A/N Thanks to Sparkle Bear/Jade for pointing out the errors. Cybro. What can I say? That girl deserves more than a cookie she deserves a truckload of Godiva with Grissom driving.
Baby Part 4
Sara couldn't sleep. She wasn't sure why. She was tired enough or maybe she was more fatigued. She ran a previously slender hand over her stomach and the thin material that separated her hand from her the flesh of her rounded womb.
Grissom had bought home the lightweight nightshirt when she complained of being hot while she slept. The thin linen material was perfect. Everything Grissom bought her was perfect. He bought perfect maternity clothes and perfect jewelry.
He read the right books, said the right things. He was going to be a perfect father. While she - she was scared to death. Her daughter must be horrified at the prospect of her as a mother. Understandably so. While Gil had one sane parent and a quiet steady childhood, she was a shaky sometimes-foster child that had fought her way out of white trash on smarts and false bravado. She was horrified that Mother Nature had chosen her. Well not horrified but ever so slightly freaked out.
Still she was excited about being a mother. She hadn't expected it, but it was a happy surprise. She was just afraid she wouldn't be very good at it. She had no example. Her mother wasn't a bad woman, just a weak woman, save that night when maternal instinct had driven to her murder. Laura Sidle had killed her high school sweetheart not because he had slapped her but because he had threatened Sara with violence. Her maternal instinct had been so overwhelming that what she wouldn't or couldn't do for herself she could for Sara.
Sara sighed and spoke softly to her daughter. The child was used to her mothers soft husky voice. She even seemed to like it. Maybe she would like having Sara as her mother. Maybe.
"Hey kid. Your Daddy bought you a room full of furniture. He did it without me but that's okay. In case you missed it I don't do girly girl stuff so well. He bought you this white distressed furniture. That means it's supposed to look old. Hell, my bedroom furniture was in vogue. Who knew? I was a little sad when he came home with all this stuff but it was okay. He says he got carried away in the store. He just went to look. I did pick out the paint color thought. I hope you like it. It's lavender. I thought that would be fun and different. You Daddy wanted pink but I won that round. We can't paint just yet. There are contractors coming this week to double the size of your room. What you need a bigger room for I don't know but I think it's my fault cause I told Grissom that I always wanted a big room when I a kid."
Sara didn't seem the form standing in the doorway.
"We need a name for you. Nothing weird. No Rainbow and I will not name you Heartflowe. It's an awful middle name and it would be a worse first name. I want it to be classic. I like my name. Sara Sidle. You probably already know anyway if you ever run for office or want to be more than a science geek you need a name that is strong. Your dad's is Gilbert Isaac Grissom. I call him Grissom. Lately I use Gil more. I am thinking about Hannah Maria for you. I thought about keeping the alliteration thing for you but I don't like any "G" girl names."
Grissom smiled in the dark. He knew she had something in mind but she wouldn't say what.
"Hannah is a palindrome. What's a palindrome? Well kid a palindrome is a word that reads the same backwards and forward. Neat huh? I can't nail down the exact meaning but it means favored grace or God's grace. See Hannah was a woman who thought she would never have kids but she did. She had a son that went on to become a great prophet. I never thought I would have kids but now I am having you and you are going to do great things."
Grissom shifted position ignoring his aching knees.
"Tell you a secret. I was pregnant once before. When I was about nineteen. I was stupid and started sleeping with one of my professors. Notice a pattern? Well your Daddy wasn't like Tim. Well Tim was an asshole and he saw me coming a mile away. Only Orphan Annie could have been a bigger target. I told him I was pregnant, he told me he would leave me if I didn't have an abortion. I did and he - he left anyway. I went to reputable clinic but I got some nasty infection and I was so depressed over that loser leaving me that I ignored the fever. It was just one of those freak things. There was some scarring and they said I would probably never have kids. I told myself it didn't matter but it did. I know… I know that you know I was thinking about doing it again. Truth is kid I couldn't have done even if it was just the two of us. You aren't going to look for the wrong kind of love like I did. I looked for love it in ALL the wrong places. 'Cept your Daddy. That's never going to happen to you. Know why?"
The baby kicked.
"Well, because your Daddy is going to be there for you so you won't do stupid stuff looking for some man for approval. I think he may be a little too overprotective but that's better than the alternative. Your middle name - your middle name is your grandmother's name. Not my mother but Grissom's mom. Her name is Maria. She's in Italy right now but she should be back in a week or so. I haven't met her yet. Yeah your dad and I, well let's just say we do things ass backwards. And no you can't use the word ass until you hare living in your own house."
Sara shifted. She was starting to relax as the fatigue turned into drowsiness. "She was a very good mother. She's deaf and you might inherit what she and Grissom have but if you do it won't be so bad. We will have to learn sign language anyway for your grandmother."
Grissom waited to see if she would say anything else. The room was silent for several minutes. Grissom walked over to the bed.
"Hey," he said softly.
"Hey. You finish with your conference call?"
Grissom nodded. "Yeah."
"Who was on?"
"Mark from Utah, Penny from Yale, Bug from the coroner's office in Boston, Jema in London and what's-his-face from Harvard."
"Tim?"
"Yeah," he said brusquely as his gentle hands moved curls away from his face.
Grissom made out her eyes in the dark. Grissom wasn't a fan of Tim's but he certainly new his name. "How long were you standing there?"
"A few minutes."
"I was going to tell you. I just didn't want you to think that I - I don't know. I wanted you to think that getting pregnant with you is special."
"It is special no matter what happened before."
OOOOOOOO
Grissom put the phone down and listened to Georgia's far off voice.
"Grissom. You there Gil?" The tiny voice eventually said. He put the phone back to his ear.
"How much is this going to cost you?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?"
"No I don't know. I have no idea. I am making Hannah's room bigger but Sara might want to add a floor or something. She hasn't decided."
"Gah…" Georgia took a big breath.
"You can't remodel with no budget. It's ludicrous."
"I can and I will. If Sara walked in here and decides she wants buy up the block I will do that. If she wants a gilded bath tub, she can have it."
"What did this woman do to you?" Georgia whined. "You are my best client. You are conservative and sober and you don't take risks. You were going to retire with a princely sum. Now this brunette bimbo has stolen you heart and you brain and you are having kids and spending money without budgets. I bet she has breast implants and doesn't eat and is all girly with perfect teeth."
"Sara does not have implants. She eats like a horse and she has gap and she's well - she's perfect."
"Sounds like you're describing me."
"Does it?"
OOOOOOOOOO
Sara had made a decision. She wanted to expand the second floor and buy the empty lot that bordered Grissom back of his property. A big yard for Hannah.
"You cancel your lease?" he asked he took the blueprint from Sara.
"Um, not yet."
Grissom took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He worked hard not to sound irritated "You are the one worried about money. I can't pay for this place and the apartment."
Sara dark eyes flashed something akin to anger. "You can't pay for my apartment. Last time I checked you weren't paying for it. I do have a job. I do still earn my full salary."
"You know what I mean. There's no point in paying for two homes."
"You know, you just assumed I was coming to live with you. You never asked."
"Asked?"
"Asked, Grissom."
"Why should I have to ask? We are going to have a baby. We love one another. You live here now."
"I live here because my doctor said I had to." Sara said.
Grissom changed tactics. "That the only reason?" he said playfully.
"I don't know."
The answer surprised him. "You don't know?"
"No. I don't. I love you more than anything. I love you, but I don't want to live together just because we have a child. If I hadn't pregnant we wouldn't be this close."
Gil bit his lip. "Yes if you hadn't gotten pregnant. If you hadn't walked into my office in Boston. If I hadn't fallen in love with Peggy Pearson when I was 12 starting my whole brunette fetish. If. That's life. Life is made up of a bunch of ifs on top of some more ifs followed by consequences."
"I don't have to live here just cause Hannah lives here." Sara tried again. "I mean of course I will be here a lot especially in the beginning but I don't have to move in. Kids don't have to live with their mothers."
"Sara, I don't know much about this parenting business, but I know that there is no way that you are leaving me alone with Hannah for any significant amount of time."
Sara shook her head. "I trust you implicitly."
He watched her for a second then started speaking again. "Yes you do. You trust me with your life. You trust me to not lie to you. You trust me with a lot of things and there is no way you could stand to be half way across town if she's 2 days old or 22 years old. I don't know what this is really but you don't seem ready to tell me or maybe you don't know. I should have asked. I own that. I am sorry. I did it again. I have these things in my head and I just assumed you know what I'm thinking. So will you please give the manager your notice so we can move the rest of your stuff while the construction is going on?"
Sara nodded. She couldn't say why she was being stubborn.
She went back to the paint book. After a few minutes she looked. He was watching her. "What?"
"Did you love him?"
"Who?"
"Tim. Did you love him?"
"Grissom…."
"Sorry I shouldn't have asked. Sorry." His head ducked back into the blueprint.
Sara watched him for a bit. "I was in love with Tim."
His eyes met hers again. "He said you were crazy when I came to teach the seminar."
"Stay away from her Gil. She's nuts."
Gil watched the young woman walk down the hall. He took off his glasses so that he could see the sway of her hips, the long stride of those muscled legs. Tim's voice recessed and the only thing he could see or hear was the brunette.
Tim watched as Sara entranced his colleague. He didn't love her. He never loved her. Obsessed at one point but never love. The other man's blue eyes were soft and warm. He could love her. He probably would love her.
Sara, aware that the guest lecturer had been watching her, turned around and gave Grissom a come hither smile. She wanted to piss Tim off. Only after she caught the bearded man's blue eyes did she not care about Tim anymore.
Grissom murmured without thinking, "Woman like that is worth a little crazy."
Sara interrupted the memory.
"He did?"
"Yeah. I should have seen through it." Grissom was glad they were talking about it. "It was right after I got there. Said you had stalked another professor. You were needy."
"The last part is right. I was very needy."
"He took advantage."
"Yeah he did." Sara acknowledged. "You didn't though."
"I wish I was so noble." He returned. "I was scared that you'd look at me one day and then look at Nick or Warrick even Greg and say, "what am I doing with the old guy?""
"Cause he's hot?"
Her smile was sweet and she finally looked relaxed for the first time in days. "I am sorry he hurt you. I am sorry that you had to go through all of that. I always knew he was an asshole. Just not how much."
"Does he know about us?" Sara wanted to know.
"Penny congratulated me on the baby while we were on the phone. He ducked out early."
"I shouldn't have done it." Sara said. "I should have at least given the baby up for adoption."
Her voice was shaky. He reached at and took her hand. "Sara, you were a kid. You had just gotten away from the crap at home. This guy told you he was going to be with you if you had the abortion. You did the best you could."
"It's just weird being so happy about this baby when I was so unhappy about the other one."
He kissed her forehead. "I don't want you to let this eat you up. You are not a bad person. It's okay."
"My roommate figured it out and told me I was going to hell." Tears slid down her face. "I figured she was right. She was always going to church and quoting scriptures. What did I know?"
"You are not going to hell. It doesn't work like that."
"I know that now."
"You do?"
"Yeah, if God was mad at me he wouldn't have sent me Hannah and you."
Seventeen Years Later
Sara starred at the other slim brunette at the table.
"We talked about this. You said you wanted to do it."
"It's elitist."
"We talked about that too. This is not the sum of who you are and we found the most diverse group of debs. We talked about this Hannah."
Grissom sighed and folded his paper into thirds after twelve-year-old Noah kicked him under the table. Noah eyes shone with relief.
"So what's the real problem?" Gil said.
"There is no problem. I don't want to do it." The sixteen-year-old snapped as she shoveled cereal into her mouth.
"Bottom line. Is it elitist? Yes. That's why I had go into hock to pay for it all. I might have to sell blood to make it through debutante season and you are participating because we've paid for the dress, and the parties and invitations."
Hannah glared at her father. Grissom shrugged and resumed reading his paper. When the silent Saturday morning meal was nearly done Hannah finally spoke.
"I have to get an escort for the season."
"So. What about that boy you took to prom?" Her father wanted to know.
"Alan? He's so yesterday."
"I wasn't aware of his yesterdayness." The elder Grissom admitted. "I can't keep up. Who's your latest victim?"
Hannah turned to her mother. "Mom," she whinedGil Grissom shot a look at his son who was absorbed in some handheld game. A boy likes either bugs or girls or in the case of Noah and Gil, both. A girl's needs, wants, and feelings changed every hour.
"There are no victims, husband, only volunteers." Sara said.
"Why don't you ask Rashad?" Gil Grissom wanted to know. "He's always dragging you to stuff when he needs a date. You are going to spend a lot of time with this person for months and who better than your best friend. Your Aunt Cath would be glad you could put those dance lessons to use."
Hannah balled up her napkin and clutched it to her chest with an angst filled expression. "Rashad! I am not asking him to go on a date with me or several dates. That's just ridiculous. Why would I want to go on a dress up date with him? He's like my brother. I mean he practically is my brother. I don't like him like that. He's not a real boy. So what if he's handsome and smart and makes me laugh. I don't HAVE to ask him out just cause he's the only boy in 11th grade that's taller than me. Why are you guys forcing this issue? He's JUST my friend. He's not boyfriend material."
Noah looked at his parents and back to his sister. The game made a tragic sound. "Are you crushing on Rash?"
A unanimous parental gasp and pale cheeks were filled with color.
Sara opened her mouth and shut in again when she heard the back door make a loud noise.
Lanky and soft-spoken Rashad Brown entered the large kitchen. "Alright. Just in time for breakfast."
He ruffled Noah's hair with long brown fingers and kissed Sara on the cheek and repeated the attack on Hannah's hair.
"Hey Hannah Banana. What's say we cruise the mall? We need to increase our profile for homecoming court."
"Homecoming court?" Gil Grissom asked.
"Yeah. Hannah's a shoe in but I need to increase my visibility so that I am an attractive escort option. Mom says I get a car if I become more social. So I am letting Han Ban lead me down the primrose path.
Rashad reached across the table and ladled a heaping spoon full of breakfast scramble onto Hannah's now empty plate.
"How much is that going to cost?" Gil wanted to know.
Sara narrowed her eyes. "Don't even start that. You created this monster, now you are responsible for it."
Hannah stared at the blond wood of the table.
Rashad Brown snapped his fingers. "Hey girl. What's wrong with you?"
"I don't want to go to the mall."
Noah's stared at his sister. "You got it bad and that ain't good."
"Whatchu talking about little man?" Hannah's best friend wanted to know. "Are you listening to those old CDs my dad gave you?"
Noah was arranging his hair with the help of a spoon smudged with jelly.
"Women like a diverse man. Smarts and great hair from Dad, Sense of humor from Uncle Greg. Nice guy appeal from Uncle Nick and cool from Uncle Warrick. What do you get? The sixth grade answer to Brad Pitt. Once I get my teeth fixed next year the ladies better look out."
Sara rolled her eyes.
"Come on Banana it's nearly noon. The food court's gonna fill up and my visibility will be limited."
"I don't want to go."
"Sure you do." Gil reached for his wallet and handed his daughter several folded bills.
"What's that for?" Hannah worked hard not show her panic.
"Buy yourself something nice." Brown eyes looked at the money then back to Rashad. Shopping beat out panic and they quickly left the premises.
Gil gave his wife a face splitting grin.
"What are you grinning about?" Sara asked.
"All of Cath and Warrick's cars have GPS and they have the ID numbers loaded on our computer."
Gil took in his wife's worried expression. "What's wrong?"
"I hope she's not distracting herself from the bad breakup with Alan."
"There was a bad breakup?"
"Dad, you gotta clue in." Noah said.
"I thought I was. What did Alan do?""Came to the summer dance with a Heather Locklear lookalike and then told everyone that he didn't like Hannah that much anyway cause she was skinny and had dark hair. The real reason is because Hannah won't put out."
"Put out? Where do you get this stuff?"
"Happy Days reruns on TV Land." Noah answered.
"I am glad I don't have jealously issues." Sara said picking up the empty plates Rashad and Hannah had left behind.
Gil snorted. "Yeah right."
"I don't."
"Oh come on, Sara, must I remind you…"
TBC