Oh my God, please don't hate me! I had this chapter completely ready like Thursday night and the stupid thing wouldn't let me upload any documents. But here is finally is, chapter 6! Yay! It's longer than usual, so I hope you guys like it! I really want to thank
Tommy4eva ((Ouch, I can't even tell you how much I loathe sunburn. Once I got it so bad on my shoulders that I cried for like three days! My total sympathies! Funner is totally a word, I don't care what the dictionary and my English teacher say! It is so a word! I totally agree that perfect isn't always best, the chase is almost just as fun. But Jommy forever and ever. I absolutely love them!))
Tayna50801 ((I'm so glad you like it! I made this chapter extra long because the action really starts to pick up!))
VilandraofAntar ((lol, whenever I hear or read hernia my mind automatically goes to Mr. Rogers. I just feel like he could keel over and hemorrhage at any point. Now I am back at this chapter is like 11 pages in Word.))
Kimberlli ((lol, Kat is always just Kat. I love her; she and Pasty are currently tied. I thought about having Tommy at the door, I wrote Tommy at the door, but you'll have to read. Hehe))
thatgirlyoucanttrust ((My God, I had a persistent conniption during Unfinished Business. When Jude died I flipped out, seriously. I sat there and my mouth hung open for like an hour. The Jommy reunion will go down in history. I think after the Juderman scare, everyone should apologize to Jommy and pretty much bow down.))
iamthatplace ((I had a night-light until it started casting a shadow on my wall that positively scared my shitless. I love Lorraine Bobbit, she just makes me laugh and then the fact that she threw it in the woods…she is my idol! With Tommy on the show, who else even matters? Besides Mason, because he is just my life. I love him!))
hmgirl8192 ((lol, Jamie is like the King. Besides Jude, she must be queen lol. I'm glad you liked it!))
Judeh05 ((SPIDERMAN! I knew I forgot someone! And Spiderman is like the hottest too, because he's all mysterious and what-not. I am so glad you like the story!))
tommys21 ((I think they should make Jamie drunk on the show, it would make me laugh forever. I'm glad you liked the chapter!))
TommyQLovr ((lol, you might want to read the first one, but I can give you the run down if you like. But I'm glad you liked the parts you can understand!))
Alexzgirl1 ((I would love a fight scene with Liam and Tommy. I would have to laugh and then I would have to replay it over and over and over lol! Hmmm, a drunk hook-up, that sounds like more than fun!))
Duddley111 ((lol, I'm glad you liked it!))
Latisha C ((I'm sorry about your cold! Nothing sucks worse than a cold in the summer because having a runny nose at the beach is awful with the sand and the tissues…that was a really bad day. I loved you review, just as I always love your reviews! Jamie was in fact very drunk during his discourse on The Flash and continues his drunken babble this chapter too. I'm so glad you liked it!))
You guys are my loves and I am so glad you guys are enjoying this story! Ok, enough chatter here's chapter 6!
Chapter 6: Please Please Me
"Are you aware that I hate you right now?" I asked him as if he were stupid. Well he is stupid, so whatever.
"Me? Why?" Spied protested.
"On principle." Sadie informed him.
"Well Jamie is here."
"Jamie tells funny stories. What can you do?" I asked him. I watched him think for a moment before his face broke out in a devilish grin.
"Do not burp the lyrics to 24 Hours ever again. I will make sure that I break your face socket."
"Face socket?" "Are you really asking me to explain me?"
"Well I don't think that's so out of the realm of fairness."
"Quit bitching Spied, because I will cut off your balls."
"I am not bitching. And you would be lucky to get nears these fine specimens."
"Ever hear about the deer that attacked a lady in Ohio?"
"No."
"Well now you have, and soon you will envy her if you don't shut the hell up."
"Where is your dad?"
"Shut up Spied."
"I mean I don't think he would appreciate the language you're using."
"Right. Now. Spied."
I was about to slug some serious ass when Jamie got in the way. Actually he got right in Sadie's face, who had been a barrier between where Spied was stand and where I was sitting know there was a possibility of me opening a can of whoop ass on him, with a serious look on his face.
"Sadie," he started solemnly "would you like" he continued before gulping loudly, and I always watched his Adam's Apple quiver like a horny gerbil "to lick my pimp stick?" He finished.
Wow, I do not see that one coming.
Seriously, what the hell is the matter with him?
Is he insane?
I waited for Sadie to slap him or scream at him but I was utterly deprived of any entertainment. She simply shook her head no as we all watched Jamie turn to Spied.
"Would you like to like my pimp stick?"
"Dude, how drunk are you?"
"More than you know." I told him and tugged lightly on Jamie's arm, motioning for him to join me on the floor. I pulled him close as I leaned in to whisper in his ear.
"I think Spied is just shy. He really wants to lick you um, pimp stick." I told him, trying to hold back my giggles.
Jamie moved away to look at me with wide eyes, "really?" He barely whispered.
I merely nodded before I pulled him in towards me again. "He told me on tour." Jamie's eyes bulged even more as he got up smoothly and sidled next to Spied. Oh the wonders of taking advantage of Jamie. Is that mean of me?
"Want me to show you the…bathroom?" Jamie asked coolly with a wink. I watched Spied move out of Jamie's grasp, only to have the latter slip an arm across his back.
"No dude." Spied said and tried to pry himself from Jamie. This is so mean. But I love it.
"Come on, I can show you other things." Jamie needs to stop winking; everyone in the world can catch onto his innuendos.
Even Spied.
And Spied is a dumbass.
And people don't believe me I tell them how stupid he really is.
They gasp in shock and tell me what a nice little boy Vincent is. Well no one calls him Vincent and they don't call him a 'nice little boy' but they totally don't believe me. But really, Spied is an idiot of the first degree. I remember when he put a fire ant down his pants because Billy Earls called him a whimp in fourth grade.
"Aw shut up William Earls the III!" Spied mocked as he threw a handful of dirt in Billy's face. Poor Billy, it wasn't his fault. His parents named him, and I completely sympathize. Everyone seemed to think Hey Jude and variations on it was the funniest thing to ever cross their brain.
"Well why don't you Vicente!" Billy called mocking Spied's, old and slightly disoriented, grandmother who had come to drop off his lunch earlier in the week. She had decided that she was of Italian heritage and that in turn her family was also, so she called out for 'Vicente' for an hour and a half while we were watching Veggie Tales.
"I will, if you make me!" A newly 10-year-old Spied called in a challenging tone.
"I bet you a googlilliazoozle dollars that you won't put this ant down your pants." Billy bargained, holding a twitching ant between his thumb and forefinger. Spied stepped closer to the crawling bug, so close that he went completely cross-eyed, before scoffing and backing the hell away from Billy.
"It'll bite me, it's red." Spied stated matter-of-factly.
"I knew you wouldn't you whimp! Now you own me a gazillion dollars!" He cried for all to hear.
"Actually, I believe the term you used was googlilliazoozle in regards to your bet with Spiederman. Which is, of course, preposterous because that is clearly not a recognized number. But just for consistency's sake, I thought I would inform you of your blunder."
"Shut up Jamie-a." Billy shouted at Jamie, using the ever-popular nickname for him. Jamie quickly backed down, clutching his glasses in fear that they would be broken again. God, Jamie was such a nerd.
It's really a wonder how he broke that shell, I mean he practically came out of the womb screaming 'HEY! I'm Dexter's, from Dexter's Laboratory, clone. Someone punch me! My slightly crooked nose is just begging for it!' Except not. But you catch my drift. I slinked next to Jamie as we all watched Spied's stupidity take over him.
"Fine. I'll do it. Just gimme the bug." Spied told Billy haughtily and stuck out a grubby hand to grasp the bug. As it made the transition from hand-to-hand, I saw that it was a helluva bug. Seriously, it was a prime candidate for those aliens that want to beam down to Earth and have menial beings take over. Spied snapped the elastic of his waistband open and dropped the ant down, as he looked triumphantly at Billy.
"See? Nothi- AHHHH" Spied proved that he
A) was stupid and
B) spoke too soon.
Just as he was establishing his non-whimpy-ness the ant bit the hell out of him. He squirmed an awkward are the whole playground, bashing his shins into the seesaw, itching to get the bug out of his pants. It was really hilarious and Kat and I called him 'Dancy Pants' until 8th grade. We were never very clever.
And then if I remember correctly, Spied force-fed Billy at least three handfuls of dirt.
And then Billy chocked.
It was sorta scary, and then I told on Dancy Pants.
And then Dancy Pants had sit on the line for four recesses in a row.
Dancy Pants was mad.
"Humor him Dancy Pants." I shouted at Spied, who in turn, shots me a look that could probably beat even The All Mighty Flash to a bloody pulp.
"AH DANCY PANTS!" Kat shouted from in front of the TV. Did she just sneak more alcohol, or can she just really not handle it? I'm thinking it's a little of both.
"Why are you sitting so close?" I called to her.
"I was trying to make out with Adam Brody, but I can still see the spit trail from Jamie's tongue." She said with slight annoyance in her tone. Did she want to make out with my TV that badly?
"Come Jamester, I'm takin' you outta here." Spied said and motioned for him to follow out the door. I jumped up and grabbed Jamie's hand to make him stand still. He looked back at me drunkenly and then started laughing. What is the matter with him? Gawd, I'm guessing this is my fault… wait. It's all Tommy's fault! Stupid bastard, he is nothing but an irritation in my life. And quite possibly heartbreak but I am currently in my stages of grieving. Actually I think I skipped all the stages before anger and I'm just staying there. It suits me. Plus I can't remember all the others.
"I suggest you chillax and Get Your Shine On before I kick your ass."
"Hmm, I think like I might love you again Harrison, a little bit of surfer and a little Tomb Raider?" He said. Please excuse me while I vomit out the contents of my stomach.
"Don't make me Edward Norton on your ass and pull a Fight Club on you."
"Brad Pitt was in that movie." Sadie informed me.
Hey, thanks! I didn't know that because my head was up my ass. I'm saying ass a lot.
Tommy has a nice ass.
I think it's from all Boyz Attack! Booty Shakin'.
I'm guessing it's a good work out for your buns.
Hmm, I just said buns in reference to Tommy's ass.
That's weird.
But not really.
"Thanks for the info Sades."
"Brad Pitt was in that movie and you pick Edward Norton?"
"If you must know, I am currently anti-Brad over the whole Jennifer Aniston thing. It really tears me up."
"Really? I still salivate at the thought of him." Jamie told us.
"Is there something I need to tell Pasty?" I asked him cautiously. Wasn't he in love Kat two days ago?
"Oh, don't mind me." He started and then put a hand near his mouth and finished in a loud whisper. "I'm drunk." He says with a small wink as if it's just a secret between us.
Yea, ok. Jamie is never aloud to be drunk again. Or even slightly buzzed.
"No, Jamie you are an idiot." Spied told him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Jamie looked at him slightly offended, even though I think its really because Spied didn't want a tour of the bathroom, and opened his mouth to say something.
"Don't mind Spied. His butt hole is just missing Liam's penis." I told him while everyone just looked at me with shock.
DAMN STRAIGHT I SAID IT! Well, maybe I shouldn't have but whatever. But I really think this occasion calls for the nee for me to get down with my bad self.
Oh there has to be something wrong. I can feel it; there is something mightily wrong with me at this point.
"Go back to your Emo hole Harrison."
"I'll go if you go back to your Juanes hole. Your obsession is startling." I retorted, sticking my tongue out at him.
"He is a Spanish Rock God! And I am not obsessed!" He shouted, defending himself feebly.
"A Dios Le Pido." I told him, and then hummed it under my breath the whole night. Well actually the whole morning since Spied showed up at around 11:45 and passed out on the couch at like 12:30.
Later that Morning, at G-Major…"Field trip!" Darius announced, a little too excitedly. If this is like the last one he sent me on, I will run away from home. I am not going to see his masseuse ever again.
Only Darius needs to ever go see his masseuse. Isn't that stuff kind of…illegal? Whatever, I am so not going to ask. My head hurts too much and he scares me too much. I would flip-y kick-y thingy me into tomorrow.
Or maybe he would spin-y kick-y me instead. I guess it would depend on his mood. I really wonder if people think these kinds of things like me…
And despite my reservations about his zeal for this field trip, I couldn't help my excitement. I have never seen a group of people that need a change of scenery more than this pathetic group that Darius calls his workforce. He looked around, I guess expecting some enthusiasm but most of us were too hung over to even care. The rest of us were too asshole-y to notice. And yes as I said this in my head my gaze flicked over Tommy meanly.
"Jude, if you can't tear your gaze from Tom, then I can just have the two of you stay behind and record somethin'." Darius said with a hint of bitterness but still in all seriousness.
And while I gaped at him, he merely raised his eyebrows like test-me-bitch-see-what-I-can-do. In any other situation I would have laughed because he has this enourmous forehead, that could house two families, and when he raises his eyebrows he makes lines in his baldhead that would make Joan Rivers cringe. Well if she could physically cringe, but I don't think she has mastered that.
"SCREW THAT! Don't punish me because no one else cares about your trip as much as you!" I cried in outrage.
Oops.
Darius' vein is pounding.
That same one I feared so much that time in New York.
Now I'm really afraid.
OH MY GOD!
What if he's like that Greek aunt in My Big Fat Greek Wedding and he has his twin growing off his head.
OH MY GOD! What if the twin like…sprouts out and attacks me because I enraged it. I can totally see a person birthing from that vein right now. God that is freaky. But I submissively sat down and looked down at my hands, mumbling my apology.
"Sorry D." "What was that?" Darius called mockingly, cupping a hand around his ear. Like I was stupid and I didn't get from his statement that he didn't hear me. Prick.
"Sorry Bid D." I said more forcefully and looked up.
"If that is all," he looked at me pointedly, making sure that I knew it would be all. I knew it. "I have an announcement. In spirit of the holiday season,"
"Ho-ho-frickin'-ho" I cut in, but was immediately silenced by a look from E.J. while Darius continued.
"Big D is hosting a G-Major Yule Ball. It is now required of all staff to learn a traditional ballroom dance. So we are all taking dance lessons until the day of the ball!" Why does he keep calling himself Big D? It's freaking me out. And I do not want to learn to dance; we have already determined that I never will. Mason's nosebleed from when I kicked him during dance practice is evidence enough. That was nice of him to forgive me. I wouldn't have forgiven me. I would have kicked me in the nose right back.
"But! I…can't dance on my leg!" Ahhh, I am so saved. Well I thought so until Liam gave me a stop-pulling-bullshit face that makes me want to scream.
"We all saw you chasing Mr. Spiederman all over the studio parking lot this morning before the two of you came in, Miss Harrison."
Why don't I give you a Charlie Horse Mr. Fenway? Would you like that?
I watched Tommy's head fly up. "Did he pick you up this morning?"
"No he stayed over last night." Sadie said nonchalantly. Oh I hate her. I really hate her. But I really need to extend my heartfelt thank you to her right now.
"Thanks for that Sades." I mumbled to the desk while I heard Tommy seethe.
Got Hulk?
I looked up across from me with his red face staring back. Jeez, he's really mad. I think someone needs to inject him with the tranquilizers they give to the elephants that go insane at the Toronto Zoo. I saw them shoot like five needles in its ass one time. And then it all most fell over on the zookeeper, who reminded me of The Man with the Yellow hat in Curious George.
"Spied? Spied slept over? Last night? At your house?" He managed to spit out angrily as he shot daggers at Spiederman, who opened his mouth and sat up straighter in his chair.
He better not- "And I rocked her world all night long."-say anything.
And when I thought the entire situation could not become more embarrassing an indignant gasp came from other side of the room. "When was that Jude? I thought you were with Jamie all night." Sadie called.
Oh shoot me now.
"WHAT?" Came Tommy's equally incredulous shouts.
Oh shoot me now.
"I wasn't with with Jamie. I mean not like…in the biblical sense. I mean I was with him but we were on the couch, in front of everyone. I mean…no one was watching us. We were watching Sadie's bootleg DVD's of the O.C."
Oh shoot me now.
This is not working; I think I might be making it worse for myself. I sighed loudly and slumped my head forward. "Did you know Marissa died?" I posed generally, hoping to sway the attention.
"Jamie and Spied? Must have been busy Jude." Tommy said almost calmly. He did not just say that.
If he just insinuated that I am a slut, I will crawl under the table, unzip his pants and get Liam to castrate him with his teeth! I promise I will do it too.
"At least I didn't cheat on the most loyal girlfriend I ever had with a model, Tom. I think you have an addiction." I shot back while Sadie gave a satisfied grunt.
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood Quincy.
Taste its pain bitch.
And I don't care that I know that he didn't really do anything, I just couldn't think of anything better to say. I watched Tommy's eyes bug immeasurably as he opened his mouth to say something back. Just as Darius was about to talk over us, Tommy got his last word in.
"You are so…" He paused, looking at me in an almost disgusted manner "seventeen." He finished.
You are just so smart Tommy. You blow my mind. Please enjoy a nice conversation with the sarcasm in my last statements; it has really outdone itself this time. Bravo sarcasm, bravo!
"Oh go screw yourself Quincy. At least I'm not so…" I paused similarly, mocking him in every way possible. I even furrowed my eyebrows and made that weird frown-y thing. "pedophilic." I finished.
"Enough!" Darius screamed from the front of the room. I think he may have damaged my eardrums. "It seems that Jude and Quincy can't seem to leave each other alone, so I'm gonna give you two a venue where you can talk as much as you want. Tommy you are Jude's partner. Jude you are Tommy's." He said, shoving his two forefingers in Tom's face first and then in mine pointing between us.
"What partner?" I asked stupidly.
"Dance partner." Tommy told me.
"What? The only way I will bear Quincy is if…if…you put Spied and Liam together!" Darius shot me a look. Liam shot me a look. Spied shot me a look.
"Fine." I grumbled dejectedly and then looked over at Tommy again
"You didn't have to be mean about it."
"Well you didn't have to be stupid about it."
"Oh shut up, at least I passed 7th grade."
"Barely."
"You don't know that."
"What if I told I did." Tommy said cryptically.
We continued to bicker all the way out to the Hummer, where Darius made everyone pile in. "I'm not sitting next to him." I stated firmly. I was so not going to be near him for however long we were going to be stuck in the car.
"Well when you put it so nicely…" E.J. started and then shoved me into the passenger's seat, while Liam shoved Tommy into the driver's seat next to me.
"Oh well fuck me." I mumbled, but not softly enough.
"You are quite insatiable." Tommy whispered back. I flicked my gaze over him, liking everything I saw; but I wasn't going to let him know that.
"Been in there. Done you. And besides, still think you can Please Please Me Quince?" I told him meanly. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.
"Do not speak to me Tommy." I told him icily. And yes, I am currently sharpening my claws. But Tommy deserves it. But I wonder if anyone really deserves a Jude tongue lashing … let's recap, Jude, shall we? We shall.
Please dim lights, cue sense of inexplicable excitement that always gurgles in my stomach when I'm about to see a movie, cue the Wayne and Garth dream sequence noise and sit and reminisce with some popcorn.
We'll start with yesterday and work our way back in…whatever order it comes to me. I'm not a very organized person. (I think Monica, from Friends, would have a heart attack if she saw the disarray that my brain is in. But it wouldn't really look like a heart attack because she would be over dramatizing because she's a bad actress. Even though I guess, technically, Monica isn't an actress. So that means she just sucks at…life. Wow that is a startling revelation. Oh well.)
The Name of Lovevs. Thomas Quincy
Exhibit A:
"If we're so…guilty about us, that we sneak around and we lie, then maybe there's something wrong." Classic Tommy. I mean that is the man in a damn nutshell! The signs pointing to commitment-phobia could not be any clearer than this. I feel like I'm on the Animal Planet and I'm observing a specimen in the wild. But seriously, take these words and the dodgy hand movements, all coupled with the shifty eyes and even Alfie would be like 'Mate, come on. Are you that afraid of love?' and then I would have to bone Alfie but whatever, that's beside the point.
Heartbreaking/Asshole Tommy: 1
Romantic/Swoon-Worthy Tommy that I fell in love with: 0
Exhibit B:
"Look Jude, I care about you, so much. I love you so much that you don't even know. You're all I think about, you're the one person I can see myself with, but I can't-" Hmm, let me consult the evidence with Dave Caruso. Oh hell, he isn't any help, he couldn't act his way out of a frickin' paper bag. Plus he gives all red heads a bad rap. Dave Caruso just sucks. And so does Tommy, because he obviously employed his infamous and undisputed charms in the statement above. He was trying to deter me from my rage and trying to calm me. That's like trying to kill every mosquito in the universe during the dead of summer (It's hard. Jamie and I tried one year. And then we ran out of Raid.) And he momentarily made me forget how mad I was at him, thus furthering his standpoint. And strengthening his arguments because no one can loose against a weeping girl. But I totally knew the line he was going to pull next, so he looses. Again. This boosts the points of asshole Tommy a few notches, but at the same time he said he loved me. So I'm awarding points to both sides.
Heartbreaking/Asshole Tommy: 2
Romantic/Swoon-worthy Tommy that I fell in love with: 1
Exhibit C:
"Jude, you need to figure out what you want. Maybe you need to figure out who you want, but I'm finished guessing." This screams hypocrisy! He is the one who couldn't choose between Sadie and me. And he's the one who didn't want to 'tap that' because he wasn't going to 'cross that line' because he wasn't 'that guy' even though if I 'were 21' he would have gone for me 'in a split second'. Yea that doesn't really validate my point, but looking back on that it pissed me off! Who says something like that? Who really admits his perversion to the outside world like that? Stupid asshole… I think that gives Asshole Tommy like 15 points. Ok, 2 more added to the current score. Good Tommy gets nothing because that was not only totally hypocritical it was just mean.
Heartbreaking/Asshole Tommy: 4
Romantic/Swoon-worthy Tommy that I fell in love with: 1
Exhibit D:
"Either I have to quite working with you, or we have to agree that that kiss had never happened." This really transcends the ages. And it deserves a: What the fuck? Who the hell says something like that? What kind of person with a heart even fathoms asking a girl that? Especially when she was completely in love with you. It raises the question: Does Thomas Quincy have a heart at all? Does he have feelings? Or is he just an overrated, devilishly handsome version of the Grinch? Or Scrooge? And despite the obvious asshole-ness, let us take a ride and delve in Tommy's mind, Freud style. (You wanna get Xzibit to Pimp your Ride? Jude can Freud you Mind, fool!) It says 'no one loves me, so I love no one'. It says 'I like to break little hearts because they squish in my hands when I do'. It generally says: 'I am an asshole of the highest degree. And I know it too. But what are you going to do about it fucker?'
Heartbreaking/Asshole Tommy: More than One Person Can Count
Romantic/Swoon-worthy Tommy that I fell in love with: 1
I think I rest my case.
Please turn the lights back on, cue sense of inexplicable sorrow that always gurgles in my stomach when a movie is over, cue the Wayne and Garth coming-back-from-a-dream-sequence noise and throw the cold popcorn away. In the Case of The Name of Love versus Thomas Quincy, the jury finds Mr. Quincy guilty of heartbreak in the third degree and an asshole to a degree never before witnessed by man.
Hey! That was even better than CSI: New York (minus the really hot guy, scratch that, hot guys). And Vince Vaughn! Except I have no respect for that sweaty man anymore. He was actually earning hot points after Anchor Man, because I can't resist a man in a suit
(No I take that back too, I can actually totally resist Will Ferrell in anything. And if he has nothing on, then I will just have to kill myself.)
but then he has to go and do The Break Up. It was a good movie, up until the end. I mean it had all the wonderful elements of a date movie. Humor and Drama. And I saw it with Kat, so it was even better because I didn't have to worry if some guy was looking at me every time he laughed to see if I was laughing. Have I mentioned that I hate it when people do that? Because I really, really do. Like a lot.
The brother's ass kicking after Vince took his pitch pipe really almost made me pee in my pants. And the guy who played the secretary at the art gallery, the guy from the Apple commercials and Dodgeball, with a straight black wig that he styled differently every scene, made me spit ice all over Kat. I can't help it though.
A man with lip-gloss is just funny. And a man with lip-gloss who feels the need to greet people with a 'happy holidays' in the middle of summer is just asking for me to spit all over the people around me.
And now that I think about it… I wasn't chopping ice. I had blue Icee in my mouth and then I sprayed it all over Kat's white J. Crew cable knit cardigan, and I still have not heard the end of it. But seriously, when did Kat start wearing J. Crew unless she was trying to be ironic or whatever. And I thought cable-knit was out; at least that's what Sadie said. But whatever, now the sweater's better because it has a cool blue stain down the front.
I like it better with the stain; I just might steal it from her when she isn't looking.
After at least an hour of me looking at Tommy and looking away when he looked back at me and Tommy looking at me and then looking away when I looked back at him, we finally pulled up in front of an enormous building that seemed to stretch on for miles. Except it didn't, but whatever.
"What is this?" I whispered to Portia who had been eyeing Craig like a little schoolgirl until I interrupted her googley-eyes.
"Oh this was an old project of Darius' a few years ago. You know that show So You Think You can Dance?"
"Yea."
"Well Darius was going to a judge and they needed a place to hold the competition, so D had this place built."
"What happened?" I mean it obviously didn't pan out. Maybe he offered the wrong guy a joint and he put the kibosh on it.
"Some border restrictions, it had to physically be held in the U.S." She explained vaguely as she trailed Craig a little too closely. Poor Portia, she's being kinda stalker-ish.
"Do you think Spied would be my partner?" Mason asked as he sidled next to me.
What is with everyone, it's like ninth grade formal all over again. Our Homecomings always kinda suck because Carson Hill has a really good hockey team, but hockey is a winter sport. We tried the whole football thing and parents got tired of taking their kids to the dentist. Which never made sense to me because, duh, people get bashed in the teeth all the time when they play hockey.
Ever wonder why T-Bone doesn't smile? Shay smacked his face with a hockey stick once and knocked out a row of teeth. Then he tried to get a grill and it was disastrous.
Actually it was all T-Bone's fault because he has the IQ of Sadie's nail polish and he took that Nelly song literally and robbed a jewelry store, and demanded that make me a grill. He was in jail for a night. Hey, kinda like me!
"I think you should ask him." I told Mason with a smile and watched him look around for Spied.
"And grab his ass just for good measure." I added after Mason spotted him. Darius ceremoniously flipped a huge key in an equally huge lock as a resounded click reverberated within the walls of the nearly empty building. It would have been totally silent other than the echoes if Spied hadn't ruined it for everyone.
"AH! MASON OFF MY ASS!" He yelped from the back of the group. Teehee. I think that was my fault. I walked in with my head titled all the way up to take everything in. It was the most spacious building I had ever seen, with wood flooring and completely void of any furniture.
At the fond of the open space there was a spiraling staircase that led to another floor, secluded by a pristinely white wall. All the other walls had been painted the same color, but various posters screamed against the shrilling white.
There was a poster of J.Lo, with her ass directly in the camera and back snaking away from the lenses and her head peeking out with a curly head of hair. Who needs Miss New Booty when they have her? There was a poster of John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever, shaking his ass in a way that would make Chaz Blackburn green with envy. There were candid shots of American Bandstand scattered too. I was walking backwards to get a better look at John's butt when I ran into a solid chest. I turned around and the most horrifying sight, one that only haunted my nightmares. The face of the man I will surely see before I die.
Troy.
Troy.
Troy, yea the same weirdo who made up that stupid ass Super Star, Satellite! routine
(I mean the man is stranger than the whole entire cast of Strangers with Candy. And as far as strange people come, Stephen Colbert is up there. But he's hilarious, so it's ok for him to be weird. I already knew from experience that Troy has no sense of humor. But I do think he would make an excellent director. 'Member when he tried to teach me to dance with Shay. I think that the…adult movie industry would really appreciate him. Let me reminisce back to a simpler time for a moment: "YEA COME ON PEOPLE YEA FIVE SIX FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT! YEA WOHOO! BREAK IT DOWN! HIP, HIP! YEA PEOPLE! STRONGER!" If that's not porno dialogue then I do not know what is.), looked around the group with a dismal look on his face.
"You two!" He jabbed two fingers at Tommy and I.
"Get on the dance floor NOW!" Tommy and I looked at each other wordlessly, neither of us knowing where the dance floor was. I felt him nudge me encouragingly; saying that he was not going to ask and it was up to me.
"Um…excuse me, uh, Troy. Mr. Troy, uh, where is this 'dance floor'?" I asked with a nervous laugh and air quotes that I had a feeling made him even angrier. He looked at me like I was crazy. Well bud, the feeling is mutual.
"This is your dance floor!" He shouted, making his yells echo, as he flung his arms around like he was a propeller. I looked around and saw as he continued to flap his stubby midget limbs, trying to show us that everywhere in the building was our dance floor. I nodded as I began to understand.
"LIFE is your dance floor! Now come out here and show me a few steps."
Yea ok Mr. Fruity-Pebbles, that is not going to happen. I do not dance.
"I don't-" I started but Tommy cut me off. He held out his hand chivalrously and I almost forgot that I hated him. But then somewhere inside of me, a boot kicked the senses back and I remembered to hate him.
Sorta.
While I was wrapped in my thoughts about all the things I loathe about Tommy, he pulled me close and left nearly no space between us. Suddenly everything and everyone else melted away while his gentle footsteps guided me in a small circle. I looked up at him, watching him watch me. We seemed to breathe in rhythm as we took two steps forwards, two to the right, two to the left and two steps backwards.
"I never-" he started as he dipped me backwards slowly. I felt his hand find the small of my back as he guided me back up, revealing a solemn face. "-meant to hurt you with my words." He finished.
"What? Did you really mean to smack me around a bit?" I replied, wanting to joke and swat away all the butterflies that suddenly batted their tiny wings inside of me. They shuddered hopelessly as I felt Tommy take my chin in his hands delicately. Everything inside my head told me to walk away. But everywhere else told me to stay right where I was.
And what can I say? I'm a believer in democracy. So I stayed where I was as he lifted my head to look at him.
"I'm serious Jude." He told me as I let my head finally drop. After was seemed like an hour I looked up, with tears instantly in my eyes.
"Yea well…" I said simply, leaving the rest unsaid.
Hours later, literally hours, everyone had paired off into a couple and we were under the regiment and mercy of Troy. He had left Tommy and I a moment ago in a frustrated huff because I couldn't understand what he was saying because of the lisp he seemed to have contracted since Instant Star rehearsals.
It is not my fault!
He is the one who probably used penis enhancers on his tongue and that's why his mouth can't close over it to say a proper 's' anymore. I felt Tommy continue to look at me, although I hadn't undergone any face changing surgery in the time we had been together dancing, while I avoided his gaze.
I saw Spied standing as far away from Mason as possible, who only tried to close the distance. They weren't really dancing. It was like a sick and twisted game cat and mouse, except Mason's hat kept poking Spied in the face.
I saw Darius and E.J. dancing a little too close for my comfort as he leaned in to say something to her.
AVERTING EYES NOW!
Shay was with his flavor-of-the-week who tried to pull the Jessica Simpson tuna-or-fish bit earlier. I give her until Close Of Business today and then she's gone.
I saw that Portia had gotten her wish, as she snuggled against Craig, who didn't seem to mind in the least.
Liam had lassoed an intern in coming with his and he was currently trying to conceive a baby with her.
AVERTING EYES NOW!
I made the mistake of flicking my gaze over Pasty and Jamie who were to say the least, absolutely traumatizing. I think Pasty was trying to …mount him.
OH AVERTING EYES NOW!
I flung my head away from them, as Tommy chuckled softly. Kwest and Sadie looked more than adorable together and almost envied her. Kwest and Sadie clicked. Easily too, no complications. I watched them laugh together about something Kwest had said and I felt myself missing the way Tommy and I had been.
I looked away before I thought about Tommy any more and watched incredulously as Wally and Kyle didn't dance. Lucky bastards. Kyle tink-tink-tinked a steady beat against his cymbals while Wally's bass rung out low notes along with Kyle's beat.
I am so- "OW! God damn it!" I screamed.
What the hell is in my damn foot! I screeched and hollered as Tommy looked down at me worriedly.
"What? What's wrong?" I looked down at my foot to see a small piece of wood protruding from my skin.
"I have a major splinter." I told him as I hobbled to one of the benches that surrounded the rest of the room.
"I told you to keep your socks on."
"And I told you to shut up. We're even." I hissed lightly as I tried to pry the wood out, to no avail. I felt Tommy sit along side me and look down at my foot.
"It's really in there. Let me try." He offered. I was about to protest when he grabbed my foot. W
hat was the point of asking, if was just gonna do what he felt like any way? Idiot. Darius came over with a mildly concerned expression, I think he was still buzzed from his little number with E.J. But whatever.
"I've got some First-Aid stuff up the stairs. See, D's always thinkin'." He told us and poked the side of his head with a finger as if to show his brilliance.
Noodle, use your noodle. Noodle, do that noodle dance.
"Just hurry up, we're gonna pack up soon and I want a cover for the party. You just gotta pick a song Jude and Tommy you just gotta work that magic." I am not spending any more time with him!
"But! But what happened to Tommy being fired off my album because of conflicting personal interest?" I shouted, spitting back the words he fed to Tommy and I after we had gotten caught in the limo.
"That doesn't seem to be much of a problem any more, does it?" He asked with a malicious grin. "The walls are paper-thin T. Paper thin." He called to Tommy as he retreated back to the dance floor of life or whatever the hell Troy called it.
I looked up at Tommy, who had risen already, as he held out his hand for me to balance on. I grabbed it and hauled myself up, leaning against him slightly. And I did mean slightly, until he circled an arm around my waist and pulled me closer against his side as we trudged up the stairs. It was like a weird side shuffle thing. Except that Tommy looked like a ventriloquist and I looked like a tense piece of wood. Or something like that.
I couldn't really make sense of anything when he was so close to me and holding me so unwaveringly. Can I really be expected to? Well I guess I could since I'm supposed to hate him. I mean I do hate him. Just not as much…
Just when I was going to scream from his hipbone crushing mine all to painfully, he set me down gently on the landing. I limped as he held onto my arm and stood as he pulled out a chair for me. "Thanks." I whispered softly as he looked down at me seriously.
"Welcome." He replied while I watched a smile play in his eyes while his lips revealed nothing. He is so infuriating sometimes. I pulled my feet up, making them hover only slightly above the ground, and swung them back and forth as Tommy looked for the band-aids. Or whatever he was looking for. I watched my pair feet swing back and forth from my vision making me dizzy.
Back…Forth…Back…Forth.
And I thought about how Tommy and I swayed back and forth.
Together…Not Together…Together…Not Together.
Back…Forth…
Together…Not Together…
Back…Forth…
Together…Not-
"AH! Found it!" Tommy cried from somewhere in the distance. He came back with a roll of medical gauze and a pair of scissors.
"Gimme your foot." I was about to make a snarky comment or something we he just grabbed my swinging foot out of nowhere.
"Tell me if it hurts."
"How is not going to hurt?" Tommy looked up at me sarcastically. I almost mistook him for me for a moment there.
Good Grasshopper. I watched him gingerly touch the skin around the wood, padding it softly. I winced in pain but said nothing.
"What do you want for Christmas?" He asked me conversationally as he looked up.
"Shouldn't you be paying attention to my foot?" I asked, putting my guard up.
"Just tell me Jude." He coaxed. Fine, I break easily lately.
Actually I've always caved easily for Tom. Since day 1.
I did change my song.
And I did do that performance.
And I did apologize to Shay. I'm basically at his mercy.
But he's at mine too.
He came to my performance at my school, despite the fangirls.
He stayed at G-Major.
He went to the farm with me.
Quite a game of ping-pong we have actually.
"Well since I was a little girl, I wanted a pony. I still sorta do."
"A pony? I thought Sadie rode." He said. I didn't even notice him grip the piece of wood forcefully.
"How do you think she got into it? I rode first, she was just better and everyone paid more attention to her."
End of story.
Just like every other story.
Whatever, I'm over that. I love Sadie now. And she almost did Liam so I totally have that on her. Cue evil cackle here please.
"So a pony?" He continued.
"Yea, chestnut body. And a dark mane. I would probably name it…Sly." I told him, not realizing that he was inching the overgrown splinter out of my foot.
"As is Sly Stone?" He asked.
"Yea actually." I told him without a hint of sarcasm. How did he know that?
"Here." He said almost silently and reached out his hand. I opened my palm as he dropped the wood chip in it quickly. I looked up in disbelief.
"How did you…when?" I stuttered while he merely shrugged.
"Still hurt?" He asked lightly. It was my turn to shrug.
"A little." I told him even though it hurt like hell.
He looked back down at my foot and slowly ran a hand down it. It tickled ridiculously and I let out a shrill giggle. He smiled up and me as he pressed his thumb around the sore area gently. His thumbs alternated slowly, not really making my foot feel any better; but I couldn't say that about the rest of me.
And just as I felt myself going blissfully numb from the mesmerizing circles he traced along the heel of my foot, I heard an engine roar. And just as it registered, the huffing of the car faded off distantly. Tommy scrambled from in front of me, rushed down the stairs and slapped himself against the front doors.
"They're gone. We're stuck."
How much shit do people think I have to go around? Because they keep scaring it out of me like it grows on trees. Well I guess it technically could, if I ate trees or whatever. I just meant that he scared me. A lot.
"You're lying." I called down with suspicion.
"Believe it or not Harrison, I don't always lie. And they are really gone-"
"And we are really stuck." I finished, muttering to myself.
hmmm, I have so many things I want to happen and bunches of ideas are rolling around in my head. But please leave feedback tell me what you think!