Please read my author's notes at the end of the chapter and pleeease submit a review. Thanks to all of you who already did.
Chapter 4
Hermione ran to her rooms and stumbled to her bed. Severus had known that she was Catherine but had not said a word. Why not? If he had noticed after her final letter and had forgiven her because he cared for her, he would have told her immediately; obviously, he did not love her. Then again, he must have been furious when he had found out but had not insulted her either; he had not been rude and had not changed his behaviour. Instead of taking action, he had waited until she would have to work with him. He had not punished her, but had only smiled at her. What did that mean? In the past a smile from Severus Snape had been something nobody would have looked forward to, but rather an omen of impending doom.
Hermione froze in shock at her realisation her hands trembling: Only one conclusion was possible -- he had known from the beginning. She did not know how he had found out, but it was obvious. Perhaps her style of writing and her age had been tell-tale. Everything fell in place. The differences between the Severus Snape she had known for years and the Severus she had met in Cornwall – she should have become suspicious. Everything had been planned by him to humiliate her and to show her how easy it was to deceive her. His tenderness, his kiss, everything had been a lie! She should have known; Snape had been a spy for years. He was a great actor; he must have been to deceive Voldemort for such a long time. When he had told her about his past as a Death Eater he must have been laughing inwardly. It had been a sick game to appeal to her Gryffindor sense of compassion. She should be glad she had ended the affair with her letter. She knew that she even would have even slept with him at their next encounter. His seductive voice had evoked feelings in her body that she had never known; she would have been unable to resist him. She did not dare to imagine his smirks afterwards. Harry had been right; he had always warned her how sly Severus Snape was. There was no other side of Severus Snape. He was a monster!
She felt as if she could no longer breathe properly as she felt the magnitude of his betrayel and hatred. She had defended that cruel man for years, and now had even fallen in love with him. As it turned out he was just as devious as everyone said. Tears rolled silently down her cheeks. Finally, she got up, her face set with resolve. She would not be laughed at; she would not let him gloat. Hermione wiped the tears off her face and splashed cold water on her eyes and forehead.
Then she returned to Snape's lab. He was still there and turned around, when he heard the door. "Hermione..." Hermione cut him off: "There is no need for a first-name basis, Professor Snape," she answered in a low voice which she barely recognized as her own. "You knew from the beginning. You were successful in humiliating me. Are you proud of having proven how easy it is to manipulate the little Gryffindor chit?"
"Hermione just let me…" She heard the hoarse voice of Severus Snape, but she was determined not to let him reach his goal and sneered:
"What have I done to you, Professor Snape? Is this kind of a revenge on Harry Potter to hurt his friend? We will have to work together for several weeks. I would be grateful if you could restrict your remarks to this work. I will be here every morning and will wait for your assignments. I think you will understand that aside from our work, I have no further inclination to ever talk to you again." She nodded curtly and left not giving him any opportunity to answer.
Severus sat down hard on his chair devastated. How could she think he had ridiculed her? He had considered it a good idea to wait until he would work with her and it had turned out a disaster. She would give him no further possibility to explain. Of this he was certain. He was cursed to be alone!
In his life, Severus had never drunk much alcohol. He had always despised drunkards and considered them weaklings who did not know how to manage their lives. This evening, however, he was grateful for the quantities of Firewhisky in his closet. Every year at Christmas, his colleagues bestowed him some bottles of fine alcohol not knowing what else to buy for him. When he sat in his armchair, pouring one whisky after the other he realised that he was, in fact, drunk but only felt more lonely and sad. No, he would not become a weeping lovesick drunkard. But what would he do now? She would not talk to him; he would never have the chance to convince her of his love.
Severus Snape did not attempt to talk to Hermione again; he knew it would be useless. Not once did she look him in the face. Her gaze always passed over him as if he were a stranger, indifferently and matter-of-factly, and her face did not betray any feelings. Obviously they had not been that deep, he mused; Gryffindors had never been able to hide their emotions. Probably it was only her pride which was hurt. He had risked to open his heart and had failed once more. He would not try again. Soon the students had to discover that the old Snape was back, worse than ever if that was possible. They walked around him very lightly as he seemed to deduct points now simply for breathing too loudly.
Hermione felt numb. For the first time in her life she had fallen in love and everything had turned out to be a delusion. It hurt so much; maybe it was safer not to care at all. She had reached heaven and had ended up in hell. If this was the result of love she would make sure she would never fall in love again. Hermione decided to protect herself and she withdrew from everyone and everything. She had always been ambitious and studious; now it became an obsession.
Frowning, Minerva McGonagall watched Hermione and sighed. During the past few weeks she had noticed how taciturn Hermione had become, taciturn and somehow changed. At first she had thought Hermione was working too much as usual, but somehow this was different. She could not put her finger on it; Hermione's jaw was firmly set and sometimes Minerva thought she noticed a certain bitterness in the girl's eyes. Most people would not have noticed, but Minerva McGonagall cared. She knew that Hermione had answered to an ad in Witch Weekly and had exchanged letters with a wizard for several months. Obviously this did not work well. Minerva had hoped Hermione would turn to her and tell her, but this hope had been in vain. Hermione had always been more than her favourite brilliant student; she considered her the daughter she had never had and she wanted to help the girl. So she asked her to remain after dinner and made her sit down on a nearby armchair.
"Hermione, dear, please talk to me. Something is troubling you. Is it about your pen pal? Did he let you down?" she urged.
Hermione face was pale; she looked down on her hands and finally said, "Minerva, I am very glad to have you as my friend, but this is something I have to deal with myself. You are right; this is about the man I used to write to. I fell in love with him, more than I could possibly say, but he deceived me. Please forgive me, but I cannot tell you more."
Minerva saw Hermione's determined expression and decided not to push further. "Hermione, if you ever change your mind, I would be very glad to help you." Hermione knew that Minerva was worried and was glad see how she cared for her, but she could not talk with her about Snape. He was a teacher and Minerva his superior. If confronted, he would deny everything. What good would come of this? Only a few weeks were left and then the first part of her training as an Auror was finished. She would attend university and would not see Snape again for a long time -- until the final exams. Time would heal her wounds and she would forget what he had done to her.
Three weeks later Hermione Granger left Hogwarts with the highest marks an apprentice had ever achieved, trying not to think of the man she had fallen in love with and who had betrayed her.
Nearly two years later, Severus Snape returned from his annual vacation. He detested that vacation nearly as much as teaching but taking the vacation was the only possibility of escaping the pestering attention of Minerva McGonagall who had never taken a leave since her first year as a teacher at Hogwarts. After the first staff meeting Minerva McGonagall asked Severus to stay behind when the others left.
"Your skills are needed, Severus. I regret to do this to you on your first day back but I was not able to contact you sooner. You have to help the Ministry again with the final lessons and the exams of a new Auror, as you are one of the most skilled wizards in this field. I received an urgent owl from the Ministry, and I'm very sorry the Auror in training will arrive today."
Snape growled. This training was extremely exhausting and included lessons in Occlumency and also something more dangerous few people knew about. Aurors were entitled to cast the Unforgivable Curses and this had to be practiced.
"I know, Headmistress, it is necessary, but nevertheless I wished you could look for someone else in future, I would also recommend that the Ministry choose the candidates for an Auror more carefully; some of them seem to have a penchant for cruelty, "Snape snarled.
"A fact you should not have any problems with, Professor Snape," a cold voice came from behind and when he turned around he looked in the stern face of Hermione Granger. Her face showed no sign of a smile, her hair was tied back in a tight braid and she was dressed in black robes. "I think I will see you at dinner where we can discuss our schedule. I appreciate your sacrifice of time and have already talked about this with Professor McGonagall. I could teach one of your classes in Potions, perhaps the first years if you are not too keen on your usual speech about foolish wand waving." She nodded curtly and turned away to greet Minerva McGonagall, just as if Severus Snape did not exist.
After only a short time, it had become obvious that Hermione Granger had changed indeed; she was polite towards her former professors, but did not associate with any of them except Minerva McGonagall. She also seemed to have a quite different personality. Snape overheard the complaint of a first year. "I've never thought anyone could be as mean as Professor Snape, but this woman is. She deducts points only because she hates Slytherins. They should marry; they would be a wonderful couple."
Her attitude towards Severus Snape was obvious. He was the only one she did not address with his first name and she only talked to him when necessary. Her behaviour could not be called rude, but it was highly visible that she did not like him.
"Severus, I need to talk to you; would you join me after dinner?" Minerva McGonagall said and Snape followed her into the office. Minerva offered a cup of tea and came straight to the point. "I have noticed the tension between you and Hermione Granger. She has never treated anybody like that. What have you done to her? Is there something I should know?" she asked.
"If you are alluding to her different behaviour it is obvious that her attitude towards all of us has changed. As I have always refused to be a member of the know-it-all-fan-club, I am the wrong person to be asked," Severus replied smoothly. Professor McGonagall sighed. "I know she has changed. She had to deal with a great disappointment two years ago and it seems that has changed her more than I feared. Well, I will give her some time until I speak to her. Her attitude must not influence the ambience in this school."
When Hermione had left Hogwarts, she had been determined to protect herself and not to decide anything in the future based solely on her emotions, and she had stuck to that decision. University had done nothing to convince her otherwise. Her brilliant mind and her ambition had always separated her from her fellow students. In the first few weeks, she had been too bitter and unhappy to join the others and afterwards it had been too late. They had already put her down as arrogant and Hermione had done nothing to rectify this impression. If they did not accept her the way she was, so what? In a way, their behaviour confirmed what she had experienced before. She had met with Harry and Ron on several occasions, received the usual Christmas cards and a letter now and then, but neither of them had ever asked whether she was happy or not. They were busy with their own plans, and Hermione realised that what she had considered friendship had been only sort of a companionship and being thrown together in their fight against Voldemort, but little more.
Hermione made her way through university as a loner and came back to Hogwarts convinced she was prepared for the encounter with Severus Snape. How wrong she was! Nothing had changed. Seeing him again was worse than she had imagined. The two years of absence had obviously not helped at all to assuage the pain which had so suddenly overwhelmed her again. Not that anybody would have been able to tell. The young Gryffindor had become a woman every Slytherin would be proud of. No flicker in her eyes betrayed any of her feelings.
In the lessons with Snape, there was no comment on their shared past. She did not ask any questions that were not directly connected to the tasks they were working on. It was commonly known that Aurors were entitled to cast the Unforgivables, but it had remained a secret how they were trained in casting theses curses. Only a few wizards knew about this secret.
Snape took three little stones out of his pocket in the shape and size of rubies. They could be transfigured to transform to the shape of a real person and would react in the same manner. The curse would have only an effect on them if cast properly. Snape watched Hermione casting the three Unforgivables without effort and hesitation, her face not betraying any emotion even at the Killing Curse. She had cast that curse before in the final battle, but he had seen how she had suffered being forced to kill someone, though it had been inevitable. This was different; she was different. Severus Snape felt more and more uncomfortable.
Seeing her like this was torture for him. During the past two years, he had tried to convince himself that her feelings had been simply a crush but not real love. He had tried to convince himself that love was for fools, but the only fool in this had been him. He had dreamt of holding her in his arms and had dreamt of her eyes looking at him with love and passion. When he lay awake at night his thoughts came inevitably to the young beautiful woman laughing with him and enjoying their discussions, only to be reminded of her hatred when she had accused him of having lied to her. The conversation with Minerva McGonagall had opened his eyes: Hermione had loved him. He wanted her back, wanted to make her smile at him again, and wanted to smooth away the furrow between her brows and wanted back the warm woman she had been. His love was real and he was determined to do everything to make her his again.
Severus Snape was not a Potions master for nothing.
A.N.: Don't beat me! Ouch, ouch, another cliffy. Yes, I know, Hermione has jumped to conclusions, but you have to admit that Severus' attempts to gain Hermione's trust are not that clever. He is a great spy, but has no experience with matters of the heart. Hermione is twenty years old and Gryffindor. She would have told him, if she were in his shoes.