Ch. 6: Welcome to Tortuga!

Epilogue – one month later

Jack: "Ya know, William, I think ya need a vacation. From married life…"

Will: "I don't know, Jack. Elizabeth and I are perfectly happy as we are."

Jack: -ignores Will's last comment- "How 'bout you come to Tortuga with me for a few days? It would do you a world of good; trust me."

Will: "It sounds like…fun. But what about Elizabeth?"

Jack: "How many times must you say that line?Don't ya worry about your wife. Just tell her you decided to go piratin' for a time. She doesn't need ta know the exact location of our destination of choice, savvy?"

Will: -reluctant- "Okayyyy…but I think she'll find out somehow. Elizabeth is smarter than one might think."

One week later, after an uneventful voyage on the Pearl, Will and Jack dock in Tortuga. They visit Jack's favorite tavern, the Faithful Bride, and are swarmed by whores who cannot seem to get enough of Will and Jack's hotness.

Jack: "Why do I feel a song coming on?"

Will: "Maybe because I'm about to sing one."

Jack: "Ah."

Welcome to Tortuga, sung to Will Smith's Welcome to Miami

Will: -old school gangsta-

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!
Tortuga, uh, uh
Port Royal, bringin' the heat, uh
Haha, can y'all feel that?
Can y'all feel that?
Jig it out, uh!

Here I am in the place where I come let go
In Tortuga the base and the sunset low
Everyday like a Mardi Gras, everybody party all day
No work, all play, okay?
So we sip a little rum, lay to rest the spill
Me an Sparrow at the bar runnin' up a high bill

Will: -points to Jack-

Jack: -points to self-

Will:
Nothin' less than ill, when we dress to kill
Every time the ladies pass, they be like

Scarlett and Giselle: "Hi Will!"

Will:
Y'all feel me? All ages and races
Real sweet faces
Every different nation Spanish, Haitian, Indian, Jamaican
Black, White, Cuban, and Asian!
I only came for two days of playin'
But every time I come I always wind up stayin'
This the type of town I could spend a few days in
Tortuga the city that keeps the roof blazin'

Ragetti: -pops in randomly- "Literally!"

Will and Jack: -chorus-
Party in Tortuga where the heat is on
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn

Scarlett: Welcome to Tortuga

Giselle: -too much cleavage- Buenvenidos a Tortuga!

Will and Jack: Bouncin' in the pub where the heat is on
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn
Will: We're goin' to Tortuga!
Scarlett and Giselle: -seductive- Welcome to Tortuga!
Will: -wears a see-through white piratey shirt giving the whores and anyone else who may be looking a tantalizing peek at his smooth, muscular, and most importantly hairless chest-
Yo I heard the hurricanes ain't nothin' to mess with
But I can't feel a drip on the strip, it's a trip
Ladies half-dressed, fully equipped
And they be screamin' out,

Scarlett and Giselle: -cooing- Will, we loved your last hit!

Will: -one hot dude-
So I'm thinkin' I'ma scoot me somethin' hot
Tavern be called The Faithful Bride is it not?
Hottest pub in the Tortuga, and it's right on the beach
Temperature get to ya, it's about to reach
Five-hundred degrees
In the Caribbean Seas, with the hot mommies
Screamin',

Scarlett and Giselle: -fawn over Jack and Will- Aii bah-bee!

Will:
Every time we come to town, they be spottin' us
With Captain Sparrow, ain't no stoppin' us
So, keep it on the low
We flow to this fashion show
Prostitutes anywhere you go
Yo, ain't no city in the world like this
An if ya need a willing wench I know ya can't miss!

Scarlett and Giselle: Tortuga!

Will and Jack: -chorus-
Party in Tortuga where the heat is on
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn

Scarlett: Welcome to Tortuga!

Giselle: -scantily clad- Buenvenidos a Tortuga!

Will and Jack:
Bouncin in the pub where the heat is on
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn

Will: We're goin' to Tortuga

Scarlett and Giselle: Welcome to Tortuga!

Will:
Don't get me wrong, Chi-town got it goin' on
Singapore is the city that we know don't sleep
An we all know that London and Paris stay jiggy
But on the sneak, Tortuga bringin' heat for real!
Y'all don't understand
I never seen so many Caribbean women with cinnamon tans!

Elizabeth: -shows up and slaps Will-

Will: -ouch- "I might've deserved that."

Jack: -smirks- "That's what I call ironic."

Will: -recovers nicely-
Lizzie, this is the plan
Take a walk on the beach, draw a heart in the sand
Gimme your hand
Damn, you look sexy! (woo!)

Elizabeth: -grins smugly-

Will: -still has to redeem himself-
Let's go to the Pearl, by the west docks
Drop the anchor, forget time on the clock
Cause we gotta make time for the extended honeymoon, door be locked
Love so pure, you can tell ours will last
Return to Tortuga to collect Jack, come back fast
Ain't no surprise in the pub to see James Norrington
Tortuga, my second home

Will, Elizabeth, and Jack: -chorus-
Party in Tortuga where the heat is on
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn

Scarlett: Welcome to Tortuga
Giselle: Buenvenidos a Tortuga!

Will: -ignores whores in front of Elizabeth- Will, Elizabeth, and Jack:
Bouncin' in the pub where the heat is on
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn
Will: We're goin' to Tortuga
Scarlett and Giselle: Welcome to Tortuga!

Will: -arm around Liz- Party in Tortuga where the heat is on!

William Turner, Elizabeth Turner, Captain Jack Sparrow, and AnaMaria-Sparrow (she rejoined Jack's crew) sailed away in the Black Pearl, forever chasing the dream of freedom and the pursuit of happiness. And goofy songs.

THE END (for real)

Thanks for everyone's support!