I didn't know where I was when I woke up until I saw Marco asleep in a chair next to me. He looked like he'd been crying. "Marco…" I whispered, when he didn't wake up, I reached my arm out. Shit... not good. I pulled my arm back instantly… I didn't have long sleeves on…he knows… god he knows now…"Marco" I said louder "Marco wake up…" I reached out and tapped his knee and pulled my arm back before he could see it.

"El…" he sat up in his chair "how u feeling?" he asked I shrugged.

"ok I guess… what happened?"

"that's what I wanna know… Ellie you have broken and bruised ribs and you needed stitches on you forhead… and…" he looked down to where my arms were covered by the blanket. I shifted unfomfortably.

"Marco…. I…" I couldn't say anything else

"Who did this to you?" I shruygged and looked down afraid to look him in the eye. He always knew exactly what I was thinking and I didn't wanna give him the change to guess. "El…" I started crying again "it was your mom wasn't it?" I shook my head slowly no when I just wanted to scream YES. "Ellie…El…look at me" He said forcimg my eyes to meet his "It was her… wasn't it?" he didn't need me to answer… he already knew… "El…" He reached out to give me a hug but I refused. I don't deserve his friendship…here he is… always here for me… and I can't even be happy for him and Dylan… I'm just being selfish… why can't I just be happy and normal…

"Marco…can I just be alone….please.."

"But El… you…"

"Please…" I interrupted. He looked at me for a second then sighed

"ok… I'll be out there if you need me"

"Marco!" Ashley said running into the hospital "Marco.. what happened…. How is she… is she ok?"

"I dunno what happened… she called me to help her with her stuff and when I got there she was on the floor in her living room…. I tried to wake her up but she wouldn't so I just called emergency… Ash… she's been beat up… she has broken ribs needed stitches but they say she'll be ok

"Who…"

"I dunno… Marco said before Ashley could finish her question

"I'm gonna go see her…"

"She kicked me out… she just watns to be alone…" Ashley just kept walking and ignored Marco. She came over and knocked on my open door.

"Hey Ellie…" She said with a smile "how are you?" I've just had the crap beat out of me by my drunk mother, I have no dad, my best friend knows I'm a cutter, and I feel worthless…oh yeah I'm wonderful…

"uh… good" I said Ashley came over to give me a hug and I backed away

"Ellie… what's going on…? Marco told me you were beat up…who did this?" I shrugged "and why are you staying with Marco? Did something happen with…" she paused like something hit her all of a sudden "…your mom…. She…she did this… she's still drinking…." Tears were streaming down my cheeks again. Damnit Ellie why do you have to cry so much… keep it together loser

"Ash… I just wanna be alone ok?"

"Ellie…"

"Ash…please…"

"but.. you…"

"JUST LEAVE!" I yelled. Now I was pissed... why can't everyone just leave me the fuck alone I'll be fine… Ashley just glared at me and left. A while later Marco knocked on my door

"you can go home in a few days" He said

"um… ok…" I wasn't really interesting in what he was saying…actually I just didn't care.

"and they uh… they want you to go to therapy because of…" he looked down

"why? Because of my arms? Ok yes I cut myself so fucking what? I already hate myself enough for it I don't need everyone to tell me it's wrong. They just think I'm some freak that has coping issues and wanna ship me off to therapy… like that's really gonna halp… Souve doesn't help… why would anyone else?"

"El… they just wanna help…"

"no they don't… fuck them… they just wanna act like they're the greatest person in the world and they know everything about you when in reality they have no idea what the fuck is going on in your life and all they want is their weekly check… I'm fine on my own… I don't need to pay anyone to tell me that I'm depressed"

"Ellie… you're not fine… you're hurting yourself… that's not fine…"

"Marco… I'm ok….I promise"

"Why"

"Why what?"

"Why do you do that?"

"I…. I just….. do…."

"let me see…"

"Marco… " I couldn't say anything else… I couldn't keep lying to my best friend… I moved the blanket off my arms and showed them to Marco. I didn't know what he was thinking… for the first time since we became friends I couldn't read him… I didn't know what he was feeling… He thinks I'm a freak… he thinks I'm a loser… what the hell was I thinking showing this to him… I'm so stupid I…and then I noticed something… Marco was crying... he was crying for me….

"Ellie…. Why…. Why couldn't you just… just….talk to me… "

"Marco… this isn't the easiest think to talk about… like… Hey marco how's your day been by the way I like to cut my arms open when I feel like shit… yeah right…" I just rolled my eyes and put my arms back under the covers.

"I could help you…. I mean… now that… now that I know… I'm here for you El and you know that…. No matter what… I'm here" yeah… except when you're with Dylan…I subconsciously rolled my eyes and he noticed. "What was that for?" he asked

"oh… no… nothing.."

"Ellie…."

"it's just that you and Ashley are always busy with your own lives… I mean you have Dylan and she has Craig and I dunno… I dunno what I'm saying…"

"El…as much as I love Dylan… you're my best friend and I'm never too busy for you… I'd skip out on Dylan in a second if I knew you needed me" We stayed in silence for a while until a nurse came in. She kicked Marco out since visiting hours were over. He said goodbye to me and that he'd be back tomorrow.

I woke up the next day to the sunshine. Why do they keep these stupid rooms so bright… a little darkness isn't bad… I groaned and sat up with a lot of difficulty

"Hello Eleanor" I looked around and there she was… my mother… sitting in the chair in the corner of my room….