English is not my native language!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the characters of "Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman"… One Beth Sullivan does…
Rating: I don't know anything about these ratings, but let's say T or PG-13. Just to be safe...
Warnings: I'm a real drama queen, and if you've read my previous stories you know what to expect!
Genre: Drama / Tragedy
Note: Another song inspired me to write this short story. It's about Sully and Michaela.
Summary: Years ago, Sully never returned from a hunting trip. Michaela has tried to find him ever since, without success…

Michaela sat in her chair near the fireplace and looked at a picture she held in her hand. The picture showed her and Sully on their wedding day. How beautiful she had been and how handsome Sully had been. How happy… It had been so many years ago, however, she remembered it like it happened yesterday. She smiled at the picture, thinking about all the little things that had happened on that day. Her mother giving her away… Cloud Dancing who had secretly visited their wedding… Jake and Robert E. who had knocked General Custer out so he wouldn't notice Cloud Dancing…

And then their wedding night… She had been so nervous at first, but Sully had found a way to make her relax completely. And then he had made love to her in a way she thought she would never experience again. So passionate, so tender… And her love for him had grown even more. It had been one of the best nights she could remember. It had been so exceptional… magical…

She felt a tear slide down her cheek. She wiped it away with her hand and put the picture on the table beside her. "Oh Sully," she sobbed, "Why did you have to leave? Why didn't you come back? Oh God… Please give me a sign… Please tell me where he is!" She cried uncontrollably in her chair. She felt so alone. She WAS alone… All of her children had already left the house. First Matthew, then Colleen. And eventually Brian and even Katie. They all had lives of their own now. Sully and Michaela had been sad at first. Especially when Katie, the last one, had left the homestead. But eventually they had started to enjoy the silence. They were allowed to live their lives for themselves again. They often went on trips together enjoying nature… and each other. It had felt like the time they had been courting. They had only had eyes for each other. They had felt happy and free again and had enjoyed every second of it. However, their happiness wasn't meant to last forever…

"You're up early," Michaela said to her husband as she entered the living room. She had woken up a few minutes earlier and had realized that her husband wasn't lying next to her. "Yeah," Sully answered, "I wanted to go hunting today… It's been a long time since I've been on a hunting trip…" Michaela smiled. She knew Sully missed 'the old days'. The days he went fishing with Brian or Matthew. Or the days he went out hunting with Cloud Dancing. But their sons didn't live at home anymore and Cloud Dancing was too old to go on hunting trips. And in fact, so was Sully… But she would never forbid him doing something he loved doing. However, that didn't mean she wasn't worried… "Will you be careful?" she asked him, her voice soft. He smiled at her. Despite the gray hair he still looked incredibly handsome to her. He was still muscular and his skin was still tanned. But that still didn't take away the fact that he was nearly twenty-five years older than the first day they had met. He was getting too old for this, but he obviously didn't share her opinion. "Of course I'll be careful," he said with a cheeky smile. 'I'm always careful!" Michaela sighed deeply and decided not to go up against him. She just moved towards him and kissed him on the cheek. "When will you be home?" she asked him. "Hmmm… Nightfall I guess, maybe a bit later… Wait up for me?" He kissed her deeply and stroked her long grey hair. It felt so silky underneath his fingers. He loved her hair! He always had… He packed his things and kissed Michaela on the cheek. "See ya tonight love," he said. "I love you," she called after him as he walked out the door. "Love you too!" he called back and then disappeared from her sight. "See you tonight Sully," she whispered, not knowing that she would never see him again…

Michaela remembered that night vividly. She had waited and waited for him, but Sully had never gotten home. Maybe he's caught in bad weather, she had thought and had decided to go to bed. It had been one of the worst nights she had ever experienced. Her brain had come up with the most horrible things that could have happened to Sully. She had twisted and turned in the bed and eventually she had decided to get up and get dressed again. That morning Sully still hadn't come home. She had been worried sick and had decided to go into town to tell everyone Sully had gone missing. A search party had been arranged within minutes and almost every citizen in town had decided to look for Sully. But with no success…

As days, even weeks, went by everyone had given up hope, except for Michaela. Day in day out she would visit the telegraph office to wire people… to send messages to ask whether someone had seen her husband. Every day she would get on her horse and she would ride into the woods, hoping to find a trail… a sign… anything that would lead her to Sully. She had a new mission and she wouldn't stop until she'd find him. She knew he would do the same thing for her.

"Michaela, why are you doing this to yourself?" Dorothy had asked her friend one day. "What do you mean?" Michaela had asked her. "Stop kidding yourself, dear," Dorothy had said, "you won't find him… I don't want to discourage you, but… it has been months! Almost a year… You may have to accept the fact that he is gone, Michaela…" Michaela had given her an angry look. "I will not stop, Dorothy," she had said to the old lady. "Sully is my life! He's my other half! I cannot live without him… I WILL NOT live without him… I will keep looking for him until the day I die… I can't stop… If I stop, I won't have a reason to live anymore… If I stop I'll die… And I don't want to die not knowing what happened to him! I don't…" Then she had walked off…

And here she was in her chair at the empty homestead. Another year had passed and still she hadn't found Sully. She was getting desperate. Her friends were letting her down. Even her children didn't know what to do with her anymore. "Where are you Sully? Why can't I find you? What happened to you? Why can't anyone tell me that? I pray every day that someone finds you… dead or alive, I don't care… I just want to find some peace… I need to know what happened to you… I can't take not knowing! I can't take it anymore… But I won't stop looking for you! NEVER! I will find you… somewhere… someday… Just need to know the truth… so I can free my soul…" While her tears still streamed down her face she stood up from her chair. She turned out the lights and climbed up the stairs to go to the bedroom. She lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. "I love you Sully," she whispered, "Tomorrow I'll try again…" she promised. Then she let sleep overtake her. Dreams filled her head. Pleasant dreams about a time long ago… Happy dreams about her and Sully… The only place she felt safe these days was in her dreams, because there she would ALWAYS find Sully…

Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign.
Instead there is silence,
Can't you hear my screams?
Never stop hoping,
Need to know where you are,
But one thing is for sure,
You're always in my heart.

I'll find you somewhere,
I'll keep on trying until my dying day.
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul.

Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home.
I want to embrace you and never let you go.
Almost hope you're in heaven so no one can hurt your soul.
Living in agony cause I just do not know
Where you are

I'll find you somewhere,
I'll keep on trying until my dying day.
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul.

Wherever you are, I won't stop searching.
Whatever it takes, I need to know.

- Within Temptation

The End

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