Disclaimer: I'm not J.R.R. Tolkien, I'm not J.K. Rowling, But I write from the heart, from the heart.
Summery: Stupid Prophet, angsty Lupin and good friends to get you by.
Bata: Beankin'– I thank you so very much for that.
Mad About You – Chapter 9
Artist – Sting. Title – Mad about you. Album – The soul cages.
Harry woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. It was because he stayed up until about three in the morning talking to his friends. The gathering ended well after lights out, when Ron gave such a huge yawn it almost split his face in half. The girls bade everyone good night and left the room and the boys started to get ready to sleep. Harry was exhausted, from the match, from the talk, from the whole situation, but when he lay in his bed he couldn't sleep. He knew Seamus wasn't sleeping either but he didn't leave his bed and Seamus didn't come over. It's probably for the best under the circumstances, thought Harry, though the thought didn't comfort him.
In the morning he forced himself to get up and get dressed. Seamus looked as tired as Harry felt and Harry thought this would probably give the whole bloody school something to talk about. They were all going to assume they shagged each other all night. The thought made him smile. Idiots.
He left the tower with his roommates and they made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast, but before they reached the Hall, professor Lupin stopped them.
"Harry, Seamus, can I see you in my office for a minute?" Everyone exchanged glances and Ron muttered something about making them sandwiches before he, Neville and Dean continued their way to breakfast. Harry and Seamus followed the head of their house to his office on the third floor.
"Tea?" asked Lupin once they were inside. Harry and Seamus nodded and he tapped the kettle which started to steam, and made himself busy with tea cups and saucers while Harry and Seamus took seats in front of his desk.
"I assume you didn't see the paper yet?" he asked once he sat down and handed them their tea. They both shook their heads. He tossed a copy of the Daily Prophet on the desk and they both looked at it.
The front page was covered with a giant picture of Harry. It was an old picture taken during the Triwizard Tournament. The title read 'The boy who lived loves boys'. Seamus snorted in disgust.
"Tossers! They can't even come up with a proper title!" Harry frowned.
"That's the title you suggested…"
"Yeah, but that was a joke. I didn't actually think they'd be so lame as to actually use it…"
They both started to read the caption that followed. It wasn't flattering at all.
'The Boy Who Lived' loves boys
"Harry Potter, the boy who lived to save the wizarding world from the Dark Lord, apparently has a few skeletons in his closet. It seems that the Boy Who Lived had chosen a very questionable path in life. During a Quidditch match held in the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry Potter, who is playing seeker and captain for the Gryffindor house team, stopped in mid game to proclaim his love for the commentator of the match, a fellow house mate by the name of Seamus Finnigan."
"No way! What a bunch of lying, slandering sons of bitches! My parents are going to kill me…" called Seamus. Harry didn't say anything. He didn't expect anything less from the Prophet but he really wished they hadn't dragged Seamus into it. He scanned the page for the author's name but there was none. Those cowards can't even stand behind their words, he thought furiously.
Professor Lupin, who remained quiet while they read, now asked them what they are going to do about it.
"We thought the best thing to do is to ignore the article and the press in general," explained Harry. Lupin nodded and smiled.
"That's probably the best course at the moment." He turned to Seamus who was white as a sheet and looked miserable and shocked. "Seamus, I think you should write to your parents' immediately and explain the situation to them. I imagine they won't be too happy to find out about it through the paper…"
Seamus nodded slowly and Harry took his hand and whispered in his ear, "I'm sorry you got involved in this mess." Seamus looked up.
"Don't be daft, it's my mess too," he said in a slightly shaken but resolute voice, and got up. "I better go to the owlery and write that damn letter." Professor Lupin nodded.
"I'll explain your absence to professor Slughorn," he said kindly, and Seamus left the room with his head bowed.
Harry scanned through the article again.
"I really wish they hadn't mentioned his name," he said, and Lupin nodded in agreement.
"How are you feeling, Harry?" he asked, moved to sit beside Harry and placed his hand on his shoulder.
Harry shrugged. "I'm already used to their stupid stories. At least they didn't write I'm still crying over my parents." Lupin laughed.
"That was very stupid of Skeeter," he agreed. They both fell silent, watching the paper. Harry lifted his head to look at professor Lupin. He looked sad and old all of a sudden. He was staring at the paper but it was obvious he wasn't seeing it. Harry asked in a small voice, almost afraid to disturb the silence, "Professor, everything alright?" Lupin shook himself from wherever he was and looked at Harry.
"I'm fine. I was just thinking about… things." He wasn't looking at Harry, who whispered, "Sirius?" Lupin nodded and sighed.
"When he got arrested I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe he betrayed James and Lily and you. I couldn't believe he betrayed me. And poor Peter was dead. For years I tried to convince myself that something was missing, that it couldn't have been him because I thought I knew him better than anyone else. These were very bad years for me. I couldn't get a job because of my… 'Condition'," his lip curled in disgust around the word,
"and then Dumbledore called for me and I came back here. I haven't been here since I graduated and it was strange for me to walk in the same corridors as before, only this time there were no James or Lily or Peter and there was no Sirius to accompany me. And then I saw Peter in the map, and that changed everything. If Peter wasn't dead than maybe Sirius wasn't guilty and maybe, just maybe things would be alright again. When I woke up in the Hospital wing after that night and realized I almost hurt you and Ron and Hermione and Sirius and even Severus, I felt horrible. I couldn't carry on teaching here after that. Parents were so mad at Dumbledore for giving me the job in the first place; I went into some sort of seclusion for his sake as well as mine. And then I received an owl from Dumbledore telling me of the reformation of the Order of the Phoenix, and I couldn't say no to him because I could help. I wanted to help. And then I met Sirius again, in Grimmauld place. The place he hated most has become his new prison.
"We tried to pick up where we left off but that was impossible, too much had gone wrong, for both of us. Sirius was haunted. He would wake up in the middle of the night screaming, and all I could do was hold him and hope he would someday find some peace. He began to hate the order and envy all of us for being able to move about freely. He hated everything and this hate was festering in him. The only things he never hated were you and Buckbeak. He tried to love me like he did before but he couldn't, he felt like I betrayed him as well by coming and going, by being useful. He resented me for that. It hurt him more to see me go than to see the others go and I didn't want to leave him, but I had no choice. Nobody knew about us, and even if they did, I couldn't stay there all the time. We drove each other insane. And I feared that he would snap and do something crazy. I tried to warn Dumbledore.
"He knew that but there wasn't much he could do himself, not with the entire ministry insisting on looking for Sirius instead of doing the proper thing and preparing to fight Voldemort. And we were right. Sirius did snap, that night in the ministry. We were in Grimmauld place when the call came and none of us could stop him." He stopped and shook his head, blinking back tears. Harry bit his lip and forced himself to stay calm even as the memories came flooding back, of Sirius fighting Bellatrix, Sirius falling to his death. He remembered how the world had gone so quiet, so slow, and how Lupin held him back, so tight, much tighter than was necessary, and Harry thought he understood now why.
"I came back to Grimmauld place one last time after that. I stood in the doorway of the room we shared there and I couldn't bring myself to walk inside. Not without him there. I never set foot in that house again," he finished quietly. Harry looked at his hands and sought for something appropriate to say, but there wasn't anything. It was the first time he felt the pain of Sirius's death through someone else's eyes, through the eyes of the one person who loved him most, and that hurt much more than Harry thought it would.
"Harry," said Lupin all of a sudden and Harry almost jumped in his seat. "Listen to me good! I want you to carry on with your life, and not let those bastards get under your skin. And mostly I want you to follow your heart. Don't let other people ruin your love and don't let yourself doubt it. I don't want you to wake up years from now and realize you lost the only person you ever loved because you were too scared or proud to tell him and love him!" Harry was a little taken aback by the urgent tone in professor Lupin's voice. He nodded and took a deep breath.
"I promise," he said in a loud and clear voice and Lupin smiled.
"Good. Now go find Seamus and help him with the letter and then I want to see the both of you in my class."
On the way to the owlery Harry was thinking about what professor Lupin had said. He knew he would survive this one, after all he'd been through worse and at least the press reported the truth for a change, even if only parts of it, and even that was more than he could expect from them. But he wasn't sure how Seamus would deal with it. When he entered the owlery he found Seamus with his back to the door, holding something in his hand. Harry approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Seamus jumped with surprise; he clearly wasn't expecting anyone to come up there at this time of the day. Then he turned and saw Harry and Harry saw the tears in his eyes. This couldn't be good. Seamus handed him a piece of parchment and Harry read it.
"Seamus," it read, "I read the paper this morning and found the article about you and Harry Potter. I sincerely hope that it was a mistake made by the reporters. No son of mine is going to be a homosexual, an abomination of nature. Please write to me and verify the mistake. Otherwise we have nothing to talk about. Love, Mother."
Harry lifted his head, cursing loudly. "Shit!" Seamus shrugged and smiled between his tears.
"I knew it would be like that. I just hoped it wouldn't."
Harry couldn't think of a single thing to say and instead held Seamus in his arms. "My parents are going to disown me purely because their stupid god doesn't believe in people like me." Seamus laughed bitterly. "Isn't it great?" Harry tightened his hug and conjured a tissue. He gave it to Seamus, who blew his nose and tried to calm himself down.
"What kind of god can create me the way I am and then turn his back on me?" Harry didn't have an answer for that. Religion was never his strong side; he'd never even been to church. Sure, the Dursleys went every Sunday but they always left Harry at home to cook lunch. Besides, he couldn't possibly believe in any god who let him suffer so much through only seventeen years of life.
"Shey, I'm sorry. I… don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. And you don't have to be sorry. It's not your fault Catholics can be so stubborn. I just hoped they would see past the cross and remember I was their son. Foolish of me, isn't it?" His thin sarcasm almost caused Harry to break down himself. It was the silent defeat that pained him most. He knew Seamus wasn't going to fight his parents and he wasn't going to beg for their love and approval.
"I've written back to my mother to tell her there was no mistake, and wished her a happy life. I'm just glad we are finishing school this year and I don't really have to go home for the summer."
"What are you going to do?" Harry asked quietly.
Seamus shrugged. "Get a place in London or something, I guess. I'll probably stay in England. There is nothing for me back home."
They stood in silence for a while. Harry was still holding Mrs. Finnigan letter in his hand.
"We better get a move on if we don't want to be late for Defence Against the Dark Arts," said Seamus, and Harry released him, giving back the letter. Seamus held it in his hand for a minute, and then took his wand, pointed it at the letter and said "Incendio". The parchment curled up and vanished in a small cloud of smoke, the ashes falling to the floor as they made their way to the owlery door.
"Well, look at the bright side. At least she didn't send you a howler in the middle of breakfast…" said Harry as brightly as he could, and Seamus laughed. A shaky, teary laugh, but it was still a laugh, thought Harry.
Before they could turn to leave the door slammed open and in the archway stood a very angry and panting Nora, holding a letter in her hand, her cheeks flushed.
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" she threw the letter at Seamus and he read it, his face flushing with anger.
"Fuck, I can't believe that woman!"
"Is it true?" asked Nora in a quiet voice.
"Of course it's bloody true!" Seamus snapped and then took a deep breath to get a hold over himself. "Look, Nora, I don't really care what mum and dad have to say…" she cut him off in mid sentence.
"They told me not to talk to you anymore," she said levelly.
"Are you going to?" he asked, a thin pleading crossing his voice.
"I don't know." She looked down and refused to meet his or Harry's eye.
"Nora, you are twelve, and a Ravenclaw. I believe you can decide for yourself how to handle this. I'm not going to tell you what to do but I'll sure be glad to have you on my side."
"Why are you doing this? Is it to upset mum and dad, some sort of teenage rebellion or something? Because if it is you could just join a bloody band or get a tattoo." Seamus sniggered and then turned serious again.
"It's not a rebellion. I never meant to upset mum and dad."
"Then why are you doing this?"
"I'm not doing anything! It's not like I woke up one morning and said, 'hell, let's be queer'! Look at me, Nora. This is who I am, this is what I am. I can't really change it, and frankly, I don't want to. I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of this, it's not fair to you and you shouldn't suffer for it…"
"Don't be daft, Shey! I can take care of myself!" she snapped and then looked up and added in a softer voice, "Are you going to be alright?" Seamus smiled at her and walked over to her and pulled her in a tight hug.
"I guess I'll have to be. But I'm really glad to have you on my side." Nora pulled back.
"Hey! I didn't say I'm on your side! I still think that what you are doing is wrong but I also think that mum and dad have gone a little too far."
"Well, I guess it's a start," said Seamus, and tried to smile reassuringly at his sister. All three of them stood in silence for a while, each looking at a different corner of the owlery. Eventually Harry glanced at his watch and said in a small voice, "We better go, class starts in five minutes". Seamus and Nora nodded and Harry smiled at the way they looked so much alike.
The day wore on into evening and Harry was glad it was over and that he could go to his dorms and not face anyone anymore. He felt almost dirty and wanted to shake all those stares away. All throughout lunch, dinner and classes there were hundreds of eyes on him and Seamus, whispering as they passed around the corridors. Most looks were curious, some condemning, some approving (too few of those, Harry thought). He just wanted to shrug them off and go on with his life. He bit down his wounded pride and bowed his head, wishing he was on the other end of things when people finally lost interest and moved on to deal with other gossip. He wasn't really worried about himself but he was worried about Seamus. He seemed to be coping well with what was going around but he wasn't happy. He had told their friends about the letter from his mother and they were all properly appalled and sympathetic. If the matter hadn't been so serious, Harry would have found it hilarious.
There wasn't much anyone could do. Seamus just had to come to terms with the fact that his nature clashed with his parents' faith. But it wasn't easy to throw away years of education and belief and none of his friends understood that, not even Harry. None of them were catholic, except Neville, but he wasn't a very good one.
Their house mates all tried to support them Gryffindor style, which meant trying to keep their spirits as high as possible by ignoring the problem. Harry personally preferred the Ravenclaw way – he met Terry in the corridor and when asked how he dealt with things, Harry said he was doing okay, and Terry suggested hexing people who had too much to say on the subject or even looked funny in his direction. Harry laughed but found he had to physically stop himself from actually doing so. Not everyone held themselves back though, as shown by the two detentions Ginny got for sending a couple of second years to the Hospital wing after making fun of Harry and Seamus. Harry and Ron were so proud of her.
Every morning the owls dropped an enormous amount of letters on Harry's plate. For the first few days they were all hate mail, slandering Harry and Seamus and the homosexual life style in general. Soon the Gryffindors stopped opening them. At first they burned them, much to the delight of all, until McGonagall forbade them doing so anymore since the cinders ended up in everybody's food.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
It was the first sunny Sunday in over a month and everyone used it to get some vitamin D and tan. Since it was still freezing cold and the grounds were still sparkling white with snow, they had to find other solutions. The Gryffindors, for example, basked on the roof of their tower after creating a protective dome and a couple of warming charms. It felt like being in a greenhouse of sorts.
Harry and Seamus lay spread on the floor, surrounded by the seventh years and Ginny. Harry took off his robe, folded it under his head to make a pillow and closed his eyes. The sun was warm and he was drifting into a lazy nap, half listening to the discussion around him.
"Maybe I should just turn Jewish," said Seamus thoughtfully.
"I don't think Jews are too keen about gays either," said Hermione without looking up from her book.
"Why is it that all religions have such a problem with homosexuality?" Seamus rose on his elbows to watch her.
"Well, because it defies God's creation, like any good abomination. I think people are so disconnected from God and eternity, or if you like – moral standards that they're inclined to a mobbing behavioural pattern, like animals, led by a very basic passion and hatred and very human pettiness, instead of justice and love. Homosexual love is not unknown; it just doesn't fit the mob." Hermione looked like she was about to launch into a long and elaborate explanation, so Seamus stopped her.
"It was a rhetorical question, Hermione." All around them people started to snigger without bothering to open their eyes. Hermione huffed and returned to her book.
"Men go crazy in congregations
They only get better one by one"
Everyone lifted their heads to look at Dean, who was propped on his elbows looking back at them.
"What did you say?" asked Neville and Dean repeated his words.
"It's a line from a song by Sting." Seamus told Neville, who nodded with a frown that showed he had no idea what Seamus or Dean was talking about. Dean rolled his eyes and explained.
"Sting is a muggle artist, a singer." Ron looked up,
"A singer called Sting? Like a bee?"
"Yes."
"That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard of." declared Ron and Hermione sighed,
"Ron, try not to be so thick for a change! Obviously it's not his real name; it's just his stage name." Ron looked as if he was about to snap at Hermione when Harry chipped in,
"He was the leader of the "Police"," Ron, Ginny and Neville looked at him with blank faces while Dean, Seamus and Hermione tried to hide their smiles "It's a music band." he added helpfully for Ron, Ginny and Neville's sakes.
"Well, that seems very fishy to me." said Ron hauntingly, and Hermione scolded at him again,
"Damn it Ron! How can you be such a hypocrite?" Ron gave her a highly offended look and she stormed on, "You always look down on us whenever we fail to know things about the wizarding world you find obvious, so don't you act like we are talking rubbish just because you have absolutely no understanding in muggle music!" Ron was about to give her an acidic retort when he caught sight of the faces of Dean, Seamus and Harry and sighed.
"You're right, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a snob, to all you muggle born and raised. But you have to admit that Sting is a weird name."
"I just like his music, I never questioned his name choosing motives." said Dean and the said muggle born and raised nodded.
"Could we hear his songs?" asked Ginny,
"Sure, soon as we leave this castle and find a place that actually runs on electricity. I have pretty much every album he ever published back home." said Dean enthusiastically.
"Are there any more muggle artists?" asked Neville and they sniggered,
"Of course there are. Gods, you pure bloods have absolutely no idea there is actually a whole different world out there do you!" called Seamus and Neville blushed, "As a matter of fact, I find muggle music to be much better than wizarding music. It has its own sort of magic," Hermione, Dean and Harry nodded in approval at his words.
"Don't look too crestfallen, Nev," said Harry "I grew up with muggles and the music they listened to was quite rubbish, if you ask me, so I hardly know good muggle music myself." Seamus looked at him with a smile
"Well, then, I guess we'll just have to give you all a little101 in music" Harry thought that Seamus and Dean looked a little too exited about the whole idea, but it was good to see Seamus enthusiastic about things again, not to mention the whole idea promised a lot of laughs at Ron's expance.
All seven of them slowly sank back to their lying positions on the floor; the heat of their charms was sending everyone into a hazy, sleepy mode again.
After a while Ron rose to a sitting position, looked at Harry and Seamus, who lay next to each other, not touching, and exclaimed as if the thought had just crossed his mind, "You know you are always invited to stay at the Burrow, both of you." Harry and Seamus both opened their eyes.
"Thanks mate, that really means a lot," said Seamus and smiled at Ron. "Will your mother be okay with that?" he asked.
"As long as you don't bring her any boomerangs, you'll be fine," said Ginny without opening her eyes and everyone laughed.
Author's note: Sometimes it helps to have Jewish religious friends… Love you B.