Terrifié
Chapter Fifteen [Moonlight Goddess]
Last Time:
"Thanks Draco." She had the distinct feeling that he was going to kiss her again, but there was no one around to impress this time. He turned abruptly on his heel, as was his usual manner of leaving (unexpectedly), and then strode down the hall purposefully. Only after he was out of hearing distance did he mutter an expletive to himself.
TBC
***
Hermione watched him until he was out of sight, then started towards Gryffindor. She had this lurking feeling that she had wanted him to kiss her. But she shook her head at herself and climbed through the portrait hole instead of running after him, dismissing the thought uneasily.
She greeted Harry and Ron briefly before going off to bed.
But once she had gotten into her pajamas and was curled under her own red comforter, the thought came crawling, sneaky, back into her mind. And try as she might, this time she could not dismiss it so easily. She closed her eyes and imagined his lips on hers, sighing happily. Lavi giggled in a dream and startled Hermione out of her own fantasy. She sat up in bed and wrung her hands. This kind of thinking was not good. She had never felt like this about anyone before. She had never wanted anyone to touch her. But they always did, they always were caught up in her evil ways. Draco was as evil as her, she knew how it would end if she drew him into her web. She needed him desperately to protect her, and that kind of relationship would only turn into him hurting her. She couldn't afford that.
And she shouldn't want that kind of relationship anyway! Boys, and men, were bad news. She knew she should stay away from him, but that knowledge made her want him even more.
Oh fuck. Hermione shivered and lay back down, burrowing under the covers. She was a whore, this was all her fault, and she deserved to go home for Christmas alone with Don.
Hermione sneezed, and then cried herself to sleep.
***
Ron and Esmé sat quietly together in an empty corridor of Hogwarts, holding hands but not talking. Ron was thinking though. He knew it was a bad time, just as they were parting, but there was some things that they really needed to talk about.
"Es. I need to talk to you." He broke the silence grimly. He watched as she raised her head from his shoulder and looked up at him, a slight smile on her lips.
"Ok. What about?" She poked his arm playfully, before resting her head back on his shoulder.
"I hate that our relationship is a secret. And. yeah." Ron, ever the eloquent one, looked at the ceiling in an attempt to avoid any eye contact Esmé might try and make, but she pulled his chin and turned his face towards her.
"It's fun though, it's like a secret for just the two of us. Don't you like knowing something other people don't?" Normally Ron would back down, but this was important to him, and he saw the glint of concern deep in her pretty eyes. Esmé always made everything playful, that was just how she was. He knew her well enough that he could trust her to support him in this if she understood how important it was to him.
"It would be, if it weren't for Harry and Hermione. They're my best friends, Esmé. I feel shitty being so happy and not sharing it with them, and not being able to bore them with detailed descriptions of how beautiful you are. I know it's hard for you to understand, but I'm really close to them. I mean, what about Hermione and Malfoy? They're having their "affair" and that all died down after a while didn't it. No one made such a big deal out of it. I could just tell them and make them swear not to tell anyone else! Please, I feel really horrible about this and I know it's hard for you too and." Esmé hushed Ron, smiling again now.
"Ok! You can tell them. It will get out eventually anyway. It's not like I have any friends to be upset with me." She smirked, but Ron understood how alone she felt sometimes, even though she chose to distance herself from others and not the other way around.
"I'm going to miss you over the holidays. No one to poke me and annoy me and talk in a little French accent." Ron grinned, suddenly picturing her in a French maid outfit.
"Or kiss you?" She finished for him, pulling him closer.
*** Ron told Harry and Hermione, and surprisingly was met by knowing grins.
"We thought something like that was up. We had narrowed it down to a few Ravenclaws, and maybe, just maybe, Esmé." Harry nodded happily, approving of the match and proud of the fact that he and Mione had caught on. Hermione sat down next to Ron on the couch and cuddled into his side.
"Aww! Our ickle Ronniekins is gwowing up to be a big boy!" She teased, pinching his cheek. Ron shoved her hand away in mock annoyance, growling at her threateningly, but he felt the weight lift off his chest.
***
Monday and Tuesday passed through in a blur of schoolwork, and Hermione did not think about anything other than school. She was thankful for the distraction. It was still raining outside, and everyone was worried that there would actually be a flood if it kept up. It had rained heavily for four days straight now. It was Wednesday morning, and there was no sign of it letting up anytime soon. Classes were cancelled that day so that students could pack up. The train left directly after the Christmas Feast.
Hermione gave all the presents she had bought to her friends with careful instructions not to open them before Christmas. She noted vaguely Draco's present, wrapped nicely, sitting sadly alone in the bottom of her gift bag. She took it out, and barely hesitated before stuffing it in her suitcase. It was a stupid gift anyhow. She finished packing quickly, having finished most of it the night before, and headed to the library to start on some homework. She spent her remaining time before the feast there, finishing all of her holiday Transfiguration homework. Now she only had her (huge) Arithmancy assignment and half of her Potions assignment to do. And her partner Potions assignment with Draco... Snape was really loading them up this year. It was good she would be able to work directly with Draco on the project, she could get a head start. They, that is. Probably Draco's family would have an extensive library. Hermione swallowed. In comparison with staying alone with Don, going to the Manor seemed like a vacation at Club Med, but when she actually got down to thinking about it...
Three weeks in the house of a powerful dark wizard who hated her, in the company of his son, whom she was also completely terrified of. At least Lucius and Narcissa wouldn't be there.
But Draco would most definitely be there.
***
Draco wandered through the train aimlessly, poking his head into compartments in search of someone to torment. Crabbe and Goyle snored far too loudly and Pansy was irritating him with her prattle about Blaise Zabini's eyes and how hard his chest was when he hugged her. He really loved Pansy, but he did tire of her constant chatter occasionally. He tolerated Crabbe and Goyle because they didn't talk much, obeyed his every word, and had defended him before he'd been able to defend himself. Thankfully he could fight quite well now, but in first and second year it hadn't been so.
He decided he was too tired too torment people anyway, and continued on to the last few compartments in the car, which seemed deserted. There were no lights in the last four. Maybe he'd lie down, his neck and shoulders were killing him. He carried all his tension there, and was always sore. Except for of course when he ordered his masseuse in... but that was only at home. He slid open the door of the compartment and stepped into the darkness, not bothering to turn on the light. He closed the door and turned, stretching. And then he saw her. He stopped with his arms in the air, back arched, mid stretch... and stared.
A slice of moonlight illuminated her face and hair, making it seem strangely blue-tinted. In sleep Hermione's face was relaxed, not guarded and frightened as usual. A slight smile played on her lips. He had always thought of Hermione as a rather pretty girl, but he could never again think of her as pretty... she was the most beautiful goddess he had ever seen. Her long hair splayed over her robe, which she had bundled into a makeshift pillow. Her body was curled into a tiny ball, dressed in muggle clothing, jeans and a baggy red sweater. Draco's gaze drifted over her features. Everything about her was perfect in this moment. Her forehead and brows and cheekbones and her nose and even her freckles (Draco had never liked freckles before)... her lips were so beautiful, and he was in love with her chin. He was struck by the fact that he was looking at the beauty of her face, and not her body. Then he was struck by the fact that he was looking at her beauty at all. It was Granger for God's sake! He lowered his arms but continued staring at Hermione. How had he never noticed how gorgeous she was? The way she always hunched over her shoulders and hung her head, her hair hiding her from the world... she did it on purpose! Or maybe subconsciously. She didn't wear her beauty with pride. Draco had the strongest urge to shake her awake and tell her how amazing she was, how incredible. Hadn't anyone ever told her before? He knelt on the floor beside her, placing an elbow on the seat and putting his chin in his hand. He knew she would wake up and scream or something, but he couldn't draw himself away. He forgot about the ache in his shoulders and neck, he forgot that he was tired. All he could think about was his moonlight goddess.
And then she did wake up. Her face changed and he knew she had. She frowned slightly and then opened her eyes, looking straight into his. She stared confusedly for a moment, and Draco's heart was pounding for some reason. He felt like his life depended on her reaction. And to his ever-lasting surprise... she smiled.
"Hi," she said softly in a sleepy voice. She continued smiling gently, seeming uninclined to sit up.
"Hi," He choked. The words were on the tip of his tongue but for some reason he didn't want to tell her, all of a sudden he was embarrassed by how beautiful she was. He wanted it to be his secret, if she knew she wouldn't have the time of day for someone like him. But still, he had to bite his tongue to keep sweet praises from spilling from his mouth.
She closed her eyes again briefly, yawned, and then pushed herself into a sitting position. Draco got off the floor and sat on the bench across from her.
Hermione felt a little disconcerted that Draco had been watching her sleep now that she thought about it. When she woke up it had felt oddly natural that he should be beside her, gazing at her in adoration. She must have been VERY tired... Draco Malfoy did not gaze at people in adoration, and if he did it was probably a bad sign. He was probably plotting something, and she had mistaken evil revelry for adoration. But still, she felt oddly oblivious to the potential danger of this situation. She felt warm and happy. She felt.
Hermione flew off the seat as the train jolted to a rough halt. Draco smirked, and did not offer his hand. She helped herself up and looked out the window, drawing the curtain back. She searched the crowd, her heart pounding, until she saw them. Her parents, smiling and chatting with the Weasleys, and him. Soon as her eyes fell on his raven head she banged the curtains closed and sat back in the seat. Draco's smirk faded.
"Is he out there?" He asked, his brow darkening as he drew back the curtains to look for himself. He spotted the Grangers and then saw the infamous uncle Don in flesh and blood for the first time. Hermione's cool hand rested on his neck and drew him away from the window.
"Please don't do anything, he'll. he can't know." Hermione let her hand continue resting on his shoulder even when he turned to face her. Draco clenched his jaw and nodded.
"Tomorrow at three Hermione. Bye." He bent and hugged her and then left the compartment quickly, hoping Henry had already gotten his bags.
Hermione stared after him for only one wistful moment before she ran off to meet her parents. and Don.
*TBC*
Chapter Fifteen [Moonlight Goddess]
Last Time:
"Thanks Draco." She had the distinct feeling that he was going to kiss her again, but there was no one around to impress this time. He turned abruptly on his heel, as was his usual manner of leaving (unexpectedly), and then strode down the hall purposefully. Only after he was out of hearing distance did he mutter an expletive to himself.
TBC
***
Hermione watched him until he was out of sight, then started towards Gryffindor. She had this lurking feeling that she had wanted him to kiss her. But she shook her head at herself and climbed through the portrait hole instead of running after him, dismissing the thought uneasily.
She greeted Harry and Ron briefly before going off to bed.
But once she had gotten into her pajamas and was curled under her own red comforter, the thought came crawling, sneaky, back into her mind. And try as she might, this time she could not dismiss it so easily. She closed her eyes and imagined his lips on hers, sighing happily. Lavi giggled in a dream and startled Hermione out of her own fantasy. She sat up in bed and wrung her hands. This kind of thinking was not good. She had never felt like this about anyone before. She had never wanted anyone to touch her. But they always did, they always were caught up in her evil ways. Draco was as evil as her, she knew how it would end if she drew him into her web. She needed him desperately to protect her, and that kind of relationship would only turn into him hurting her. She couldn't afford that.
And she shouldn't want that kind of relationship anyway! Boys, and men, were bad news. She knew she should stay away from him, but that knowledge made her want him even more.
Oh fuck. Hermione shivered and lay back down, burrowing under the covers. She was a whore, this was all her fault, and she deserved to go home for Christmas alone with Don.
Hermione sneezed, and then cried herself to sleep.
***
Ron and Esmé sat quietly together in an empty corridor of Hogwarts, holding hands but not talking. Ron was thinking though. He knew it was a bad time, just as they were parting, but there was some things that they really needed to talk about.
"Es. I need to talk to you." He broke the silence grimly. He watched as she raised her head from his shoulder and looked up at him, a slight smile on her lips.
"Ok. What about?" She poked his arm playfully, before resting her head back on his shoulder.
"I hate that our relationship is a secret. And. yeah." Ron, ever the eloquent one, looked at the ceiling in an attempt to avoid any eye contact Esmé might try and make, but she pulled his chin and turned his face towards her.
"It's fun though, it's like a secret for just the two of us. Don't you like knowing something other people don't?" Normally Ron would back down, but this was important to him, and he saw the glint of concern deep in her pretty eyes. Esmé always made everything playful, that was just how she was. He knew her well enough that he could trust her to support him in this if she understood how important it was to him.
"It would be, if it weren't for Harry and Hermione. They're my best friends, Esmé. I feel shitty being so happy and not sharing it with them, and not being able to bore them with detailed descriptions of how beautiful you are. I know it's hard for you to understand, but I'm really close to them. I mean, what about Hermione and Malfoy? They're having their "affair" and that all died down after a while didn't it. No one made such a big deal out of it. I could just tell them and make them swear not to tell anyone else! Please, I feel really horrible about this and I know it's hard for you too and." Esmé hushed Ron, smiling again now.
"Ok! You can tell them. It will get out eventually anyway. It's not like I have any friends to be upset with me." She smirked, but Ron understood how alone she felt sometimes, even though she chose to distance herself from others and not the other way around.
"I'm going to miss you over the holidays. No one to poke me and annoy me and talk in a little French accent." Ron grinned, suddenly picturing her in a French maid outfit.
"Or kiss you?" She finished for him, pulling him closer.
*** Ron told Harry and Hermione, and surprisingly was met by knowing grins.
"We thought something like that was up. We had narrowed it down to a few Ravenclaws, and maybe, just maybe, Esmé." Harry nodded happily, approving of the match and proud of the fact that he and Mione had caught on. Hermione sat down next to Ron on the couch and cuddled into his side.
"Aww! Our ickle Ronniekins is gwowing up to be a big boy!" She teased, pinching his cheek. Ron shoved her hand away in mock annoyance, growling at her threateningly, but he felt the weight lift off his chest.
***
Monday and Tuesday passed through in a blur of schoolwork, and Hermione did not think about anything other than school. She was thankful for the distraction. It was still raining outside, and everyone was worried that there would actually be a flood if it kept up. It had rained heavily for four days straight now. It was Wednesday morning, and there was no sign of it letting up anytime soon. Classes were cancelled that day so that students could pack up. The train left directly after the Christmas Feast.
Hermione gave all the presents she had bought to her friends with careful instructions not to open them before Christmas. She noted vaguely Draco's present, wrapped nicely, sitting sadly alone in the bottom of her gift bag. She took it out, and barely hesitated before stuffing it in her suitcase. It was a stupid gift anyhow. She finished packing quickly, having finished most of it the night before, and headed to the library to start on some homework. She spent her remaining time before the feast there, finishing all of her holiday Transfiguration homework. Now she only had her (huge) Arithmancy assignment and half of her Potions assignment to do. And her partner Potions assignment with Draco... Snape was really loading them up this year. It was good she would be able to work directly with Draco on the project, she could get a head start. They, that is. Probably Draco's family would have an extensive library. Hermione swallowed. In comparison with staying alone with Don, going to the Manor seemed like a vacation at Club Med, but when she actually got down to thinking about it...
Three weeks in the house of a powerful dark wizard who hated her, in the company of his son, whom she was also completely terrified of. At least Lucius and Narcissa wouldn't be there.
But Draco would most definitely be there.
***
Draco wandered through the train aimlessly, poking his head into compartments in search of someone to torment. Crabbe and Goyle snored far too loudly and Pansy was irritating him with her prattle about Blaise Zabini's eyes and how hard his chest was when he hugged her. He really loved Pansy, but he did tire of her constant chatter occasionally. He tolerated Crabbe and Goyle because they didn't talk much, obeyed his every word, and had defended him before he'd been able to defend himself. Thankfully he could fight quite well now, but in first and second year it hadn't been so.
He decided he was too tired too torment people anyway, and continued on to the last few compartments in the car, which seemed deserted. There were no lights in the last four. Maybe he'd lie down, his neck and shoulders were killing him. He carried all his tension there, and was always sore. Except for of course when he ordered his masseuse in... but that was only at home. He slid open the door of the compartment and stepped into the darkness, not bothering to turn on the light. He closed the door and turned, stretching. And then he saw her. He stopped with his arms in the air, back arched, mid stretch... and stared.
A slice of moonlight illuminated her face and hair, making it seem strangely blue-tinted. In sleep Hermione's face was relaxed, not guarded and frightened as usual. A slight smile played on her lips. He had always thought of Hermione as a rather pretty girl, but he could never again think of her as pretty... she was the most beautiful goddess he had ever seen. Her long hair splayed over her robe, which she had bundled into a makeshift pillow. Her body was curled into a tiny ball, dressed in muggle clothing, jeans and a baggy red sweater. Draco's gaze drifted over her features. Everything about her was perfect in this moment. Her forehead and brows and cheekbones and her nose and even her freckles (Draco had never liked freckles before)... her lips were so beautiful, and he was in love with her chin. He was struck by the fact that he was looking at the beauty of her face, and not her body. Then he was struck by the fact that he was looking at her beauty at all. It was Granger for God's sake! He lowered his arms but continued staring at Hermione. How had he never noticed how gorgeous she was? The way she always hunched over her shoulders and hung her head, her hair hiding her from the world... she did it on purpose! Or maybe subconsciously. She didn't wear her beauty with pride. Draco had the strongest urge to shake her awake and tell her how amazing she was, how incredible. Hadn't anyone ever told her before? He knelt on the floor beside her, placing an elbow on the seat and putting his chin in his hand. He knew she would wake up and scream or something, but he couldn't draw himself away. He forgot about the ache in his shoulders and neck, he forgot that he was tired. All he could think about was his moonlight goddess.
And then she did wake up. Her face changed and he knew she had. She frowned slightly and then opened her eyes, looking straight into his. She stared confusedly for a moment, and Draco's heart was pounding for some reason. He felt like his life depended on her reaction. And to his ever-lasting surprise... she smiled.
"Hi," she said softly in a sleepy voice. She continued smiling gently, seeming uninclined to sit up.
"Hi," He choked. The words were on the tip of his tongue but for some reason he didn't want to tell her, all of a sudden he was embarrassed by how beautiful she was. He wanted it to be his secret, if she knew she wouldn't have the time of day for someone like him. But still, he had to bite his tongue to keep sweet praises from spilling from his mouth.
She closed her eyes again briefly, yawned, and then pushed herself into a sitting position. Draco got off the floor and sat on the bench across from her.
Hermione felt a little disconcerted that Draco had been watching her sleep now that she thought about it. When she woke up it had felt oddly natural that he should be beside her, gazing at her in adoration. She must have been VERY tired... Draco Malfoy did not gaze at people in adoration, and if he did it was probably a bad sign. He was probably plotting something, and she had mistaken evil revelry for adoration. But still, she felt oddly oblivious to the potential danger of this situation. She felt warm and happy. She felt.
Hermione flew off the seat as the train jolted to a rough halt. Draco smirked, and did not offer his hand. She helped herself up and looked out the window, drawing the curtain back. She searched the crowd, her heart pounding, until she saw them. Her parents, smiling and chatting with the Weasleys, and him. Soon as her eyes fell on his raven head she banged the curtains closed and sat back in the seat. Draco's smirk faded.
"Is he out there?" He asked, his brow darkening as he drew back the curtains to look for himself. He spotted the Grangers and then saw the infamous uncle Don in flesh and blood for the first time. Hermione's cool hand rested on his neck and drew him away from the window.
"Please don't do anything, he'll. he can't know." Hermione let her hand continue resting on his shoulder even when he turned to face her. Draco clenched his jaw and nodded.
"Tomorrow at three Hermione. Bye." He bent and hugged her and then left the compartment quickly, hoping Henry had already gotten his bags.
Hermione stared after him for only one wistful moment before she ran off to meet her parents. and Don.
*TBC*