Chapter 5 – Master Revan

"Shut up! And stop moving!" barked Revan.

Atton sat on the pilot's seat, his arms crossed, and looked extremely displeased. Revan was hunched over him, cutting his hair. Dustil sat in the co-pilot seat playing pazaak, and Atton glanced longingly at the cards. Lucky kid… why doesn't she pester him instead? At least he knows her. I may have worked for her years ago, but I still barely know this woman; and what I do know about her, I hate!

"I really don't see why this couldn't wait till I went to get a real haircut on Coruscant," he grumbled, begrudgingly settling himself back into position.

"I told you!" she snapped. "I'm not stepping off the ship with someone that looks like a short Wookiee. Now stop moving!"

"If I end up looking horrible, I will hold you directly responsible." This is ridiculous. If she wanted to torture me that badly, she could have picked a method I'd have enjoyed more… like ripping off my toenails…But this is sadistic.

Revan laughed. "I don't think you could possibly look any worse than you already did. When's the last time you got a haircut? A bloody year ago?"

"Something like that," said Atton, looking unconcerned. "It's not like I had anybody to impress."

"Clearly!" scoffed Revan. "I guess it's pretty easy to stay true to a woman if nobody else will want to have anything to do with you."

Atton turned around quickly. "Hey!" he retorted hotly, his face red. "It's not like I didn't get any offers. I got the offers, lady." Well, at first anyway… before I started waking up in Nar Shaddaa gutters on a regular basis. "I'm able to show some restraint, believe it or not…"

"Is that so?" laughed Revan. "Then I guess you have changed… I remember how you…"

Atton glared at her, and significantly glanced sideways at Dustil. Yes, please Revan, please tell everyone how I used to kill Jedi for you! "How you… well," she continued awkwardly, "how you had a thing for me…"

"Don't flatter yourself," snapped Atton rolling his eyes and turning back around. "Just because you thought I was hot doesn't mean it automatically works the other way around." How could I possibly think she was hot? She had that helmet and that cloak and everything. Hell, I could barely tell she was a woman. She's hot now, but I'm not about to tell her that! He rolled his eyes. When are we going to find Jena? I need someone to remind me that not all women are schuttas.

Atton and Revan both sulkily remained silent for a few minutes. The only sounds heard were those of Revan cutting Atton's hair and of Dustil flipping his cards. This silence is killing me. I think I'd rather be arguing with the woman. "So tell me, your Lordship…" he said sarcastically. "You left Carth behind when you went to the Unknown Regions the first time not to endanger him… what made you decide to bring him with you this time? No longer care about his safety?" Still pretending to pay attention to his game, Dustil peered interestingly at Revan from the corner of his eye.

"Well, this time I know where I'm going, and which areas to avoid…" replied Revan, ignoring the venom embedded in Atton's comments. "Plus most of the trouble has died down – which is why Jena and I were coming back. Also I don't expect too many problems. I figure Jena's just stranded somewhere… it's just a simple rescue mission."

Atton scoffed. "Is there ever such a thing?" he asked, glimpsing up at Revan as much as possible without moving his head.

Revan looked down at him thoughtfully. She sneered. "Good point," she admitted reluctantly through tight lips.

"Also," insisted Atton, happy to be gaining the upper hand, "I'll have to point out that if it was a simple rescue mission, you probably wouldn't be bringing all these people with you."

She glanced down at him again and started to look as though she was trying hard to repress a smile. "Good point again! Can't really hide much from you, can I?"

"Not really, no," shrugged Atton, smiling smugly.

"All right, fine!" She laughed exasperatedly. "To be honest, I didn't really want to bring Carth… I mean, I did, but I didn't know if it was such a good idea… But he talked me into it. I… well, I don't know if you've noticed, but I think I might be a little whipped." She wrinkled her nose as she uttered the last part.

"It's kind of hard to miss," quipped Atton. Biting his lip, Dustil quickly gathered up his cards and exited the cockpit so he wouldn't start laughing. Revan smacked Atton upside the head. "Hey!" he protested. "I was only agreeing with you!"

She peered at him through narrow eyes. "Yeah, well, you should be one to talk. If I'm whipped, you're even more so."

"Let's leave me out of this," he said, retreating to high and lofty grounds. "I'm just not buying your explanation, Revan. I mean, you left him once…"

Revan closed her eyes and shut her mouth with a snap. She took a deep breath and whispered harshly, "But I couldn't leave him twice." She opened her eyes and continued ferociously, "I mean, he proposed to me, Jaq! What was I going to do? Say no? Really break his heart and then leave him again for another five years?"

Atton glanced at her for a moment and said slowly, "You weren't really coming back for good… were you?"

"No," admitted Revan quietly. "No, there's still… more to do… But Jena was coming back. I was going to make sure of that. She was killing herself out there. Well, you saw the holo she left on T3… She must've lost half her weight since she showed up. Well, maybe not quite half, but you know what I mean. She just wasn't strong enough. It's weird – you'd think that those years of exile would have made her tougher, but she's not…" She shook her head.

Mical's words came to Atton's mind. You are her one weakness. Atton felt something churn in his chest. "Is it… because of me?" he asked dully.

"No, of course not!" replied Revan a little too promptly, avoiding his gaze.

Atton laughed sardonically. "Funny, I would have expected the Dark Lord of the Sith to be a better liar than that."

Revan quickly turned her eyes back and stared at Atton blackly. "I said it's got nothing to do with you, egomaniac. I think that maybe when she was exiled, she didn't really care about anything and probably had a death wish… and ironically enough, that's what let her survive. Now she actually cares about herself, so she's being more careful… and by being more careful, she's being less careful."

"Did that last little sentence make sense in Sadistic Sith Lord language? Because it didn't to me," quipped Atton.

Revan glared. "I mean she's less likely to just jump out there and do what she has to do. She… hesitates and second guesses every one of her actions, and you yourself must know how dangerous that can be in battle." She's keeping something from me… She was lying earlier. It does have something to do with me; I know it! I bet… I bet Mical was… He sneered at the thought… I bet Mical was right. I'm a liability. I'm the reason why this has happened to her.

Revan peered at him curiously. Atton immediately focused his thoughts on pazaak. Revan frowned but smirked inexplicably. "Anyway, that's… why I was sending her back," she concluded. "She wasn't able to focus properly anymore and she was wasting away. I care about her a great deal; she's a good friend. We had other Jedi come join us: some of the others who sensed what was going on. Jena was supposed to leave after she did this one last thing for us. But when she didn't come back… Well, I looked for her for a while – went where she was supposed to go, but couldn't find any trace of her. So I came back to look for you. I figured that with your bond, you'd be the one person who could find her; and it's very important that we do. I went back to Telos because that's where she said you would be. Only when I got there I found out you'd left." Her eyes dropped suddenly. "If I had known, I wouldn't have gone to Telos at all."

"But then you wouldn't have seen Carth," stated Atton unnecessarily.

"Exactly," she said, lowering her voice guiltily and carefully avoiding Atton's gaze. "The look in his eyes when he saw me… I knew I couldn't leave him again. Even I'm not strong enough for that." Well, this is strange… she almost sounds… human. He frowned. I can certainly relate to what she's saying… I wouldn't be able to leave Jena twice. Hell, I barely managed it once.

"So what are you going to do?" he asked, his voice sounding almost sympathetic, although he still tried to look annoyed. "…After, I mean."

Revan shook her head and shrugged. "I still have to figure that out. I could leave, but I might lose Carth forever, and I can't have that. I could bring him along, but that would endanger him, and I can't have that either. Or I could just stay, but I'm still needed out there for a while anyway… I just don't know." She seemed weary and disheartened for a brief moment, and then suddenly recovering the demeanor she normally saved for Atton, asked, "So tell me… what's the deal with you and Mical?"

Atton's face grew somber. "What do you mean?"

Revan let go of Atton's hair, folded her arms and silently stared at him significantly for a moment. Atton laughed a little. "All right, all right…" he said begrudgingly. "Do they teach you that look at the Jedi Academy? Jena always used to look at me in the exact same way when she wanted to get me to tell her something. Fine. Let's just say that Mical and I have a bit of a… history." Noting that Revan had stopped cutting his hair, he quickly took the opportunity to dig into his robes and pull out his pazaak deck.

"A history?" Revan asked, returning to her task. "What kind of history?"

Atton absent-mindedly pulled the top card from his deck and started twirling it between his fingers. "The kind where we're both in love with the same woman," he said casually.

Revan dropped his hair again. "Oh."

Atton laughed bitterly. "I bet you're starting to regret bringing us both on board now, huh!"

"No… I mean, I guess it just makes sense now. Though I never dreamed… He seemed like he was above that sort of stuff. Wasn't he practically raised by Jedi? You'd think…" She frowned and pursed her lips. "He was on Telos when I came back… he came from Coruscant to help with the restoration, I think… And when he overheard me talking to Carth about going to save Jena, he insisted on accompanying me." She stared at the pazaak card spinning in Atton's hand as one mesmerized. "I didn't really question his motivation… He said he had helped Jena out over a year ago, and he wanted to help us find her."

Atton stopped twirling his card and a mocking smile slowly developed on his lips. "Ha! He must've been disappointed to know you were going to bring me along too."

"Actually, no, it was his idea."

Atton frowned. "His idea?" Why would Mical want to help me find Jena? Something's not quite right… He shifted his weight slightly from one side to the other. This chair is pretty uncomfortable when I'm forced to stay in one position.

"Well it was… sort of…" She stopped and grimaced slightly as she looked at Atton's hair. One side was shorter than the other. She gathered up some of the hair on the longer side and resumed cutting. "I mean, like I said, I figured you of all people would be able to help me track Jena down and I wanted to bring you along seeing as she talked about you so damn much… Of course that was before I knew who you were…" Atton shot her a black look from the corner of his eye. "But to be quite honest, once I discovered you weren't on Telos after all, I didn't have the first clue where to look for you. Then Mical came along and said where he thought we'd be able to find you, and insisted we went to go get you."

"Oh… well, that was… decent of him," he admitted reluctantly. Something is definitely not adding up… I wonder if he did this just so he could use me to find…

"Wasn't it?"

"Are you almost done up there?" asked Atton, suddenly annoyed and shifting his weight again. "Cause my leg's starting to fall asleep."

"Patience, patience, young padawan," replied Revan condescendingly.

"Yeah, well, I'm not your padawan, so stuff it," said Atton sulkily as he carefully set down pazaak cards on his lap.

"That's true," conceded Revan lightly. "But…" She hesitated. "But I suppose you could be…"

Atton turned and faced her quickly, his cards dropping to the floor. His hair slipped out of Revan's fingers as she was about to cut it, and a cry of protest escaped her lips. Ignoring her, he asked fiercely, "What are you talking about, I could be?"

Revan glowered at Atton. "Not if you keep acting like this, you won't… I could've cut myself!"

Atton scoffed, pointing out her various injuries. "Yeah, like it would be so much different from the blaster burns and the vibroblade scars, and the… I don't even know what that is…" he added, referring to a mark on her neck. Revan brushed her fingers against the wound he pointed at.

"It's a burn from a lightsaber that got just a bit too close. It burned off some of my hair too – took forever to grow back."

Atton seemed somewhat relieved. "Oh, okay, cause for a second I thought maybe it was a hickey that Carth gave you," he commented with a disgusted look.

"A hickey? What are we, twelve?" Revan laughed, but quickly grew serious again. "All right, look: it's not that I really want to do this. Force knows that if nothing else, this little conversation we've been having has shown me that neither of us is particularly crazy about the other… partly because we remind each other of who we used to be, and partly because… well, you're kind of an ass, Jaq. I'm also not particularly keen on taking on a student…" She glared at him. "Especially not one like you. But even leaving you out of the equation, I'm not fond of the idea, because, to be quite honest, who the hell am I to say what Jedi should and should not do? As you're already aware – and how you insist on painfully reminding me incessantly – I've, well, made some mistakes in the past, to put it mildly. Some people might argue it would make me qualified to teach, while others might say the opposite. Personally I'm not… extremely comfortable with the idea – not because I don't think I can handle it, but because it makes me feel like… well, a bit of a hypocrite to tell people to follow the Jedi teachings when I rejected them myself in the past. However, desperate times call for desperate measures, and…" She wrinkled her nose and glanced down at Atton depreciatingly as he bent down to pick up the cards he had dropped. "To be quite honest, you need it. Hell, even Dustil's had more teaching than you, and we're not bringing him out with us. The way you looked when I picked you up, I'd say you haven't even touched your lightsaber since Jena left." Atton opened his mouth to protest, but Revan interrupted him. "Don't. You don't need to say anything – it's written all over your face. You might know how to shield your thoughts… and shield them well, might I add… but you might want to work on hiding your emotions more. You have a face that's pretty easy to read."

"Yeah, Jena said the same thing," admitted Atton begrudgingly, not liking the fact that Jena and Revan seemed to have yet another feature in common.

Revan was pensive. "That's odd… I don't remember you being like that at all."

Atton snorted. "Yeah, well, maybe that's because back then I could be killed for showing what I felt… not that I felt much of anything." He frowned. "I've been meaning to ask… how come you remembered me? I thought the Jedi Council wiped your memory out or something…"

"They did," replied Revan quietly. "I've just… started remembering things… after the Star Forge, after… Malak." She shivered as she uttered his name and briefly closed her eyes. "I gradually remembered more and more. I still don't remember much about my childhood, about my family… but I do remember everything since right before the Mandalorian Wars." She paused and for a moment looked as though her thoughts were a million miles away. She then shook her head violently. "But what am I babbling like this for? You're trying to change the subject, and it won't work, Jaq. Now will you let me train you or not?"

Dammit, she's on to me. Atton hesitated. He felt tempted to accept, but something was holding him back. He played his final card. "But I… I already have a master. I couldn't possibly…"

Revan smirked. "Aw… Jaq, you are so adorable when you're monogamous!" she mocked.

Atton scowled at her. Stop pretending like you know me, like you know what I'm about.

"I'm just teasing you," she quickly retracted, sensing the darkening of his mood. "I actually do think it's sweet that you're so crazy about her. Honest. Anyway, you can have more than one master, you know… and you'll be relieved to learn that you don't have to sleep with all of them either."

Atton opened his mouth to protest, and closed it again when his eyes met Revan's. She looked at him mischievously. He shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Well, all right, I guess I earned that comment… still a cheap shot, though." He tried his best to remain angry, but somehow could not quite manage it. That was a pretty good dig after all…

"Well?" Revan smiled expectantly.

Atton stopped to think. Well, I suppose it can't be all bad… I mean, Mical was right, I don't even know if I still know how to use my lightsaber anymore. If I want to help Jena, I'll have to know something. I sold my blasters that day I lost all my credits at pazaak, so I can't even rely on them either. Plus I could do worse. At least I know Revan won't be lecturing me day in and day out about that stupid Jedi Code. Force knows I don't want to turn into Mical, mumbling stuff about how there's no passion. But I don't know… I have a bad feeling about this… Do I really want to spend that much time with the Dark Lord? He repressed a sigh. But Jena needs me…I can't let her down…

"Yeah, all right," he said out loud, a little reluctantly.

"Excellent. And don't worry," she said teasingly, noticing his reluctance. "Jena's still your master too… I'll just be your backup one till we meet up with her again. Anyway, I'm done with your hair now. Let me look at you… There's the Jaq I remember. You look a lot better. I wasn't afraid of stroking your already overblown ego, I might even say you look hot again. I'll get Carth to take over in here. Come on, handsome… you, me, cargo hold."

Atton raised his eyebrows and snorted. "You sure you want Carth to know about this?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, young padawan. Now, follow me."

"Come on… show me what you got!" said Revan, beckoning at Atton.

"You know, Rev, if you wanted me to get my mind out of the gutter, you might want to consider rephrasing a little…" said Atton grinning insolently.

"Will you just take out you damn lightsaber already!" snapped Revan.

Atton promptly unhooked his lightsaber from his belt. He had been trying to put off that moment as much as possible. When he and Revan had started out by sparring without weapons, he had fondly hoped that it would remain that way for the rest of the day. He hadn't used his lightsaber since… since… He frowned. When is the last time I used it? Must've been on the way to the shuttle for the Ravager. Thinking about it reminded him of Jena… Jena, who had clasped his hand and kissed his cheek before boarding the shuttle… He sighed.

"Focus, Atton!" ordered Revan.

Atton snapped out of his daydream. "S-sorry."

"You really do need to learn to focus… I mean, your fighting's good from what I can tell so far, but you need to learn to concentrate a bit better on what you're doing. If we were really fighting, I probably could've killed you about five times by now." She shook her head disapprovingly.

"If we were really fighting," Atton chimed in, "I wouldn't have been thinking about…" He abruptly stopped.

"About Jena?" she said sharply. "Well what if she was in the same room? Worse, what if she got wounded and you were concerned about her? Would you be able to take your mind off her then? That's something you have to work on… because you're not going to be any good to her if you get yourself killed. I'm starting to think it's a damn good thing you didn't come along with her when she left. I know she wanted you there with her… and I know you wanted to come along. But you'd have gotten killed on your second day because you would have been too distracted by her… and you would have endangered her too."

"I know," said Atton quietly. "That's why I decided to leave when I did."

Revan switched off her lightsaber. She looked at him gravely. "Well, it's good to know that you do sometimes make the right decision. Now come on. Let's get this going… and FOCUS!"

Atton brandished his lightsaber for the first time in a year and a half. Is it even still going to work? I don't know, the number of time it fell on the floor because Jena unhooked my belt… He shook his head. No, focus! He switched it on. Hey, well at least it still works…

Revan glanced at it admiringly. "Viridian! Nice color!" She turned hers on again. "All right now try to hit me."

Atton took one step forward and his training came back to him in a flash. He smiled. He knew he could still make Jena proud.

Their sparring lasted for a few minutes, until Revan called it off. "Good stuff!" she said, a little surprised. "You're not a lost cause after all. Like I said, concentrate and you'll do fine." Atton switched his lightsaber off, smiling tiredly. I have to admit… This does beat getting drunk every night…

"Liah?" said a voice coming from the hallway.

Revan turned to look at the door. "What is it, flyboy?"

Carth walked into the cargo hold. Well, it's a good thing you knew what we were doing in here, because I'd hate to have to explain to you what I'm doing in the cargo hold with your woman, all sweaty and out of breath.

"Hey beautiful… Um… there's a bit of a problem." Carth seemed a little concerned.

"A problem?" asked Revan apprehensively. "With what?"

"With the hyperdrive. It's gone offline. We've dropped out of hyperspace. We have to do an emergency landing."

Revan turned to Atton. "Wow, you just bring your good luck with you everywhere you go, don't you?" she sneered.