come on people! It's just one button… apparently it's more effective to threaten you guys… anyways PLEASE! Eh, it's your choice. But stay tuned for Chapter nine called: Backtrack…