oOo

The Doctor came to a stop in front of a metal door, one that was different to all the rest he'd seen on this TARDIS. With a glance at Tegan, who had been dragging her feet and was well down the corridor behind him, he pushed the door open. She remained in the hall as he examined the metal walls, the floors and ceiling, reluctantly edging closer until she was standing opposite the doorway, afraid to look in but unable to keep her eyes off him. She saw him carefully skirt the bed, not allowing so much as the edge of his jacket to touch it, then turned her eyes away.

But only for a moment; she couldn't help covertly studying him, in his newest body. She'd seen the Doctor regenerate once, early on, before she truly understood what it meant. Before she understood that it wasn't just a physical change, but a psychological one as well. He seemed different, which she had braced herself for, but not so different that she couldn't recognize him, glimpses of the man she'd traveled with, a certain way of holding his head or the way he so intently and single-mindedly examined her former prison.

The Doctor was muttering to himself, making rapid calculations and scribbling them down with a pencil stub on a page from a small notebook he produced from one of his pockets, his brolly hooked over one elbow. He appeared oblivious of her continued observation of his every move. "Yes, just as I suspected." He looked directly at her, startling her. "The particular alloys used here rendered you impervious to any kind of tracking device, completely blocked off your brainwaves and genetic signature. I doubt even the most intensive scan could have located you."

Tegan heard him, but found no comfort in his words; they only confirmed what she already knew. Instead, she found herself suddenly overwhelmed by the memories this room brought up. She was back, once again standing near the one place she'd sworn never to return to. The one place she never could seem to get away from. As when she'd brought Ace to see it, she was here voluntarily, but it was never going to be something she got used to.

"This is it. The room where I was raped." The words were out before she could stop them, and she hoped she didn't sound as pathetic to the Doctor as she did to herself; if there was one thing she couldn't bear it was the thought of being an object of pity.

He'd moved closer, at some point while she was fighting the past, was standing in front of her with a concerned look in his eyes. Unexpectedly, he reached for her hand, hesitating until she nodded her permission. His eyes held sympathy and nothing more. He squeezed her hand gently, raised it to his lips for a kiss, then hesitated again. She smiled at the cautious expression on his face. "It's all right, Doctor, I'm not skittish about being touched. Not by you," she admitted impulsively, then blushed.

"It's all right, Tegan," the Doctor said, deliberately echoing her words. "I'm not skittish about you, either."

"He didn't just hurt me physically." More words that came out before she could stop them, but the look of quiet expectation on his face made her throw caution to the wind; he already knew all the horrible things that had been done to her body, now was the time for her to share the Master's poisonous words as well, and by sharing them, hopefully free herself of their effects. "He said things, too. About me, about you..."

"Tell me." It was a request, not an order, and her kissed her hand again. Encouragingly. "I rather think it'll be something I'll need to clarify. Or refute." He placed a gentle arm around her, pulling her closer; with a sigh, she leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, surrendering to the temporary comfort of his embrace.

"He said, in essence, that I wasn't good enough for you, that I was too human for you to ever have feelings for," she whispered, ignoring the tears leaking from beneath her eyelids. "He knew how I felt about you, but he made me believe you didn't know. Or that you didn't care."

"Tegan, I always knew how you felt; I just never knew what to do about it," came his soft reply. He carefully wiped the tears away, brushing her cheeks with his fingertips. "I didn't know any way for us to be together the way you wanted--the way we both wanted," he amended. If there ever was a time for complete honesty, it was now. "I couldn't see how to make that happen without it ending up with you getting hurt. So I kept you at arm's length, and ended up hurting you anyway." He sounded bitter, and regretful, and Tegan's heart sang. Not that she enjoyed seeing him in pain, but because the Master's hurtful words had been nothing but that: hurtful words.

She'd unconsciously held her breath as the Doctor spoke, and let it out in another sigh as he fell silent. "I knew he was just trying to hurt me, to make it as bad for me as possible, but it felt like the truth, so I believed him."

"You were still that angry with me?" The Doctor sounded, not hurt exactly, but disappointed.

Tegan pulled out of his comforting embrace, the better to look at him. Directly, eye to eye. But still with his hand clutched in her own. "I was still that angry with myself," she corrected him. "For running away. For not giving you a chance. I felt stupid and ungrateful and even five years at home never changed that. So it was easy to believe what the Master told me, because I had come to think very similar thoughts over the years. And the longer he kept me here, without anyone coming after me, the longer I believed it was what I deserved."

"I never looked for you with the data retriever after Kyris told me you were dead." It was the Doctor's turn to admit a painful truth. "Romana's gadget was otherwise accurate; I confirmed the deaths Kyris shared with me by checking records. You have a death certificate, you were given a funeral...If I'd known you were still alive, Tegan, if only I'd checked on you again before giving up, all this might have been avoided." He glanced down at her stomach. "I'm sorry."

Her gaze followed his, then flinched away. "It's not your fault, Doctor. The Master made sure everyone thought I was dead, and he's the one who put his filthy hands on me, fed me drugs to make sure I ended up like this...And now it's too late," she said abruptly, the peace of the moment shattered as she contemplated her distended abdomen with an expression filled with loathing. "He's even made sure it's too late for me to get rid of this...thing he put in me."

The Doctor was distressed by her reaction. "Tegan, it's still your baby, too, no matter what the circumstances of its conception," he began, only to be cut off by her bitter laugh.

"Right. My baby." She pulled her hand away from his, clenching her fists. "The bastard child of one of the most evil men I've ever met, the product of rape. How could I ever love anything that came from that?" She rushed on before the Doctor could interrupt. "Besides, he only wanted to use this baby as a body; there was never any intention of the child being allowed to develop a personality, live a life of its own, so why should I have to take care of it for the rest of its life?" The hysteria was returning, edging her voice and bringing a tremble to her body.

The Doctor took her shaking hands firmly in his own, curled his fingers around hers until her fists reluctantly unclenched. "Tegan." He waited until he felt he had her attention, as much of it as she could spare. "You can't keep doing this to yourself. Try not to think of it as the Master's child," he urged. "Try thinking of it as..." Inspiration struck. "Try thinking of it as Nyssa's brother."

Tegan stared at him, her expression going from panicky to thoughtful. Unconsciously, she pulled her hands away, allowed them to settle on her stomach, palms exploring its rounded shape for the first time. "I'd forgotten," she whispered. "I'd forgotten it was Nyssa's father who's body he stole." She looked at him. "How could I have forgotten?"

"It was a long time ago and a great deal has happened since then. I'm sure you didn't actually forget, you just didn't need to remember it," was the Doctor's unhelpful response. "Until now, when it's important. When it's something that might help you remember that, no matter how the child was conceived, it's still a child. An innocent. Your baby," he stressed.

"Will you take me to Terminus?" He blinked at the unexpected question. "I want to see Nyssa, talk to her about this. See how she feels. If she can accept this baby as her brother, then maybe I can, too."

"I'm sure I can manage it," he said cautiously. "But I'm not sure when. I want to run some tests on Kyris and Ace, see if I can pinpoint exactly what the Master did to them. Once I have the test results, I'll be able to cross-reference the findings with the TARDIS database and move forward from there."

Tegan nodded. "Right. Whatever you just said, you do it. I'll wait. At least for a while." She looked down at her stomach once more. "But not too long. I need to see Nyssa as soon as possible, Doctor."

He heard the unspoken panic in her voice, and responded to that as well as to her words. "I promise."

"And Doctor?" He looked over at her, one eyebrow raised inquisitively. "Thank you. For everything." The panic was finally under control as she smiled at him.

He leaned forward impulsively and kissed her. She returned the kiss, her lips clinging to his for a long moment, but she was the first to break it as she leaned back and put her hand on his chest. "All the reasons you had for keeping me at arm's length, I guess I understand them a little better now." But she was breathless, her cheeks flushed, and her could hear her increased heartbeat.

"And they still apply," he finished. Regretfully. His own hearts had sped up, his own breathing was labored, and it took a moment's concentration to bring himself back to normal.

"Right." But Tegan looked uncertain, so he tucked her hand in his arm and led her away from her former prison. He'd taken advantage of a momentary weakness, and she'd been the one to exhibit the strength to stop things before they went any further; he had to make sure she understood she'd made the right decision. No matter how fragile she seemed right now, she was still made of steel underneath, and he was relieved the Master hadn't permanently damaged her.

"Time to get back to the others," he said firmly. "I have to perform those tests quickly, before Ace and Kyris hijack this TARDIS or my own and go to find Susan without waiting to make sure they're not a danger to her."