The Last Place You Look
Chapter Nine: Scorn or Pity
by Aeris Tiniel Mirime

No scorn or pity on me take
I must the true relation make.
-Johnson, The Dreame

"I can't tell him," was Maddie's first thought. "He'll freak out even more than before." But she decided that she had had enough of avoiding him. She would rather just own up to her feelings and get it out of the way. He already knew about them anyway, so even if he continued to ignore her, she wouldn't be any worse off than she was before.

"Um, Esteban," she spoke up gingerly.

"Yes, Maddie?" he asked.

"I just...I mean...I just want to tell you that..." She stopped, took a deep breath, and started over. "Ok. You've probably heard a lot about what I'm about to say, but I think it's time to talk to you about it in person."

Esteban was dreading her next words. He was terrified that she had somehow read his mind, seen all the incriminating things he had been thinking about her, and was about to call him on it.

"Alright, so you know how London likes to gossip? Well, a few weeks ago she was saying some things about me and you. Do you know what things I'm talking about?"

Esteban nodded stiffly, and Maddie continued, glad that she didn't have to put the idea into words.

"So she was fascinated by this idea, and I'm sure she exaggerated when telling the story, and I just want you to know that I'm not as obsessive as she makes me out to be."

"She's not obsessive? What does that mean? Shouldn't I be the one saying that to her?" Esteban thought in confusion.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Oh, do I really have to spell it out for you?" Maddie cried. "I'm talking about London telling you and everybody that I liked you! And how you got so wigged out about it, and you wouldn't even talk to me and stuff. Although I guess I was kinda uncomfortable talking to you too, but you didn't have to totally ignore me like that. Especially because it wasn't true. Well, at least I didn't think so at the time. And all I did was accidentally write your name next to mine in my notebook at school. It's not like I was all 'Esteban is my future husband,' or anything,"

As you can see, the pressure which had been building underneath two weeks' worth of pent-up emotions had finally reached a boiling point. Maddie rambled on, venting each and every one of her concerns and protests, not necessarily in a coherent order, and not caring whether they were or not.

"And it's only thanks to Zack and Cody that I even got this chance to talk to you. If they hadn't talked me into coming to this carnival, and they never found you here, would we have gone on like strangers 'til judgement day and trumpet sound?" she asked angrily. "And so what if I like you? It's not like I have the plague. Is it really going to kill you to come near me?"

But where Maddie was talking nonstop, Esteban, on the other hand, was completely nonplussed. Maddie thought he was creeped out by her! True, he had been afraid to talk to her, afraid of what she would say to him, but it was only because he desired her good opinion so much. And speaking of her good opinion - she liked him! She wrote their names together - like people do when they're dating! If he had known that, he never would have kept such a distance from her.

"And besides - " Maddie started in on her next point, but Esteban interrupted her.

"Maddie, I think there's been a misunderstanding," he said.

"You bet there has! "

"No. I mean that I never wanted to push away."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I didn't think you wanted to be near me anymore."

"Why would you think that? Didn't London tell you I did?" Maddie asked, surprise starting to take the place of her anger.

"No. I thought you were upset with what I did, that time when I slipped up about your name."

"What time? I never heard about anything like that." Maddie said

"And I never heard that you wrote my name and yours together."

Maddie blushed and began playing with a strand of her hair. "Yeah, well..that time it was an accident, you know. Although I guess I was unconsciously telling myself..." She paused for one final second, then took the plunge. "...I want you to be more than a friend. But honestly, it's okay if you don't feel the same way. I just wanted to tell you..."

The exact number of split ends on that section of hair never seemed so vividly significant as they did to her at that second, when she hung in agony over what Esteban would say to her next. Would he laugh in her face? Would he treat her like a little child, and tell her that she didn't understand what she was saying? But her agony soon ended as he began to speak, saying slowly and softly:

"Don't you know I'm crazy about you, too?"