From: grumpy_grey_geezer@istari.net
Frodo, Bilbo lied about where he got his ring. I had it confirmed today that he didn't buy it from Toys "r" us, but won it playing poker with Gollum. If you can't remember what I told you (being the useless, stupid Hobbit you are), DON'T WEAR IT!
Gandalf
PS: I'll be at your house for some tea in 20 minutes.
To: garden_grower@theshireplace.com
From: big_blue_eyes@theshireplace.com
Stupid Gandalf is dropping by unexpectedly for tea. I need to borrow the china set you stole from Pippin for dinner tonight. And when are you gonna come over and cut my freakin' lawn??? You're the gardener, aren't you??? The grass is almost 2 feet high, and I needed to use a machete to get to my mailbox today. Get your butt over here tomorrow!
Frodo
To: grumpy_grey_geezer@istari.net
From: pointy_nails@istari.net
Gandalf, how come you've stopped answering my e-mails? Is it because of that time I put garlic paste on your toothbrush? Well, come to my place next week Wednesday so we can make ammends and you can tell me what's going on in the world. Could ya bring my spare key while you're at it? I locked myself outta my tower again. I'll cook dinner.
Saruman
To: smelly_manly_ranger@numenor.net
From: grumpy_grey_geezer@istari.net
Strider, do me a favor and meet my Hobbit friends at the Prancing Pony in Bree. I'm... well, I'm really busy at the moment.
Gandalf
To: grumpy_grey_geezer@istari.net
From: big_blue_eyes@theshireplace.com
Gandalf, where the heck are you??? I brave the dangerous wild and nine ringwraiths only to be stood up! But that ranger dude you sent in your place is actually a pretty nice guy. Only, you can smell him looooooooong before you see him. My Ralph Lauren cologne is all gone now, because I needed to get rid of the stench. You'd better have a good explaination!!!
Frodo
To:a lmighty_eagle_king@mistymountains.com
From: grumpy_grey_geezer@istari.net
Hey, Gwaihir, could you rescue me from Saruman's tower? Apparently, he doesn't take criticism well and got insulted when I told him his roast turkey was dry. We got into a fight and I ended up losing my staff and Saruman sent me flying to the roof. HELP ME!!!
Gandalf
To: grump_grey_geezer@istari.net
From: almighty_eagle_king@mistymountains.com
You wizards are ALWAYS getting into trouble, then expecting us to help you out of it. "Gwaihir, I'm stuck in a tree! Gwaihir, come get me down! Gwaihir, some goblins are going to kill me!" I'm sick of your constant requests. I am not your beast of burden!
Gwaihir
PS: I'll pick you up at ten.