After All This Time
Chapter Four: Home Sweet Home
Disclaimer: We own nothing but our imaginations.
Duke kept careful watch over the next several days and finally decided it was safe to head back to the house. That night would be the last night they slept under the stars. Part of him was eternally thankful that they would soon be headed back towards modern conveniences like hot running water and decent coffee. The other part of him knew that the quarters they had been sharing out in the open would close significantly to a few thousand feet once they were back at the house. That thought unnerved him. He unrolled his bedding that night and crawled in, wishing for a solid night's rest, knowing he needed to build up his reserves. Sleep again that night, did not come. This time however, it was because she wound up in his arms shortly after midnight.
Shauna was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open through dinner. She gave her bedroll a halfhearted shake and lay down, instantly falling asleep. Sometime around midnight she was having a horrid nightmare- reliving the time she and Rip Cord had nearly been eaten alive by spiders. She had never cared for the things, courtesy of one of her brother's early tricks, but after that episode she could not stand them. She screamed when one came near and always called for someone else to dispose of the creatures. She brushed her face, wanting to tuck the stray strands of hair out of her way. Annoyed that the strands of hair immediately fell back to where they were, she found herself wishing for a ponytail band harder than she had ever wished for one before in her life. At that point she was ready to get a knife and just cut the damn locks short enough that they wouldn't be a problem. In that instant she froze, still shaky from her nightmare, and terrified that if she touched her face she'd find that the nightmare was real. The thought that one of those, those, things.was crawling on her though was enough for her to slap violently at her face-and scream when the imagined creature turned real before her very eyes.
Duke woke to the ear shattering sound of Shauna's terrified screams; he had the gun in his hand before he realized that no one-no man-no animal was near. "What's wrong? !"
All he got for his answer was Shauna jumping up and down on her bedroll, slamming her boot again and again into the ground. And then he realized what must have happened, he had warned her to shake out her bedroll each night before she crawled in, leastwise some unwelcome creature would crawl up beside her in the middle of the night. He guessed tonight she had been too tired to pay much attention to the task. He put the safety back on the gun and tucked it into his pillow. In one stride he was pulling her up off the ground and into his arms. She was shaking like a leaf. He had forgotten how deathly afraid she was of the things. "Shush.it's okay, Shauna, I've got you now, everything will be fine." He repeated this mantra for several minutes; calmly stroking her hair while she cried great big gulping tears into his shoulder. When she was calm enough to pull slightly away from him her eyes shown in the bright moonlight with spilt tears-and plenty she was holding back. "Conrad."
He couldn't stand the sight of her trembling lip, of all the things she had seen and done-spiders reduced her to tears. He pulled her back hard against him and held her there for a long time. The next time she pulled away she had cried enough but still needed comfort. She looked up at him, standing even with his chin in her bare feet, "Could you just hold me? Just for tonight? Please?" He knew how much it had taken for her to ask that now and longed for the past and a time when she would have just climbed into his bed for him to wrap his arms around her. Being secure in the knowledge that he would immediately pull her close to him and surround her with comfort.
He picked her up, and stepped back over to his own bag, tromping carefully to make sure the critter had indeed left this plane of existence, though how he could have any doubt after the way she had taken after it with that boot was amazing. He lay down, pulled her as close as he could and then wrapped the blankets around them. It felt right holding her again. He tucked her under his chin and let out a small sigh of contentment as she assumed her usual sleeping position. Half sprawled on top of him, with one hand holding onto his left shoulder while she gently curled her other hand in his hair, as if by doing so she could hold him here with her indefinitely.
Duke watched the moon set and the morning sunrise turn her hair into a fiery mane of color. She woke slowly, perhaps more slowly this morning than she had done most mornings on the trail. She lifted her head enough to look at him, "Hi." She spoke softly, wondering what else to say.
He smiled at her then and her heart melted, "Good morning. Ready for breakfast?"
No, but she nodded yes and shifted off of him, 'Good lord! Did I spend the whole night like that? She remembered the incident with the spider and suppressed a shudder.
"If all goes well you won't have to endure nature for much longer."
She cocked her head and studied him, "What do you mean?"
"Get dressed, I'll tell you over coffee."
She agreed and moved to her saddlebag while Duke fixed the last of their coffee over a small fire, which they had started lighting only a few days ago. She tended the fire while he saddled the horses-and tended to her bedroll. She was more than a little embarrassed when he tied it securely behind his own. "What did you mean by 'I won't have to endure nature much longer'?"
"We're close to the safe house-we should be there by sunset."
"I didn't know we were headed towards a destination?"
He grimaced, so much for calling a truce, "The safe house has been the destination all along, I just needed to make sure we weren't being followed, which we're not but then you would have recognized it if we were. When we get to the safe house I'll need to do a perimeter check."
"And if everything is as you left it?"
"Then we move in and stay there until Roger gives the all clear." He took a mental breath and plowed ahead, "I do have to warn you, he told me he expected his business to take at least a month, perhaps more."
"You mean I'm going to be here a month! Cut off from everything? The business? My projects?"
He took another mental breath, best to get it over with, "Yes, all that, and your family as well."
She looked away at that last comment, "They're used to not hearing from me for long periods of time."
He wanted to ask why but was afraid to; afraid it had something to do with him. "Shauna.."
She poured out the last bit of her precious coffee, "I should be more annoyed with you than I am-but the thought of a hot shower and a decent cup of coffee makes up for a lot."
Duke had already saddled the horses so when they finished their breakfast they began their last day on the trail.
They didn't stop for lunch but kept riding. They spoke little, Duke concentrating on their surroundings and Shauna's thoughts focusing on the past. The longer she was with him the harder it was to keep the memories and questions at bay. It was so hard to remember what exactly had happened between them. They had just.grown apart somehow, so far apart that they hadn't realized it until it was too late to do anything about it. They had been so good together before, apparently so good that neither one of them had found another to share their lives with. She let out a half laugh at that one, no matter how far away from each other they tried to run, their memories just ran with them.
Duke stopped when the terrain started to climb. He waited until she had pulled her horse aside his, "What's up?" she asked
He dug out a pair of binoculars from his saddlebag and passed them to her, "This is the last rise before we get to the canyon. Two sides of the canyon make almost a hallway into the canyon floor, we'll ride as far as that entrance and stop."
Her gaze followed his hand as he pointed out the significant landmarks, "What happens when we get to the entrance of the canyon?"
"We stop. We'll do another surveillance check and then I'll ride up alone to the safe house." He stopped her protests before she could get them out, "I'm going alone because I've set traps everywhere. It would take too long to point them out to you and if for some reason, things go wrong, you're going to need a head start."
She scowled, "Fine. I don't like it but if someone's waiting you'll need me watching your back."
He shook his head, she always had to have it her way, or at least think it was her idea. They rode to the entrance of the canyon and stopped. He handed over the pistol. She didn't take it. "Shauna, you might need this."
"What the hell good is a pistol going to do me if I'm down here and you're up there? If someone is up there they'll be close enough for you to hit with the pistol. I get the riffle."
The woman wanted his riffle! His riffle! "Duke, you know it's the best plan."
He ground his teeth together; she had a point but still. "Here. Just be careful with it, it packs a wallop."
He left her at the entrance to the canyon and rode swiftly up trail to the safe house. 'So far, so good.' He continually scanned his surroundings, when he had checked the first few traps and found them still in place he felt better. He relaxed his guard after he had checked all the traps, the surrounding outbuildings, and the safe house. He sent down his familiar 'all clear' and rode back down the trail.
"Everything is exactly as I left it." He held out his hand for the riffle and after he had carefully placed it back in its place he gestured to the trail, "Come on and I'll show you you're new home."
He was so protective of that riffle!, "All right, John Wayne, lead the way." She smirked at the scowl that temporarily marked his otherwise near perfect features. She turned to glance at the canyon slowly rising on the side of the trail, "Is the house on a plateau?"
"Yes. Its location is strategic as well as scenic."
He had that right, she thought, looking at all the trees she could see rising beside her. Where the hell had they all been? She could have sworn they had been riding through a desert.
Her breath caught when she saw the house, it was so beautiful! Hand built adobe walls, a tiled roof, beams and supports that looked as if they had been cut from the trees near the canyon rather than sent from a factory.
She all of a sudden realized he was talking, "The stable and corrals are directly in front of us, to the right when you face the house. The horses are free to wander and graze wherever they choose. There are fences that connect the corrals; we close the corrals off when we need the horses in a certain place. The grass is green now but if you're here long enough it'll turn brown in the deep summer months." He kept rambling on about the buildings, land, and wildlife but she stopped listening. She turned this way and that, taking it all in. Bill's ranch was her only experience in the west. That memory earned a smile. She had turned thirty that birthday when the team was taking a little R and R at Bill's place .and it had been a significant moment in her relationship with Duke.
They corralled the horses and Duke took her inside the house. She ran her hand over the roughness of the unfamiliar wood, wondering at the man who would go to the trouble of cutting down a tree just for a doorframe. She thought she could respect a man who put so much time and effort into something so important as a home. The building had that lived in feeling, the floor was slightly scuffed, and there were nicks in the doorframes as if furniture had been moved about several times. They had come in through the side of the house and were slowly working their way up to the front.
"The door we just entered leads back to the stables, the mudroom where we came in is to store boots, coats, firewood, and anything dirty. The sink works so if you need to wash up, go ahead and use it. It's better than tracking dirt and mud through the house. He led her through the rest of the house but the details were again lost to her as she looked around at everything in wide-eyed wonder.
Duke caught her stares, "What? Didn't think my skills could extend to carpentry?"
She let out a breath he took the wrong way, "You built this place?"
He ground his teeth again in what was quickly becoming a habit when he was around her, "Yeah-I did. Want to make something out of it?" She slit her eyes at him, goodbye truce. She looked away.
He pointed out the interior of the house, to the left were the bedrooms and main bathroom. He stopped before mentioning what was on the right. "Hey- what's back there?"
He paused, "My office and library. I prefer to keep those two areas private." He emphasized the word private and she had no doubt the word had been added for her benefit. It did cause her to wonder, as she scoffed at his tone of voice and highhanded manner, exactly what was locked away. What did he not want her to see?
"If you need me for any reason and I'm not in the common areas I'll probably be in my office. If I need to leave the house for any reason I'll let you know beforehand. You're bedroom is in the back." He walked down the hall and opened a door.
"So this is it, huh?" she ran a hand over the door frame-it had been split from wood she was not familiar with-and she wondered at the man-it had a man's touch to it. "Home, sweet, home." she murmured her voice trailing off.
"If you need anything I'll be out at the stables. The horses will need to be tended to." She stood watching him walk away. The sound of a door slamming shut reached her ears at the back of the house. Then it was quiet-too quiet. Quiet like it had been the last time he had left. She slammed her own door shut and leaned against the door, her anger fading away to exhaustion and despair. How was she going to manage living with him again for a whole month, maybe longer, without loosing it? She willed the tears forming in her eyes not to fall. "Damn him."
Chapter Four: Home Sweet Home
Disclaimer: We own nothing but our imaginations.
Duke kept careful watch over the next several days and finally decided it was safe to head back to the house. That night would be the last night they slept under the stars. Part of him was eternally thankful that they would soon be headed back towards modern conveniences like hot running water and decent coffee. The other part of him knew that the quarters they had been sharing out in the open would close significantly to a few thousand feet once they were back at the house. That thought unnerved him. He unrolled his bedding that night and crawled in, wishing for a solid night's rest, knowing he needed to build up his reserves. Sleep again that night, did not come. This time however, it was because she wound up in his arms shortly after midnight.
Shauna was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open through dinner. She gave her bedroll a halfhearted shake and lay down, instantly falling asleep. Sometime around midnight she was having a horrid nightmare- reliving the time she and Rip Cord had nearly been eaten alive by spiders. She had never cared for the things, courtesy of one of her brother's early tricks, but after that episode she could not stand them. She screamed when one came near and always called for someone else to dispose of the creatures. She brushed her face, wanting to tuck the stray strands of hair out of her way. Annoyed that the strands of hair immediately fell back to where they were, she found herself wishing for a ponytail band harder than she had ever wished for one before in her life. At that point she was ready to get a knife and just cut the damn locks short enough that they wouldn't be a problem. In that instant she froze, still shaky from her nightmare, and terrified that if she touched her face she'd find that the nightmare was real. The thought that one of those, those, things.was crawling on her though was enough for her to slap violently at her face-and scream when the imagined creature turned real before her very eyes.
Duke woke to the ear shattering sound of Shauna's terrified screams; he had the gun in his hand before he realized that no one-no man-no animal was near. "What's wrong? !"
All he got for his answer was Shauna jumping up and down on her bedroll, slamming her boot again and again into the ground. And then he realized what must have happened, he had warned her to shake out her bedroll each night before she crawled in, leastwise some unwelcome creature would crawl up beside her in the middle of the night. He guessed tonight she had been too tired to pay much attention to the task. He put the safety back on the gun and tucked it into his pillow. In one stride he was pulling her up off the ground and into his arms. She was shaking like a leaf. He had forgotten how deathly afraid she was of the things. "Shush.it's okay, Shauna, I've got you now, everything will be fine." He repeated this mantra for several minutes; calmly stroking her hair while she cried great big gulping tears into his shoulder. When she was calm enough to pull slightly away from him her eyes shown in the bright moonlight with spilt tears-and plenty she was holding back. "Conrad."
He couldn't stand the sight of her trembling lip, of all the things she had seen and done-spiders reduced her to tears. He pulled her back hard against him and held her there for a long time. The next time she pulled away she had cried enough but still needed comfort. She looked up at him, standing even with his chin in her bare feet, "Could you just hold me? Just for tonight? Please?" He knew how much it had taken for her to ask that now and longed for the past and a time when she would have just climbed into his bed for him to wrap his arms around her. Being secure in the knowledge that he would immediately pull her close to him and surround her with comfort.
He picked her up, and stepped back over to his own bag, tromping carefully to make sure the critter had indeed left this plane of existence, though how he could have any doubt after the way she had taken after it with that boot was amazing. He lay down, pulled her as close as he could and then wrapped the blankets around them. It felt right holding her again. He tucked her under his chin and let out a small sigh of contentment as she assumed her usual sleeping position. Half sprawled on top of him, with one hand holding onto his left shoulder while she gently curled her other hand in his hair, as if by doing so she could hold him here with her indefinitely.
Duke watched the moon set and the morning sunrise turn her hair into a fiery mane of color. She woke slowly, perhaps more slowly this morning than she had done most mornings on the trail. She lifted her head enough to look at him, "Hi." She spoke softly, wondering what else to say.
He smiled at her then and her heart melted, "Good morning. Ready for breakfast?"
No, but she nodded yes and shifted off of him, 'Good lord! Did I spend the whole night like that? She remembered the incident with the spider and suppressed a shudder.
"If all goes well you won't have to endure nature for much longer."
She cocked her head and studied him, "What do you mean?"
"Get dressed, I'll tell you over coffee."
She agreed and moved to her saddlebag while Duke fixed the last of their coffee over a small fire, which they had started lighting only a few days ago. She tended the fire while he saddled the horses-and tended to her bedroll. She was more than a little embarrassed when he tied it securely behind his own. "What did you mean by 'I won't have to endure nature much longer'?"
"We're close to the safe house-we should be there by sunset."
"I didn't know we were headed towards a destination?"
He grimaced, so much for calling a truce, "The safe house has been the destination all along, I just needed to make sure we weren't being followed, which we're not but then you would have recognized it if we were. When we get to the safe house I'll need to do a perimeter check."
"And if everything is as you left it?"
"Then we move in and stay there until Roger gives the all clear." He took a mental breath and plowed ahead, "I do have to warn you, he told me he expected his business to take at least a month, perhaps more."
"You mean I'm going to be here a month! Cut off from everything? The business? My projects?"
He took another mental breath, best to get it over with, "Yes, all that, and your family as well."
She looked away at that last comment, "They're used to not hearing from me for long periods of time."
He wanted to ask why but was afraid to; afraid it had something to do with him. "Shauna.."
She poured out the last bit of her precious coffee, "I should be more annoyed with you than I am-but the thought of a hot shower and a decent cup of coffee makes up for a lot."
Duke had already saddled the horses so when they finished their breakfast they began their last day on the trail.
They didn't stop for lunch but kept riding. They spoke little, Duke concentrating on their surroundings and Shauna's thoughts focusing on the past. The longer she was with him the harder it was to keep the memories and questions at bay. It was so hard to remember what exactly had happened between them. They had just.grown apart somehow, so far apart that they hadn't realized it until it was too late to do anything about it. They had been so good together before, apparently so good that neither one of them had found another to share their lives with. She let out a half laugh at that one, no matter how far away from each other they tried to run, their memories just ran with them.
Duke stopped when the terrain started to climb. He waited until she had pulled her horse aside his, "What's up?" she asked
He dug out a pair of binoculars from his saddlebag and passed them to her, "This is the last rise before we get to the canyon. Two sides of the canyon make almost a hallway into the canyon floor, we'll ride as far as that entrance and stop."
Her gaze followed his hand as he pointed out the significant landmarks, "What happens when we get to the entrance of the canyon?"
"We stop. We'll do another surveillance check and then I'll ride up alone to the safe house." He stopped her protests before she could get them out, "I'm going alone because I've set traps everywhere. It would take too long to point them out to you and if for some reason, things go wrong, you're going to need a head start."
She scowled, "Fine. I don't like it but if someone's waiting you'll need me watching your back."
He shook his head, she always had to have it her way, or at least think it was her idea. They rode to the entrance of the canyon and stopped. He handed over the pistol. She didn't take it. "Shauna, you might need this."
"What the hell good is a pistol going to do me if I'm down here and you're up there? If someone is up there they'll be close enough for you to hit with the pistol. I get the riffle."
The woman wanted his riffle! His riffle! "Duke, you know it's the best plan."
He ground his teeth together; she had a point but still. "Here. Just be careful with it, it packs a wallop."
He left her at the entrance to the canyon and rode swiftly up trail to the safe house. 'So far, so good.' He continually scanned his surroundings, when he had checked the first few traps and found them still in place he felt better. He relaxed his guard after he had checked all the traps, the surrounding outbuildings, and the safe house. He sent down his familiar 'all clear' and rode back down the trail.
"Everything is exactly as I left it." He held out his hand for the riffle and after he had carefully placed it back in its place he gestured to the trail, "Come on and I'll show you you're new home."
He was so protective of that riffle!, "All right, John Wayne, lead the way." She smirked at the scowl that temporarily marked his otherwise near perfect features. She turned to glance at the canyon slowly rising on the side of the trail, "Is the house on a plateau?"
"Yes. Its location is strategic as well as scenic."
He had that right, she thought, looking at all the trees she could see rising beside her. Where the hell had they all been? She could have sworn they had been riding through a desert.
Her breath caught when she saw the house, it was so beautiful! Hand built adobe walls, a tiled roof, beams and supports that looked as if they had been cut from the trees near the canyon rather than sent from a factory.
She all of a sudden realized he was talking, "The stable and corrals are directly in front of us, to the right when you face the house. The horses are free to wander and graze wherever they choose. There are fences that connect the corrals; we close the corrals off when we need the horses in a certain place. The grass is green now but if you're here long enough it'll turn brown in the deep summer months." He kept rambling on about the buildings, land, and wildlife but she stopped listening. She turned this way and that, taking it all in. Bill's ranch was her only experience in the west. That memory earned a smile. She had turned thirty that birthday when the team was taking a little R and R at Bill's place .and it had been a significant moment in her relationship with Duke.
They corralled the horses and Duke took her inside the house. She ran her hand over the roughness of the unfamiliar wood, wondering at the man who would go to the trouble of cutting down a tree just for a doorframe. She thought she could respect a man who put so much time and effort into something so important as a home. The building had that lived in feeling, the floor was slightly scuffed, and there were nicks in the doorframes as if furniture had been moved about several times. They had come in through the side of the house and were slowly working their way up to the front.
"The door we just entered leads back to the stables, the mudroom where we came in is to store boots, coats, firewood, and anything dirty. The sink works so if you need to wash up, go ahead and use it. It's better than tracking dirt and mud through the house. He led her through the rest of the house but the details were again lost to her as she looked around at everything in wide-eyed wonder.
Duke caught her stares, "What? Didn't think my skills could extend to carpentry?"
She let out a breath he took the wrong way, "You built this place?"
He ground his teeth again in what was quickly becoming a habit when he was around her, "Yeah-I did. Want to make something out of it?" She slit her eyes at him, goodbye truce. She looked away.
He pointed out the interior of the house, to the left were the bedrooms and main bathroom. He stopped before mentioning what was on the right. "Hey- what's back there?"
He paused, "My office and library. I prefer to keep those two areas private." He emphasized the word private and she had no doubt the word had been added for her benefit. It did cause her to wonder, as she scoffed at his tone of voice and highhanded manner, exactly what was locked away. What did he not want her to see?
"If you need me for any reason and I'm not in the common areas I'll probably be in my office. If I need to leave the house for any reason I'll let you know beforehand. You're bedroom is in the back." He walked down the hall and opened a door.
"So this is it, huh?" she ran a hand over the door frame-it had been split from wood she was not familiar with-and she wondered at the man-it had a man's touch to it. "Home, sweet, home." she murmured her voice trailing off.
"If you need anything I'll be out at the stables. The horses will need to be tended to." She stood watching him walk away. The sound of a door slamming shut reached her ears at the back of the house. Then it was quiet-too quiet. Quiet like it had been the last time he had left. She slammed her own door shut and leaned against the door, her anger fading away to exhaustion and despair. How was she going to manage living with him again for a whole month, maybe longer, without loosing it? She willed the tears forming in her eyes not to fall. "Damn him."