August 3, 1987

Lately my thoughts have become so scrambled, and my mind filled with images of the past that I cannot seem to shake. Over the past few months I've found myself lying in bed, wide awake, thinking. Just...thinking. I have been often told that I think too much, and now I'm starting to believe it myself. The reason why I've been living in my past is all thanks to my Ludwig, who continues to startle me daily with his powers. One incident last month in particular has stayed with me, and keeps replaying over and over in my head. On that day, any doubt in my mind about his gift of telepathy was erased in an instant, and I remember the brief conversation as if had just happened today.

The Crown Prince and I were seated in the garden on our favorite bench by the lake (which had by now defrosted), and concluded to end our lesson early for the day. I had decided to ask him how his little Alterian friend was doing.

"Have you heard from her recently, Ludwig?"

"Her?"

"You know who." I grinned.

"Oh, you mean Tori."

"Princess Victoria, Tori, yes she's who I meant."

"Sure, we talk all the time." he answered. "We usually talk at night, when we're both alone. She said that she can hear me better that way."

"That truly is amazing... You two must have much to converse about."

"Yeah, we mostly chat about our moms and stuff like that. Tori pretends in front of others that the death of her mother hasn't effected her much, but I often hear her crying while we talk." Ludwig paused and ran his fingers through his light brown hair, which reminded me that he needed a haircut. "She doesn't like talking to others about it, only with me and her father."

"Well you two certainly have a lot in common in that aspect."

"Hey, Kamek? Can I ask you something?" he looked up at me, an inquisitive look in his huge blue eyes.

"Of course you may, Ludwig." I already had a feeling where he was going with this conversation, but I was eager to talk about it now.

"Did you ever give my mother a sapphire-stoned ring?"

At his question I had to swallow hard as I felt my eyebrows raise up. ...Gods, how did he know that?... It spooked me beyond belief that he was aware of such an intimate moment of my past that I had never even told him about. I couldn't even find the words to speak.

"Kamek? Did you ever give her that ring?" he repeated, probably anxious for my response. "Like for her birthday or something?"

"Why do you ask, Ludwig? Where is this coming from?"

"She mentioned it to me several times about a ring, a ring that you had given her a long time ago. She said it was blue, so I figured that it must've been a sapphire."

"Yes," I slowly began. "I had given her such a ring on her twenty first birthday...it's funny, because sapphire wasn't even her birth stone, but she had always remarked about loving the color blue. I got it for her because I thought it matched her eyes." I chuckled a bit, then quickly tightened my lips and frowned. "She was just about to marry your father then, and I really had no right giving her a ring, but she took it anyway and promised to wear it around her neck as sort of a 'friendship' ring. I guess you can say that it was my last ditch effort to win her over without actually saying the words...but it failed miserably on my part."

Ludwig was silent as he listened to my prattling. Now that he was getting older, I figured that it was time he started learning more about his mother's past, even if it involved me acting, for a lack of better words, like a total ass. I wasn't sure if he wanted to hear more about Monika, so I continued rambling, hoping that I was satisfying whatever thirst he had regarding his mother.

"And your mother was true to her word, and did wear the ring around her neck, as promised. Luckily your father didn't question her about it, and he knew damn well it was a gift from me. Either he was totally naive or didn't really care because he knew she was his. After her death...it was removed and your father gave it back to me. He didn't want her to be buried with it."

"You still have the ring, don't you? It's sitting in the top drawer of your dresser, in a small white box. The chain's still attached to it too." Ludwig said.

"...That's exactly where it is. How did you know that?"

"My mom told me. She said that you were keeping it, and that she wants you to continue keeping it until you find someone else to give it to."

"Oh!" I shook my head and chuckled again. "There will be no one else."

"You really cared for my mother, didn't you Kamek?"

I answered without hesitation. "That I did."

"Good. I'm glad someone in this castle did." the prince lightly rested his head on my arm and clasped his hands together on his lap. "I'll make sure to tell her that, even though she already knows."

Again I wasn't sure what to say, but I did manage to smile as I wrapped my arm around him, pulling him close.

The incident had caused me to relive that moment in my past when I gave Monika the ring. Back then, I was only a mere twenty year old member of the King's Council with much to learn. My father was a Councilman before me, and had died when I was eighteen, thus leaving his position vacant. Naturally I was asked to fill his seat. I knew that my political prowess at the time left much to be desired, but that wasn't the reason why I was asked to join in the first place. They were aware that having a fifth tier sorcerer in their midst would play to their benefit nicely, and invited me to join. I took the position for selfish reasons though. It wasn't to adhere to my father's wishes by becoming a great politician someday, but to get closer to my best friend, Monika von Relize, who just happened to be betrothed to the Crown Prince at the time. After her engagement, she had taken up residence at the castle, and since I spent much of my time there, I had started to see her even more than before. I had to keep my mouth shut about the engagement, although I despised it. I had imagined in my mind that by giving her my ring, we would be "engaged" in a bizarre way...but never the way that I had originally intended it to be.

Her birthday was the last day of February, and while it happened over fifteen years ago, I can still remember it as if it was yesterday. Sometimes I see my picture-perfect sorcerer's memory as a curse rather than a gift. There are things I'd like to forget, and there are things that hurt too much to relive repeatedly. Anyway, I recall just having caught her alone on the afternoon of her birthday in her favorite part of the castle, the east wing. It wasn't converted into "her chambers" until after she married Bowser, but she had immediately taken a liking to that portion of the castle shortly after she moved in. She was seated in a chair in the small library, flipping through an old book, when I came up and surprised her.

"And why is the birthday girl granting an audience to musty books instead of mingling with royalty?" My voice held a hint of sarcasm, which certainly didn't go over her head. She whirled around in her seat, and upon the sight of me, gleamed a sly smile.

"Why Kamek, are you suggesting that I should be mingling with Councilmen instead?"

"Indeed! You read my mind."

"No, that's not one of my powers." she laughed.

"You may not think so, my dear." I took at seat on the chair next to her and reached inside the breast pocket of my white dress shirt. As a member of the Council, it was required that I dress up every time I visited the castle. We only got to wear our midnight blue velvet robes at important meetings or induction ceremonies. "Here, I got you a lovely gift."

"Oh, only 'lovely'?" Monika smirked as she threw her book down to the carpeted floor. "Is it like what you got me last year?"

I picked my head up and grinned brightly. "You mean you didn't enjoy the set of encyclopedias I gave you? It had everything in it, including a history of the Kingdom of Magnamar Chasm...your favorite!"

"I'm only teasing!"

"As am I!"

We laughed some more, and I couldn't help but notice her beautiful eyes. They were so blue and clear... Yes, the ring was a nice choice for her. She shook her head, smiling the entire time, as she pushed some of her light brown locks behind her right ear. It was time for me to get serious.

"Here, let's stop giggling like fools and act like grown ups." I quipped, producing a small white box out from my shirt pocket.

"You act like a grown up?" she mocked. "You're the last person I could imagine doing that."

"Aw hush up, Monika!" Before she could respond, I thrust the box out for her to see. "Happy Birthday."

She took one look at the box and immediately grew sincere. "What is it?"

"Well open it up and find out!"

Her hand reached out and took my gift, and my eyes eagerly watched as she removed the box's small lid. I prayed to the gods that she would like it.

"Oh gods...Kamek..." Her voice trailed off, leaving her shocked facial expressions to do all the talking. She reached in and took out the sapphire-stoned ring, raising it up to admire it in the dim light of the library. "Kamek, I...I don't know if I can accept this."

"Yes you can. I don't want to hear anything more about that." My tone was firm. There was no way she was going to return it to me. "I bought it for you as a gift. I want to you to keep it."

"It really is beautiful...and it's my favorite color..."

"Try it on!" I encouraged. "I'm pretty sure it should fit perfectly."

She obliged. From what I could tell, she was slightly in awe about how nicely the ring slid onto her finger. "It does fit... How did you find out my size?"

"I'm a snoop."

"Kamek, I'm still not sure if I can accept this."

"You're going to accept it whether you like it or not." I playfully scolded. "And what would you expect me to do with it if you gave it back? Give to Camille? She's not worthy of such a gift."

Monika bursted out chuckling at my words. "Well you are dating her, aren't you?"

"Yes, and could you please remind me why I'm doing so already?" Even back then I had no idea why I stayed with Camille. My pride certainly was damaging.

"Aw Kamek, stop it!" she giggled, holding out her hand in front of her to gaze at the stone. "But...I don't think I can wear this on my finger. Bowser might get upset."

"I thought of that too, but I don't think he'd get upset if he knew it was from me. You are my best friend after all. Nothing will ever change that."

"I know." Monika softly added. "I have an idea. I'll put it on a chain and wear it around my neck. This way, it'll always be with me and I can get away with wearing it."

"Sure. As long as you keep it, that's what matters most to me."

"But for now I'll just wear it a little longer..."

"Happy Birthday, Monika." I leaned over in my chair and held out my arms. She immediately rushed into them, tightly embracing me back. I felt her press a kiss against my cheek, then rest her head on my shoulder. For a few lingering moments we remained in that position, even though it was a bit uncomfortable sitting in those chairs. Despite that, I didn't want the hug to end. It was at that moment that I should have said something...that I should have told her how I felt. I should have told her that Camille made my skin crawl and that it was her I wanted to wed. I should have told her that the thought of her marrying Bowser made me sick to my stomach. I should have told her that my heart belonged to her, and no one else. And most of all, I should have told her that I loved her. I should not have let the opportunity slip through my fingers that day, but it did. It shouldn't have ended that way.

Earlier today, after having breakfast with Ludwig, Lemuel, and Ignatius, I returned to my chambers with the Crown Prince's words echoing in my mind. I walked over to my dresser and opened up its top drawer. Under a pile of dress shirts and socks was the white box I had given to Monika years ago. I snatched it up and took a seat on my bed. For some reason, I hesitated to open it, but managed to do so anyway. There was the ring, still sitting there where I had left it shortly after her death. The silver chain was there too, but a bit knotted up due to having been untouched for so long. My fingers twined around it, and I lifted it up to see the ring. It still sparkled, even as it sat in my open palm. I kept staring at it. Even now I know that it isn't mine to keep. She should have been buried with it. It is too hard for me to even look at and I continued to ponder about what to do with it. Surely it was too brilliant to remain cooped up in my dirty dresser drawer, but there was no way I could ever give it to another woman. Then the thought hit me. It was something I should have realized earlier. For the time being, I'll still keep it tucked away in my drawer. If she can't have her ring, it should go on to her son. Once Ludwig gets old enough, I'm going to pass it on to him, in hopes that he may end up giving it to the woman he loves one day...and not make the same mistake I did by letting her go.

Author's note: Damn, I feel like such a tool. I had this section written for months already, but forgot to post it up on fanfiction.net! I apologize for my brain fart. Even though this entry is rather short compared to the earlier ones, it's a bit more of a tear-jerker than anything else. I'm still very interested in everyone's comments and ideas. I'd also like to thank everyone who's been reviewing, especially Penultimate-lifeform...thanks for the heckling. :) The next chapter is already halfway complete, and it's gonna be a monster! Just think of this chapter as something like a teaser. :::crawls back into cave now to watch American Idol:::