"And finally, this is where you'll be staying…" Bastila glanced behind her, and added with cold emphasis, "Atton."
She opened the door and revealed a large sitting room, complete with holovid player, with doors assumedly leading to a bedroom and the refresher. Atton stepped inside and turned around to look at Bastila, who was alone in the corridor. When the group had arrived to the area where it would be staying, a hovering droid with the designation number DK-90 inscribed into its chest plate was waiting for Revan and Jena to arrive, and had promptly asked them to follow it to the Jedi Council Chamber while Bastila showed everyone else to their respective rooms. Bastila had thanked the droid, which she called "Deek", and told it to inform the Council that she would be along shortly. The droid's left photoreceptor had flickered slightly as it grumbled sarcastically to itself something about being "always happy to serve"; it then floated away, barely waiting for Jena and Revan, who carried Daynn in her arms, to catch up to it. Bastila had frowned and muttered something to the effect of the droid being overdue for a mind-wipe, and then proceeded to show everyone else to his or her room. She now found herself alone with Atton and, determined to get this unpleasant task out of the way, promptly showed him where he would stay.
"Where I'll be staying, huh?" he asked.
Bastila rolled her eyes. "You and the Exile, of course." She shook her head. "Honestly, I don't understand this obsession with sharing a room together. I can't imagine the two of you being on Coruscant for very long… Why couldn't you just sleep separately for a few nights and not have to explain to the Council the nature of your relationship? Surely you had to expect it would be a problem…"
Atton grinned mischievously. "Why, Bastila, are you telling me I should have lied to the Jedi Council?"
"Hardly," she scoffed. "I'm simply wondering why you didn't. You strike me as the type who generally doesn't have any qualms about lying to get out of trouble."
"Well, thank you, your highness," Atton replied smoothly. "That's the best compliment I've gotten in a long time."
Bastila sighed. "Look, I reckon we got off on the wrong foot…"
Atton arched his eyebrows. "And whose fault is that?"
Bastila sighed again. "Mine, I suppose… although you're certainly not helping. I just have a hard time grasping the concept that Revan had a son with one of her troops… a Jedi Assassin, no less… and failed to tell me."
Atton laughed. "No, I don't think that's it. You're just upset that your friend actually lowered herself to sleep with a guy like me."
"But that's not it at all!" Bastila protested vehemently. "I was just upset that—"
Atton raised a deprecating hand. "Don't bother. I know your type. I've spent most of my adult life avoiding your type."
Bastila drew herself up. "Oh? And what 'type' is that?" she demanded.
"The type that thinks they're better than everyone else."
"I DO NOT THINK…" Bastila began to shout, but stopped. She took a deep breath, composed herself, and said in a much calmer tone, "I do not think I'm better than everyone else."
"Could've fooled me."
Bastila exhaled deeply and Atton could have sworn he heard her mutter, "There is no emotion; there is peace" as she did so. She looked up at him, smiled wryly and said, "I apologize if I led you to think otherwise. You have to understand where I'm coming from… Not only am I informed that Revan has a child, but I also find that the child's father is a rogue Jedi, and that she…" Bastila hesitated, looked behind her and pushed Atton into the room, closing the door behind her. "Well, I think it's pretty obvious the way she felt about you in the past…" She glanced suspiciously at him. "Assuming it's all in the past…"
Atton burst into peals of laughter. "Oh, so that's what this is about! You're worried I'm trying to steal Revan away from Carth." Bastila pursed her lips and simply glared at Atton. "I'm right, aren't I?" Atton asked. "Well, you can relax and start being nice to me for a change, assuming you have it in you, because there's no way I'm leaving Jena."
Bastila looked somewhat relieved and tried to conceal a smile. "Is that so? Well, at least we have that figured out…"
"Look at you," Atton mocked. "I can't believe you were being a complete schutta to me because you thought I was trying to steal your friend away from Carth. And here I was thinking you were just naturally that way."
Bastila shot him a dark look. "Your manners certainly could use a bit of work. I can't say I understand why the Exile puts up with you."
"She has a name, you know," Atton snarled. "It's Jena. JAY-NA. It's really not that hard: same amount of syllables as "exile". Even you should be able to pull it off."
"The Council is waiting for me," Bastila said primly, ignoring his comment altogether. "I should go."
She spun around on her heels, opened the door and disappeared down the hall. Atton sighed and closed the door again. He shuffled over to the window and peered outside. The city stretched out as far as he could see. Glancing down, he attempted to determine where the tower in front of him started, but its base was hidden in the shadows. He started to wonder if anyone lived on the ground floor, and if so, whether they were ever able to see natural light. This place is just like Nar Shaddaa, only even bigger… and cleaner… and it definitely doesn't smell as bad. A lot more Jedi, though… and that weird floating droid that was here earlier just creeps me out. So twitchy. Well, at least the odds of getting shot by a stray blaster bolt on the way to the cantina are probably a lot lower here than there. Mmmh… cantina… I wonder where… He shook his head. No, I can't go yet… Gotta wait here for Jena to come back. And then maybe I can go… and maybe I can convince her to come out with me. Could happen.
He stared outside, though at nothing in particular. A few speeders flew by, and he eyed them distractedly until they disappeared out of sight. He was reminded of his arrival at Citadel Station, when he, Jena, and Kreia were under house arrest in that little one-room apartment. He remembered looking out the window in a similar fashion as Jena slept, after he and Kreia had spent a few minutes discussing her, until the old woman had ordered the conversation over. He had then moved his gaze from the passing speeders, and rested his eyes lingeringly on the sleeping Jedi exile, wondering if she truly was as helpless without the Force as Kreia had claimed. Glancing at her peaceful features, he realized that Kreia might be right… that she would need all the help she could get to… to do whatever it was she was going to do. He had felt drawn to her and inexplicably compelled to help her, ever since that time when they were attempting to escape the Harbinger through the fuel lines.
He realized that when he first met Jena, he had simply put up with her and used her for his own benefit. She was the means to an end: escaping Peragus alive. The fact that she showed up in his holding cell in her underwear—ugly underwear, but underwear nonetheless—was just a bonus, and it made putting up with her a lot easier. Sure, he had been attracted to her from the moment she walked through the door—who wouldn't have been? And while he had been very grateful that the Jedi he had heard the miners mention a few times turned out to be female, what he had felt for her could hardly have been described as love at first sight. He had found her to be rather irritating... and definitely heedless. It was all well and good for her to risk her life by going down the mining tunnels on Peragus, but had she died there, he wouldn't have been able to get off the mining facility at all, and that was something with which he definitely did not agree. The idea of having escaped the wrath of Revan, only to die among malfunctioning droids, without even getting a final meal, drink, game of pazaak, or without any kind of physical contact with a member of the opposite sex, had not particularly appealed to him. And while he spent much of his time on the administration level, as he waited for Jena to emerge from the mining tunnels, fantasizing about escaping the facility aboard some space ship with a very grateful Jena, he still wasn't that particularly fond of her… until, that is, they reached the Harbinger with Kreia.
Atton hadn't exactly been lamenting the fact that Kreia had told him and Jena to run along without her while she faced that… thing that looked like a walking, rotting corpse. And he had followed Jena without any complaints, as she seemingly knew what she was doing… and the faster they got off that ship, the faster they got away from 'sleeps-with-vibroblades'. But when Jena told him they would have to go through the fuel lines to escape, he put his foot down. He wanted off the ship, yes, but in one piece. But then Jena had taken hold of his hand, pulled him toward her and beseechingly asked him to trust her. The unexpected physical contact had made him blush—made him blush. The man who routinely had Twi'lek dancers sitting in his lap, the man who had spent his entire last pay credchip in the Nar Shaddaa red sector, blushed like a schoolgirl when this ex-Jedi dressed in a miner's uniform grabbed his hand. He had looked into her eyes and found that, despite the fact he could not remember the last time he trusted anyone but himself, he trusted her. However, almost immediately after that thought came to Atton's mind, Jena had let go of his hand and doubled over in pain, holding her left wrist. A wave of panic swept over him. What had happened? What was wrong? What was hurting her? He had suddenly felt the urge to put his arm around her and to somehow make the pain go away. That urge alone had worried him. He had never reacted that way for anyone, least of all a Jedi. A Jedi he had practically just met, no less. But since stopping for any reason wasn't much of an option at that moment, he instead told her to hang on and that they were almost there. He clasped her right hand and took command, forcing her to follow him down the fuel lines. That was the moment he realized he cared about her, and, after seeing the fear, the confusion, and the raw pain in her eyes, and he had sworn to himself then and there that he would never, ever let anything or anyone hurt her.
And here he was, two years later, realizing that he had broken his own promise… and that he himself had hurt her. He gritted his teeth and stared sullenly out the window. He had caused it. The pain he had sensed coming from her when he read her mind was his fault… and it was all because of the way Revan had confused him and resurrected old, long dead emotions. Well, no more. He shook his head and set his teeth. He knew what he needed to do.
A knock at the door jarred him from his thoughts. He turned and walked hurriedly to the door. "Jena?" he asked as he opened the door. His expectant smile vanished. "Oh, it's you." A small boy with black hair and hazel eyes looked quizzically up at him.
"Of course, I'm me. Who else would I be?" Daynn asked.
Atton sighed. Eight years old and already sounding like a damn Jedi. What the hell kind of an eight-year-old asks a question like that?
"What do you want?" Atton asked brusquely. "Where's Jena? …And your mother?"
Daynn vaguely pointed toward the direction DK-90 had taken him, Jena and Revan earlier. "Still talking to the people in robes in the big room," he said. He cocked his head pensively and added, "They were all sitting except for us. How come?"
Atton shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe they're all really old. How many of them were there?"
Daynn pondered for a moment and silently held up six fingers.
"Six?" Atton asked, incredulously. "I didn't think there were even that many Jedi to throw around, much less six Jedi masters. What did they ask you? Why is Jena still there?"
"They asked me some questions about where I came from… about where I was before Jena found me… They asked me some other stuff I didn't understand… But the little green one was nice."
"Little… green one?"
Daynn seemed pensive. "Yeah, green… or… well maybe brown." He shrugged. "He was smaller than me! But he still got to sit on a chair. He has big ear, though, so maybe they're too heavy for him, so he has to sit."
Atton stared at his son in disbelief. "Okay, I'm not even going to try to understand what you're saying." He shook his head. "But what about Jena? What did they say to Jena?"
"They didn't say anything. They talked to me for a while, then they told me to wait outside with that flying droid."
Atton frowned. "Then why are you here?"
"It was taking too long!" Daynn whined. "It was boring!"
"So you just… left?"
Daynn nodded.
"But what about that droid? Didn't he tell you to wait there?"
"No-o-o-o…" Daynn said slowly. "I waited in the hall with him for a really long time… He didn't like to talk to me, especially after…" He stopped and looked down.
"Especially after…?" Atton asked apprehensively, knowing that whatever Daynn was about to tell him, he probably didn't want to hear it.
"Especially after that gizka blew up…" Daynn's eyes were solidly fixed onto his shoes, and he started to fidget with his tunic, looking every bit like a tiny version of a nervous Atton.
"You killed a gizka?" Atton asked incredulously.
Daynn's hazel eyes, full of tears, lifted back up toward Atton. "I wasn't trying!" he wailed. "I liked him! He was really cute! It was a accident!"
Atton felt a slight pang of guilt and awkwardly said, "No, don't… don't cry…" Big tears rolled down the boy's face. "Dammit, Daynn, why do you always do this? What is with you and your mother and crying? Look. I'm sure he was a bad gizka. Maybe he stole all his little gizka friends' lunch credits."
"Really?" Daynn asked hopefully, sniffling.
Atton's face fell. "Are you kidding me?" he asked in disbelief. "Are you really that immune to sarcasm? Are you sure you're my son? Those things don't ever do anything wrong, except breed." He sighed. "Look, maybe it's just as well. You probably prevented the place from being overrun by the damn things. Don't worry about that. We'll teach you to control your… powers or whatever. Now. You killed the gizka, and then what happened?"
Daynn wiped his eyes and sniffed loudly. "Well, I felt bad… So I sat down… and I got bored… so I left."
"And the droid didn't say anything?"
"Yes, he said…" His little brow furrowed. "He said there was no point in telling me to stay, because I wasn't going to anyway. And then his eye flashed funny, and he said he wasn't built to babysit dangerous stray padawans. What's a padawan?"
"You'll probably learn that too soon for my taste, so don't ask," Atton answered darkly. They're going want to turn my son into one of those cryptic Jedi I hate… and I won't even have a say in it, I'll bet. At least if he was trained the same way Jena trained me, it wouldn't be so bad. But I don't want my son turning out like that Vrook character. Or worse… Mical. He shuddered.
Daynn, assuming Atton was done questioning him, promptly ran to the window and peered outside. With his face pressed up against the glass, he stared at the air speeders that flew past. Atton looked over to him. "Wait… so what you're saying is, Jena and your mother don't know you're here."
Daynn backed away from the window, the imprint of his mouth and nose remaining on the glass. He seemed unsure. "I… I don't… I don't think so," he stuttered.
Atton suddenly had a mental image of Revan and Jena frantically searching the temple for Daynn. He rolled his eyes. "Didn't we have…? Yes, there is a rule for not wandering off on your own. Daynn?" he asked severely.
The boy's shoulders slouched. "Five," he said in a small voice.
"What was that?" Atton insisted.
"Rule number five: don't wander off on your own," Daynn stated loudly.
"Right. Now come on. We have to go back there, otherwise those two are going to go insane looking for you." Atton walked back to the door. "Come on!" he insisted. The boy exhaled loudly and ran over to him. "I hope you remember how to get there," Atton cautioned as he closed the door behind him. Daynn nodded convincingly and started walking down the hall.
Ten minutes, three staircases and several doors later, Atton enquired skeptically, "Are you sure you remember where this is?"
"Yes, yes!" Daynn assured. He then glanced quizzically at Atton and blurted, "Didn't Jena ever tell you not to read her mind?"
Atton frowned. "What? Where did that come from?"
"Earlier," Daynn insisted. "You were reading her mind. I saw you."
"What, you too?" Atton exploded. "How would you even know this?"
"Because…" Daynn said sheepishly. "I was reading yours." Atton opened his mouth angrily and Daynn quickly added, "I know, I know… rule number one. But you still shouldn't read Jena's mind. You told me not to."
Atton shut his mouth and took a deep breath. He's right. You know he's right. He hung his head. "I know. I shouldn't have. I just… needed to know…"
"Jena's sad," Daynn said reproachfully. "You made her sad."
Atton felt an urge to deny Daynn's allegations, but decided that there was no point in trying to hide anything from the mind-reading child. "I know, I know," he groaned. "It's my fault… and Mical's too, but mostly mine." He knelt down, put his hands on the boy's shoulders and said earnestly, "Look… I promise I will make her feel better. I don't like seeing Jena sad any more than you do."
"Promise?" Daynn asked doubtfully.
"Promise."
Daynn smiled. "Good. Cause we're here." He pointed at something down the hall. Atton squinted. It looked like that hovering droid from earlier. Groaning internally, Atton followed Daynn and walked up to it. The droid turned its head and looked at the boy.
"Oh. Great. You're back," it said sarcastically. It glanced up at Atton deprecatingly. "And this unit sees you brought with you a larger version of yourself as well."
Atton looked at the droid with great distaste. "Are Jena and Revan still in there?" he asked it, as he glanced around for traces of the dead gizka. He was however thankful that he failed to find any.
"For the sake of not making this unpleasant conversation last longer than necessary, this unit will assume you are referring to the two organic females that earlier accompanied this shorter male one. If that is indeed the case, then yes, they are still 'in there'."
"Great," Atton said, ignoring the droid's sarcasm. He turned to Daynn and added, "All right, now you'd better stay here this time. Don't wander off. Stay here with this—" He glanced suspiciously at DK-90, who was humming impatiently to itself. "—droid."
"Oh!" the droid responded with false glee, its photoreceptor twitching. "Does this unit get to play babysitter for this… disturbing padawan again?"
Atton narrowed his eyes and looked at the droid even though he was still addressing Daynn. "You know, on second thought, maybe I'll stay here with you till Rev and Jena come out."
"That would be most appreciated, Jim," DK-90 said.
"My name's Atton," the man said, frowning.
The droid, unable to shrug because of its lack of shoulders, still raised all four of its arms to demonstrate its lack of care, turned, and floated away, grumbling to itself. Atton glanced down at Daynn. "Remember when I told you I hated droids, and you asked me why? That's why."
"I like him," Daynn said, smiling. "He's funny."
Atton rolled his eyes. "You would. Anyway, I guess now that that thing is gone, I have to stay here with you… I wonder how much longer it'll—"
The door opened, interrupting Atton's sentence. "Jaq!" Revan exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Is everything all right?"
"Yeah, yeah… just—next time don't ask a malfunctioning droid to look after your son. You guys all done in there? Is Jena okay?"
"I'm fine, Atton," said a voice behind Revan. Jena took a step closer to Atton, coming out from behind Revan.
"Great!" Atton said. "So you're all done. Can we go, now?"
Jena and Revan exchanged glances. "Actually, Jaq, the Council wants to speak to you… as well as with Mira, Mical and Bao-Dur."
"Figures," Atton said, rolling his eyes. "When do they want to see me?"
"Well, you're here now, so you might as well go in now, Jaq."
"Er… All right…" Atton said hesitantly. Revan and Jena stepped aside to let Atton through, and Revan started walking down the hall, accompanied by Daynn. Atton pulled Jena to the side of the door, to ensure none of the Council members could see them. "What do they want with me?" he whispered to Jena.
"I don't know," Jena whispered back. "They didn't say. I think they just want to talk to you… they just want to meet those new Jedi they didn't know about."
"But what about Mical? Haven't they already met him?"
"I'm not sure… maybe, but they still want to talk to him. I didn't ask."
"Well, you're no help," Atton said drearily. "What if they decide they don't want me to be a Jedi?"
"I doubt that'll happen, Atton. The Jedi Order needs all the help it can get if we're going to manage to defeat the Sith. As it is, they…" Jena smiled and shook her head. "You shouldn't keep them waiting. I'll tell you later."
"No, what were you gonna say?"
Jena blushed and looked pleased. "They… they revoked my exile status. They've accepted me back into the Order. There's more, but that I will tell you later. Now go." She gave him a gentle nudge toward the door.
"Jena, that's…" Atton began to say, but stopped. That's… what? That's great? I guess it is… she seems happy… but how do I feel about that? How are things going to change if...
"I know," Jena said, casually brushing her hand against his cheek. "We'll talk more when you get back. I'll see you back at the room." She rested her hand on his arm, smiled, stood on the tip of her toes and kissed his cheek. She started to back away when Atton grabbed her face with both hands and pressed his lips firmly against hers. Jena surrendered to the kiss for an instant, but then blushed and laughed. "Atton!" she protested in a whisper, squirming away to break free, giggling still. "Where did that come from?"
"I don't know," he breathed. "I just… had a bad feeling all of a sudden." He kissed her again. "I love you. You know that, right?"
Jena peered perplexedly into his eyes. "Atton, of course I…"
"No," Atton insisted. "I mean—I love you. And nobody else."
Atton stared intently into her eyes. Dawning appeared on Jena's face.
"Are you sure?" she asked slowly.
"Yes," Atton hissed. "Revan… she's… a part of my past. A past I've been trying to forget about since I met you. I may have felt something for her once, but it's nothing—nothing—compared to what I feel for you."
"Why are you telling me all this?" Jena wondered. "And how did you know…?" She squinted and looked into his eyes, which shifted guiltily. "You were reading my mind… weren't you. I haven't been shielding my thoughts since we left Myrkr, because I lost the habit, since I didn't need to do it over there."
Atton's eyes wavered and dropped. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have. I just… needed to know… There was… like a wall between us… and you were so miserable… and I just felt…" He clenched his teeth.
"Don't," Jena whispered. "It's my fault. I've barely spent any time with you since you found me… and that's just because I've been feeling… guilty… about Mical's fall."
"Oh, come on," Atton protested weakly, not sounding too convinced of his own words. "He didn't fall… he just kind of… lost his temper… once…"
"I think we both know it was more than once, Atton," Jena said softly. "And we also both know that he would have killed you if he had been given the chance. He fell… and it was because of the way he felt about me… so I felt I owed him… felt I had to help him turn away from the Dark side." Jena glanced over her shoulder. "But we shouldn't speak of this any more… Go on. They're waiting for you. We'll talk more later."
"But, Jena…"
Jena smiled. "It's all right, Atton. Things will get better. I promise." She started walking away and turned around. "By the way… I love you too," she said, smiling, before turning again.
Atton smiled as he watched her walk away. He took a deep breath. All right… You can do this… It's just a bunch of Jedi. Nothing you can't handle.
He stepped into the room.
"Ah, Padawan Rand!" Atton heard a raspy yet squeaky voice call out to him. "Come in!" the friendly voice insisted. "Harm you we will not."
Atton took another step forward and wondered how anyone knew his name if he hadn't been announced. He looked around the circular room. It was rather dilapidated, much like the rest of the Jedi temple. Atton reflected that the building—and the room—must have been nice before the Jedi started getting killed off. There was a row of chairs all around him. He estimated that there were twelve of them, but only six were occupied. To his right sat the yellowish male Twi'lek he had seen with Bastila on the platform, when she had come to greet them. Next to the Twi'lek was Bastila herself, who was absent-mindedly twirling a strand of her hair around her finger. The female Bothan who had earlier accompanied Bastila and the Twi'lek was nowhere to be found. Atton assumed she had only been a padawan, or perhaps a Jedi Knight… not a master. To Bastila's right was a very short, fuzzy, rodent-like creature with tufted ears and a long snout, entirely covered in blue hair. Atton saw the creature and could not refrain from cringing. He had dealt with Squibs on Nar Shaddaa when he was trying to sell his blasters, and that encounter had led to what was possibly the worst deal he had ever struck. He only hoped that this particular Squib wasn't as ruthless at bargaining; otherwise, Atton might end up volunteering to leave both Jena and the Order. A touch more apprehensively, he continued glancing around the room. Next to the Squib, and right in front of Atton, sat a small greenish-brown, wrinkled being with long, pointed ears. It smiled at him. Atton guessed it to be the one who had first addressed him… and likely, the one Daynn had talked about. He tried to identify its species, but he couldn't remember ever hearing about such a creature. He stared at it for a moment, and continued looking around the room. Next in line were a female Cathar, and finally, a Miraluka definitely familiar to Atton.
Visas! What is she doing here? On the Council, of all places… She can't possibly be a Jedi master!
For a moment, Atton was almost relieved to see a familiar face among this small crowd of imperturbable Jedi… and then he remembered that he and Visas had never really gotten along very well. In fact, he cringed as he distinctly recalled once telling Visas, shortly after she came aboard the Ebon Hawk, to "lay off trying to impress Jena so damn much, you Sithspawn. She's not buying it. And neither am I." Atton glanced nervously at Visas' impassive facial features. Well, how did she expect me to react? Did she think I'd welcome her with open arms? She tried to kill Jena!
"Welcome!" the raspy voice spoke again. Atton's gaze reverted to the short alien with the pointed ears. "I am Master Vandar. Atton Rand you are... Jena Shel's padawan... if mistaken I am not?"
"I... Yes," Atton replied when he managed to understand what Master Vandar was telling him. He briefly wondered whether he should correct the Jedi and tell him that Revan was his master now, but he decided against it. There's not really any point, he thought. I'm sure it's not that relevant.
Master Vandar shifted in his seat. "Wondering how this I know, you are, mmmh?" His eyes were glimmering with amusement. Atton cleared his throat.
"Well, not really... I figured you just invaded my mind, like all the other Jedi do."
A few of the Jedi shot Atton a disapproving look, but Master Vandar simply chuckled. "Fool you, we cannot. Though admit I must... difficult your mind is to read."
"Yeah, so I hear," Atton replied smugly. "And unless you like listening to someone play pazaak, I'd suggest staying out of there. What's in my head is my business... and if you really have to know something, you could always try asking, like the rest of us generally do."
Vandar smiled serenely. "Your card trick... Always work, it does not. But know this already you do. For failed it already has when learned your past Kreia did."
Atton smirked and arched an eyebrow. "And apparently it's failing now, too." Master Vandar said nothing, but stared at Atton with an amused look on his face. A few seconds went past, and the six Jedi studied Atton closely, without speaking a word. Atton shifted uncomfortably.
"So..." he began. "Any particular reason you wanted to see me? Or did you just want to make sure I wasn't going to start killing Jedi again?"
There was an uncomfortable movement across the room. All the Jedi turned to each other and exchanged knowing glances. Master Vandar, however, showed no reaction, and continued to study Atton with an amused look.
"So sure you are that, of your past, we know."
Atton scoffed. "Well, it would be kind of pointless to start rooting through my head if you didn't try to scare up some dirt on me. Besides, I kind of figured she told you," he added, jerking his thumb in Bastila's direction. Bastila let go of her hair and sat up straight. The conversation was clearly not going in the direction she was expecting.
"Told us Bastila has not. Nor has Visas, before you ask. However right you are to think that read your secrets I have. Apologize to you, I must. Your card counting trick... confuse me, it did, and made me wonder what hiding you were."
"How did you know I was hiding something?"
"If hiding something you were not, then why concealing your thoughts would you be? Mmmh?"
Atton couldn't repress a grin. "All right, you got me. So then if you weren't worried about me killing Jedi, why did you want to see me?"
Vandar smiled and looked at the other Jedi masters. "Curious, we were to know who worthy of becoming a Jedi, Master Shel deemed."
Master Shel? Atton had to stop and think for a second before he realized that Vandar was referring to Jena. Master? They made her a master? That's... a bit more than just accepting her back into the Order. I wonder why Jena didn't tell me that part. Why isn't she here right now, then? …I guess they didn't want her around while they tore me apart.
Noticing that Atton wasn't saying anything, Vandar added, "Questions for us, surely you must have."
Atton frowned. "You're asking me if I have questions for you? You're the one who asked to see me... I'm pretty sure you must have questions for me."
"I have a question for him, if I may, Master Vandar," said a voice to Atton's left. He turned and looked at Visas.
"Ah... Jedi Marr. Speak you may."
"Jedi?" Atton interrupted. "She's just a Jedi Knight and she's on the Council? I thought only Jedi masters could be Council members."
"An exception, Visas is." Master Vandar's smile faded and his head dropped slightly. "Too few Jedi there now are to fill these seats," he said with sadness in his voice. "Hiding… or dead, most of them are. When destroyed Katarr was, lost were too many of us. Escape, I did. Into hiding I went… for too dangerous for Jedi, the galaxy had become. Dead, I was believed to be. When destroyed Nihilus was, through the Force, we all sensed it. The one to find me, Visas was. Came to me she did after leaving Telos and the Ebon Hawk.More training she required. My padawan, she became. Slowly, Jedi gathered here. But too few were the ones who came. All the help we could get, we needed. A Jedi Knight, Visas now is. And so, for all the help she has given us, an unofficial member of the Council, she has become." Vandar looked over to her and bowed slightly, inviting her to speak.
"I was wondering," Visas asked, addressing Atton, "why it is you chose to become a Jedi… other than the fact that Jena asked you, of course. From what I've gathered, you used to kill Jedi?" Atton reflected that if she had eyes, they would likely be glaring at him. He shifted uncomfortably as he realized that Visas was probably the last of his former crewmembers to find out about his past, and she probably didn't like being left out of the loop. He was however still annoyed at the fact that she chose to ask that question. Shouldn't she be on his side? Sure, they didn't always get along, but even so… They both worshipped Jena. That had to count for something.
Atton nostrils flared. "I followed Revan when she waged war against the Mandalorians," he said as primly as he could. "She helped save the Republic, and therefore had my allegiance. When the Jedi Civil War broke out, I followed her. I became a Sith." He pursed his lips and couldn't resist adding, "You know… like you were." Hetook a deep breath and continued. "Revan had me trained to capture Jedi so they could be turned... and those that would not be turned, I had to kill."
There was a murmur that traveled across the room. Atton drew his head up. "But one day I left. A Jedi had found me... and told me I was Force sensitive, and that I was in danger. She said that if Revan suspected I could feel the Force, she would send me away to turn me into a Dark Jedi. She... she sacrificed herself for me."
"Sacrificed herself?" the Squib asked.
Atton hesitated. "I... killed her." He looked away, shamed. There were a few gasps around the room and another murmur. Master Vandar, however remained still, his face impassive. "I had to," Atton continued in a harsh whisper. "If she had been caught... and she likely would have been... they would have turned her... and then they would have learned my secret. She died to protect me. So I could go on and live my life." His voice became normal again. "For a long time, I wondered why she bothered. I didn't think I was worth anything. But when I met Jena, I knew... I knew she was the reason why I had been spared. I had to help her. I had to save her or die trying. And that's why I became a Jedi. To help her... die for her... to try and make up for what I had done."
"And yet you're still alive," the Squib commented curiously.
"It's not for lack of trying," Atton said with a coy smile. "Jena told me I saved her when I ran out after her on Malachor V after the shadow generator had been triggered. I don't know that I did, because quite frankly, if it hadn't been for the rest of our crew... for Mical, who helped me get Jena on board the Ebon Hawk as the planet was about to get destroyed... we both would have died there. But the fact remains that Jena's still alive, and that as long as I have a breath left in me, she will stay alive."
Atton stopped talking and waited expectantly for one of the Jedi to say something. He ran his sweaty palms down the sides of his robes. Finally, Master Vandar addressed him. "A great love for Master Shel you appear to have."
Atton furrowed his brow. "Well, yes, I…" He stopped and it suddenly dawned on him that the conversation was headed in a direction he probably would not like. He hung his head. "Yes," he repeated briefly.
"Surely, you must know that from love often spawns jealousy... resentment... revenge... and hatred, emotions which all lead to the Dark side," Visas said severely. "Emotions which I know you have experienced."
"Yes," Atton breathed, staring at his boots.
"Master Shel must have taught you the Jedi code… namely that 'there is no emotion'," the Squib piped.
"Yes," Atton said again, dully.
"And yet," Bastila said, "you choose to pursue this relationship despite the fact it goes against the Jedi code."
Following suit with his head, Atton's shoulders slumped. Where are they going with this? Are they going to forbid me from seeing Jena? Are they going to cut me off from the Force? To exile me like they exiled her? To force me to give up my lightsaber?
"Look," he said, trying not to let his desperation show. "I've turned my back to the Dark side more often than I can count. Yes, I get jealous. But I don't let it dominate me. Well... not anymore. Visas knew me almost two years ago. I've changed!Revan could tell you that... She's tried to bait me... with Mical... but I kept my temper in check." He looked at Master Vandar. "Please," he entreated. "Don't ask me to stay away from her. And don't ask me to stop loving her, because I can't. She's the one who made me who I am now. She's everything to me."
The moment Atton uttered those last few words, he realized he had said too much.
"And what," asked the Cathar seated next to Vandar, "would happen if she were to die by someone's hand? What then? Would you keep your resolve? Would you be able to resist the temptation to strike that person down in anger?"
Atton sighed, and whispered, "I don't know. I like to think I would... but I just don't know. I just know what I went through during the year and a half we were separated... and I know that I would be lost without her."
His eyes dropped to his boots, but not before they had a chance to rest upon Master Vandar's pensive, somber face. It's over. I've lost the argument. I've lost Jena. She's so happy to be a part of the Order again... if they tell her she can't be with me anymore... I've lost her. The room remained silent for a few minutes, and suddenly Master Vandar spoke up, "Much to reflect upon, you have given us. A moment we require to discuss your case. Outside this room please wait until summoned you are again."
Atton swallowed and bowed slightly. He turned around and exited the room. He stepped out into the hall, closed the door, leaned up against the wall and slid down to the floor, more dejected than he had been in a long time.
Author's notes: Thanks for all the reviews... sorry about the slow updates recently, but I just finished moving. Hopefully, I should be able to post a bit more regularly, now that things are a bit less stressful. I still love hearing what you think of my chapters, so please let me know:)
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