PotC2 Dead Man’s Chest: The Goofy Musical! Chapter 4: SAILIN' DIRTY!, a pirates of the caribbean fanfic

Disclaimer: PotC is not mine! It's Ted and Terry's baby (I love those guys! They are my homies!)

A/N: Major DMC spoilers, ye be warned...

Ch. 4: Sailin' Dirty!

Jack: -saunters on stage, grabs mike-

(Will and Elizabeth return from their honeymoon to see Jack begin his performance)

"Sailin' Dirty" is sung to the tune of "Ridin' Dirty" by Chamillionaire

-music starts-

Jack: -thuggish-

They see me Black Pearl
They hatin'
Patrollin' and trying to catch me sailin' dirty
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty My garb is so loud!

Norrington: -chokes, disgusted-

Jack: I'm Captain!
They hopin' that they gonna catch me sailin' dirty
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty

Jack:
Navy sees me Pearl
Black so it ain't easy to be seen
Beckett sees me sail by
He can see the gleam
And my shine on the deck and the beams
Sailing with her forever, she will hold up
Next to the sunken Interceptor!

There be one bullet in my pistola
I be aimin' right for Barbossa
Liz you know I ain't stupid unlike the whelp
Just trying to flirt ain't trying to steal you, baby
Dock now in Tortuga, I pull in the ladies
Navy on patrol - yeah, you know they hate me
My charm turned all the way up and to the maximum
I gots booty, me crew try to 'jack' for some
But I packing something from Tia, my compass, um...
Will have a pirate locked up in the maximum
Turkish Prison cell
I'm freakin' oh
Norrie's drunk and I'm layin' low
Sword ready, Liz can take this foe
Mercer shows up in the shadows, let's end this, yo
Got some souls, gotta stop Davy Jones
See me deceive
Liz'beth be like, "Where be Will's bones?"

That be pirate skillz - I lie through me teeth
Got to almost kiss her, lots o' tension an' heat
Yet I must stay free...

Jack: They see me Black Pearl
They hatin'
Patrollin' and trying to catch me sailin' dirty
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty
My garb is so loud!

Beckett: "Ew!" -thinks wigs are better than dreads-

Gibbs: -plunders mike from Jack-
I been drinkin all the time, holy shit!
And I really can't focus
We got to find land befo' Davy Jones catch us
Captian o' the Dutchman, yeah 'e controls the Kraken, man
Jack sent Will ta settle his debt, his leverage again
He sins again - we in to win!
Defend the crew wit' me powder and shot
Don't want the Black Spot!
We living like we ain't givin a (beep!)
Jack signed Norrie into the crew, outta da muck
He 'elped that drunk
Noble thing ta do, for a pirate and all

Will: -raises eyebrows-

Gibbs: -piratey-

Commin' Willie T? Me and da crew
Yo ho, got to hit the rum bottle
Wondering about how Jack got Davy's heart
Oh yeah, 'he got the key
Watch out, E.I.T.C.! (East India Trading Company)
Hope Beckett don't find us, on the open sea
With no regard for the law, we dodge em like (bleep!) em all
But I won't be caught up and brought up on charges for none of ya'll
Keep a gun in hand
And a sword to spare
In da navy before,
Now I'm a pirate, dawg
Ready or not we bust shots off in the air, oh
Mister Gibbs and Cap'n Sparrow!

Jack: -steals mike from Gibbs-

They see me Black Pearl
They hatin'
Patrollin' and tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty!
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty
My garb is so loud!

Gov Swann: -thinks Jack needs grammatical lessons-

Jack: -gangsta-

I know whatcha thinkin so
I try to let it go
Yeah I was quite the fool
Accordin' ta Jones, 'life is cruel'
Gotta escape him an' the Navy
Yeah they worse than Davy
Think they holdin' me with shackles and the pirate brand
But I'ma hardcore pirate - just look at me hand
Look behind me, hey look - they smilin'
Thinkin they'll reel me in with those letters of marque
Cutler be denyin' that I gave him a mark!

Beckett: -meep!-

Jack: E.I.T.C. - You can kiss my ass!

-slaps his booty-

Will: -weirded out- "ummm..."

Liz: "yum!"

Jack: Pull me over, yeah you gonna get slapped
Me jar of dirt, gotta hide the heart
Cause James Norrington, he'll try to outsmart
And being the pirate that I am
I talk to him
Giving a damn about him
Not feeling my additudes
And when he realize
That I ain't even sailin' dirty
Norrie be leaving in with an even madder mood
And I'm a laugh at you
And then I have to cruise
You a number two on some old navy crew
You can't arrest me, you smelly foo' !
This is a message to Lord Beckett
Tell 'im "I hate you"
I can't be touched
And tell him 'e shoulda known
Tippin over, I'm walkin' crooked on me ship
Hangin at the tavern findin' a chick I wanna bone
Beckett couldn't stop me I'm about to pull up on his home
And it's on...

Jack: They see me Black Pearl
They hatin'
Patrollin' and tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty!
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty
My garb is so loud!

Barbossa: -chuckles-

Jack: -points to self- I'm Captain!
They hopin' that they gonna catch me sailin' dirty
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty…

(song fades)

Jack: -takes a bow, grinning smugly and eyeing Liz suggestively-

Liz: -claps enthusiastically-

Will and Norrie: -jealous-

Lord Beckett: -bolts from room, scared out of his mind at what he just witnessed-

Will: -recovers- "We need to show 'em how it's really done! Right, Liz?"

Liz: -still oggling Jack- "Sure uh huh, Will...what song do you have in mind?"

Will: -smirks- "Adventurous Girl."

End Ch. 4

Reviews please! (This one was extra difficult to write) Get ready for the PotC Will/Liz version of "Promiscuous Girl"!