Hogan looked at his watch. Well, it's that time. I should get out there and get it over with. He left Klink's office – no, his office now - and walked through the outer office past Helga's desk. The secretary had gone home for the evening. I wish I could leave this place too. Pausing in front of the outer door, he took a deep breath. "Well, here goes nothing," he said to himself.
As Hogan climbed down the two steps leading to the compound, he almost tripped and fell. He was looking at the line of men – his men – standing in front of the barracks, laughing and joking amongst themselves. The sight of Klink standing in his position in the line made him want to throw up.
"Repooooooooooort!" Hogan yelled.
Schultz came shuffling up to him and saluted. "All present and accounted for, Herr Kommandant," he said.
"Good," Hogan replied. He was about to turn around and walk back to his office when he stopped. He realized that he should say something to the men. He – or Klink, rather – had been gone from camp for a couple days, so it seemed like a time to reassert his – or Klink's – authority. I've got to keep thinking, this is only a dream. I am Robert Hogan. I am not Wilhelm Klink. I am not the Kommandant of Stalag 13.
Schultz looked expectantly at Hogan. "Can I dismiss the men now, Kommandant?" he asked.
"No, Schultz," Hogan replied wearily. "I will address the men," he said in a louder voice.
The line of prisoners began hooting and jeering at the prospect of one of Klink's pompous speeches. Hogan saw Klink make a "cut" motion to his men and they grew silent immediately.
"Now you all know," Hogan began, "that I have just returned from being in the hospital …"
The men began cheering and continued until Klink motioned for them to quiet down.
"Where I ended up," Hogan continued, "after almost being killed when the foolish Underground tried to blow up the Adolf Hitler Bridge."
"Almost isn't good enough, Kommandant. Why do you go back and try it again!"
Hogan was stung by the words that he knew came from Corporal Newkirk. The prisoners began laughing.
"Let me assure you," Hogan went on, "that Major Hochstetter …"
A chorus of boos erupted from the men.
"Will find those responsible," Hogan continued, ignoring the interruption, "and make sure they can't do it again." Sure he will. I was responsible for that … and what did it get me? A life sentence in hell as Wilhelm Klink!
"Lots of luck to him," Carter yelled.
"Yeah, Hochstetter couldn't find a loaf of bread in a bakery!" LeBeau added.
The men began laughing again and Klink stood there with his arms crossed, as Hogan always had done, smiling at the fun his men were having at their Kommandant's expense.
As Hogan looked at the scene, a feeling of sadness came over him. I should be the one standing there with the smug look, allowing my men to jeer you, Klink. You should be standing here … not me! He shook his fist in frustration and yelled, "Diiiiiiis-missssed." He turned and stomped back to his office, hearing the jeers and hoots of laughter following him.
- - - - -
Hogan retreated to the Kommandant's quarters … my quarters, he thought – and considered drinking the night away again. What would that accomplish? I'd wake up tomorrow and still be stuck in this nightmare.
He flopped on the settee and let his mind race. What had happened? How could this happen? He was Colonel Robert E. Hogan. But why did he see Wilhelm Klink staring back at him when he looked in the mirror? And why does everyone think Klink is me? Can't they tell by looking at him that it's not me? He let out a huge sigh. Everything seemed to be as it was before, except for this one minor change. Minor, right! And this war is just a small argument!
He stopped abruptly. Was everything else the same? Everything that he had encountered had been, but what about the operation at Stalag 13? Was it the same?
He rose from the settee and hurried over to the stove. He gave it a small push and it moved. I'll be damned! The tunnel entrance! He rolled the stove out and saw that there was indeed a trap door beneath it. He quickly pushed the stove back and headed for the door. Let's find out about the others.
Hogan proceeded to wander around the camp, checking for all of the things that he and his men had put together. He found that the tunnel entrance in the cooler was there, the bugs in the Kommandant's office were in place, and even the small peephole from the outer office was there. He couldn't check it without being too obvious, but he would put a hundred bucks down that the emergency tunnel entrance was in the same tree trunk.
When he returned to his quarters, his emotions were all jumbled. He was happy that things, for the most part, were as they had been. But it saddened him to be living on the other side of everything. What if this isn't a dream? What if Klink and I really died in that explosion and this is the hell I have to live in for eternity because I was responsible? He walked over to the liquor bottles. What if I just get drunk?
- - - - -
The next afternoon, Hogan was in the Kommandant's office about to eat his lunch when Klink bounded in without knocking.
"Don't you ever knock?" Hogan asked with annoyance. Of course he never knocks ... I never did!
"Good afternoon, Kommandant," Klink said cheerfully. "Is it time for our game of chess?"
"Not now, Colonel," Hogan replied. "Can't you see I'm about to eat lunch?"
Klink sat in the guest chair and reached towards the plate. "Thank you, Kommandant," he said. "Don't mind if I do!" He picked up one of the sandwich halves.
Hogan slapped his hand and took back the sandwich. "That is my lunch!" he said sharply.
Klink shrugged. "If you don't want to share …" he said.
"No, I don't want to share," Hogan answered. He was about to take a bite of the sandwich when the phone rang. He put the sandwich back on the plate and picked up the phone. "Yes?" he said. "Yes, Major Hochstetter, how many men do you want this time?"
Hogan turned slightly away from Klink, who was still sitting in the guest chair. "You don't want any men? Excellent. Well, if there's nothing else …" He paused to listen. "No, Major Hochstetter. I was not trying to get rid of you. It's just that …" Pause. "Yes, I realize that you wouldn't call unless it was important, but you see it's …" Another pause. "Yes, I know that the Gestapo doesn't have time for unimportant people like me, but …" Another pause. "I wish you would get to the point, Major." Hogan held the phone away from his ear as loud squawking emerged from the earpiece. "Yes sir, shut up and let you talk."
Hogan was silent as he listened to Hochstetter. "You say the ball-bearing plant on the edge of town is now fully operational? Sir, you really didn't have to call just to tell me that. What? Yes sir, shut up." He listened again. "But sir, surely there are many more capable people to put in charge of security of the plant. What's that? You agree, but I'm the only person handy. Thank you for the vote of confidence, Major." He listened some more. "I understand, sir. If anything happens to the plant, heads will roll. What? Oh, my head will roll. Yes, thank you for clearing that up. Heil Hitler." He put the phone down and rose from his chair.
"Troubles, sir?" Klink asked, following Hogan to the schnapps.
Without looking up, Hogan removed the top of the schnapps decanter. "Please just let me eat my lunch in peace. Dismissed," he said.
"Kommandant, it can't be that bad," Klink said, picking up two empty glasses and filling them. He took a drink from one and handed the empty glass to Hogan.
"Colonel, if you only knew how bad it is right now," Hogan replied.
Klink held up his glass in toast and drained it. "Well Kommandant, I will leave you alone with your lunch," he said. He put the glass back on the cabinet and turned to leave. Hogan watched him cross the room. When he passed in front of the wall mirror, Hogan was shocked to see a reflection of himself passing by. Klink looks like me in the mirror and I look like him? No wonder everyone thinks he is Colonel Hogan!
After the door closed, Hogan raised his glass to drink and found it empty. "Damn!" he said and put the glass on the cabinet. He looked over to his desk and saw that the plate was empty as well. Klink had stolen his sandwich. He shook his head sadly. Of all the people in the world, I should have known that was going to happen!