Disclaimer: I do not own Tolkien's work.

Note: THE RATING APPLIES IN THIS CHAPTER FOR VIOLENCE

Chapter Twenty-Two

Pain

"I shall not say do not weep...for not all tears are evil."

-Gandalf

I was wet and cold. Reality brought those two feelings first to me. The third, that I was in so much pain that I found difficulty in breathing, and fourth...

...it was raining.

I blearily opened my eyes, the left one was bloodied, a long cut ran from my left temple to the bridge of my nose. I blinked, letting the rain wash the blood from my eyes. Every part of me was aching with pain. I felt a wet nose gently nuzzle my broken body. I looked up, it was Talorta. His bridle was still intact...the saddle bags around his neck...the saddle itself was gone. Upon a quick glance I could see that his body was peppered with various cuts and bruises. I looked around, I was in a thorn bush, and all the thorns seemed to be jabbing into me all at once. A groan escaped my lips as I peered around. The forest glade was empty.

I willed my arms to move and I winced as I stiffly wiggled my fingers and pushed against the bush to sit up. My efforts were immediately rewarded with a sharp bolt of pain from my side. I sucked air in sharply in an attempt not to scream and I looked down at my side. The rain was coming down harder now, but even so, I could still see that my side was damp with blood.

An arrow was imbedded in the bush where my side had been. The arrow was covered with dark blood. The arrow had been imbedded in my side...I leaned back, losing the momentum and energy that was needed to get out of that bush. I felt Talorta nuzzle me again, I was sweating and shivering in the rain.

Where was everyone? Where were Faerlain and Zach...Faerlain...I could feel the metal medallion against my chest, the medallion of the blue horse. I weakly fished for it in my blouse and pulled it out, clutching it tightly in my hand. There was no warmth left in it however, nothing to recall to my mind the image of his face. The memory of his kisses nor the tenderness of his touch. A moan escaped my lips once more as another wave of pain tore through me. I looked up at Talorta who was hovering in front of me. I reached up slowly, biting my lip. I grabbed onto his mane, bracing myself for the pain that was to come.

I do not know how he felt my need, but he laid down beside me and I painfully crawled onto his wet back. He got up and I cried out as the pain in my side intensified. I wrapped his mane around my fingers and hunched forward on his back. He began to walk, and I closed my eyes...listening to the sound of the pouring rain, and realizing that I had almost no chance of surviving this night.

I needed help...

The sound of Talorta's hooves had stopped. I opened my eyes...when had I dozed off? Had it been hours ago? Days even? I lifted my head, peering into the mist. The rain had stopped, but now a thick fog had rolled through the forest. I felt a leap of relief flood through me like water when I realized the dark shapes that I could see through the fog...were cottages.

Talorta did not move as I squeezed his sides. His head was raised, his ears forward and alert. I squeezed his sides again, too tired to fight with him. Move! I need help! I thought to him, there was no time for this. Talorta let out a high-pitched whinny which resounded through the darkness. But no one answered. I kicked him, hard this time and he moved forward...I heard something squish beneath his feet which caused him to shy. Too weak to hold on, I slid off his back and landed with a cry as the ground connected with my side. I felt something warm as well. Talorta was snorting with fear as I slowly sat up and bit back a cry.

Something wasn't right. I blinked the weariness from my eyes and brought my hand slowly to my face. It was covered with something warm...I looked down at the thing in front of me, blinking through the mist in an attempt to figure out what it was. I screamed as I realized what the object was. It was a dead horse...only the head was all that was there. The body was gone.

I threw up, emptying the contents of my stomach as I looked into it's lifeless eyes. Rising slowly I balled one of my fists and pushed it to my side that was bleeding profusely. The mist blanketed the silent village in a way that reminded me of the old horror films. Only this wasn't a movie...this was real.

Talorta walked around the horse head, snorting in fear and buried his head in my back. I walked slowly into the village and realized with growing horror that this village was Gilloth...

...and that no one was here.

The Star Trees were still in bloom...it seemed wrong that they should still be living when all else was silent. I had only recently learned their Sindarin name, gílorn. I stepped into the main street.

"Hello...is anyone there?" And I was rewarded with silence...deafening silence. The mist was starting to clear...I could see dark shapes huddled on the ground...my heart froze and I nearly fainted. For as the mist cleared I could see dark liquid running throughout the street and over the damp earth.

It was blood...and as far as I could see...the streets were lined with...with...I fell to my knees and began to scream.

The streets were lined with bodies...still bodies...the bodies of elven men, women, and children...

...they were dead.

Please let this be a nightmare, I begged, please let me wake up and let it have all gone away. But it wasn't a nightmare...it was all true. I screamed, releasing the pain that had been held deep inside of me for so long. I cried, I cried for Faerlain, for my friends, for my brother. For Zachary. I cried, and the rain came again. Talorta stood at the far end of the street, I let the rain consume me. Numbing my pain and dulling my senses...and then...I heard a groan...soft...hardly noticeable...I looked up...my tears slowing.

"Is someone there?" I heard a weak voice ask. I jumped, listening intently for where it was coming from.

"Yes...where are you?" I asked desperately.

The groan came again...I stood...painfully...and looked around. Then slowly I saw someone moving through the rain. I ran over, stumbling over the bodies of Elves...Elves I had seen living only a short while ago. Yet how long had it been? I didn't know...the time seemed blurred in my mind. I fell, landing on smaller bodies...with a growing pit of sickness growing in my stomach...I realized that the bodies were that of children. I stood quickly, the movement sending bolts of pain through me again and I vomited. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, tasting bile on my tongue. I blinked tears out of my eyes, the mist was returning...it was difficult to see. And I realized that, that, in itself, was a blessing. There was blood and mangled bodies everywhere...horses lay strewn about, their eyes till open in fear.

I stumbled once more, landing painfully on my knees and sinking into the mud and blood that surrounded me. And then, as I kneeled there sobbing, I saw a slight movement of a hand not two feet in front of me. I crawled towards it. I saw the figure, the chest still moving with painful heaves and gasps. I fought the urge to be sick as I stopped before it and saw blood soaking the figure's chest. It was cloaked in a dark, bloody green. The body itself tall and lanky. I looked again at the hand, a gnarled hand and a sickening hole grew in the pit of my stomach.

The face was facing away from me, summoning up any courage and sanity I had left, I reached out and gently pulled the figure over onto it's back.

I stared in wide-eyed shock at his pale face and slowly, his eyes opened. They were clouded, but as they focused upon me, he smiled. "Ah, Victoria. I had not expected you..."

"Caden?" Dry humor? Everyone in Gilloth was dead and this man was giving me dry humor? "What is that suppose to mean?" I asked softly, at a loss for words.

"I have the gift of foresight...yet I had not expected you-" He gasped, his face grimacing in pain. I ripped a piece of my dress off and pressed it to the wound on his stomach. It was bleeding profusely. His hand weakly grabbed my wrist. I looked back up at him, his face was so pale now...but he only shook his head.

"No." He said. "Leave it."

I let go of the cloth, staring at him. His eyes were already leaving me...the look coming that I had seen only once before...in the face of my dead brother. "What happened here? Who did this to you?"

"Orcs. They attacked late in the night. I had come back to warn them again when it happened. You were not here. They slaughtered them...the children..." He closed his eyes. "There was no time to run...they came from everywhere..." He gasped again. So soon, so soonnit would be over. The thought send cold chills down my spine...I knew it...I knew that he was dying. Funny, before I would have thought that Caden's death would have brought an end to my misery...now I wished for just the opposite.

"Please don't leave me." I whispered. "I'm so alone..."

He looked at me again, smiling sadly. "I am sorry Victoria." He chuckled softly. "Perhaps it was well that you were not here...then you would have been laying here too." I began to protest but her cut me off. "Listen to me Victoria." He said quietly. "The War is at its peak, there will be more blood-shed in this land then ever before-"

I cut him off, "But there is so much I do not understand-"

He gasped again, his grip on my hand becoming tighter. "Take my sword. It will protect you." He whispered.

"Caden?" I asked, no, please do not leave me here. Not like this.

"Victoria..." His voice was so soft that I had to lean close to hear him. "There is yet one more..."

"Who Caden?"

He was fading, his grip slackened. "Over there..." I turned to look, an I saw no one. I looked back at him frantically, he was slipping away so fast...

"Caden!" I called, my voice high-pitched.

"Believe." He whispered.

I stared, my mind numb. I released my grip on Caden and he fell to the ground. The rain pounded around me. I stood, clutching my side and staring at his body, now still. And it was then I heard it, very soft, coming from somewhere to my right, from where he had told me. It was my name, someone was calling my name.

Dead, they are all dead, my mind told me dumbly. I turned around, and through the mist and through all the bodies one face appeared. It was almost as if the mist opened up around me and revealed it to me. I saw her eyes, I saw her pale face. My heart plummeted and I ran. For through the mist I could see her staring at me...

...It was Mirlaic.

I ran to her, tears streaming down my face. I fell at her side, weeping. I laid at her side, my head resting upon her breast. She stroked my head, humming softly, like she used to when I was ill.

"No..." I cried. "Please...no..."

'Shhh...' She whispered to me in Sindarin. I sat up, clutching her hand and looking into her face. Mirlaic was smiling tenderly at me, but the blood...it was everywhere... 'Do not fear my child.'

'This is all my fault...' I sobbed, closing my eyes to block the image of her pale, pain-ridden face.

'No...' She said softly. 'This was my choice.'

'I could have done something...'

'Victoria,' She whispered, I opened my eyes to look at her. 'You already have. You lived.'

She was dying, like Caden...like Zach...she was fading before me. I clutched her hand tighter, willing my life to flow into her...to make her well. 'Mirlaic...'

'You gave me something I thought I could never have.' She said softly. 'You gave me my chance at being a mother.' She gazed momentarily up at the sky, the rain pounding on her face. She sighed, coughing as she did so...blood trickled out the corner of her mouth. She looked at me again. 'I am no longer afraid, I can face death just as you do.'

I couldn't breathe, I was losing her. 'Please don't leave me...' I whispered.

'Victoria, Caden told me...before the attack...that Tatharion had passed away.' I blinked in shock, shivering as the rain continued to pour down. She was smiling, now closing her eyes...the first time I had ever seen her do so. 'He is waiting for me.'

'Mirlaic, I'm so sorry.' I whispered. 'I should have been here...I could have saved you...' She looked at me, her thin fingers rested upon my lips. Her hair was dark with the muck about us, the rain soaking the ground...the blood forming rivers through the streets.

'You already have.' Her hand fell weakly into mine. She looked at me once more, smiled, she rested against the ground. 'Victoria...I love you.'

And I knelt there, staring at her as she closed her eyes, her mouth turned gently upward in a smile.

'I am home.' She whispered.

Thunder rolled overhead, Talorta whinnied nervously. The rain poured down on us, and like all the others...Mirlaic passed on.

Her hand no longer held onto mine. And I knew, as I knelt there...that she was gone.

How long I knelt in the mud I did not know. Mirlaic's body became cold, her body stiff. The rain poured, the thunder rolled. And I realized that now, I was truly alone. I felt someone nudge my shoulder and I looked back. It was Talorta, he was shivering due to the rain, his coat was dark. His eyes were large and worried, and it hit me quite un-expectantly that they were the first eyes that still held life that I had seen in a long while.

Get up. He urged.

But I had no will left, nothing to hold on to. I looked at all of the bodies, and I felt something grow inside of me...something that burned and festered. Something that did not lessen...only intensified. I rose, my side burning with pain. I looked around the village, the desolate houses, the still bodies. I walked stiffly over to Caden, bent, and with trembling hands I took the sword which he had died with in his hand. It was covered with mud, the blood washed away by the rain. I ripped my dress again, and upon taking the scabbard, fastened that to my waist. I held the sword tightly in my hands. My mind worked mechanically, forcing me to survive. I reached inside my tunic and squeezed my medallion. It brought me no comfort, only the cold reminder that Faerlain, like the rest, was probably dead as well.

I looked around the village...nothing was moving. It was over. My long hair fell in waves of knots, mixed with blood and grime, around my shoulders. I scowled at them...all the stillness. There was nothing for me here. I walked over to Mirlaic's body, and I stood staring at her. I looked at my hands, they were covered in blood. I did not know what to do...where to go...this place had been my home for almost three years. It was so hard to remember...the maps...all the lessons.

And in that moment...I realized with clam clarity that I heard voices. I turned slowly to them...the voices which were coming from the main highway on the other side of the village. I felt no emotion...only anger. They were elves.

My eyes narrowed. They had come to late, my grip on the sword became tighter...all my long lessons with Faerlain swirled in my mind. The movements...the dances...I could see it all...left...right...

I watched them, staring, my body still as if I had been turned to stone. They filed into the village, bows raised. Some now exclaiming curses or cries of grief. Yes, you see now don't you? You see what you have done? I gritted my teeth. It was all their fault.

Talorta whinnied anxiously and all of their eyes turned to me.

They stared for a moments, their eyes traveling from the sword, to my blood stained hands, to my ears. My plain, rounded ears. And I saw their hatred, and I saw their looks of disgust and anger. I saw them stare at the medallion on my chest. And I saw them all raise their bows. I heard their war cries, I saw them run for me. I snarled.

Nin goheno Mirlaic.

They charged me and I swung my sword at the first, it grazed his shoulder and knocked him back. There were too many. I darted from them, leaping with a cry of pain onto Talorta's back. The arrows flew around me, Talorta screamed in pain. I spurred him into the forest, his hooves ringing sharply on the forest floor, the wind bit my body and snapped my hair and clothes. The rain stung my face and still we ran on.

Darkness was falling, the thunder still rolled. We did not stop, we ran on and on, deeper into the forest until I could no longer hear the pursuit of the elven warriors, nor their cries. The rain washed any evidence of our existence away. And we ran further into the forests of Mirkwood.

And thus I knew, I would always be alone.

END OF PART ONE

Yep. I will not say anything because I know this chapter was terrible. But first, gilorn trees for you all! And I want you to know your reviews were VERY much appreciated. I was beginning to think that no one was reading this story after all...you all inspired me to continue...THANK YOU! I will update as soon as possible:)

I am one review short on 100! This is so exciting!

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Thanks a million to my beta, Kiann and to all who reviewed. I LOVE YOU ALL!

TO BE CONTINUED...