Ziggy's Corner: Okay chapter five. I hope everyone has enjoyed reading this, because I'm enjoying writing them. I wish I could go on-line weekly and update, but since I can't I hope these multi-numerous updates packs feed you B0BOBO Files appetite
When last we left our heroes, Bo-BoBo, Beauty, and Don Patch confronted a man who they thought was an agent for King Baldy Bald, but in reality was just a stiff cheap balding agent of a rock and roll band.
"Hey, who are you calling balding?" Kaz snapped.
Then they came across a squad of ninja, and after a tussle decided to bring their differences aside by the age old challenge of a Ramen eating contest. Our young challenger was strong but he was no match for our Bodacious defender of hair, and went down in defeat.
"Hey, Naruto and Bo-BoBo tied," Sakura snapped.
Then we discovered that Beauty was really Sakura in disguise, and that Sakura was really Jan Kurotaki, Cosplayer extraordinaire.
"I'm still getting threatening love notes from her," Sasuke groaned.
So after retrieving Beauty from Robot City, what's next in store for our heroes as they continue to battle the evil? Let's find out now! In episode 4, The Great, the Beautiful, and the Hairy!
Beauty had heard enough. "That is so not what that says in Japanese," she shouted, pointing at the few Japanese words that had popped up on the screen, though not seen on page, because the author can't write in Japanese.
Bo-BoBo walked through the tall grass, his glasses eyes focused on a large boat, just resting in the harbor. Don Patch walked next to him, sensing his tension and blinked.
"Hey Bo?" he asked.
"Yeah?" Bo-BoBo turned to look at the ninja star and screeched like a little girl as a mud pie splattered him straight in the face.
"Mud pie nothing; that was all grade manure!" Don Patch said, glaring at the author.
"Why on Earth did you do that!" Beauty cried, her eyes bulging out of her skull. They
grew even larger as Bo-BoBo began licking it from his face. "WHAT ON EARTH!"
"Chocolate, my favorite."
"CHOCOLATE? BUT DON PATCH SAID IT WAS MANURE!" Beauty nearly passed out, but was caught in the arms of a thin man wearing colonial clothing, who was very confused at her clothing.
"That is very odd clothing miss, are you from another country?" He was blonde, with light blue eyes, and a ponytail. He also had a brown vest, and pants. Helping her to her feet he nearly had to catch her again, when she spied where they were.
"That kind of looks like Boston, from old history books," she said, blinking her eyes.
"I don't know about the history books, but that is, Boston. I was just preparing to write a report about what happened the other night on a British ship carrying boxes of tea." He bowed and extended his hand, "My name is James Hawkins," he said.
"British ships carrying tea?" Beauty frowned and stroked her chin. "Wait, what year is it?"
"1775, miss," James said. He looked at her as if she had bumped her head.
"Tea?" Bo-BoBo asked. "TEA?" He threw his head into the air and screamed at the top of his lungs, "TEEEEAAAAAA!"
Little did our reporter friend and Beauty know of our Bodacious hero's love of tea, especially RASBERRY TEA. Although personally I enjoy a good cup of ice laced cappuccino.
James frowned, "Who was that speaking? And what's raspberry tea or ice laced cappuccinos?"
"You are so lucky of your ignorance," the pink haired cutie sighed.
Bo-BoBo quickly began dancing oddly, and then turned into a yellow afro wearing Indian, charging up one of the British ships, howling and wailing like a goof ball. Don Patch was right behind him, swing a mace, why he was swinging one or how he got one know one knows, but swinging it he was. Then in the blink of an eye, the star shaped hero transformed into a handsome stallion, and a gallant Bo-BoBo, wearing a velvety white shirt dashed off to battle the great evil.
"The great evil? What great evil?" Beauty screeched, nearly blowing James' ear drums out.
"I really would not call that animal handsome, or a stallion," James said, looking at the sickly mule that Don Patch had transformed himself into.
"So I got dipped into the tobacco fields too much, sue me!" the orange mule snapped, riding of to the ship. By then they had nearly reached it, and as they gazed up, they saw not redcoats standing on the deck, but a number of King Baldy Bald's men, cackling as the heroes approached.
"Wait, what are THEY DOING HERE!" Beauty cried.
"And why are they on a British commerce ship," a red headed young lady in clown makeup and dressed only in her unmentionables asked.
"Sarah! What the hell?" James' eyes nearly popped out of his head, though not nearly as large as Beauty or her friends, because let's face it, he's not an anime character.
"I say, this is MOST UNDECENT!" Sarah yelled, covering her undergarments.
"Sarah what are you going?" Henri asked, munching on one of Don Patch's special treats."
"OH MY GAWD!" Beauty screamed, "That cake really IS manure!"
The short French lad looked down at his snack and felt his heart explode at the sight of cow dookie that had been stuffing into his face.
"Sacre Blue," Henri cried. A second later he exploded.
"Henri!" his friends screamed.
Bo-BoBo made his way up the plank, and together, he and Don Patch made quick work of King Baldy Bald's henchmen. The problem was their leader, who was using a stone hair cut to bash and bruise our favorite heroes, until Benjamin Franklin stomped up to the battle scene, and brought out a large kite.
"Excuse me sir, would you mind holding this for me?" he asked with a smile.
"Well, yeah, I guess," StoneHead Bonkers said. The villain took the string and screeched like a little infant as the kite took him into orbit, where he was struck by a meteor and came crashing down like a little booger.
"Wait, he had a piece of stone on his head, how could he have been lifted by a kite?" Sarah Philips asked, now dressed completely in leather. "And how am I getting into these different clothes, honestly this suit is really chaffing very badly!"
"Blame the author," Beauty shined, lowering her head.
"Now see here, what author do you mean, and why am I dressed in this crazy dress?" She was now dressed as a flapper in 1920's attire.
"Blame the author," the spikey haired kid said, scaring the shit out of both women.
"Wait, how did you get here?" Beauty asked, clutching her light pink hair.
"Don't know," he said, eating a hot dog. Then he imploded and spread love and joy all over the world.
"What the HELL?" James groaned.
"James, stop with the profanity," Benjamin said. "And Sarah, stop dressing in such outlandish clothing."
"It's not my fault, its witchcraft," the young girl wailed.
"I LOVE WITCHES!" Bo-BoBo yelled, flying over head on a broomstick, dressed all in black.
"HALLOWEEN!" Don Patch cried pumping his fist in joy.
At that moment, StoneHead reappeared and cursed all tea in the land to be bitter and dry.
"What, NOOOOOOOOO!" Bo-BoBo leapt off his broom and used his fist full of armpit hair to pummel the villain into submission, and then landed on the floor in mariachi clothes, singing in Spanish.
However, the light from his power was so strong it illuminated Benjamin's bald head and glasses, and multi-layered lights flashed over the entire countryside.
"Oh my God," one of the villagers cried in alarm. "Franklin's created a monster!"
"Its Disco!" one of them wailed. "No, no I'm not ready for this!"
"What's going on?" Henri asked, appearing out of no where. He was crushed seconds later by panicking villagers, chasing Franklin out of Boston, and right into some redcoats, who opened fire, and killed everyone, except for Bo-BoBo and Beauty.
"My God, Disco has killed EVERYONE!"
The First Continental Congress quickly convened, burned Franklin and his records at the stake, -- "Ah, we're melting," the records cried – and declared war on England. Soon the war came to an end, as the spikey haired kid's dust turned into glittering waves of giddness, but unfortunately that didn't happen for another three hundred years. Before that, the War of Independence quickly became the first world war, and burned the ground to a husk, until Coop and his Megas XLR quickly came to the rescue and brought our friends back to their proper time.
"Wait, I'm confused, why was Megas in this chapter?" Beauty asked. An anvil struck her on her head and she fell fast asleep.
The will of the author is great! Later they all woke up, and studied the history books. The American Revolution started in 1775 because of lack of Rasberry flavored tea, and when it ended, in 1820 James Hawkins was made supreme chancellor of the earth, and the first Jedi Master.
"Oh cripes, what have we done!" Beauty cried, reading from the book.
"Oh hush now, Beauty and drink your nice, delicious, dry cursed tea," Bo-BoBo said, in a very bad British accent.
Will Bo-BoBo ever learn how to speak correctly again? Will Coop be forced to go back in time and fix the timeline?
"Yeah, right after my mega cooler, smoothie," the blonde hero with an appetite to match his robot said.
"In short, the world is doomed," Kiva groaned.
"Now wait," Jamie asked in a cockneyed accent, "why are so many animated women given red or pink hair nowadays?" A flying elephant dropped a huge stinking pile of poo on his head.
What will James do with his new found powers? AND WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS EVER END! Honestly people, please let someone else write a Bo-BoBo fic, I think Vanguard Ziggy is crazy! The elephant came around for the narrator. AHHHHHHHHHH! Never mind what I said, please, please read this story! Anyway, stay tuned for the next exciting adventures of, THE BOBOBO FILES!