Thank you for your replies, and your honesty. As for the confusion some of you were experiancing, that is a good thing, I wanted both Bookers and Hanson's emotions to kind of collide and mesh, because both men we're feeling the same anxiety and pain. At the same time however I will make things a little more distinguishable from here on I promise.

"What's up captain?" Doug came jogging from his bosses office taking note of the anger in his eyes as he looked at him.

"I just picked up a call for Hanson from the Orthapedic therapy center down on third street..." Fuller's arms were crossed over his chest as he spoke leaning back on the absent Hanson's desk, "They informed me that Hanson has not returned any of their calls, and that when he does happen to pick-up he is refusing treatment..."

"What?" Doug's jaw nearly hit the floor the vien in his forehead pulsating slightly, "Are you sure...?"

"I just got off the phone with them Penhall..."

"I thought that Hanson would be doing everything he could... you know to get better..."

"That's not all." The older man cleared his throat, "I wasn't going to say anything, but this morning I called the department shrink to see if Hanson had had his post shooting evaluation, and Dr. Lantz told me that he had recieved a call from Tommy last week telling him that he felt fine and there was no reason for him to come in..."

Penhall growled deep down in his throat closing his eyes his mind spinning all this information as he let out a small sigh, "Captain..."

"Doug it's procedure for him to be checked out, you know that, I was going to give him some time to settle in, but with this new information... I think that maybe it would be for the best if you talked to him, maybe you can figure out what's going on?"

The aggitated man nodded finally opening his eyes and looking at his captaion as he rubbed his upper lip, "Yeah alright... I'll see what I can do..."

"Do about what?" Both men turned to see that Hanson was now within feet of them, niether one having heard him approach, Booker close behind his face still a little pale.

"I think we need to talk Tom." Penhall tried his best to keep his voice even as he walked behind the man's wheelchair and took the handles turning him around.

"Don't take him outside." Booker mumbled.

"What?"

"Just trust me on that." He conclud3ed before going back to his own desk still slightly shaken up but trying to hide it behind his tough guy image,

"Alright, Captain... can we borrow your office?"

"You want to tell me what this is about before you haul me in there against my will?"

"No." Penhall was already headed back into Fuller's office having recieved a nod of approval.

"Well gee thanks."

"Don't mention it." Doug's teeth were clenched tightly as he pushed him inside and closed the door, Fuller on the other hand walking over to Dennis' desk he leaned against it clearing his throat.

"What's up cap?"

"You alright?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you look like you've seen a ghost."

"I'm fine."

"That's great, now you want to try the truth?"

"I just-"

"Booker"

"Something happened outside that's all... it's over, it's done and I'll get over it."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Are you going to drop it if I say no?"

"No."

"He just... he slipped away." Booker leaned back in his rolling desk chair and looked up at his captain, "It was like one minute he was right there with me, and the next he was somewhere completely different, Kinda got to me thats all..."

"How did you handle it?"

"I just waited it out, didn't know what else to do..."

"I mean how did you handle it emotionally?" Fuller studied him seeing if maybe an answer would come from his body language, but coming up blank he focused back on the young man's eyes. "We're you alright?"

"It wasn't about me, it was about Hanson... He was the one who was shot..."

"And you were the one who found him... You have just as vivid of a memory of that shooting as he does if not more so..."

"What do you want me to tell you Adam?" He leaned forward a little using the captains first name in a moment of anger as he cleared his throat loudly, "You want me to tell you that looking at him is hard, that when I do it turns my stomach so inside out that bile rises in my throat? Or that when I go homr at night I have nightmares over and over about that day and how if I would have gotten there only a few moments sooner I could have saved him? Or how about how every memory that swims in my head? All the painful damn memories that this shooting as brought back to me? Would you like to hear about those?"

"I want to hear about what you want to tell me about what's eating you inside-" Fuller's brows furrowed, "Memories?"

"Forget it alright." Booker was quick as usual to jump on the defensive rising from the seat he had only minutes ago sat himself into, "Look my paperwork is done... And uh I'm going to go have some lunch, I'll be back in a while."

Captain fuller wanted to push this issue, he wanted to find out more now that Booker had slipped, but he let the conversation die... for now, he would press into it later but this was not the time...

"What was that about?" Judy asked coming out of Fuller's office as Doug and Tom had just entered and given her the boot, her eyebrows cocked in curiosity as she pulled the confused man from his thoughts...

"I'm not sure."

"Moving papers and file folders aside Doug took a seat on the desk of the small room giving him leverage on the wheelchair bound man as he looked down at him his eyes laced with confusion and anger. "What the hell is going on with you?" The words seem to just fly fro his lips before he could sugar coat or even stop them from coming out?

"Excuse me?" Hanson cleared his throat his own gaze full of wonder as the two of them locked eye to eye,

"What? Am I not speaking clearly enough for you?"

"Doug I'm not sure what your talking about here..."

"You know full well what I'm talking about."

"Refresh my memory..."

"Alrght,...I can do that," He leaned down slightly his finger pointing toward Hanson in a disapproving and almost judgmental gesture.

"You're avoiding your doctor's and the department shrink,"

"What?" Hanson's eyes grew wide in a false wonderment, "Doug I-"

"Don't bullshit me Hanson, Fuller answered your phone, the talked to the orthapedic center... And this morning when he called for your psych evaluation Dr. Lantz told him about your phone call..."

"I-" Tom found his eyes finally shifting from the now inferiated man, "I just haven't had time alright?"

"That's bull I know it and so do you, you've had nothing but time... I come to your house everyday and you've never once said anything to me about either subject!"

"I was going to I just-"

"You just what Hanson? You forgot? Did it slip your mind? Did you suddenly forget that you were shot in the back?"

"STOP!"

"Tell me Hanson, why didn't you tell me about these appointments why don't you want to go?"

"I didn't feel like it alright!"

"HANSON!"

"WHAT?"

"TELL ME!"

"BECAUSE I'M NOT CRIPPLE!" He growled his own hanger now pilling over his glare turning icy, "And I refuse to let them treat me like one."

"What?" Penhall found himself speechless as he took note through the anger of a glimpse of pain,true emotional pain in his best friends eyes, "Hanson y-"

"I'm not going to go to some...some doctor whose going to degrade me anymore than everyone already does, some guy whose going to... to degrade me... and- and lay me down like- like a fucking infant doug, roll me around and fucking teach me to walk like a child... I already get enough of that and I won't do it... I won't..."

"That's not how those places are..."

"How the hell would you know!"

"I wouldn't... really... but they are designed to help you..."

"More like humiliate me."

"I know this is hard Tom."

"You don't know anything." Tom spat, "Don't act like you do, you don't know what it's like to piss on yourself, they have a damn tube going down my leg Doug a tube because I can't even tell when I have to go to the bathroom, you don't know what it's like to have to wait for someone to comeand take you out of bed, to help you cook your meals and do your damn laundry... to drive you everywhere and do everything for you you don-"

"Then do something about it." Penhall's voice was cold defiant and low as he spoke his finger now digging into Hanson's chest, "Because avoiding it isn't going to make it go away, pretending that nothing happened doesn't mean it never did."

"I can't..."

"You won't."

"Why are you-"

"Why?" The other man cut him off with a sour chuckle a mean forced sour chuckle, "Why the hell do you think?" He snapped, "I am not going to watch you waste away in the damn chair Hanson, I can't... I refused a new partner, I told Fuller, I made Fuller bring you back here, because you.. you Tomas Hanson are my damn partner, and if your not then no one ever will be again."

"You made him put me back in Jumpstreet."

"This is where you belong, this is what you love... and it you can't see that maybe your not just paralized maybe your blind too..."

"I want to be here...I want my life back... you know that"

"I thought I did, but so far all yourshowing me is that you want to pity yourself and wait around on a hope that someday your just going to maraculously get up and walk again, but thats not how it works,... you don't want to put the work in to get better, you just want it to happen man, and it won't."

"I shouldn't have to put the work in,"

"You're right, you shouldn't have to, and it's not fair, but it's life no matter how much it sucks... it is what it is..."

"What if I can't... I mean what if I never walk again? What if I can't do it? What if I fail what then? Are you going to keep pushing me..."

"Yes..."

"For how long?"

"Until you do. You're going to walk again."

"How can you be so sure?"

"How can you not be?"

"I don't want to fail." Hanson repeated emotion causing his voice to wavier momentarily,

"You won't... you can't."

Tom exhaled loudly but dodn't respond putting his head in his hands and running his fingers through his hair he repeated this motion a few times before leaning back in his chair his eyes closed suddenly his body felt exhausted, or maybe this time it was his mind more than anything else...

"I can't force you to do anything." Penhall finally broke the silence rising up from his seat on the desk and crouching down to be eye level as he rested his hands on Tom's knees even though he couldn't feel them... it just seemed like the right thing to do, "No one can... but if this... if this is what you want, to rot in that chair and waste away into nothingness, then I can't stand by and watch you either..."

With that the conversation was over as he rose to his feet and walked past the deep in throught man resting a hand on his shoulder as he mo moved toward the door, he hoped, he prayed that he had done some good, but the truth was... he just didn't know anymore.

Doug's hand was on the doorknob now half way turned in his grasp when a muttered reply came from across the room. "I'll go." Tom's voice was hardly a whisper.

"What?"

"I'll go." He repeated a little louder this time, "If you think it will help... I'll go."

A smile crept across Doug's lips. "Good."

"Yeah."

"Hanson?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're going to the shrink too,..."

"Doug I-"

"You're going."

"Fine."