Stumble And Fall
GC Set after S6 'Bang Bang'. In the hospital, whilst waiting for their best friend to come out of surgery, Grissom finally talks about something which happened a long time ago.
Disclaimer: Let's see, I own my Muse, my imagination, my dreams, the fangirl in me and not a whole lot else. CBS I worship the ground you metaphorically walk on.
A/N:- How can you make a GC fic from this episode when they gave us, erm, nothing to work with? This is my attempt. I started this after I watched the episode but have just got round to finishing it. Damn Internet Connection is down so I'm uploading this from my Dad's office.
"Gil, how is he?" Catherine asked worriedly, walking into the hospital waiting room.
"Not good. He's in surgery now." Grissom said looking up at her grimly.
"I can't believe that son of a bitch. Death was too good for him." Catherine said, pacing the room as thoughts of the perp who played them all filled her mind.
"Shouldn't you be at the lab supervising the others wrap the case?" Grissom asked, watching her walk. He realised that it came out more accusatory than he had meant and immediately cursed himself. Although he wasn't doing a good job at showing it, he was glad she was here. Sitting by himself in the clinically white waiting room running through all the outcomes in his mind was making him feel sick.
"They were all too distracted and upset so I sent them all home. I finished the report myself and then came here." Catherine said, walking over to the machine and pouring a cup. She turned round and signalled to Grissom but he shook his head telling her he didn't want one.
"And Lindsey?"
"Mom and Dad are taking her to a show tonight and then she'll probably stay the rest of the night with Mom." Catherine told him, taking the seat next to him. There was silence as she sipped her water. She would never tell him, but she had never seen Gil look as distraught and torn up as he was now. He had been crying, she could tell, but she knew he would be childishly embarrassed and deny it if she brought it up so she didn't.
"What are his chances?" She asked quietly.
"Under 40 percent."
Catherine sucked in her breath and leant forward resting her arms on her legs. She was mentally exhausted. By the time she had finished the reports she was coming up to finishing a triple shift and her body was now functioning purely on adrenaline and worry.
"You should go home and get some sleep." Grissom said, looking at her.
Catherine sat back up and shook her head. "I need to be here."
"There's nothing you can do for Jim." Grissom said, furrowing his brows.
"I know, but I wish there was." Catherine sighed. "No, he might not need me but you do." She said, giving him a tired smile.
The corners of Grissom's mouth twitched in acknowledgement and then he looked away, staring at the floor again. "I've never told anyone this but I'm his attorney and if he never regains consciousness then-" He said, and then the thought of what came next became too much and in spite of himself he began to choke up.
"He's going to be alright Gil." Catherine said, reaching over and resting her hand on his in comfort. "You know Jim, he's a fighter. He's going to pull through and you're never going to have to make that decision."
"Catherine, I-" Gil started but he couldn't finish what he wanted to say. He looked at her helplessly, tears running down his face. Brass was one of his best friends in the whole world and had stuck by him through thick and thin and he and Catherine were practically the only two people in the world he had ever let himself get close to and now faced with the prospect that he might lose one of them he felt so very very lost.
Catherine felt her eyes start to well up as well and she was about to reach up and give Gil a hug when he did something he had never done before and pulled her close to him first. With his arm around her, she rested her head on his shoulder and let herself cry for her friend hovering between life and death in a nearby room.
Gil felt her body shudder with tears and he squeezed her arm in comfort. He knew that he was so close to losing Jim, there was no way he was ever going to let himself lose Catherine.
They sat there silently letting the tears fall until Catherine pulled away and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. "What would Jim say if he could see us now?" She said with a sad chuckle.
"He would say that we're crying over nothing because he's going to be alright." Grissom said, handing her his handkerchief which Catherine took gratefully giving him a small smile to acknowledge the fact that he was now the one using her words to reassure her. He cocked his head to one side and looked at her for a moment. "I don't know why this just popped in my head but it was something Doc Robbins said to me earlier but do you remember the time I proposed to you?"
Catherine looked at him in surprise, her eyes still glistening from the tears. "Of course. How can I ever forget?" She wanted to tell him that that was all she thought about every time she saw him but she realised this was neither the time nor the place although it surprised her that Grissom was even bringing it up. They had never spoken about it since the night it happened over ten years ago. It was like something that had happened but never really happened.
"I know that it was something that we were going to keep between us and I never told you but Jim knew all along." Grissom said sheepishly.
Catherine's mouth twitched. "I know." She said simply. "You'd have to be blind not to notice some of the looks he's given us over the years."
"Yeah, well, one of the things that has always made Jim the man who he is is his willingness to fight for what he wants and what is right. Fourteen years ago when you and Eddie got divorced and you were left with little Lindsey, he was the one who told me that if I loved you I should just go ahead and take my chances and ask you to, erm, marry me." Gil finished looking embarrassed.
Catherine didn't say anything but her eyes widened in shock. She could still picture the night in her mind. Lindsey had been at her Mom's so she and Gil had gone out to dinner on their day off and she had spent most of the evening ranting about how she never thought she would be like her mother left having to raise a child by herself whilst juggling time with her daughter with a job and Gil had told her that maybe someone else was going to come along and be willing to give her the support she needs. Of course she had just laughed sadly and said that was never going to happen. Next thing she knew Gil was down on one knee holding his Grandma's ring out to her. She had never been so shocked and when she finally regained her ability to speak she had very gently told him that she appreciated the gesture but it just couldn't happen. And they never spoke of it again. To be honest, she always thought that Gil was having a mad five minutes which caused him to propose …. I mean here was some one who had always lived alone, never had a proper relationship just willing to commit himself to something he had no prior experience with.
"You, erm, you loved me?" She said quietly.
Gil looked back at her surprised. "I thought you knew that." He said, furrowing his brows.
"I thought you were just asking because you didn't want me to have to bring up Lindsey by myself."
Gil looked away, a mixture of emotions in his eyes. He thought she had known, that she had always known how he had felt about her. He thought she had known he loved her from the moment he met her but they never spoke about it because she was with Eddie and then when she rejected him, he had taken it as a clear signal that she didn't feel the same way about him. So they had never spoken about it again and gradually he had learned to look at her as a co-worker and friend and nothing more. How could she be saying that she never knew?
"Wow." Catherine said softly after awhile.
"Yeah." Grissom sighed, looking down at his hands. "Cue awkward silence."
"Well, I guess it all makes more sense now." Catherine said with a forced chuckle. Then she gently leant back down and rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes comfortably. "I think any girl is lucky to have you love them Gil." She said after awhile.
Gil smiled and put his arm around her again as he silently said a prayer of thanks to their friend who had been right all along.