Chapter 4. Home

There it was. The wardrobe that had caused her all the pain. The passageway between her world, and the Narnia. The one thing she hated and loved the most at the same time.

Susan shook her head. She didn't hate the wardrobe, it wasn't what had caused all the pain. She hated herself. How could she have let it all some to this? She no longer knew what to do. She had no home, and that was all that mattered.

It didn't matter that the ground she was standing on was now hers. Or that she had 600,000pounds at her disposal, or that she finally saw the wardrobe again. All that mattered was that she was alone, and she didn't want to be alone anymore.

Susan held the wardrobe door and closed her eyes. I believe. She thought, and she opened the door to reveal no wood, than the wood at the back of the wardrobe. Susan sighed, and began to cry.

All she had ever wanted was to be the best. She wanted to be the most popular, the coolest, the most beautiful. And she had always gotten what she wanted. But now, the one thing she wanted most was to be with her family in Narnia. She knew they would be there, Aslan surely would have saved them.

Susan climbed into the wardrobe, shut the door, and then curled up into a fetal position and sat in the corner. She still had the key, and she wished in all her being that it could open the wood behind her, so that just once more she could feel the soft snow at her fingertips, or smell the cold air that circled the woods.

But no, there was no Narnia here, though Susan now knew that there was a real Narnia, somewhere. She looked at the key in her hand. The key was useless now, it had served it's purpose and it had failed. There was no longer a Narnia in the wardrobe, and the only Narnia Susan knew now, was the one in her heart.

Susan stared at the key. Useless. It is useless, just like me. She thought and she sat up in an upright position and raised her sleeves to reveal her thin wrist. She cried a bit more though, she didn't know if she could live anymore. She lowered the key.

Slowly at first, then rigid and fast later, Susan sliced away at her own flesh, with the key that had been her only hope.

Susan had stopped crying now, no one would miss her, she was sure of that. Those whom she loved were all gone, and only Mrs.Macready remained. But Susan knew that Mrs.Macready would be fine, and so would Aria. Aria would probably be happy about it so that now she had something she could gossip about to her friends.

This realization only made Susan tear away at her flesh faster. It didn't hurt at all, the only pain she felt was the pain in her heart, and no one could take it away.

Minutes passed, and Susan began to feel weak. She slowly dropped the key. She could have bathed in the large amount of blood she had already spilled, but she didn't care, she could feel her life ending, she was glad, it was finally all over.

She closed her eyes, and felt her spirit leaving her body. But she didn't expect to feel what occurred next. She had expected to feel a large amount of heat and pain, but what she felt was not an overwhelming heat, a but soft, gentle warmth. She opened her eyes. She was dressed in her gown that she had worn the day that she had become queen. Susan looked behind her, and saw her own body, surrounded in a large pool of blood. Susan cried and shook her head, she shouldn't have ended her life. She was so young.

But as Susan surveyed her surrounding, she noticed that she was not alone anymore. In front of her stood Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Eustace, Jill, an old lady about the professor's age and most importantly, the professor. But they all backed away as she saw one of the faces she had missed most. Aslan.

"Welcome home child." Was all he said, but that was enough to make Susan cry. One last time.

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