Chapter 22 — Jedi Princess

"It certainly has been a while," said the woman, smiling a little. "Nice to see you're still alive."

"Now, now, Bastila," said Revan, grinning, "don't say things you don't mean."

Atton repressed a snort and studied the hologram more closely. So that was Bastila.He had heard her name tossed around a few times when overhearing conversations between Revan and Carth. She certainly was attractive… but there was something a bit familiar about the look in her eyes. It was the same one he generally saw in in Revan's: the taint of the Dark side. Something tells me this one wasn't always a goody-goody Jedi, no matter how much she might want to pretend she was.

Bastila's smile vanished. "It's also nice to see you haven't changed, Revan," she retorted acerbically. "I'd heard you were back from the Unknown Regions, and were looking for something. I suppose you have been up to your usual antics?"

Revan smiled, a twinkle in her eye. "I was looking for someone, actually. And yes, that sounds about right—only this time I've been driving a completely different crew of people up the wall." She jerked her thumb back in the general direction of the main hold. Atton scoffed. And has she ever! "Well, plus Carth, of course," she added as an afterthought.

Bastila's smile returned. "Do you mean to say that the Admiral is still putting up with you?" Bastila asked pointedly, but with a friendly undertone. "How is Carth?"

"He's fine," Revan replied dismissively. "Listen, I'm not actually getting in touch with you just to chat…"

"Yes, I assumed as much. You've never been one to do that much," said Bastila a bit reproachfully.

"Hey," protested Revan, "it wasn't just you I lost touch with. I didn't talk to Carth either when I was away."

"That is what I was referring to," Bastila replied sharply.

"Oh," Revan said piteously.

"He was miserable without you, Revan," Bastila scolded. "I realize you did what you felt you had to do, but did you really need to leave him the way you did? While he was sleeping? And then to proceed to vanish for five years without contacting him at all?"

Revan bit her lip and sputtered, "But… but… I couldn't! I was… too far… I couldn't reach…"

"Five years, Revan!" exclaimed Bastila. "Surely there was a time when you could have come back… or at least sent word that you were still alive!"

Atton frowned. Just who did this Bastila woman think she was? She wasn't entitled to any explanation. So what if Revan didn't contact Carth? Jena hadn't contacted him either, and nobody gave her any grief over that. Well… he was fairly certain he hadn't. Not out loud, anyway. Peering darkly at Bastila's disapproving eyes, he slowly and almost protectively crept up behind Revan. A change overcame Bastila's features. She examined Atton's face curiously, as well as a touch suspiciously.

"I see you've got company, Revan," she said stiffly. Revan turned around, found herself facing Atton, and scowled.

"Jaq!" she grumbled. "I suppose it was too much to ask that you remained out of the spotlight for five minutes, especially when a pretty woman is involved." Atton's gaze moved from Bastila to Revan and he cocked an eyebrow. Oh, is that so, Lordship? That'll teach me to try and help you Revan sighed and turned back toward Bastila. "Bast, this is Atton Rand…" Atton quietly moved up and positioned himself next to Revan. "…my padawan."

Bastila, who was eyeing Atton, a faint sneer on her lips, quickly turned her gaze back to Revan."Padawan?" she repeated, highly amused. "It's the first I hear of this. I certainly don't recall the Order approving such a"—she looked disdainfully at Atton—"thing."

"Since when do I ever do what the Order wants me to?" Revan asked, smiling smugly.

"Good point," Bastila conceded through tight lips.

"Besides," Revan continued relentlessly, "I'm not the one who originally trained him to become a Jedi, so you can't blame me for that. Take it up with Jena Shel. She was his master. But after he started sleeping with her, we all thought it might be best if he became my padawan." Her eyes glimmered maliciously.

Bastila gasped. "The Exi—? He sle—?" she stuttered. "Please tell me you're joking!"

Atton nervously glanced sideways at Revan. Where was she going with this?

"Not at all!" Revan was now grinning to her limit. "In fact… well, I was going to save this conversation for when we met in person, but seeing as you're so hell-bent on questioning me now, I might as well tell you… He used to be one of my Jedi assassins, and is the father of my eight-year-old child."

Atton's eyes opened wide and he practically choked. Way to drop that on her, Rev. The woman already seemed predisposed to hate me. This is not going to get me into her good books.

"Revan!" Bastila exclaimed shrilly. "You must be…" She paused for an instant and collected herself. "No, of course you're not joking," she added, noticing the stunned gizka look in Atton's face. "Revan, can I please talk to you… alone?" Bastila glared significantly at Atton. The latter looked at Bastila, then at Revan, and threw his hands up.

"Fine, fine," he grumbled. "I didn't really want to be here anyway. I'm going to try to track down Jena, to see if I can pull her away from Mical's clutches." He turned to the hologram. "Nice… um… meeting…" He noticed that Bastila was too busy glowering at Revan to notice him. "Never mind," he said, and immediately exited the room. He closed the door behind him, and as he walked away, he could easily make out muffled female voices shrilly shouting at each other. "Women," he muttered, shaking his head. "You'd think these two were sisters."

He turned toward the cargo hold, where he assumed Jena and Mical would be training. As he set foot inside the room, he was greeted by an unexpected sight: Mira and Dustil, standing in the middle of the room, their discarded lightsabers strewn on the floor next to them, were locked in a tight embrace, their lips pressed up against the other's. Atton smirked and bit his lip to repress a scoff, and immediately backed out of the room.

Well, it's about time… Took them long enough! He spun around and headed back to the main hold, wondering where Jena would be hiding, as she was clearly not in the cargo hold. He made his way to the portside dormitory and peered in. Jena and Mical sat on the floor, both meditating. Atton felt something gnawing at the pit of his stomach. The scene was too familiar for his liking and triggered some unpleasant memories of the numerous times he had stood at that very spot and watched enviously at the two Jedi as they meditated together.

This is stupid. Why am I letting this get to me? She has to meditate with him. He needs to train with her, just like I need more training. Hell, he needs more training than I do because she has to help him get over this cute little habit he has of trying to kill me. He peeked inside again and glared at Mical who sat with his legs crossed and with his eyes closed. I just wish he did this training with anybody but her! …Especially now that I can't even train with her anymore. It's not fair—he's in love with her too, and she knows it! Why is it okay for him to keep on training with her, but not for me?

He peeked inside again and glared at Mical who sat with his legs crossed and with his eyes closed.

Atton stared broodingly at the pair, sighed dejectedly and turned back. This whole Revan thing is really messing things up. This whole trip is messing things up between me and Jena. We'd be doing better if I hadn't even gone looking for her at all. I've barely spent any time with her, and we haven't even really talked since… He tried to remember how many times they had had a real talk since he had found her and felt disheartened when he realized that it hadn't happened much. Mical was right. He had been spending more time with Revan than he had with Jena, and the mere thought angered him. This is not how it was supposed to be! I was supposed to find her and to finally be happy, and our problems were supposed to be over! Not… worse! And now, I don't even know what's going to happen after we get to Coruscant. Is she going to want to stay there to train Mical? Is she going to go back to the Unknown Regions? She says she won't, but who's to say she hasn't changed her mind? Maybe… Maybe she'll go back there and bring Mical with her! He laughed at himself for even having such a paranoid thought, but something at the back of his mind still wondered if it was a possibility. And then what am I going to do? Hang around Revan? Pretend that I'm mature enough to have a kid and play daddy with Daynn? No, I'm not going anywhere without Jena, and that's that. And she's not going anywhere without me. I wonder… I wonder why she never answered when I asked her to marry me… I mean, she did seem a little too obliging when I told her to just ignore what I said and to not answer. Seemed almost happy not to answer. Atton frowned sadly and shook his head violently. No, this is insane. I just need rest. I need to get away from all these crazy people. I need time alone with Jena… and then everything will be fine. We'll be fine. Everything will be fine. It has to be.

Mira opened the door to the main hold storage compartment, crossed her arms, cocked an eyebrow and flashed a crooked smile.

"What do you know… You are here."

Atton opened his eyes and looked up at her. He was sitting on the floor of the compartment, with his legs pulled up close to his chest, and looked less than impressed to have his solitude intruded upon.

"Well, it's not like a guy who wants to be left alone has many places where he could go on this ship," he grumbled. Mira looked around and quickly stepped into the compartment and closed the door behind her. "Hey, what are you doing?" protested Atton. "I just said I wanted to be left alone."

Mira put her back up against the wall opposite Atton and slid down to the floor. The faint glow inside the compartment enabled her to make out Atton's features. He had seen better days.

"Well, I was looking for you," she commented. "What in blazes are you doing here? Carth's shift is up and it's your turn to pilot. He asked me to track you down. This is literally the only place I hadn't checked."

Atton groaned. "Great. Guess I'll go, then." He smirked. "I really hope nobody's hanging around the main hold when we come out of this cramped dark corner together, cause this won't probably look very good. I've got enough women problems, and I've already got one Onasi that hates me. I don't need the entire family against me."

Mira wrinkled her nose. "What are you talking about?"

Atton sighed. "I meant if Dustil sees you and I come out of here…"

"Yes, I caught that," interrupted Mira. "I was asking why you think Carth hates you."

Atton stared at her for a few seconds and blinked twice. "You're kidding, right? I thought you always noticed everything about everybody." He smiled maliciously. "But I guess that was before you started shoving your tongue down Junior's throat. Now you're just too busy to notice anything about anyone whose name doesn't start with a D."

Despite the low light, Atton still noticed the colour that rushed to Mira's cheeks. She looked as though she was about to protest, but reconsidered. "Well, I suppose I haven't been spending a lot of time with the rest of you lot recently…" she admitted. "Not to a point that I haven't noticed some sort of tension between some of you, but I still can't quite figure out what's going on."

Atton glanced down and seemed reluctant to say anything. He finally sighed and said, "I guess I'm in a better position to know what's going on, but even then, I don't understand all of it." He looked up at Mira, who was waiting expectantly. He sighed again and started distractedly pulling at a thread that stuck out of the side of his robe. "It's a lot of things. First, there's Jena, who I never see, and who spends all of her time with Mical…" He snorted. "I guess that part sounds a bit familiar, doesn't it?"

Mira smiled faintly and nodded, but did not say a word. Atton continued.

"But that wouldn't be so bad, if it wasn't for… the other stuff." Mira raised an eyebrow. "Revan," Atton added shortly. Mira arched her second eyebrow.

Atton mutely focused his attention onto his loose thread.

"Atton?" she entreated when it became clear to her that he was unwilling to say any more.

Atton let go of his thread and slid his legs down. "I'm not sure I want to talk about that," he muttered bitterly under his breath.

Mira narrowed her eyes. "You damn well better talk about it, flyboy…" she said through her teeth. "Because I swear, if you cheated on Jena…"

"I did not cheat on Jena!" exploded Atton. "We didn't do anything! She just—Revan, that is—she just… Well, she's confused… and… the most infuriating person I've ever met… and… she says… she thinks…" He stopped and shook his head violently. "She's insane, that's what."

"So… she likes you," Mira summed up.

"Yes," breathed Atton. He glanced away.

"She's attracted to you."

"I… think so." He paused and caught Mira's eye. "Yeah," he added, his gaze dropping again. "She says… she says she used to love me, back in the day. Can you believe it? I mean, I hated her! I never would've thought…" Mira looked sceptical. "What?" he demanded.

"I don't think you hated her as much as you say you did," she replied. Atton opened his mouth angrily and she continued, "Don't get me wrong… I know you hated her. But I think part of you might have… I mean, hate is not the opposite of love; indifference is."

Atton scoffed. "Yeah, well, maybe that's the case if you start out by loving the person. If you hate them from the get-go, it's different."

Mira tilted her head curiously and said, "Yes, but you didn't always hate her. When you served under her in the Mandalorian Wars… I mean, you didn't love her then, obviously, because you didn't know her… but you at least respected her. You looked up to her. You can't deny that. You only started hating her after she fell to the Dark Side. After she started to demonstrate how cruel she had become. Around the time when you started hating yourself for following her and doing her bidding, because you started to feel she had betrayed the ideal for which you had originally followed her."

Atton's hazel eyes gazed at Mira in wonder. How does she know all this? I didn't even know this before just now!

"So how do Carth and Jena feel about all this?" asked the redhead blankly.

"Well, I don't know… they don't really… we didn't tell…" he stammered for a moment, then breathed in and, innocently added, "About all what, exactly?"

"About the fact that you and Revan have unresolved feelings for each other."

Atton gasped. Mira never was one to beat around the bush, but it still surprised him when she made point-blank comments like that one. "We do not… Well, I do not have unresolved feelings for her."

"Sure you do! Otherwise you wouldn't be hiding out in here brooding by yourself, then pouring your heart out to me. You'd be with Jena, locked in the hyperdrive room or something, busily ripping her clothes off."

"She's training with Mical!"

Mira rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Like that would stop you. You'd just tell him off and steal her away. Nothing you haven't done before, I'm sure. No, you're feeling guilty, because you do have some feelings for Revan and you don't know how to cope with it."

"I do not!" snarled Atton. "This is stupid. I love Jena. Jena. Remember? The girl I travelled halfway across the galaxy to find?"

"Oh, I remember… but I also remember who you travelled with to find her."

Atton angrily leapt to his feet. "I don't know why you're telling me this, but just… stop it! You're making things worse!"

"Things generally get worse before they can get better. You need to work out your feelings. You'd be best to get away from both of them for a while."

Atton laughed derisively. "Yeah, like that's an option around here." He opened the door and turned to Mira. "And by the way, congratulations."

"On what?" she asked.

"On starting to sound like a damn Jedi," he snapped, walking away toward the cockpit.

"You! Out!" Atton snarled at Carth as he walked into the cockpit to relieve the latter of piloting duties, closing the door behind him.

The Admiral glanced over his shoulder. "Well, you're like a ray of sunshine," he commented. "I'm glad you're in such a great mood."

"Don't… Just… Just don't," replied Atton, shaking his head vigorously. He jerked his thumb back. "Come on—get out of my seat. You've been here long enough. Go… see Revan, or something. She probably wants company. Last time I saw her, she was bickering with that Jedi friend of yours on Coruscant."

"Who? Bastila?" Carth heaved a sigh. "They sure don't waste any time… I was hoping they would at least wait to be in each other's presence before they started arguing. This is going to be a fun stay if they're already at each other's throat."

Atton grimaced. "Are they always like that?"

"Pretty much. Thing is, they really do care about each other. They have a Force bond and everything. They're just very… different people… with very similar tempers."

"Must've been fun travelling with the two of them."

Carth rolled his eyes. "You don't know the half of it. Though I'll admit I rarely say eye to eye with Bastila myself. But as for it being fun travelling with the two of them, it wasn't much worse than travelling with you and Liah."

Atton silently stared at Carth, wondering how he should respond. He stared down at his boots. "Look, Carth… about that… I don't… I mean, I'm not trying to…"

Carth smiled weakly. "I know. It's just been rough… You two, trapped on this ship together for so long… Old emotions were bound to come out…" Atton gestured in protest. "Don't bother," Carth interrupted. "I know what's going on. At least, I think I know. But anyway, that should all be over soon, right? I mean, we'll be arriving on Coruscant soon. You won't be constantly in each other's face after that, right?" The older man sounded slightly hopeful.

"I… guess not," replied Atton, wondering if that would be true. "Hey… Carth… do you know what's… happening once we get to Coruscant? I mean, we're not all going to stay there forever like one big happy dysfunctional family, right? Do you know what the girls intend to do after?" He added bitterly, "Cause nobody's really... told me anything."

Carth studied him closely for a moment and took a deep breath. "I don't really know. I suppose I'll be heading back to Telos… as for what Liah is planning…" Carth suddenly looked a little tired.

"Well, of course she'll be going there with you!" said Atton, his words sounding a little forced. "I mean, she's going to want Daynn to have a family, right? And she's sure as hell not going to leave him with me."

"I guess." Carth didn't sound too convinced. "But then, she could just as easily leave him with you and Jena and… leave again."

"That's assuming Jena stays," muttered Atton.

The two men looked at each other. After a few seconds, Carth began slowly, "Well, at least you know that Jena was coming back to you for good."

"How do you know Revan wasn't doing the same for you?" Atton said quickly. He was fully aware of the fact that Revan had never intended on staying, and that she had only come back from the Unknown Regions to seek him out so he could help her find Daynn, but Carth didn't.

Carth smiled sadly. "I appreciate the effort… but I know that Liah wasn't planning on staying behind. I figured that out a while ago. She only came back for you."

"Carth!" protested Atton. "That's crazy. She didn't even know that 'Atton' was really 'Jaq', and—"

"I don't mean it the way it sounds," the Admiral interrupted. "She only came back to find Daynn, and she needed you for that. She wasn't expecting to run into me. She seemed surprised enough when she did. I may not be a Jedi, but I can still read minds sometimes… in my own way. Of course, I was in denial for a long time… I was so happy to finally have her back, I didn't want to even explore the possibility that she might be leaving again."

Without a word, Atton crept up toward the front of the cockpit and sat in the copilot's seat.

"Is that why you proposed to her? To prevent her from leaving?"

Carth laughed. "No, I proposed to her because I love her. And the entire time she was gone, I kept wondering what ifs… What if we'd gotten married, would she still have left? What if she never came back and I never got the chance to show her exactly how much I loved her? That was my big regret: that I never popped the question when I had the chance. So… as soon as I saw her again…"

"You didn't want to waste any more time, in case she vanished again," said Atton, finishing Carth's sentence for him. The Admiral nodded.

"I think you might understand a thing or two about that," teased Carth. "I've been hearing things…"

Atton blushed. "You've been..." He stopped and pursed his lips. "Is there really no way to keep anything secret around here?" he demanded hotly.

Carth smiled wanly. "Well... topics come up... people say things..."

"What you're saying is, Revan couldn't keep her big mouth shut," Atton grumbled sullenly. One corner of Carths' mouth curved slightly. Atton noticed the smirk and sighed heavily. "All right," he conceded begrudgingly, "so I proposed to Jena. That's different, though. I was just... I didn't even think before speaking. It was a spur of the moment thing. I just looked at her and all of a sudden I was just afraid that..."

"Afraid she'd vanish and you'd never see her again?" Carth offered.

Atton stared blankly at him. "All right, I get your point. I get it. I proposed to her for the same reason you proposed to Rev." He slouched in his seat. "I get it," he repeated harshly. "It's still... different." Carth arched an eyebrow. "It is!" Atton insisted. "You actually want to get married. Me, I'm... well, to say I'm not the marrying type is kind of an understatement. Anyway, I'm just glad Jena's understanding."

Carth smiled thinly. "That she is. I mean, she'd have to be to put up with you." Atton's left eye narrowed slightly, but he didn't say anything. "Just don't make the same mistake I did. I kept putting it off, figuring she'd always be there… Figuring I'd have lots of time, that there was no rush… Then she left. I was 39, then. I'm almost 45 now. I wanted to start a family with her. Now… I don't know, I might be too old. And maybe… just maybe… if I had married her then, she wouldn't have left. At least that's what I keep telling myself so I'll feel better. And now… I don't even know if… I mean, it might be too late."

"Why would it be?"

"Because I'm not sure that's what she wants anymore," said Carth wearily, looking significantly at Atton. "Just… do yourself a favour: don't take Jena for granted. Because you just never know."

Atton swallowed and stared ahead of him.

Atton, now alone in the cockpit, sitting with his feet propped up on the control board, and his eyes half-shut, sat up with a start when he heard the navcomp beeping. They had arrived at their destination and were dropping out of hyperspace. And this is pretty much the only time when a pilot is actually needed... he thought. I don't know why I even stay in here all the time... There never really seems to be a need. Though I suppose it's good to actually have someone in here in case something goes wrong. Don't really see why Carth's so dead set against anyone sleeping in the cockpit. Maybe Republic soldiers become oblivious to their surroundings when they fall asleep, but not me. I always know what's going on around me, and anything will wake me up. I haven't had a good night's sleep in years. He then recalled the events surrounding Malachor V, when Jena walked out on him unnnoticed, and that time when he slept for an entire day after rescuing her. Well, I guess except for those times... He frowned. Jena... He had meant to speak with her before they arrived. He had wanted to ask her what her plans were now that they were arriving at the end of the line... and whether those plans included him. But he had not even seen her. He hadn't left the cockpit, and she hadn't sought him out. He sneered. Likely she was still with Mical. Sweet Mical, he thought sarcastically. He couldn't understand why she was still spending so much time with him. Sure, he needed the training... but come on! He, Atton, certainly needed training as well, but you didn't see him hanging off Revan all the time. Well, not anymore, anyway. Atton didn't want to admit that he was actually afraid of spending time alone with Revan at this point.

Stifling a yawn, he stretched his neck muscles and lazily reached for the controls. Now that they had dropped out of hyperspace, he could see Coruscant straight ahead in the distance. He had barely rested his hands on the controls when he felt the ship suddenly jerk. His hands slipped and he swore profusely.

"What in blazes is going on?" demanded a shrill voice coming from the corridor. "Jaq, are you fracking up my ship again?"

Atton, having quickly consulted the instruments on the console, shouted out, "Oh no, you don't. You're not blaming me for this." He firmly grasped the controls and steered the ship starboard very suddenly.

"And who else am I going to be blaming?" Revan asked derisively as she walked into the cockpit. "You're the one who's piloting!"

Atton pursed his lips and kept his eyes firmly on the console. "I don't know," he said, pointing at something on the monitor. "How about maybe blaming whoever it is that's shooting at us?

Author's Notes: Yes, I know, this update took forever... Between looking for a new job, packing up my stuff for my upcoming move (I'm the biggest pack rat that ever lived), and life just generally happening, I've barely had any time to write. Hopefully things will settle down for me soon. I haven't abandoned this story, don't you worry. I'm still in the process of figuring out what will be happening. The good news is, I've already got a big chunk of chapter 23 written, so the wait shouldn't be as long for the next chapter.

In the meanwhile, if you have comments and questions (other than reviews, I mean), you can swing on by my little message board. The URL is posted on my author's page, under "homepage".

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