Going Back

Chapter Four

Just one little Author's Note, okay ?

REVIEW .

Now go, darlings .

Suze's POV

Oh My God.

What the hell was going on?

My brain was screaming for me to stop, to push him away, but obviously my lips had a totally different idea. And I had this weird feeling so did my heart.

No, wait.

Did I...

Did I still have feelings for him? Jesse, I mean.

Because when he leaned down and kissed me, I lost control over my body.

And the I had NO choice other than pull him over me. Onto the bed.

He just... kept kissing me, and I'm sure I responded.

He probably thinks I'm such a slut. Because he thinks I'm still with Paul I-don't-care-about-anyone-but-me Slater. And then, if I was, I'd be cheating.

He thinks I'm a slut who cheats on her boyfriend.

Which is worse than being just a slut.

I forgot the Jesse was such a good kisser. He was way better that Paul, anyway. Because that exciting feeling I had when Paul kissed me I had just being near to Jesse.

And the relationship I have with Jesse... no, wait. HAD. I had a relationship with Jesse. I do not anymore. But anyway, itwasn't as physical as mine and Paul's.

After several minutes of kissing I started stroking Jesse'schest with my fingers. They had missed Jesse as well.

And his hands, that had been on my waist all along, started to go... up.

And upper.

Then they were on my back now.

During this, I felt like I was just... there, kinda observing the scene. And then I was back down, feeling all those wonderful feelings I haven't felt in quite a while. The feelings only Jesse can cause me to feel.

Because the pleasure I feel with him isn't pure and simple pleasure, it's mixed with love, and passion.

And when his hand came to remove my blouse and my unhooked bra, I arched my back, leaned my head back and left out a soft and tiny moan of pleasure.

With that, it seemed that something had clicked on Jesse's head. He sat up, looked at me, his eyes filled with sorrow, and started apologizing.

I stared at him, looking -I'm sure- scared. But I wasn't scared of what we'd probably do next. I was scared of what would happen if he left. He couldn't leave. No. He wouldn't leave me here like this; not after that.

"I'm sorry, Susannah, it was disrespectful..."

Then I wasn't myself. It's my only excuse. This and the fact that I was afraid he'd leave. I needed him to stay. I needed him in every single way.

I sat up too, placed my hands on his chest and my head on his shoulder and whispered softly in his ear: "Not sorry..."

And pulled him back on top of me. By his shirt. This was probably theslut-sh thing I've ever done.

But that's okay. Because he left himself go, and in that moment, everything was alright.

Cause I was with Jesse. And when I'm with Jesse, everything feels right.

And, well... That thing I said before, that we'd probably do next?

Yeah, we did it.

I rolled on the bed so I was on my back, staring at the ceiling.

That was... Oh my God, it was so wonderful.I felt things I had totally forgot I could feel.

Then again, it was Jesse.

I pulled the sheets to cover my bare skin and turned to face the wall, right before Jesse's arm came around my waist.

He whispered softly in my ear:

"Querida..."

Yeah, that's right. Just one word. That happened to be the word that no matter the situation, always made me melt.

But then, suddenly, all the perfectness of the moment fell apart when I had this one little thought.

What if Jesse doesn't want to be with me? I mean, he IS with that Joanna girl. What if this was just a one-night stand that meant nothing to him? What if this was just a fling?

What if -God forbid- he gets up and leaves to never come back again?

I'd aprecciate a slow suffering death. I had lost him once. I wouldn't stand going through all that again.

"What about Joanna?", I asked.

"Joanna who?", he asked back.

Then I was allowed to breathe again; I was sure this meant something.

Oh my God. It finally sank.

Jesse CHEATED.

Things really were changing.

I mean, in the old times, Jesse'd never cheat. Not even with me.

And it WAS kinda mean for Jesse to ask that, and I'd die if anyone ever speaks of ME like he was talking about Joanna. Whore or not, she deserved some respect, didn't she?

Okay, so, that's just another thing I'll have to talk to Jesse later.

Not now. Excuse me, we were kinda busy.

If you know what I mean.

A/N: REVIEW !

And, yes, I know Meg's Jesse would NEVER cheat. But that was the only way could think .

And Suze was kinda slut, also .

I'm really sorry .

I'm in emotional shock . I did something SO, so stupid ! I don't have brown-almost-black hair anymore . And it's not long either . Now there are highlights all over it . AND it's by my shoulders .

But you don't wanna hear that . I'll update ASAP !

Nina

Love, Peace and Jesseness . For always .