Hi again! I thought this would be the last chapter, but again, it just got too long and unwieldy, so there will be at least one more chapter. I didn't get a lot of reviews for the last chapter so I'm not sure if people are tiring of the story. Maybe I should have ended it earlier, but since I didn't, I want to see it through to the end. Hope there are still a few of you reading! And, remember, I live for reviews, so if you read, please review.
The Future – Part III
Karen sat cross legged on the living room floor in her condominium surrounded with cookbooks. She was looking for new recipes to create the perfect menu for her dinner with Bill and she was amazed at how much fun she was having. She had just flipped to a recipe for pecan-crusted salmon that looked particularly good when her phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, Karen saw that the call was from her youngest child, Danielle.
"Hi Dani," Karen said not realizing how happy she sounded.
"Hi, Mom. You certainly sound cheery for someone whose city was just attacked by terrorists," Danielle commented.
"I think I deserve to sound happy. We won. The terrorists are all either dead or in custody."
"I guess that's one way to look at it," Danielle agreed. "How many hours did you end up working?"
"I lost count. It was over 24 hours, though. I started out yesterday morning at my office and then I was sent to the counter terrorist unit here in LA around 9 o'clock last night. I was there until after 12 this afternoon," Karen told her.
"You must be exhausted! Why aren't you sleeping?"
"I slept for a couple of hours, but the phone woke me up around 5 o'clock and I haven't been able to go back to sleep."
"What are you doing now? It sounds like you're looking through a book. I can hear the pages rustling."
"I'm flipping through some cookbooks looking for new recipes."
"I thought you didn't cook any more."
"I don't cook for myself," Karen admitted. She took a quick breath and decided to tell Danielle about Bill. "I'm having someone over for dinner next week and I wanted to make something special."
The statement was met with silence. "Do you mean that you're having a dinner party for friends or that you're having one person over?"
"It's just one person."
"Can I assume that person is a man?"
"That would be the correct assumption."
Danielle moved forward cautiously. "So, who is he?"
"He's the director of the counter terrorist unit. His name is Bill Buchanan."
"Tell me about him."
Karen found herself smiling and feeling like a teenager. "I don't know what to say. He's a couple of years older than me. He's tall and handsome. He's got incredibly blue eyes. He's intelligent and compassionate. I don't know what else to tell you," Karen said suppressing the urge to giggle.
"You know the divorce isn't final yet," Danielle said in a cool voice.
"Honey, I'm not sure that's relevant," Karen tried to maintain her composure. She wasn't going to be lectured by her daughter about dating, but by the same token, Karen knew how close Danielle was to her father and how hard their divorce was on her. "Dani, your father is in Paris living with his lover," Karen said bluntly. "I'm not sure why you think I'm not allowed to date."
"It's just that… I don't know…" Danielle stammered. "It's just that nothing's final yet. What if Dad decides that he was wrong and he wants to get back together with you? If you're involved with someone else he might be afraid to tell you. I just don't want to see you jump into anything, Mom." Karen could tell by the tremor in her voice that Danielle was trying hard not to cry.
"Dani, that's not going to happen. Honey, look at this realistically. Your father has been involved with Blake for twenty years. He was the one who filed for divorce. Do you think he's suddenly going to come to me and say, 'I've decided that I'm not gay and I think we should get back together.'? Even if he did, I would say 'no'."
"You're kidding me! Are you telling me that after almost 25 years of marriage if Dad wanted to reconcile that you would refuse," Danielle asked incredulously.
"Yes, I would. The two main ingredients for marriage are love and trust. Your father may have loved me once and I certainly loved him, but he betrayed my trust by cheating on me for the last 20 years. How could I ever trust him again?"
"He wasn't really cheating on you, Mom," Danielle said emphatically.
"He was having sex with someone else, Danielle! It doesn't matter that the someone else was a man. It's still cheating!" Despite her attempt to stay calm, Karen lost her temper. "I'm sorry if you're buying the bullshit that your father is selling. He can call it anything he wants, but having sex, any sex, outside of your marriage is cheating. God forbid that this should ever happen to you, but if it did, I think you'd see it my way." Karen took a deep breath and continued in a calmer tone. "Honey, I know you love your father and I'm not asking you to stop. I just want you to understand the reality of the situation. Your father is living his life and enjoying it and I deserve to do the same. That means if I want to go out with someone, I'm allowed to. Your father and I have been separated for a year now and this is the first time I've even thought of going out on a date. I'm finally starting to put my past behind me, Dani, I wish you could support that."
"I suppose I understand," Danielle conceded, "but that doesn't mean that I'm happy about it. For the record, I don't support what Dad is doing either and I've told him that."
Karen sighed. "Honey, this has been hard on all of us. I know how close you are to your dad and that has made it particularly hard on you, but you need to come to terms with it. Our divorce will be final in a matter of days and I'll be single again. Dating again after all of these years isn't easy. Please don't make this harder for me than it is."
With neither having anything to add to the conversation, the two said good night pleasantly and disconnected. Karen leaned forward with her elbows on her knees and put her face in her hands. Tears involuntarily streaked her face. She couldn't believe that something so benign as a dinner date could have become so complicated. She also couldn't believe that anyone as put together professionally as she had always been could be such an emotional wreck over her personal life.
Karen was beginning to compose herself fifteen minutes later when her phone rang again. This time the call was from her older son, Jacob. She got the picture. Danielle hung up from her and called Jake. Now Jake was calling to add his two cents worth. Karen wasn't in the mood for more of the same but decided that she would have to face it eventually and that now was as good a time as any.
"Hi, Jake," she said in a strong voice.
"Hey, Mom. How are you?"
"I'm doing okay. How are you?"
"I'm fine, but I didn't just go through a terrorist attack," Jacob told her. He followed in his mother's footsteps and worked for the FBI. Where Karen's role had been more administrative, Jake worked in computer forensics.
"The fact that we survived it still amazes me, but we have some incredibly dedicated agents and thanks to them, we did survive it," Karen told him softening up a bit. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe Danielle hadn't called him after all.
The two made some small talk for a few minutes before Jake confirmed her original suspicions. "I talked to Dani a little while ago," he said.
"Oh, you did. What did Dani tell you?"
"She said you have a date next weekend. She was pretty upset."
"She made that pretty clear to me," Karen said unemotionally.
"Look, Mom, I'm not here to argue with you. I told Dani that she was wrong. You have every right to date."
Karen nearly dropped the phone she was so surprised. This wasn't going at all like she expected. "Thank you for defending me."
"I wasn't really defending you. I think you're capable of defending yourself. I just want you to know that I support you all the way. Nothing would make me happier than to see you firmly entrenched in a good relationship. I hate to think that you're out there in LA all alone and I don't want you to be lonely. I hope everything works out with this guy."
"Thank you, Jake. I appreciate your support. I think it's a little early to be using words like relationship, but I really like Bill and I'd just like to have someone to have dinner with occasionally or maybe go to a movie. I'm not sure that I'm ready for romance just yet."
"Whatever you're looking for, Mom, I hope you find it. Don't worry about Dani, she'll come around. By the time I got off the phone with her, she was already warming up to the idea."
"I hope so," Karen admitted. "I don't need her permission to live my life the way I want to, but it would be nice if she approved. I want you all to approve."
Karen found that her mood had improved significantly as she finished her conversation with Jake and went back to recipe hunting. The conversations with two of her three children swirled in her brain and she wondered if Bill had gotten any resistance from his daughter or if he had even told her about their date. This whole thing might be more complicated than she had originally thought, but at the moment it seemed worth it. She smiled as she glanced at the calendar and mentally counted the days until the next Saturday. On paper it looked like an eternity but in reality it would be here before she knew it.
Bill and Karen had several business conversations in the aftermath of the terrorist attack. A long conference call between Karen, President Gardner and Secretary Heller, who was recovering surprisingly quickly, resulted in Gardner reluctantly leaving CTU as part of the CIA and not rolling it into Homeland Security as Bill had feared. Karen made sure that all of the credit for resolving the terrorist attack was given to Bill, Jack, Curtis, Chloe and Audrey and admitted that she and Miles had, at times, worked against the best recommendations of the CTU staff. Karen was pleased that the call had the desired result: Bill remained CTU director and was commended for his work that day.
With much to do at both CTU and Homeland, the days until their dinner passed quickly for Bill and Karen. Bill found himself just an hour before he was to arrive at Karen's, standing anxiously in front of the closet deciding what to wear. This is stupid, he thought. This is something women do. Men just pick out the first thing they come to and put it on. He finally decided on khaki slacks and a green polo shirt that had thin navy blue stripes running through it. He knew that he made the right choice when he walked out of his bedroom just as Elise was walking out of hers.
She had her sleeping bag and pillow in one arm and a backpack with clothes in it slung over the opposite shoulder. "You look nice in that, Dad," she told him approving of his choice. "Green's a good color for you."
"Thanks, Ellie," he said. Knowing how concerned Elise had been about his going out on a date, he tried to be low keyed about it, but the truth was that he was surprisingly excited about having dinner with Karen and he wondered if he was doing a good job of covering it up. Elise hadn't brought the subject up again and Bill decided not to talk about it unless she brought it up first.
Bill dropped Elise off at her girlfriend's house. "Have a good time tonight, okay," she said as they walked to the front door.
Bill was surprised that she said anything. "Thanks, you too," he replied as nonchalantly as possible.
Elise stopped walking and looked at him realizing that he thought she was just saying that to be polite. "No, really, I mean it. I know I acted really crappy about it at first, but I thought a lot about it and I really want you to have a good time."
"Thank you," Bill said as he turned and hugged her. "That's a very mature attitude. I'm proud of you and I love you." They reached the front door and Elise kissed her father good bye before running into the house with the other girls.
"See you in the morning. I love you, Dad," Elise called over her shoulder.
A half hour later, Bill was standing at a different front door. This one belonged to Karen Hayes and he found himself strangely nervous. Karen answered the door and, it seemed to Bill, that she was as nervous as he.
"Bill, come it," she said in an exaggerated fashion as she took his jacket and hung it in the closet. "Make yourself at home. Can I get you a drink?" Funny that two people who never allow their nerves to get in the way at work should be so awkward when they are alone together, Bill thought.
Bill handed her two bottles of wine. "If you'd like we can start with the wine."
"That sounds great," Karen said as she took the bottles from him. "Make yourself at home," she said again, not able to think of anything else to say.
Bill stood looking around the comfortable living room while Karen went into the kitchen to pour the wine. He spotted a framed photograph of three young people on one of the end tables and picked it up to inspect it further.
"Those are my kids," Karen said as she came back into the room. Bill couldn't miss the pride in her voice.
"Good looking family," Bill commented.
"Thank you," Karen said as she handed Bill a glass of wine. She pointed to the blond haired boy in the middle. "That's Jacob. He graduated from MIT last year with a degree in computer engineering. He's working for the FBI now in computer forensics."
"Impressive," Bill said sincerely.
Karen continued. "Nathan's on the left. He's a senior at American University. He's going to go to law school at William and Mary in the fall."
"Wow! That's quite an achievement, too," Bill told her.
"That's Danielle on the right. She's a freshman at Villanova majoring in international business and Spanish."
"Well then, she's got your looks and your brains. She's very pretty."
"I'm afraid that she's not very happy with me at the moment."
"Really?" Bill wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to get too personal and ask why but Karen had opened the subject up as if she wanted to talk about it.
She turned away and looked out the window for a moment. "She's not happy that I had a date tonight. She's got some misguided idea that her father might want to reconcile. She's always been her daddy's girl. You probably understand that phenomenon better than I do." Karen sighed quietly. "She's never accepted that her father is gay. And she's still under the impression that Brian is going through some kind of weird phase and that he's going to wake up some morning and decide that he wants his old life back. I told her that it wasn't going to happen. He's been with Blake for twenty years. I don't think you can consider that 'a phase'."
"I'm sorry, Karen. I didn't mean to complicate your life when I asked you to breakfast that morning."
"Don't apologize. Let me worry about the complications. My sons are both fine with it. Danielle just needs some time to adjust. How does your daughter feel about you going out on a date, if I might ask?"
Bill smiled. "She was a little upset at first and she had what I like to call a meltdown. I think she's over it now. When I dropped her off tonight she told me that she'd thought it over and she hoped that I'd have a good time. So, I guess that means that she's coming around."
"Do you have a picture of her? I'd love to see it," Karen asked.
Bill pulled out the same two pictures that he had shown to Collette Stenger. Karen scrutinized them for a few moments. "She's lovely, Bill. She's got your eyes, that's for sure." Karen continued to look at the pictures and finally shook her head. "She reminds me of someone I've seen before, I just can't figure out who."
Bill knew that it was just a matter of time before Karen realized who it was that Elise looked like. He decided that it was best to be honest with her now. "Let me show you something," he said as he retrieved his PDA from his jacket pocket. He opened the palm and pulled up a picture of Collette Stenger that he had downloaded the night she was arrested. "Do you recognize this woman?"
"Of course, that's Collette Stenger," Karen said as she shrugged, not quite understanding what he was getting at.
Bill took the close up picture of Elise and held it next to the image on the PDA. Karen's eyes flicked between the two faces and finally back to Bill's. "Elise looks just like her," Karen said, the importance of that statement still not quite sinking in.
"I met Collette Stenger in Germany fifteen years ago when she was using the name Ava Stroebel. She was a secretary at the US embassy." Bill could see the proverbial lights go on in Karen's head.
"Collette Stenger is Elise's mother?"
Bill closed his eyes and nodded. "Yes," he whispered almost inaudibly. "Once I came back to the US, I lost all track of Ava. I had no idea that she had become an international information broker. At the time I fell in love with her, I knew she had communist ties, but," he sighed, "I was so in love that I just tried to ignore it. Other than that I thought she was harmless. You know the rest of the story. Eventually she became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. I convinced her not to and I brought Elise back to this country to raise her."
"Oh, Bill," Karen whispered, stunned by his revelation. "I had no idea."
"No one does. In the briefing that Chloe gave the night we arrested Collette, she said that there was a rumor that she had a baby by a CIA agent, but there was no proof. That's the closest anyone has ever come to knowing the truth."
"Didn't your colleagues in the CIA know? How did you keep it a secret?" Karen asked.
"I didn't really have a personal relationship with most of my coworkers. Ava was a communist sympathizer. If they had known that I was living with her, it would have ruined my career. Once Elise was born, I did everything I could to keep it a secret, but it all started to unravel. I had one very close friend at the CIA. He was my supervisor, Nick Granger. I finally broke down and told Nick the truth. I assumed that he would fire me on the spot, but I didn't care at that point. I was exhausted from work and trying to take care of an infant. All I wanted to do was take Elise and go home to my family."
"Granger obviously didn't fire you."
"No, he was very gracious. He told me that the CIA had put too much time and effort into training me and he didn't want to lose me. So, he helped me get a transfer to CTU in New York and he arranged for a forged birth certificate that didn't have Ava Stroebel's name on it and a passport for Elise. She and I moved to Connecticut and that's the end of the story."
"Until now."
"That's right."
"Does Elise know about her mother?"
"No, I can't bear to tell her. How do I tell her that her mother has spent the last twelve years selling state secrets to terrorists that have resulted in the deaths of hundreds of innocent people all over the world? I can't do it, Karen. That child's been hurt enough by her mother. There's no way that I'm telling her this."
Karen nodded. "You're probably right. Collette's going to be in prison for a long time and after that, she'll be deported to Germany where they'll probably try her for any crimes that the statute of limitations hasn't run out on. I generally support telling kids the truth, because if you don't and they find out, they're twice as angry. In this case, I suppose that not telling Elise is a safe thing to do."
"Can I assume that my secret is safe with you?" Bill asked hoping that the anxiety he felt wasn't coming through in his voice.
"Absolutely. I'll never tell anyone, Bill. You can count on that," she told him sincerely. As she said it, she put her hand gently on top of his.
"Thank you, Karen. You don't know what that means to me." Bill turned his hand over and squeezed hers warmly.
Dinner conversation lightened up considerably after their very serious cocktail conversation. The two talked about family and careers and hobbies and dozens of other inconsequential subjects. It was almost one in the morning when Bill finally got up to leave.
"Karen, I had a wonderful time," he told her as he donned his jacket. "I'd like to see you again."
"I feel the same way," Karen said smiling. "Can we get together next weekend or do you have plans?"
"I don't think I have any plans. Elise has a soccer game on Saturday morning at 11 o'clock, but I should be free after that."
"I'd like to meet Elise. What if I met you at the soccer game and then the three of us could go to lunch afterward."
"Are you sure? I can't guarantee what kind of reception you'll get from Elise."
"I'm not asking for guarantees. I just think that it might be best for her if she gets to know me and understands that I'm not a threat to her."
"It sounds great to me. Let me talk to Ellie and I'll see how she reacts. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know," Bill suggested.
"Then it sounds like a plan. I'll wait to hear from you," Karen replied.
They exchanged a friendly good night kiss and Karen stood in the door watching as Bill walked toward the elevator and out of her line of sight.
Bill drove home with the memory of the evening strong in his mind. He replayed conversations and looks and smiles and wondered if Karen was doing the same thing. He also considered how he was going to bring up the idea of lunch with Karen to Elise. Her initial reaction to his going out on a date had taken him by surprise, but so had her words earlier in the evening when she said that she hoped he had a good time. Since there was just no way of predicting what the 12 year old would say or do, he might as well just put the thought out of his mind and worry about it when he picked her up in the morning.
Karen was engrossed in cleaning up the kitchen and reliving her evening with Bill when her phone rang. She answered without looking at the caller ID.
"Hello," she said absently.
"Hi, Mom."
"Hi Dani," Karen returned. "What are you doing calling so late? It's four in the morning on the east coast."
"It's midterm week. I'm studying."
"Oh, I get it. Pulling an all-nighter. I remember those days," Karen said. "So what's on your mind or do you just need a break?"
"I thought I'd call and see how your dinner date went."
"We had a nice time. Thank you for asking."
"Did you kiss him good night?" Danielle's voice hinted of amusement. Karen didn't care if her daughter found it funny. It was better than her being hostile.
"I don't kiss and tell," Karen retorted.
"Good come back, Mom, but I'll take it as a 'yes'!"
"You can take it as whatever you want," Karen said laughing.
"Does that mean it was more than a kiss?" Danielle asked. "Oh my God! Did I interrupt something? Is he still there?"
"Yes, you interrupted me washing dishes and no, he's not still here. He left a few minutes ago. I guess we need a set of rules now that I'm dating. I don't ask what you do with your dates, so you don't get to ask what I do with mine. How does that sound?"
"It's a deal," Danielle agreed.
"So, I get the impression that you're not quite as upset as you were ten days ago. Am I right?"
"I calmed down and thought about it. You're right. It's still a hard adjustment to think of my mother as 'available', but I guess you are. Did you get the final papers?"
"Two days ago," Karen replied her voice suddenly quiet and sad. "You're right. I'm officially available now."
"I'm sorry, Mom. I've spent the last year feeling sorry for myself. But it suddenly occurred to me how you must have felt when you got the divorce papers in the mail."
"It's not like I wasn't expecting them. It was a strange feeling when I actually held them in my hands. I ended up opening a bottle of wine and drinking most of it in the next couple of hours. Then I cried myself to sleep."
"Oh, Mom, why didn't you call me? I hate to think you were miserable and all by yourself."
"Nobody could help me though it. I had to do it myself. After I had a good cry and a good night's sleep and a hell of a hangover, I felt a lot better," Karen was smiling now. "I'm okay, Dani. I wasn't so sure about it for a while, but I'm okay now."
The next morning brought gray, damp weather and a prediction for at least another two days of rain. Bill looked out the kitchen window and watched the rain not caring at all that the sky was the color of molten steel. His evening with Karen had gone better than he could have hoped and she was interested in meeting Elise. The whole thing made him smile as he grabbed an umbrella and went out to the car to go and pick up Elise.
Within less than fifteen minutes, Bill and Elise were on their way home listening to the rain pound on the car roof. Elise settled into the passenger seat, closed her blue eyes and let her head rest on the seatback.
"Didn't get much sleep last night, did you?" Bill asked
"Maybe an hour or two this morning."
"Why do you call those parties 'sleep overs' if no one sleeps?" he asked in an amused voice.
"It's a girl thing, Dad," Elise explained. The corners of her lips curled into a smile, but she didn't bother to open her eyes.
"Okay, I get it," her father replied.
Elise opened her eyes and turned to look at him. "You don't really get it, do you?" she asked giggling impishly.
"No, I don't," Bill told her. Now he was laughing, too. "I guess it's just one of those things that a guy doesn't understand."
"I guess so, too," Elise agreed now laughing harder. "Admit it, Dad, some days you wish I was a boy."
"Never," Bill said unable to suppress a smile.
"You're a terrible liar!" Elise exclaimed, peals of laughter filling the car. "Admit it! Somedays you wish I was a boy."
"Okay, occasionally," Bill said. He loved it when she laughed like this over something so simple. Her laugh was like the tolling of church bells to him, filling him was a sense of happiness that was like none other. Bill stopped laughing and his voice became warm and gentle. "But only for a fleeting moment or two. Then I remember all the things I love about you being a girl and I wouldn't want it any other way." He took his eyes off the road for a moment to look at her and make sure that his remark had hit home.
"Thanks, Dad," Elise returned in an equally serious voice. Her tone lightened up again quickly. "So, if I were a boy, what would you have named me?"
"You're not a boy, so it doesn't matter," Bill told her.
"But what if I was? What would you have named me? Would I have been William, Jr.?"
Bill thought quickly and smiled. "Ellis," he said coming up with the closest male name to Elise that he could think of.
"You're lying again!" Elise started laughing. "I can tell. It's a good thing you don't go undercover, because the terrorists would know in a second when you were lying. Tell me what you would have named a boy."
"I don't know," Bill said truthfully.
"You didn't have a name for a boy?"
"No."
"Did you know that I was a girl before I was born?"
"No."
"Then why didn't you have names for both a boy and a girl picked out?"
Bill knew that he was going to have to do some quick thinking to give an acceptable answer to this question. How could he explain that her name was an afterthought? "I didn't name you until I saw you. Then I decided that you looked like an Elise." That seemed an acceptable answer.
Elise's laughter had now subsided and her tone was serious. "So, you chose my name. My mother didn't have anything to do with it?"
Bill didn't like where the conversation was going. "Yes, I chose your name."
"Does my mother even know my name?"
She didn't until ten days ago, Bill thought. "Yes, she does," he answered.
Elise turned and looked out the window at the rain for a long moment. Bill sat silently watching the windshield wipers rhythmically swish the rain aside while he waited for the traffic light to turn green. He was surprised when Elise turned back toward him and spoke.
"How was your date?" she asked. She sounded genuinely interested.
"It was very nice. We had a nice evening."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Very good. She made some of the best salmon that I've ever had."
"Are you going to see her again?"
"I'd like to. In fact, I wanted to ask you about that."
"You don't have to ask my permission," Elise reminded him.
"I know that. Karen suggested that she come to your soccer game next week and then we could all go to lunch together. I told her that I'd have to discuss it with you. Would you like to meet her?"
Elise shrugged. "I guess that would be fine. I mean, I'll have to meet her sometime. Right?"
"It's up to you, Ellie. If you're ready to meet her, then I'll tell her that next Saturday is fine. If not, we'll do it another time when you are ready."
"This sounds kind of serious if you want me to meet her."
"I don't think it's serious at all, but we're in the process of getting to know one another. You're the most important part of my life. For that reason, Karen and I both think that it's important for her to meet you."
"Does she have kids?"
"Yes. Three."
"When are you going to meet them?"
"Probably not anytime soon. They all live on the east coast," Bill explained as he pulled the car into the driveway.
"She really wants to come and see my soccer game? We're playing St. Mary's. We always lose to them."
Bill smiled. "I don't think the outcome matters. I think meeting you is the important part of the game. Do we have a deal?"
"It's a deal," Elise said. "Can we go to the new Mexican place near the soccer field? They're supposed to have great burritos."
"I'm sure that'll be fine," Bill told her as they stepped out of the rain and into the warm, dry house.
"Cool. Tell her okay," Elise said dropped her sleeping bag and backpack near the door and ran off to her room carrying her pillow. "I need some sleep. Wake me up in a couple of hours."
Bill watched her go. The world of a 12 year old girl was an amazing thing. Their fifteen minute drive home ran the gamut from hysterical laughter to sullen silence and everything in between. How could she do it? Amusement over Bill's inability to understand young girls was replaced by the hurt of rejection by her mother. That in turn was replaced by the idea of meeting this stranger who her father was so taken with. It was enough to make Bill dizzy and have one of those fleeting moments when he wished Elise was a boy. It passed quickly, though, as it always did and Bill again smiled at the fact that she was a girl, she was his girl.