Part 14
Fuller sighed as he placed the phone down and ran a hand over his slightly greying beard. "Rookies" He whispered to himself as he heard a voice that could belong to none other than Douglas Penhall roaring loudly through the chapel. Smiling he shook his head and made his way out of his office wanting to find out how Tom's first session went. "Penhall is there some reason you find it necissary to speak loud enough to shake the chapel walls?"
"No sir..." Doug shook his head taking a seat on the edge of Hoff's desk.
"Where is Hanson?" Fullers brow perked up and he peaked around the room, "I wanted to find out how everything went today."
"He asked if me if I thought you would mind him taking the rest of the day off...And well I told him no, so he asked me to take him home."
"Is he doing alright?"
"I' m not to sure to be honest captain... He seems to be flying off the handle about all of this more and more these days... I don't know how much more he's going to be able to stand before he finally REALLY breaks and we are all left to pick up even more broken pieces... you know?"
Fuller nodded as he turned to see Dennis entering into the chapel carrying three large pizzas. "Lunnnnch" He announced loudly opening one of the boxes and pulling out a slice, before finally noticing that Doug and returned and threre was no sign of Hanson anywhere,... He froze and swollowed before speaking. "Wh-where is Hanson..."
"He's fine Book." Judy reassured him looking up from the pizzas she was staring at trying to figure out which one she wanted a piece of.
"Yeah man, everything is cool, he was a little worn so I took him by his place and he's resting..."
"Oh- Alright." Booker nodded grabbing another slice of pizza and making his way over to his own desk.
11111
Tom sat in front of the television flipping aimlessly through the channels, it was not like he really wanted to watch TV, it just seemed like the thing to do when you are home alone and there is nothing else you can do... So he passed by a cooking show... Then another cooking show, then some golf... Boring. Boring. Boring. He thought to himself with a sigh finally flicking it off and tossing the remote on to the couch next to him.
Leaning his head back he ran his fingers through his hair and thought about how much had happened, how pathetic his life was now... Exactly how big of a nothing he had become, and he could feel the vomit rise into his throat burning his mouth. All the while the little girl from before and her wisdomly words running through his ind like a broken VCR tape stuck on rewind.
He didn't want to feel anymore, he didn't want this heavy heart of his that now beat slowly in his chest he didn't want these head aching thoughts that devoured his mind or these memories that clogged his throat of air and deprived his lungs of their freedom to breathe. And he most certinly did nbot want to remember that his body was now caged like a broken and helpless animal, that he was uncapable of doing things on his own, and that even as simple of a task as putting on some fresh clothes to taking a shower required assistance these days.
His life was shit... He was shit... He just wanted to numb himself to everything, to all of it... to life.
Reaching down he pulled off his break and slowly the carpet below him getting stuck in his wheels he made his way over to the small liquor stash he kept on the counter in the kitchen... mostly for decoration he had told himself. But not tonight, tonight he was going to forget about everything, about his incompetiance, his failure his pain and his fear... All of it.
Taking the bottle of Jack Daniels down with little difficulty he popped the lid and took a swig straight from the bottle the burrn of the strong liquor flowing down his throat a welcomed sinsation. "Numb me," He whispered a moment later into the silence of his apartment closing his eyes and piutting the bottle to his lips again, "Take away this pain."
11111
Arriving at his apartment Booker shut off his car and hoped out making his way up to his door, it had definatly been a very long day. Putting a cigarette between his lips he lit it jingling the keys into the door lock and forcing the old decrepit warped door to open, "I should really talk to the super about that." He told himself exhaling and laying his keys down on the end table along with his wallet, his lighter, smokes and some change emptying his pockets there just as he always did.
Kicking his shoes off he sat down on the edge of his bed and ran a hand through his hair, the emotions of these past few months were quickly catching up to him like a nipping dog on his tail... It wouldn't be long now before they caught up to him, ripped him apart and left him empty... And even though he knew this full well... He couldn't stop thinking about it, and he sure as hell couldn't talk to anyone about it... He was a tough guy... He had an image to uphold and if any of his friends saw his softer side they would see it as weakness and his tough guy exturuor wiykd be shot to hell...
He couldn't talk to his mom... Everytime they talked about his dad, everytime his name was even mentioned it struck a pain inside her so deep that Dennis could see it oozing from her expressions... in her movements.. but mostly he could just feel it surrounding her, surrounding both of them like a pillowcase smuthering their faces.
He felt sorry for Tom, his heart bled for him, but he didn't know what to do, how to help... Even being around him was a task so hard that it nearly took everything he had just to stay standing. Hanson, by far the best cop he had ever seen... Always by the book always letter perfect paper work, a strong and capable not only cop, but man as well... Shot down and crippled by some punks that they can't even seem to find... some kids who thought that revenge was the best way to go, some snot nosed brats who stole Hanson's life and more than likely did it with a smile on their faces.
Booker felt the anger rising inside him his heart pounding even at the simple thought small beads of sweat formong at his forehead and before he could stop himself he felt his hand connect with the wall a loud smack echoing through the room and his ear.
The ringng of the phone intrupting his thoughts and his anger moments later. "Booker here..." He answered through gritted teeth rubbing his knuckles. "Hanson?... Yeah... Alright... I'll uh I'll be right there okay?" He threw the phone down on to the couch without even disconnecting it and grabbed his keys making his way out of his place with nothing more than his socks on his feet.
TBC. Really soon I promise.