A/N: Usual disclaimer, but the added warning of mentions of child abuse. I was going to say that this chapter started out happy and got progressively less happy, but I realized that that's a blatant lie. This is not a happy chapter. And for that I apologize. However, here she goes…

Chapter 15- Iris Part 1

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am"

Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls

Greg stood at the doorway to his apartment, almost afraid to go in, to try and live the life he used to. He shook his head, then smiled at how ridiculous he was being. He put his key in the lock and opened the door, breathing in the scent of his apartment. It was slightly musty, and quite rightly so, since no person had been in here since his kidnapping. Well, Grissom had, for the necessities, but Grissom hadn't thought to open any windows. Greg did so, opening the blinds and curtains to reveal the dark night. He looked around then. Despite the bright colors on the walls and odd, mismatched patterns on the furniture, the rooms seemed empty and dark, and an abiding sense of loneliness filled the house. Greg shivered. The loneliness was getting to him. He thought for a second, then crossed to the phone. He was pretty sure Marc still owed him a favor…

Sara paused idly before the door, unsure whether to continue or not. Steeling herself, she knocked briskly on the door, then turned to look out at the sun just beginning to peek over the horizon. She had wanted to come over when she got off at 3, but decided to wait a few hours. Now, here she was, four-thirty in the morning, completely unsure what to do or say, only know that she should be here for Greg.

All of a sudden, she heard deep barking from inside the apartment. She was startled by this. She didn't know Greg had a dog. She heard muffled swears, and then found herself being pounced on by something huge and gray when Greg opened the door.

"Down, Shadow!" called Greg urgently. "God, Sara, I'm sorry! Shadow, get down!" He finally managed to drag the massive beast off her. "Sorry about that. Shadow's kinda excitable."

He gestured for her to come in, shutting the door after her. Sara sat down on the couch and Shadow came and sat, too, laying his head in her lap.

Bemused, Sara looked from the dog to Greg, who was shuffling around the kitchen in his boxers, making coffee. "I didn't know you had a dog."

Greg looked up and smiled. "I didn't. I got him earlier tonight. My friend Marc from Animal Control owed me a favor, so I had him hook me up with a nocturnal dog." He shrugged nonchalantly as if this were the most natural thing in the world, and then turned back to the coffee.

Sara looked down at the gray monstrosity of fur that was currently drooling in her lap. Despite this and the fact that the dog had tried to decapitate her, Sara had to admit that Shadow was kind of cute. She absentmindedly stroked his head, asking Greg, "Why'd you want a dog, anyway?"

Greg shrugged, bringing two cups of coffee into the living room. "I was lonely." He handed one mug to Sara, sipping from the other. Sara sniffed at the coffee cautiously. "Don't worry, it's decaf, I know some of us have to sleep." Sara smiled at him in wordless thanks, and drank deeply. Greg settled on the armchair across from her and asked, "So, what's up, Sara?"

She shrugged, embarrassed about being there, wanting to ask the questions she wanted to ask. Seeing her discomfort, Greg stood and went over to her, sitting down beside her. "Hey, it's ok, what's wrong?" he asked concernedly, tucking a lock of Sara's hair behind her ear in an absentminded gesture of comfort. She almost started crying at that, that small gesture. Greg took Sara's hands in his and asked gently, "Sara, what's going on?"

Now, with this, she did cry. "Goddamnit, Greg, I'm supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around!" she said angrily, wiping the tears away half-heartedly with one hand.

Greg touched her shoulder gently. "Sara, I'm ok. For once, perhaps for the first time since this whole thing, I am ok. But you're not, and I want to help make you ok, the way you always make me feel better."

Sara sighed, then said quietly, "Greg, I can't stop thinking about it." At his confused glance, she elaborated. "About your…your suicide attempt." Greg looked down and swallowed, hard. Sara hurried to continue, to try and explain. "It's just that we almost lost you. You almost took yourself away permanently. You…you have no idea how hard it was for me…for all of us…wondering if you were dead, praying you were alive…and then, just when we found you…it was like losing you all over again." Tears streamed down her face as she struggled to make him see, to make him understand.

"I'm sorry, Sara. It…it was hell. I kept seeing things…horrible things…I saw all of you." He paused, his face reflecting the horror, the pain evident in his eyes. "You were dead. You said that I had killed you, that it was my fault…" He fell silent, unable to continue, tears welling in his brown eyes. They pleaded with hers, asking her to forgive him.

She wasn't finished, however. "But Greg, why suicide? What made you think of suicide?"

Greg blew out a breath, frustrated. He stood and paced around the small room, running a hand through his hair. "I guess I should tell you," he began, "this wasn't the first time I tried to kill myself. I came closer this time."

Sara stared at him, mouth agape. "You tried before? When? Why?"

He sighed again and sat, unable to keep pacing. "I was twelve. No, that's a bad place to start, let's back up. When I was four, my mom died. Breast cancer, they found it too late. After her death, my dad…well, he was never the same. He…he used to sit and stare at me for hours one end while I played with my toys or whatever. Then, it started." He broke off, unsure if he really needed to elaborate. He closed his eyes, remembering. "He would come in at night, every night. He…he touched me. If I tried to stop him, or scream or something, he would beat me. Then…" Greg swallowed hard before starting then next part. "He started drinking. So he touched me more, and beat me more. He told me it was my fault, that I was bad and I deserved it." He paused again and stared off into space. "He told me he'd kill me if I told anyone." Tears came to Greg's eyes as he remembered what happened next. "Then, on the night of my twelfth birthday, he…he…"

"Oh, Greg," whispered Sara in pure horror. "Did he rape you?" Greg just looked up at her, the pain in his face giving it away. She wanted to reach out and hug him, to take him in her arms and comfort him, but it was as if he was miles away instead of a few feet.

Greg blinked once, twice, then finished in a hollow, dead voice. "After…afterwards, I just lay on my bed and cried. I felt so…so violated. I stumbled into the bathroom and began taking pills, any pills I could find. The next thing I knew I was in the hospital, puking up my entire stomach. The police came in to talk to me after that day. My dad was dead…he had been driving drunk and crashed into a telephone pole. They told me…" His face twisted in a sardonic smile that wasn't reflected in his eyes. "They told me he probably died instantly, and I remember I couldn't help but be disappointed that his death wasn't long and drawn out. They wanted to put me in counseling, but since I had to go live with my grandpa on the other side of the country, I never went. And I never told anybody what he did to me."

Silence fell once Greg finished his tragic tale. Sara scrambled for something to say, unable to come up with a witty conjecture. Greg smiled sadly. "Don't all talk at once, now."

Sara tried to smile at his attempt at levity, but couldn't bring herself to. When she thought of how emotionally scarred he must be… "So…" she said slowly. "What Bruno did to you must've brought back horrible memories." Greg looked at her, no longer the goofy, over-confident lab tech, but just a scared little boy.

"Oh, Greg," she sighed, standing up and enveloping him in a hug. "That should've never happened to you. I wish you hadn't have had to go through that." He gripped her tightly and she held him just as tightly, almost afraid to let him go. "No one will hurt you anymore," she whispered. "I promise."