Disclaimer: I own nothing of Tolkien's masterpiece, this is only a small contribution to his greatness, and a chance to let loose my imagination. :)

Chapter Quote: "Two lovers."

Chapter Four

Morality

Mirlaic kept eyeing me curiously with an amused smile on her face that night when we ate supper. "So... you like Faerlain?"

I didn't look up right away from my plate..."Yes, very much. Apart from you and Alphril, he's the only other elf who will speak to me."

She sighed, "I know it's been difficult for you, but at least they acknowledge your presence. I think they'll warm up to you in time." She glanced at memischievously, "You would be surprised how many came up to me to complain about you.Most hold only jealousy in their hearts."

I choked on the meat I had been chewing. "Jealousy? Jealousy of what?"

"Your not as homely as you seem to believe, Victoria."

"Call me Vic, please." I said quietly.

She smiled, "Vic, I think you have started to catch a few of their eyes."

"Really?" I asked curiously, I really didn't care...I think...but it was kinda interesting in a strange, twisted sort of way.

"Oh yes... and your not exactly the reserved type. I mean, riding around the village on a breed of horse no one has ever seen or heard of before..."

"I think they're jealous of Talorta then." I said, interrupting her and laughing.

"I may be old, and I know I don't look it, but elves do have rather sharp hearing my dear."

I looked up at her sharply, narrowing my eyes. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"Oh nothing." She smiled, took a bite out of something before her."What would you like to bring with you tomorrow to eat for your lessons?"

My mouth dropped, "You heard us?"

"Of course, you giggle rather loudly."

"Do not!"

"For a human of course." She cleared her throat and batted her eyelashes at me. "Feel free to come catch chickens whenever you want."

I blushed.

"Come," She managed through her soft laughs. "Let us get cleaned up and start on your dresses."

The fire was warm as the night settled, silencing the village and the forest and chilling us. Autumn was here, and I suspected that Mirlaic had not just gotten me this stuff for my dresses without some reason. During the past months, we had become close, mostly because I had no one else to speak to anyway. We sat by the hearth, I cross-legged on the floor, watching the flames dance. My needle and thread lay limply in my lap.

"You seem to be making good progress Victoria." Mirlaic said, chuckling and pushing her dark hair behind her pointed ears.

I snapped awake and looked dumbly at the material in front of me. "Uhhh..."

"It's all right, Ihad no expectations to finish them tonight." She said, smiling fondly at me.

I looked up at her, moved closer to her chair. "Mirlaic, you would of made a wonderful mother."

She paused from her needlework and looked down at me, a soft smile slowly formed on her face. "I always wanted to be one, that isone of the reasons I am so glad tohave found you. Sometimes I can pretend you are mine." Shefrowned suddenly andglanced quickly at my face. "Do youmind?"

I shook my head quickly, quenching her nervousness. "Not at all, I miss my mother... sometimes." I hesitated. "We didn't exactly part on good terms." She nodded knowingly, though she couldn't completed hide the sadness in her eyes. "But, I mean... yourwonderful, Mirlaic. Didn't you ever find someone? The right guy...you know... your prince charming?"

She stopped again and set the fabric and needle down in her lap. She smiled fondly. "Yes... I did... a long time ago."

She didn't answer and I tapped my hand impatiently on the handle of her chair in a gesture for her to continue. "Well, what happened?"

Theflames danced in her blue eyes. "It was a long time ago...I was still but a maiden, and I shall never forget the day when a messenger brought us tidings that the Queen had delivered her first son. A son she had called, Legolas. Me and my two sisters were all in an uproar, and we, along with half the village hurried out to reach the palace to see him."

Mirlaic sighed, sitting back in her chair. "There were so many Elves... more then I had ever seen before...

"From all over Mirkwood theyhad come. All wanting to see the new Prince. It was there I saw Tatharion for the first time. He was a guard, standing tall and proud at the gates. Then, at that moment, I thought I had never seen anyone so handsome."

"I had gotten lost, my sisters were somewhere in the crowd and I was frightened at the prospect of being so alone. I sat on the steps and began to cry when I heard someone draw near. He was tall with shining brown hair and hazel eyes. He smiled kindly as he looked down at me and he said, 'Why do you weep fair maiden?' I was so shocked he would speak to me so that my tears stopped. I answered slowly, 'I have lost my sisters, we were separated in the crowd.' He offered his hand and said I could stay with him and that they would find me soon. He sounded so confident, so true... that I found I could not say no."

Mirlaic blushed and glanced at me, "We got lost in the moment... we talked for hours and he took me to the gardens and to the palace library. We didn't return until someone said that Prince Legolas was soon to be brought forth. He stood proudly at the gates while I waited by the steps, and the crowd hushed as the Queen brought the baby out. He was so small, with golden locks... just like his mother." Again Mirlaic blushed, which was rather amusing sinceelves seemed so infallible and unapproachable at time."I have to admit I found I could not pay much attention to the newborn babe just then forI was too busy watching Tatharion. My sisters found me later, and before I had a chance to say good-bye, he had gone."

I sat upright, my eyes wide with shock. "Mirlaic, that's so sad!" I exclaimed.

She shook her head, bading me to silence while she continued. "I was so distressed when we returned home that I fell ill and was bedridden for the next few days. I told my sister, Ana, about Tatharion and the next day who should walk into my room but him! He was dressed in a plain brown tunic... and his hair was pulled back and braided in the customary fashion of a warrior."

"He stood in my door way... and he smiled at meand my breath seemed stole away. He was carrying a bouquet of star-flowers and he handed them to me with a smile. He stayed all afternoon, though I never found out just how he found me, and he came back every day till I was well again.We saw each otheralmost every day after that. He lived in a village only a few miles away, and he'd get up at dawn every morning to come see me. We decided we would like to marry, and my parents both agreed whole heartedly. Everything was going so perfectly, I thought I had strayed into a dream."

Mirlaic paused, clearing her throat, tears slowly forming in her eyes. "Tatharion was called away to the palace when news reached him of a threat on our southern borders. He told me we wouldmarry as soon as he returned. That night, a stranger came to our village, proclaiming that our army had been attacked and that many soldiers had died. He disappeared the next morning, and scouts rode out to see if it was true... they returned carrying the bodies of elves, not many in number but..." Mirlaic's voice broke and her words were sad when she continued.

"Tatharion was one of them. He was so ill, and even when his wounds had healed, he did not. His words broke my heart. He said only Valinor could bear him peacefully. He told me that I should live out my life here before I came to him. And the next day before I could protest, he was gone. "

Now Mirlaic stopped altogether and started to sew again. Silence lasted for several minutes before I intruded, "Well? What happened?"

"Obviously I stayed here little one. He said he would wait and I await the day when I will be able to see him once more." She looked down at me and smiled. "I am glad I stayed iell. Or else I would have never met you." She gently caressed my cheek and I smiled.

"If I never return home Mirlaic, I don't think I shall mind terribly. You have been so kind to me."

"Now you see why I do not regret not crossing with Tatharion. Elves have so much more to live for. You mortals seem to understand. Our lives go on like a continuous dance- we can only hope to step in time with the tune and to hope we can complete it. But when the song is over, so is the festival. And it is time for us to go home, finding we dance to the same tune over and over. Yet... so often we wish to linger... we find we never truly lived. Our dance may become perfected, but is it even enjoyable then? You see, that is what you mortals understand. The Dance does not end for you, you enjoy it to it's fullest. When it is over, well, there's only a new one to begin. I think that's what I envy most about your kind, the unknown adventure -death- is only a part of the dance." She paused, tapped my nose with her finger. "When you see that, child, I do not think you will ever regret that you began... and that you truly lived to dance it."

My talk with Mirlaic kept me up most of the night, and I found myself thinking about Tatharion. Her love lay across the sea in Valinor, she had told me about it once before. The final resting place for Elves. She made death seem... inviting. Not something to be dreaded at all. All night as I laid in bed I wondered if it was truly a blessing as Mirlaic said. Because for me, death had always been a curse.

Mirlaic gave me a small basket the next day as I prepared for my lessons with Faerlain. Apparently, we hadn't been so alone as we thought when we had walked to Mirlaic's house. Everyone seemed to be talking about it when I walked through town the next day, or so I assumed from the bits of Elvish I could understand. The Elves did not ignore me so coldly now, in fact those around the same age as Faerlain watched me closely as I passed. As if to see something new that they had missed, like the color of my eyes, or the shape of my body. I caught one looking closely at my bosom before I blushed and hurried along down the road.

I tried to ignore them, but after about the fifth staring elf I ran through the woods to the tree and found him leaning against it watching the river. He looked up as I approached andI swept a stray lock of brown hair away from my face. My dress was slightly soiled from my dash through the village and I was breathless. He smiled and waved,

"Come, I've been waiting for you."

I nodded and walked over, still gasping for breath.

"Varda, aren't you a sight? Are you that eager to learn the tongue of the Elves?"

"Too many...staring elves." I panted, leaning against the tree and smoothing my grey dress.

"Ahh." He said, nodding witha mischievous smile. "The local lads giving you a bit of a look?"

"It wasn't funny!"I protested.

"Well... you can hardly blame them. It is not often such an attractive human graces her presence here in Gilloth."

I smiled, knowing I wouldn't win this batter."I guess they can't seem to see why you even want to associate with me. A mortal, oh the scandal!"

Faerlain got comfortable by the tree and waved his hand vaguely. "It isobvious that I wish to associate with you and why is none of their business." He sat down on a patch of green grass by the riverbank. I noticed he had a few books laying there and he looked up expectantly at me, "Shall we begin?"

I spent most of the day there and very slowly I began to learn the ways of the Elves. For not only did Faerlain teach me Sindarin, he taught me the history of his people. By the day's end I regretted having to leave and I wished that we'd be able to do it again.

'You're a good teacher.' I said slowly in his language and he smiled.

"You are foolish to let my tongue wander so freely. But perhaps we could do this again?"

So we did.

Nearly every day for almost a month. I could barely concentrate on making my dresses at night, or any task Mirlaic had me do for that matter. More determined was I to study Sindarin (which sounds really pretty when you get the hang of it) or to practice my Tenquar (which is the funniest looking alphabet I've ever seen)letters. Mirlaic never once scolded me and would only smile as I raced to do my chores every day so I could get to the old willow tree in time.

Eventually I wasn't doing my dresses at all and couldhave cared less if I ever finished them. I would finish my work every morning, then leap on Talorta- squeezing his sides and urging him on ashe galloped through the streets andto the river. Talorta liked Faerlain. Soon Faerlain would bring his horse and we would ride for an hour or so before he taught me more.

I was fascinated and if ever I had a good friend, Faerlain was the best. Soon he began teaching me how to use a bow. (Actually I sort of forced him to, but he did willinglyin the end.) And I started hiking up my skirts or pinning it up around my legs. Either way, my idea's about behavior and fashion weren't exactly ladylike as he told me one day through a spasm of laughs (of course).

The forest, the river, the old willow tree were our secret havens... neither of us had to face reality of our lives while we were there. It was just the two of us... me and Faerlain. Through that... we found a sense of peace.I could always be myself around Faerlain, and my redneck side never once saw a frown crease upon his elegant face.

But as I hurried about one day, preparing to leave, I was stopped by Mirlaic.

"Victoria, we have to harvest today. I need you home."

"But Faerlain is-"

She stopped me and placed a gentle hand on my arm, her eyessaid. "Perhaps... it was best if you took a break from your lessons for a while... aye?"She said gently, yet firmly.

And in that one sentence, the fragile glass around my world shattered. None of it was real, the days that Faerlain and I spent together. They were only games Faerlain and I played. We couldn't always escape our lives and run to the old Willow tree, because there wasn't always going to be an old willow tree... and there wouldn't always be the two of us.

He was immortal... and I knew from then on that the magic about our secret would never be the same. I didn't ask Talortato gallop to the river that day, we walked slowly. I knew Faerlain wouldn't be there. He was helping Alphril with the harvest. The water sparkled in the sunlight as I slid off Talorta's broad back. Even the leaves in Mirkwood changed color and died I found out. Mirlaid told me it was one of the few seasons (if any) in which the forest didn't seem so foreboding. I knew I couldn't stay long, Mirlaic needed my help with the Harvest.

But suddenly everything came back to me in a continuous flow. My parents, the farm, and I realized how much I had changed. And how much I missed the way my life used to be. Immortality had it's advantages: elves had years to change their mistakes, elves didn't die. I felt a longing that for my brother that I hadn't felt in years; an ache that hadn't bombarded me since that day I truly learned what death meant... when someone you loved never came back. No matter how much you cried or longed for them.

I sat by the river, watching the water flow past, leaves falling slowly to the ground, my tears being swept with the ongoing tide. Death was a dance to Mirlaic, as was life. But to me, it was a curse, something to be despised and hated. Because I realized that it was my fate, but now his. No... Faerlain would live, and live on and on- until me name was only a whisper on the wind. A memory faded with time.

I stood, Talorta watched me curiously, his ears pricked. Elves could dance, and so could I. And I did. I danced to the flow of the rives, the rippling water on the rocks, the wind in the trees, in the grass. The laughter coming from the village.

And I cried.

I cried till my tears blinded me and I stumbled, landing hard on my knees and hands. I sobbed, covering my face with my hands. Why was I in this strange world? If it was not real... why was I allowed to love? I didn't understand, nor did I want to. I stood again, trying in vain to dance once more. Only to stumble and fall again. But this time my scraped hands and bruised knees didn't hit the ground again. This time two strong hands caught me by the shoulders.

"Victoria?"

For the first time I looked up, my tears subsiding long enough for me to see whom had caught me. It was Faerlain. His tunic was soiled, bearing the tell-tale signs of a hard days work-and he had smudges of dirt of his face.

"What are you doing here?" His voice held surprise and concern. "What isthe matter?"

I pulled away from him, still sobbing and hating myself for it. I had never cried in front of anyone before...not even when Zach died. It was a sign of weakness to me, and I did not have aweakness...but I couldn't stop. "What's wrong? Everything's wrong!" I cried, stamping my foot angrily. "Why did you become friends with me Faerlain? Why did you allow me to play these...these games?"

"They were not games Victoria..." He said in evident surprise.

"Yes they were! Even now I can't tell what reality is anymore. I can't tell what is real between us. If even you are real."

"Victoria," He said gently, nearing me again."Of course I amreal." He said, reaching out to me."What isthis about?"

I stomped again, glaring up at him. "Why did you let this happen? How could you let me..." And then I froze. I couldn't even say it, for the words had only struck me suddenly. I had barely known Faerlain for two months, and for all I knew, everything about this world might only be a dream.

"Let you what Victoria?" He asked softly, stepping closer to me and lifting up my chin to gaze into my eyes. I felt lost as I stared back into his.

"How could you let me fall in love with you?" I whispered tearfully. Yes, I had. It was a bit of a shock, but I knew it was true. I had fallen in love with Faerlain. His eyes widened for a moment, his brows raised as if he too had realized it for the first time, and like me, didn't know what to do. For the first time since I had met him, Faerlain was speechless. No smile returned my accusions, no words escaped his firmly shut mouth.

"I didn't understand it until today. But none of this can be real. None of it could ever be real. I am mortal... you are an elf. And I thought... I hoped..." But confusion had risen up in my chest and I couldn't pull my mangled thoughts together. Tears cut me off once more and I whirled away from him no longer able to speak.

Faerlain didn't say anything for a long time, and I literally felt my heart tearing into pieces. Torn between what I was... and what I wished to be. And more importantly, what I knew never could be. That us being just 'friends' hadn't worked... and that he had stolen my heart away. I was so new to this life here, and he had taken me captive to a place where I could not escape.

"Victoria, please listen to me." I felt his hands on my shoulders as he turned me around. "I never dreamed this would happen." He said ernestly, his eyes searching my own."When I met you, you were so full of fire and life... Ienjoyed your company. I felt honoredto count you as my friend." He hesitated, "I never wanted to hurt you. But..." And he smiled sheepishly, "You were rather hard to resist."

"I don't want to be hurt again." I whispered. I want to always be friends with you. I never want to lose you... like I lost Zach." My words also made me realize something else, my affection for him had run deeper then I even knew, and I was terrified of losing him. I voiced my brother's name for the first time in years, and the force of it reopened old wounds that had never really healed.

"Who?"

"My brother... Zachary. He died a long time ago." I looked down. "Morality is a curse Faerlain. I can't handle losing someone like that again."

"I know." That was all he said before I was swept into his muscular arms as he hugged me tightly. I cried on his shoulder and he caressed my back until no more tears would come and we stood silently, holding one another. He tilted my head upward and looked into my face, his blue eyes sad. "I know Victoria. I do not know how... but you stole my heart as well. But if it cannot be..." He drifted off.

"It can't." I said.

"Can notwe just be friends?" He probed me, searching my soul for answers.

I managed a weak smile, "Wasn't that what we were before?"

He smiled, "We were suppose to be." He paused."Can you?"

I nodded slowly and he embraced me tightly again.

"I do notever want to hurt you, and I never will." I could feel his warm breath on my hair, my skin, and I felt such an ache in my heart I thought I might die. But if what I was kept us from being together, then at least Faerlain could always be there for me. I wanted to stand there forever with him, but reality hit me again full force and finally took a hold of me. I broke his embrace gently, immediately missing the warmth from his body. I stepped away but before I moved far he caught my hand.

"Mirlaic will be looking for me." I whispered.

He nodded and squeezed my hand, "Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked.

"We have to harvest tomorrow. Of course you shall." I said, forcing a smile.

"After that... will you come back?"

I looked at the ground, and then slowly to his hand which still gripped mine. And finally to his face, his blue eyes, his depth less blue eyes bore into me. I wanted to turn away, but found that I could not.

"I think so." I whispered, suddenly breathless.

"I shall tell you next the tale of Luthien and Beren." He replied with that smile I had grown to love so much. But he was sad... I knew he was sad.

"Oh?" I asked curiously. "What is that about?"

"Two lovers." He said simply, not saying more.

I smiled ruefully. "Your calling was a scholar Faerlain, not a soldier."

"Not all of us fulfill what we are called to do. Sometimes we push our dreams aside to please others." He looked imploringly into my face. "You will come?"

My throat tightened, I felt tears burn in my eyes once more. Still managing a weak smile, I nodded. Then I fled from him back to the village, my heart torn in two.

A/N: I'm having more fun with this story then I thought I would. But I have gotten over most of my writer's block and my other stories will be updated shortly. And that's the chapter. I am finding myself liking this story more and more. And until I work through my writer's block, this story will probably be updated more than the others. Just so we're clear. :)

Thanks for all the feedback!

TO BE CONTINUED...