You guys completely blow me away! I am so glad you liked the last chapter so much, and I was in a bantering mood when I wrote the chapter, so its full of Jommy quips and such. Hmmm, I'm trying to think if there are any other notes about the chapter, since it took me so long to get out. I knew exactly what I wanted to write and I even had some of the conversations in my head but actually writing it...different story lol. Well before I delve into the chapter, I have to thank
smileon ((Ah, I'm so glad you liked the chapter! I love to hear favorite parts becuase usually they were my favorite parts to write! I tihnk in a battle to the death between T-Bone and Tommy, there would be no smackdown. lol))
Tanya50801 ((I'm so glad you liked it!))
lileigh760 ((lol, it was a shocker, but I'm so glad you liked it!I miss T-Bone, I hope he comes back lol.))
romanma32 ((lol, I could see myself as the master of cruel and unusual punishment...or would it be mistress? I'm pretty sure that Jamie was emotionally manipulated by Jude, his whole damn life. I think it was the tattoo thing that tipped me off, plus I did that to one of my friends a few years ago lol. I'm glad you liked the whole Tommy-Jude-T-Bone thing, it was something I never thought I would ever write. I'm glad you read the author notes, I was really never sure if anyone did lol.))
Judeh05 ((I love birthdays, I love to make them as fun as possible! I seriously considered Craig, he would make Tommy even more jealous because I don't think Jude would be so repulsed to kiss him but I was like 'no he can't do that to Portia' and he's already cheating on Manny in retrospect and I didn't want to use any SME boys because I love them too much and I was left with Shay or someone completely different. And Shay thoughts led me to T-Bone and I couldn't not lol. But a Sadie set up would be more than hilarious! And I posted as soon as I could because I would hate to cause any deaths lol))
Varley990 ((Aw, you make me blush! I am so glad you like my fics so much! I think if the gang got stranded on an island, Tommy might be the first one eaten, he looks so edible. lol, that was weird but strangely true lol))
Shattered Images ((I am so exstatic that you like the fic so much! I love writing it, so it's wonderful to hear that people enjoy reading it! I hope you like this chapter just as much!))
Alexzgirl1 ((I really think Jude probably scores lower on the intelligence scale, in this fic and on the show. She definitely shouldn't have sold her contract and that drunk thing was really dumb. But I love her anyway lol, and in this fic...oh my God. She's insane. Yeah the whole loving T-Bone...not so much lol. I could love T-Bone...maybe. Unless he does kill Tommy and then yes, the funeral would be back on and that would be so sad. And if I had to burry you with Tommy, well that might not be so bad. As long as he was alive too, hehe. That might be fun actually. I think Jude will have to forgive Tommy some time, like outwardly because inwardly she already has. She was only mad at him for a little while. This chapter is longer than the other so I hope I can stall the whole finding a life thing. I think that right now Instant Star is basically my life lol.))
scott4eva ((I'm so glad you liked it! I love laughing in hee hee's. They makes me happy, hee hee.))
Latisha C ((Oh no! You have to know T-Bone. I'll give you the run down, he's from season 1. Part of Shay's possy, he asked Jude on a date for Shay and then broke the number one rule of the world to her at that dance they went to. It was sad and Jude cried lol. I love T-Bone, he's like a large teddy bear, except for the whole Shay thing. Well actually, Shay grew on me ever after the whole Sweet Sixteen debacle, I could forgive him because he's hot lol. Jamie really needs to grow a spine. Pasty probably coerces him into...dirty things. Oh bad thoughts! I thin I would hurt myself if I were stuck with the cast of That's So Raven, especially if they were all in character. I would saw my hand off to leave. I don't know why that would allow my exit but I would do it. I really think that the whole G-Major gang is like a bunch of bored teenagers, looking for amusement. Well half of them are, and the rest of them are old and feed off the drama. Especially Tommy and Kwest, they're addicted. I think Portia is probably the most intelligent of the group...sometimes. Other times she kindabitch, like the whole Sadie and Tommy thing. I hated them together but Sadie was mean and it was Portia's fault. ok this is really long, but I'm glad you liked the chapter!))
Duddley111 ((Jude was my idol when she pushed him lol. I probably already said that but I have a selective memory. I'm so glad you liked the chapter though!))
Ok, finally down to bussiness. Here's chapter 10. Wow, already chapter 10. That's insane, but I'm so glad to have you guys with me on the ride!
Chapter 10: Punches
Television has led me astray. Whenever two guys fight and a girl jumps on one of their backs, they stop. I merely got elbowed in the face. And it hurts like a bitch. I have been in so much pain lately, but whatever. Tommy went all Mike Tyson on T-Bone's ass, who didn't get why Tommy was wailing on his and just stood there for a few seconds before becoming the enraged bear that I knew he was kidding under his teddy bear exterior.
Then someone's tooth fell on the ground and I screamed louder until Darius finally came. So I am sitting in his office, nursing my newly reddened cheek and Darius is inspecting Tommy and T-Bone's mouths, looking for missing teeth. I think it's pretty safe to say that the tooth is Tommy's because Shay demanded that everyone in his possy ice out their teeth, even his dogs. And the tooth is bloody not diamondy.
It took him like twenty frickin' minutes to figure it out and then Darius finally sat down in his majestic chair with a loud sigh. Does someone need a spiritual recharge? I recommend he goes to the Dojo and stays there forever. He peered at me over his hands, almost accusingly.
THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!
"Any thing to say about this mess Jude?" Darius asked as he rubbed the bridge of his nose in exhaustion.
I should get him some Ambien, and if he sleep walks and sleep eats and gets fat…that's just an added bonus. Fat Darius…chilling. Cue shudder here. I looked up innocently, plastering a smile across my face. If it had been anyone but T-Bone, I would reach out and pat his arm lovingly…but it's still T-Bone no matter how many times I try to forget it.
"Oy with the poodles already."
"Excuse me?" He asked while Tommy's snort filled the air. I shot him a look before repeating myself.
"Oy with the poodles already."
"Jude." He sighed and reprimanded at the same time.
I think he is the one man who can chastise and be exhausted at the same time. Except for Charlie Brown's teacher, she always seemed to tired and worn out to me.
"What? I didn't have anything to do with this!" I shouted at him, my hands flying in angry gestures. I was a second away from reveling my bird to Darius.
"Are you blind?" He shouted back, spit flying everywhere. God, get a muzzle or something.
"No damn it! Stars Are Blind!"
"Are you ok?" Tommy interjected worriedly. Of course I'm not ok if I'm talking about anything Paris Hilton, in jest or not.
"NO! Do I sound ok?"
"Well…" He started warily. Damn right he should be wary, I am furious.
"Shut the hell up Quincy. You don't get to say anything! Are you completely brainless? Why would you hit him like that?" I screamed, raising my body to match the decibels of my voice. I stared at him, jabbing my fingers toward T-Bone, who was twiddling his thumbs like an asshole, while my whole body heaved with anger.
Tommy opened his mouth, small high-pitched grunts following. I was about to scream again when Darius cut me off. Stupid son of a bitch. And jeez, I am swearing a lot. It's sad. I'm turning into a less Latin version of John Leguizamo. I loved his before, now he is on the mess that has become ER, I watch it for Dr. Kovac now, there is no other reason.
"Can you guys just go and record that damn Christmas song and be cheery for one day?" Darius screamed.
Punches.
That is all I can think of.
Punches.
I really want to hit him right now. If I hear one more joke on TV about people demanding that other people be cheery while they yell and scream I will rip all the hair out of my frickin' head. And feed it to something.
"What song?"
"I am not going over this again Jude. Go with Tommy. No ifs ands or buts about it."
"What about Queen Latifa's butt? Could I auction that for a get out of jail free card."
"You are a damn Canadian! Stop talking about American made games."
"You are not a pregnant woman! Stop snapping at me like you are! Unless you are prepared to give an explanation for that growing bump!" I screamed back with just as much force. I could take him. I really could.
"Jude, I think we'd better go." Tommy coaxed and ushered me out with his hand on the small of my back.
"Any reason you felt like baiting Darius? That will only get you on the naughty list."
"Any reason you feel like making nauseating innuendos? That will only make me laugh at you more when you're not around."
"You laugh at me when I'm not around."
"Not all the time. Just with Kwest. And Wally. And Kyle. And Shay. And Spied. And Jamie. And my sister. The last four really have some vendettas for you Tom-Tom. By the way can I call you Tom-Tom?"
"I would love it if you didn't."
"Why bad experience with a nanny? Did she call you Tom-Tom while you hit it? Did your parents walk in?"
"What can I say? I Constantly Thank God for Esteban."
"Oh Esteban? Got a thing for Latin men? I heard Ricky Martin gets his bat up for fellow washed-out heartthrobs. And pictures of himself…and all men in general."
"I'll have to give him a call." I shot him a face. Why is he not reacting damn it?
"Back to the Tom-Tom thing," I started with my Dr. Phil voice while I clasped my thumb and forefinger together and slashed them through the air for emphasis before resting my chin in my palm thoughtfully, "is that was Chaz called out while you two were alone on the Boyz Attack bus? Or was it more of a male orgy thing with you guys."
"Hmm, I would say both."
Fuck it, I'm going all out.
"Then why did Portia file the divorce under irreconcilable differences? Don't you guys just share an irreconcilable similarity?"
"What do you mean?"
"You like the taste of co-"
"Jude, stop." He said frantically, pointing behind him. Whatever, loser. With a capital L. Loser.
"-cks in your mouth?"
"What are you talking about?" A voice demanded from behind.
"Go away Liam. You love it too."
Oh shit, I said that out loud.
"What was that Ms. Harrison?"
"It was my mistake. Sorry."
"Well if that was all it was…Darius wants you guys working on the Christmas carol right now."
"I haven't even chosen a damn carol yet!"
"Then I think it would be wise to choose one."
"I think it would be wise to shove a rod up your anus. Oh wait…already done! Can I suggest a sharp spork?"
"What is a spork?"
"A cross between a spoon and a fork. Do you like to fork it Liam?" I asked with innocent curiosity as I spun myself around to look at him.
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing." Tommy cut in. Why is he so antsy?
"We'll get right on it." Liam gave us a demeaning look that made me want to pelt him with flaming darts before he turned on his heel and left the studio, slamming the door behind him.
What a baby. And so is Tommy. I turned to him with a disbelieving look.
"Grow a pair."
"Loose a pair."
"Fuck a goat."
"Stop watching Steve Carell movies."
"Don't tell me what to do."
"Don't tell me what to do."
"Get stuffed."
"Get picking."
"What?"
"Pick a damn carol so we can record."
"Fine." He looked at me seriously for a moment before slumping back in his chair thoughtfully.
"So…T-Bone, eh?"
"Don't push it Tommy. I'm still pissed, when are you going to see that?" He sighed a throaty sigh, hitching in his throat like a propeller before flying out and shooting minuscule spit at me. It was tiny but it was there. Yuck.
"When are you going to stop treating me like crap?" He suddenly burst out, taking me by surprise. Well, well, well. Tommy doesn't like to be treated like shit? How surprising. Please engage in conversational intercourse with my sarcasm, he's such a smooth talker.
"Crap is a relative term, Quince." I told him dryly, letting his last name slip through my teeth meanly. Well not his real last name. But a form of his last name. Whatever.
"Jude, you're not even giving me a chance."
"Au contraire mon ami. I gave you many chances. You blew them faster than an easily excited sailor." Wow, that was graphic.
I think this a milestone. I have touched on all levels of sex with Tommy, gay, oral, anal and otherwise. I bet if I were Howard Stern that company would shut me down and I would have to get a deal with Sirius radio. That wouldn't be fun because I was watching Howard Stern on E! once and they had these stripping midgets and it was not fun to watch. Especially with my dad, I didn't understand why he wouldn't just go away. Or go to sleep. Or find the damn remote!
"That isn't true."
"Would like to bet me?"
"Yea, how about that."
"I bet you a bazillion dollars in Airheads that I gave you more than your fair share of chances."
"Can we bet with something realistic?"
"Like what?"
"A date. Give me today; no bias no obscene references to my sexuality or promiscuousness. And if I pass, I'll take you out. If I blow it like an enthused sailor then I'll leave you alone."
"You are worse than Nelly Furtado, but what the hell. I'm in a betting kind of mood. I just saw a House re-run and he was at the horse tracks." "When the hell do you have time to watch House re-runs? We were locked up for-"
"Like 5 hours. And I watched it a few nights ago. I have a life Quincy. I'm not a work-a-holic." I said, zipping my lips before I let another crack slide.
"Just shake on it with me." I am going to think about this for a quick moment…How is this going to work? How can one blow one's proverbial last chance? It is so perplexing that I can't seem to stop myself from referring to Tommy as one.
As in one entity or one person. Whatever. I have a feeling to a bottle of wine, plush carpeting and a perfected amount of suckage will not do the trick to blow this chance. Even though I don't think there is anything in this world that would persuade Tommy onto his knees, and possibly hands if it were really kinky, in front of another man. Add a wo in front of that man, and then I think he would be more willing.
"What does this deal really entail oh masterful one. And don't expect me to spit if I shake on it."
"When you shake on it."
"If I shake on it."
His smile faltered for a moment before he sidled up to me. "We could seal it with a kiss."
"And then T-Bone could skin you alive and eat your vital organs for a Tasty Tommy Snack." He grumbled incoherently, wringing his fists, before looking up again. I think he was going to change the subject but I'm not sure.
"Why don't we start from the ground up?"
Awkward avoidance for a thousand, Alex. What is my obsession with Jeopardy anyway? I think I would have a better chance at Wheel of Fortune. Except Pat Sajak scares the shit out of me, and Sadie was Vanna White for Halloween one year, so whatever.
"Well I don't know if that's such a great place for us to start. We have a shakier foundation than Lewis Black's vision. Do you remember the first time we met?"
"Girl, I won't ever forget it."
"Aw, normally I would melt on the spot if that romantic tone weren't such a liar. It would be convincing if you hadn't bitched me out that first day."
"If I recall correctly-"
"I wouldn't trust that thinker of yours. You're getting up there, old man. I mean even Uncle Jesse is like 'Woaw sporto, don't you wanna retire that leather jacket?' And I know that Uncle Jesse is your hair guru." Wow, he actually let me finish that. I expected him to cut me off before my brain even formulated that whole Uncle Jesse thing.
"If I recall correctly" he started again in dignified airs that Simon Cowell would giggle, "you were not the ray of sunshine you might think you were."
"Me? Little ole wide-eyed-golly-gosh-innocence, 15 year old me? Impossible." I swore.
Ok, even I have to laugh at that. I have a long way to go to make up for that sea of tears I seemed to cry every damn day. I would have bitch-slapped me long ago.
"As you like Miss Harrison."
"It's Princess Jude now. My title got bumped up when I married royal."
"William or Harry?"
"Charles of course."
"Ah of course. Please excuse my further ignorance your Highness, but what happened to Camilla?"
"She morphed into his mother while they were having sex so he came crawling back to me. Quite simple."
Hmmm, funny how I forgive Prince Charles universe so easily in my parallel and I put Tommy through the wringer. Whatever, it's fun. And that's the limit of thought I allow myself about this Tommy thing.
"So I see. How long with the royal courtship."
"Virtually non-existent. He insisted on whisking me away immediately."
"Which explains the lack of invitation I received. Or didn't receive…"
"Well of course. We had to keep attendance to a minimum. Minimize press. 500 guests for each of us. But don't worry, you were my 501."
"All is well then, I assume, my good lady."
"Yes, yes. Anon humble jester, anon with the bet already."
"Oh yeah," he said, freeing his strained voice as I puffed out a breath and slouched again, "let me see…you give me the rest of today in good graces. If I pass,"
"We go out."
"if I don't pass,"
"You leave me in peace and strip to the Macarena at the Ball." I watched his jaw slack as his eyebrows raised before his snapped his mouth closed on an amused grin.
"I leave you alone and strip to the Macarena at the Yule Ball." He repeated.
"Could we make it The Tootsie Roll? It seems more appropriate."
"Princess" He ground out with feigned sternness and a small smile tugging and twitching at the corners of his lips. I could jump him. I would do it and not think twice.
"Oh alright." I huffed as if it were a huge deal. "Eh Macarena! Have I told you about my theory that the Macarena is really Canadian and we should make more maple syrup commercials and the little bottles could dance to the song?"
He gave me a look that told me I hadn't and that he was glad I hadn't, even though I had just given him the basic rundown. "But one last thing. How do I bestow thee with a genuinely fair chance?"
That was actually a legitimate question. I should get a parade or something. But I was answered with Tom's coy grin as he shrugged his shoulders lightly. I was about to press the issue further when his chair suddenly glided right in front of me, his face inches from mine. His hand crawled discreetly up my legs, tickling me even through the thick fabric of my jeans, as I gulped loudly like Kermit the frog when Miss Piggy tries to cop a feel or seduce him. I never pulled myself to tear my gaze from his staring pools of blue and oh my God, I sound like a sapped up fishing commercial.
"I hope T-Bone won't mind if I borrow his girl." He whispered while his hand moved up to cup my cheek as his fingers stretched a few centimeters and tousled a blonde lock that had fallen in front of my eyes. I had a feeling that T-Bone wouldn't mind at all.
I let the breath I was holding out to circulate in the air as he pushed himself away, towards the soundboard. The wheels squeaked lightly as he pressed and fiddled with various knobs before a blasting riff pounded from the speakers and literally shook the ground. How did he do that? I mean make the soundboard manipulate the stereo system in the studio.
AV Geek anyone?
I can see dorky ass Tommy feeding porn into an old projector in his high school's AV room. I caught Jamie once. It was disturbing. I guess I should probably inform the Geek Squad about Tommy the Nerd and his technological aptness. Then he could have a special agent name and a badge and drive a buggy.
Like Sadie!
Oh the endless mocking…
"What is this?" I screamed over the deafening lead guitar.
"SME's take on Oh Holy Night." He shouted back as he shrugged his shoulders and waved his hand in the air, as if to say comme-si comme-ça since he speaks French and whatnot.
"A little rough around the edges" he continued, "but I can work with them." He finished. That sounded vaguely familiar…didn't he use that same line on Georgia. That's a little disheartening, he can't think of even a little variation for me?
Poor Tommy, I knew he puffed away all his brain cells.
Suddenly Kyle's cymbals crashed harshly and loudly as Wally's thumping bass willed stridently against Spied's piercing vocals. Poor Spied, he has that raspy voice that's nice for everything but screaming and trying to drown out other noises. I bet it could be sexy. But it wasn't. It hurt me.
"Oh hear the angels' voices. Oh night," Wally and Kyle crooned back up, repeating night as Spied attempted to pursue the end of the chorus. Whitney Houston will not be shaking in her boots. Ok, she might be shaking, but it's probably because of the massive amounts of drugs in her system…or the withdrawal. Well whatever it is, it's not because of Spied's um…tremendous vocal range. That has my ears seriously begging for some relief from the gushing bleeding. I looked over at Tommy, knowing a grimace was crawling over my features as he merely chuckled and then turned the volume up more.
More!
More of this?
I swear he is a masochist. Which makes me think that he and Pasty would be a wonderful couple…I am banishing those dirty thoughts now.
I swear, he says one thing and I can't stop repeating it. To myself and to other people. I think I told Jamie to banish his dirty thoughts a few days ago, in front of Nana and she flipped out and wouldn't let him watch The Office with me. I'm still apologizing for that, I have a feeling the sock puppets made another appearance. Damn Tommy.
"Oh, oh night! When Christ was born." Spied continued on with his massive hearing trauma of 2006.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of our communal ability to hear. There are truly only 4 senses left for us. Well 5 for you freaks who can see dead people. But whatever, screw you bitches. Sorry. But what if the Reverend Camden was actually like that. He would be hated by all of Glen Oaks and Assica Simpson, but it wouldn't matter because I would love him. What can I say, that wedge of baldness is just so enticing.
My ears suddenly rang and pulsated painfully as the music abruptly stopped streaming through the speakers. "Hey we were just getting to the good part." I called a little too loudly, trying to acclimate to the new silence, as I spun around to face Tommy who had swiveled towards the door.
Liam the Whore suddenly appeared with a fat ass binder in his hands. I guess he's up for more abuse. "What's in the binder? Potential lady friends?" I asked.
Why do people let me say stuff like that? I should have been fired ages ago, but whatever.
"List of jolly old carols. Darius' hand picks."
"I have to sing all of them." The two executives stared at me for a moment in silence, which was broken by Tommy's snort and Liam's small mutterings of stupid girl.
"Hey I-"
"She's not stupid, Liam."
Tommy growled with his gaze locked with Liam's. Woaw, talk about intense. And talk about chivalry. I melted a little bit in my seat, but Liam ruined it again. I want to punch him so hard that he can't tell his penis for a hole in the ground.
"No Jude. Pick one of them."
"Oh." Well that's easier.
"And Mr. Bone would like to see you outside."
"Oh." I said again and moved to get up, but I stopped at Tommy's interjection.
"No."
"Excuse me, Mr. Quincy?"
"No, she needs to stay here. With me. We need to find a carol."
"It'll just take a minute." I told him and walked towards the door.
"Mr. Quincy, I think we need to have a talk."
"Aw, a man-to-man. Who needs to know about the birds and bees here?" I asked, pushing my fingers between Tommy and Liam in the air.
"Go Miss Harrison." Liam said and I finally relented and walked out into the lobby to see T-Bone standing near Darius' door.
"Hey. I just wanna say sorry about before. I didn't know he would even react."
"Nah, no sweat. I had a feeling he would."
What? "What do you mean?" T-Bone merely chuckled knowingly.
It worries me that T-Bone knows something I don't. I think the extent of his high knowledge over me should stop at Shay's rating of his groupies/girlfriends. I have yet to find out my score. I think T-Bone is like D.J. Jazzy Jeff to Shay's Will. Hahaha, that was fun to say.
"Darius wants Shay to take you to the Yule Ball, shorty."
"There is not a shot in hell."
"Ok, then you can go with me. He thinks we're actually a couple." He told me wit a cheeky smile as he offered me a crooked elbow. Should I pretend not to see it? No, that would be mean.
I laid a soft hand on his massive tricep or whatever the hell it is. There's a reason I hate school. "I could make dat happen for you." He told me with another pert smile. He is not going to get any at this rate. Well he never really going to get any. He knows it.
"Don't push it T-Bone." I laughed out as he dropped his arms and my hand fell back to my side. "And fine. I'll go with you." I said forlornly, subconsciously letting my head fall back to watch Tommy in the studio. I guess I really wanted to spend the night with him, no matter what I said to the contrary. I turned back to see him smiling.
"Wanna make him real jealous?" He asked as if we were co-conspirators on a mission to…take Tom Cruise down. It been a while since I visited my old pal Tom. But after War of the Worlds, I kinda wanna stay the hell away from him and Dakota Fanning. I'm pretty sure that is illegal in every corner of the world. Dakota could take such advantage of Tom, it would be sad.
"What do you have in mind?" I asked in a similar tone. Screwing with Tommy is the most fun recreation I can think of. What is wrong with those soccer kids? And I know his fight with T-Bone was only the tip of the iceberg.
One time he duked it out with Lance Bass over a girl back on the nineties boy-band scene. I love the 90's Part Deux anyone? Portia told me the story once. Apparently it was like a Paris/Shannon kinda fight. Only less catty and more bloody.
Started at a bar with an ex/current girlfriend and then shit got ugly. (J.P. just makes things ugly to begin with. He had no bussiness in a boy band. He looked like a thinner version of frickin' Lou Pearlman but whatever).
And bruised (Drew Lachey got kicked in the stomach).
And broken (J.C. Chasez or whatever the fuck his name is, got punched in his face. Hence the crooked nose).
And hospitalized (Bruno got a bear bottle smashed over his head. That's why Bruno no thunk so great no more).
And stitched (A.J.: four stitches, Brian: eleven stitches, Kevin: nine stitches, roughing up the Backstreet Boys, priceless).
And shit may have even gotten amputated. (Portia told me that's why Joey got fat. Well he was jealous of Justin and Britney to begin with, so he drowned his sorrows in Ben and Jerry's Phish Food for weeks on end and then his body had to recover from the anti-biotics. Joey Fat-One just stuck).
"Leave it to me shorty." He told me cryptically.
Does T-Bone even know how to think?