Chapter 2

Hermione was thrilled. She was looking forward to every letter of her pen-pal, Demetrius. They had corresponded for five months now, and it had brought a sparkle and joy in her life she had not thought possible. They did not always agree in their discussions on the various topics, quite on the contrary. Sometimes these conversations resembled duels, not with swords, but with words as foils. He was very intelligent and had a dry wit. Though he could also be very funny, his comments were often full of cynicism.

He is forty-one after all, and he must have had some rather bad experiences, too, she mused. That would not be a disadvantage. She knew they understood each other on an intellectual level; perhaps a man like him would be able to understand that she had experienced more than the normal twenty-year-old witch, that she had a past. She also wondered if she would feel something for him. Friendship was more than many people had, but she knew she wanted more. Would there also be a physical attraction, a certain chemistry?

They had agreed to meet in a Muggle restaurant and hotel in Cornwall, where they would spend a weekend together. Yet Hermione did not want him to know who she was; she did not want to be looked at as a heroine but as a normal woman. She would make sure a possible relationship would not be spoiled and decided to write him.

Dear Demetrius!

I am looking forward to this weekend, but I have to ask for a favour first. I have a special reason for wearing a glamour, which would change my voice and hair, the shape of my nose and face. I assure you – I have no warts and no hunchback! Just kidding! I ask you to trust me and I promise to tell you later on, if we agree to continue this.

Yours,

Catherine

Several days later, she received the answer from Demetrius. He accepted her request and told her that he would not change his outer appearance at all and that he was tall and black-haired. She knew from his letters that he was very confident and probably, as he would not change his appearance, very handsome too.

Hermione knew the little Muggle restaurant from visits with her parents, and during this part of the year it was not crowded. Only an elderly couple and a young woman were sitting in the restaurant exept for a man with long black hair, who was sitting with his back to the door. She breathed in deeply and went to the table.

"Demetrius?" she said, and he turned around and rose to face her. Her eyes grew wide: Her Demetrius was Professor Snape!

Her mind raced. Had he found out? No, if he had, he would never have agreed to meet her. He really had not known who she was. She had to get away as soon as possible, without appearing to be rude. She cleared her throat and smiled nervously. "Demetrius? I am Catherine." Obviously you are Catherine! Pull yourself together! Calm down, just calm down. You survived Voldemort; you can survive a couple of hours with Professor Snape. There is no need to be anxious. He does not know who you are.

Severus saw her surprised face when he turned around. He had his reasons for not wearing a glamour. He wanted to find out whether this young witch would be able to accept what she would see – an ugly man. Maybe she was just nervous; this might be their first and their last meeting, and it would remain an interesting pen-friendship, but nothing else. Severus offered her a chair. "I am more than glad to meet you, Catherine." He smiled at her.

Hermione was stunned. That smile was amazing. She had never thought that this man could smile, well, other than in a menacing and dangerous way. She had seen his sneers and smirks over the years; she had experienced his anger and rage, but never a real smile. This smile lit his face in a way she had not thought possible. His voice also sounded completely different; she remembered his dismissive and acerbic remarks from class, silky but cold. Now this voice was tender and velvety. She studied her vis-à-vis; Snape's hair was not greasy as usual, but shiny. He wore Muggle clothes, black jeans and a black formfitting shirt, he looked nearly handsome, well, not really handsome-- he was still Severus Snape. However, did it matter? With these thoughts, she smiled back with warmth and their eyes locked.

During dinner, they became more and more at ease with each other and forgot all about the awkward beginning. Hermione's first urge to excuse herself as soon as possible had disappeared completely. Hermione recognised her Demetrius and found herself laughing and enjoying the presence of the man who had been the bane of her existence so long, and she realised that she had not known him at all. He had laughed with her - a real laughter - and his eyes, she only knew piercing and filled with disgust, were warm and open. Even, when she had learned about his role as a spy and had trusted and defended him, when her friends had called him names, she had not once noticed that there was a person behind the teacher and spy everyone assumed to know. For most members of the Order, he had been a useful tool, but nobody had taken the time to look behind the facade, not that it would have been easy. She felt ashamed. But she felt more than shame. Listening to his voice and looking in his eyes made her stomach lurch and her heart beat faster. That sexy voice! And these eyes! Severus Snape – sexy? Hermione, you are crazy. You can't feel something for Professor Snape. He has been your teacher for years. You know him. You are definitely crazy! But the feeling didn't wear off – and somehow she did not want it to wear off.

The way she looks at me…She does not mind me being ugly, Severus thought. He did not have much experience with matters of the heart, but he knew this was worth a try. During the past months, Severus had told himself repeatedly not to raise his expectations too high. Yes, he had enjoyed their letters; she was intelligent, funny and seemed to be warm-hearted. He had never thought that the discussions with a twenty-year-old witch could be that challenging. Catherine had never backed down, something he appreciated very much because most people avoided his presence or ducked down at his sarcastic remarks. At first, he had been astonished how well she could even deal with sarcastic or cynic comments. She was only twenty years old after all. Though he had tried to be nice in his letters, he did not want to put on an act. What would be the use of being Prince Charming at first when she would soon have to deal with the other side of a personality he would not, could not hide?

He had hoped that there would also be a physical chemistry – and there was!. You are feeling like a maudlin hormonal teenager. She is wearing a glamour; how can there be a chemistry? It is illogical, unless...Could it be possible that you have found your soulmate by this ad? , he mused, confused. If it were so, she would feel the same as he does. He would find out.

Severus was aware that his typical Slytherin behaviour would not lead to his goal. He had to choose the direct approach and harrumphed. "When I read your first letter, I was not sure whether a twenty-year-old witch could be my intellectual equal, but, since I met you, that has not been an issue again. For now, my question is…I would like to see you again, Catherine, if you also feel that there is more than just our intellectual understanding. If not, I would however like to continue our pen-friendship, I have come to enjoy very much."

At this moment, Hermione knew she should say 'no' and walk away, but when she looked in Severus' eyes, she could not and did not. She felt mesmerised. Yes, she wanted to see him again. When she was honest to herself, she had never had an equal within the boys or men of her own age. Nevertheless, she had never thought of Severus Snape as a man before. He had been a teacher, a neuter. That had changed, definitely changed. What would he say if he knew who she was? She was confused, but she wanted to get to know the man she had met today, the different side of Severus Snape. When she looked at him now, she saw warmth in his eyes; the black pools that had sneered at their surrounding for years did something to her she could not yet describe. Though her rational mind told her to break up immediately, she forced that voice to the back of her head. It was madness and could only lead to a disaster, but at this moment, she did not care.

They talked for hours and then went for a walk to the cliffs. After Severus helped Hermione climb a steep path, he somehow forgot to let go of her hand. She did not resist. On the top of the cliff, his hands found their way around her waist, drawing her slowly closer. Hermione felt a tingle in her neck and spine she could not describe. She felt his hands around her, felt the heat of his body near her. His subtle scent was of sandalwood and spices. She dared not move as he tilted her face up to him. His fingers brushed against her neck; the silky touch made her shiver. Still giving her time to refuse, he placed a gentle kiss on her mouth. His soft lips brushed against hers, lingered at her lower lip. When he found no resistance, he captured her mouth more forcefully. His tongue slid between her parted lips. Hermione moaned, her knees shaking; she felt dizzy. How could a simple kiss make her feel like that? Her arms went around his neck, her hands tangling in his hair. Her tongue found his; she could not think, only feel. He tasted wonderful. Severus gasped at her touch and shivered. A kiss, only a kiss, how could...?

For some minutes they stood motionless, holding each other tightly.

Hermione watched him carefully during the week at Hogwarts. He was the same distant man as ever, though he seemed less tense and obviously had tried to improve his outer appearance. Like their encounter in Cornwall, his hair was no longer greasy, but shiny, and he seemed to have noticed that other colours besides black existed. Once he wore a deep green shirt. She also noticed that he deducted less points from the different houses. When Fridays approached, he seemed to be in excellent mood; well, he wasn't sneering or shouting at anyone. For Severus Snape, that was an excellent mood.

Even when she had admired only his brilliancy, she had considered him supercilious and callous. Only when she had learnt what he had suffered during his time as a double agent, she had concluded that his behaviour was a kind of self-preservation. However, he had not only been the victim, he had also been a culprit. He had been a dangerous man, maybe still was. What was part of his character right now and what not?
You have to think it over level-headedly. You have never believed in love at first sight. You have known Severus Snape for years! Of course, he would show his best side to his pen-pal, but you also know about his other side.

How was it possible that she developed feelings for him now? She could not lie to herself; she was falling for Severus Snape. There was no way to think of him as handsome, but she had never been that interested in pretty faces, well, since Professor Lockhard in her second year. But at the time, she had been only twelve. She thought of Severus' voice, his smile, his hands in her hair and around her waist. Even now, at the thought of his kiss, a shiver crawled down her spine. Was she really prepared for a relationship with this man? But when she contemplated their time in Cornwall, she realised that the decision had already been made; maybe she was not prepared, but she wanted this man.

Severus had not pushed her towards revealing her real appearance, though he wondered why she had continued wearing a glamour after their first encounter. They would talk about it later on. How would she look? She had a nicely shaped figure, but more important – she cared for him. The glamour did not change her eyes and he was glad for that. He liked her eyes, and they had looked at him in a way no one had before. She knew what he looked like and she had accepted it. For the first time in his life, Snape felt happy and that confused him. He had never expected himself to react like this, had never expected any woman to react to his touch like she had. She had trembled and had returned his kiss.

When he had decided to put an ad in the newspaper, he had not thought something like this possible. He had expected appreciation and friendship which might lead to love one day. Love at first sight was a fairy tale, at least for a man who looked like he did. And now he had held a young passionate witch in his arms, one who had kissed him the first time they had met. Even the memory of her body in his arms sent an electric jolt to his loins. She wanted to see him again, and she would be his.

They had agreed to meet next weekend to get to know each other better. Still there had not been a mention of their real names, families or their past, though Severus felt the urge to tell her some details of his past. He had so looked forward to the weekend, but now he became uncertain and erratic. She only knew him from their discussions, she knew him as funny and witty, and he knew he could be. But that was only part of him. It had never been important to him what people thought of him and whether he was liked or not; now he felt anxious that she would be disgusted if she knew about his past. He was sure that she had not recognised him. His name was well known, but his picture had only been in the newspaper once, and he had always been a man who had liked to stay in the background. Severus felt his stomach lurch at the thought of revealing his past to her, but he knew he had to tell her; he would because she was worth it. He was afraid she would leave, but had to take the chance. Even if she could forgive him in the actions of his youth, would she be able to deal with him now? This is not only your past, thisis you, a voice in his head whispered. Telling her about his past would only be the first step. Though he was a hero of the war, he was far from being a knight in shining armour.

Hermione felt a difference in his demeanour the moment she arrived; there was a certain determination in his eyes. When they had finished their meal, they went for a walk again. Severus remained silent for a long time, not sure how to begin. Finally, he took her hand.

"We have to talk."

Hermione met his gaze not knowing what to think of it. Maybe he had contemplated this type of relationship and had decided not to continue. It would be the most reasonable solution, but her heart felt different. He looked at her sternly and tried to clear his throat.

"Catherine, we agreed not to mention our background or similar personal information, but there are things I have to tell you, things I am not proud of, things that might make you leave. There is a dark side I would not reveal if I did not think it necessary. I am not a nice man and there is more… there is no way to sugarcoat it. In my youth, I was a Death Eater."

Hermione's face was unreadable; she did not seem repulsed though she did not answer immediately. Her heart raced. He was so honest with her, he wanted a relationship with her and he was revealing his dark past to her, and what had she done? She had deceived him from the beginning of their first meeting. She had dared to give him hope, a hope she could not fulfill. Tears welled from her eyes, and she began to sob violently.

Not daring to touch her, Severus stood helplessly in front of her; he should have expected her reaction. She would leave. But then she looked up and whispered, "It is not what you think, I like you so much. I have fallen in love with you."

With a quick movement, Severus took her in his arms and held her tightly, then tilted her head up to him and looked in her eyes. Their gaze locked and he felt a pang in his heart. He kissed her passionatly, putting all his hope and his longing in his kiss.

His arms around her felt so good. His kiss felt so good. He felt so good. She was dizzy and exhilarated and sad and happy and desperate. It felt so right and it was so wrong.