Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the property of Dick Wolfe and NBC.
As Olivia walked Casey down the hallway toward the young woman's apartment she kept her arm wrapped firmly around the ADA's waist letting Casey's tired body use her for support. Casey was still a little unsteady on her feet partially because of her emotionally drained state and partially because of the physical soreness from the bruises and the rape itself. Olivia knew Casey was too proud to admit that she was in pain but the detective was extremely grateful that so far Casey hadn't rejected the older woman's help.
When they reached Casey's door her hands fumbled with the keys as if she was having trouble getting her hands to work properly. The keys eventually fell to the floor and Casey groaned in pain as she attempted to bend down and pick them up.
Placing a reassuring hand on Casey's arm Olivia retrieved the keys and opened the door. When Casey didn't step inside right away Olivia looked up and saw a look of frustration and another emotion she couldn't identify in Casey's eyes.
"Hey.", Olivia said reassuringly, "your body just needs some time to heal, Case. Let me help you."
Olivia was actually surprised when Casey didn't protest and instead leaned back into the detective for support. This was the same woman who after having her appendix removed last year refused any help from any of the squad and as a result had managed to rip open her stitches while grabbing a coffee mug off a top shelf. It was hard for Olivia to see her friend this way. … the fire gone from her eyes. Olivia knew that eventually the old Casey would emerge again but she also knew it was going to take some time and Olivia promised herself that she would be there to make sure that happened. She refused to let Casey give up on herself.
Once inside the apartment Olivia guided Casey to her bedroom and helped her sit down on the bed.
Olivia gave the young red head a small smile. "As stellar as those hospital sweats are why don't we get you into your clothes huh?"
Although Casey didn't respond and had seemed to have fallen back into her almost catatonic state, Olivia rose from the bed and walked over to the dresser removing a pair of underwear, flannel pants, and a long sleeve t-shirt that she knew to be Casey's favorite.
As she lay the clothes next to Casey on the bed, she noticed the ADA had her arms folded and was rubbing her triceps as if she was cold.
Speaking the first words she had spoken since they left the precinct, Casey didn't look up but turned toward Olivia and whispered, "I can still… I can still f-feel him on me, L-Liv… his sweat… h-his breath… his…". Her voice trailed off.
Olivia squatted down in front of the red head and placed her hands on her knees. "How 'bout a shower.", she offered and then stood extending her hand.
Helping Casey into the bathroom she retrieved a clean towel from the closet and placed it on the sink along with Casey's robe.
"Do you need any help?", Olivia asked gently.
Still looking at the floor, Casey shook her head.
Olivia reached over and turned on the shower before giving the attorney's arm a squeeze. "I'll be right outside. Call if you need anything."
After receiving a nod from her friend, Olivia quietly slipped out closing the door behind her.
As she walked back into Casey's bedroom she flopped back onto the attorney's bed and laid there for a moment as tears sprung to her eyes. Knowing Casey wouldn't be back for a few minutes the detective finally allowed herself to release all the emotions that had built up inside throughout the day. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she allowed herself to cry freely but silently. She pictured Casey's broken body lying on the ground of the bathroom stall. She pictured the pain in Casey's face when she finally looked up at her for the first time; the fear in her eyes during the hospital exam; the pleading look on her face during the interview when she was seemingly begging Olivia not to put her through it.
After allowing herself that temporary release the detective knew she had to pull herself back together. Right now this wasn't about her. It was about Casey and Casey needed her to be strong for both of them.
Forcing herself up off the bed Olivia walked over to the kitchen, splashed cold water on her face, and then padded it dry with a paper towel. It was when she removed her gun and badge and placed them on the kitchen counter that she finally noticed the time on the microwave.
She hadn't realized how long she had been lying on Casey's bed but was surprised to see that an hour and a half had passed.
Walking back over to the bathroom door she became concerned to hear the water still running. Cursing herself for letting her guard down Olivia gently knocked on the door and waited for a response.
When she didn't get one she knocked a little louder. "Case? Honey, it's Liv. Are you okay in there?"
Still no response.
Now thoroughly concerned Olivia placed her hand on the door knob. "Casey? It's just me. I'm coming in…"
Olivia opened the door and was blasted by the thick steam and overwhelming heat. She stepped in cautiously to see the hospital sweats strewn across the floor and the shower curtain drawn.
"Casey?", Olivia asked again, "Are you okay?"
Carefully peeling back the shower curtain, Olivia's heart sunk. Casey was wrapped tightly in her bathrobe sitting on the floor of the tub completely soaked as tears streamed down her face.
Olivia cautiously knelt down making sure to keep her movements slow as she wasn't sure Casey had processed her presence yet.
Reaching into the shower to turn off the water Olivia winced as the almost searing hot water hit her forearm.
Olivia looked up somewhat started when she heard Casey speak.
"I c-couldn't… I couldn't…", Casey stumbled in a raspy voice, "I'm sor… I'm sorry."
Olivia gently reached over and pulled the wet strands of red hair off of the young woman's face. "Shhh… it's okay honey. Don't apologize."
Olivia stood up briefly to grab the oversized towel off the counter before kneeling back down.
"Come on, Case. Let me help you.", she said offering her hand, "You're going to freeze in there".
Casey reluctantly held out her hand and allowed Olivia to help her out of the shower.
"I'm sorry." Casey repeated hollowly while Olivia wrapped her in the towel and helped her discard the drenched robe.
Holding both of the young woman's shoulders Olivia bent her head down until Casey looked up and met her eyes. "You have nothing to apologize for.", Olivia said simply and paused for a moment to let her words sink in before guiding the red head back to her room.
Handing Casey her pajamas Olivia turned her back in search of something for herself to wear as well as to give Casey some privacy while she changed.
After putting on a pair of Casey's pajamas she turned back around to see Casey curled up in a ball on her bed. Olivia walked over slowly and sat down next to Casey.
"Do you want to talk about it?", she asked gently as she stroked the young woman's hair; a gesture that she had noticed seemed to comfort the ADA.
Olivia let out a small sigh when the red head shook her head but as soon as she stood up she heard Casey's voice.
"Please don't go.", Casey said weakly.
Olivia nodded, gave Casey's arm a quick squeeze, and started to walk to the other side of the room to turn the light off.
"Liv?", Casey began hesitantly, "Could you… could you leave the light on?"
Without saying a word Olivia turned around and walked to the other side of the bed lying down on her side facing Casey. When she noticed Casey's body shift backwards as if searching for the detective, Olivia slid closer and began stroking the smaller woman's hair again to let her know she was there.
Several minutes passed and neither woman said a word until Casey finally spoke up in the same quiet voice Olivia was becoming accustomed to.
"I lied.", she whispered.
Olivia hesitated for a moment before propping herself up on her elbow and moving her hand to Casey's upper arm.
"Lied about what, Case?", she asked.
Casey was quiet again for a few minutes and Olivia thought she had abandoned the conversation but then Casey spoke again.
"I wasn't raped.", she whispered plainly and then started to cry.
The declaration taking Olivia by surprise she paused for a second before gently pulling on Casey's arm.
"Casey look at me.", she instructed as the red head allowed herself to be turned over until she was facing the detective but not looking into her face.
Olivia tenderly wiped the tears from her friend's cheeks with her thumb.
"Sweetheart…", she began slowly unsure of where to go with this, "honey, what are you talking about? I was at the hospital with you…". Olivia's voice trailed off.
"You don't understand…", Casey mumbled still staring at the comforter between them.
Olivia reached over and guided the ADA's chin up forcing the younger woman to look at her.
"Help me understand then, Case.", she said compassionately.
The detective watched in confusion as the tears continued to fall down her friend's face.
"I… I d-didn't… stop him.", Casey choked out but then continued before Olivia could interject. "I didn't… I didn't say anything, Olivia. I didn't tell him no. I didn't bite him or scratch him or fight him. I froze. I… I couldn't breath. I couldn't… move. I did nothing."
Casey pulled her head away from Olivia's hand and stared back down at the comforter in shame. "I… I… l-let h-him."
Casey's declaration hit Olivia like a ton of bricks.
"Oh Casey! Sweetheart no… you didn't let anyone do anything!".
She immediately reached for her broken friend and pulled her into a tight embrace.
"Honey, what happened to you…", the older woman said firmly, "he had NO RIGHT to do that to you. This is NOT in ANY WAY your fault. I promise you that. You did not ask for this."
Olivia sighed and began to speak more gently, "Casey, from what you told me you were in shock. He had you physically restrained. You didn't have to say no, sweetheart. No one has any right to hurt you like that. Ever."
Olivia felt Casey's sobs begin to subside though she continued to remain in the detective's protective embrace.
Olivia leaned her cheek against to the top of the attorney's head and rubbed her back surprised at the somewhat maternal instinct she was feeling. Though Olivia soon realized that Casey was done talking for the night, Olivia refused to let herself fall asleep as if by staying awake she could protect the young woman in her arms from her demons.