Disclaimer: I own none of Tolkien's creations and only lay claim to my own humble creatures.

Chapter Quote: "Tell me you haven't died Faerlain. Tell me you still love me."

Chapter Forty-Three

The Satchel

She was crying again...why did she always have to cry? Legolas watched indifferently as she sobbed by one of the many graves and he was struck again with the question– why had she done it? What had driven her to such extremes? It was nearly dark now and the snow was starting to pick up. She was shaking again...she was still very ill. He looked into the depths of the forest and with a sigh of resignation he knew from experience that they would find no one, ghost or not, at this stage.

He dismounted and bid the stallion to follow as he approached the grave under the star-tree. "We need to go." He said to her as he laid his hand on her shoulder. Roused, she turned to him in alarm, tears streaming down her gaunt cheeks, which were still flushed with the tell-tale signs of fever. "Come, we'll move on tomorrow."

She cast a longing gaze back at the grave and, upon wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she stood with slight assistance from himself as her weak limbs began to shake. "We need to find shelter." She said once he had mounted Talorta and seated himself behind her. "Have any ideas?" She continued, sniffling.

Legolas glanced around the forest, he was unfamiliar with the area and the thought of scouting out a place for them to sleep, in the dark, with an imposing snow storm approaching, did not sound all together inviting. His eyes stopped their wanderings as he caught sight of the abandoned flets, still standing in the rotting remains of the village. "That'll do." He said quietly, nodding in the direction of the village. He saw her eyes widen and she shook her head violently.

"Why not?"

"I haven't been inside those flets since...since..."

"Since you killed them?" He asked pointedly.

She half-turned to look at him and met his gaze. "I didn't kill them."

"Then staying in one of these flets shouldn't bother you." He replied coolly, gaging her emotions as she struggled with the decision before resigned acceptance settled upon her face. "Glad that's settled." He murmured. Using his legs to turn Talorta back towards the village, he could feel her start to shake against him and he saw her grip on Talorta's mane slacken.

"Any suggestions as to where we should stay?" He asked.

I wondered how he could be so cruel and I trembled weakly against him, I didn't have the strength to retort as I realized he had probably thought the same about me hundreds of times over. I tried not to look around too much, for then I would start to see bodies on the ground or ghosts in the doorways. Memories...things I wanted so much to forget but found myself unable to do so. He didn't even know...he didn't believe me. None of them ever had.

And it was then that I spied through the darkness and the snow which chilled me to the bone, a place I thought that after everything that had happened and everything I had done, would simply cease to exist...and yet there it was. Mirlaic's flet. Ignoring Legolas' probing eyes, I pushed Talorta a little faster until we were at the doorstep. I looked up at Legolas,

"This is the one." I whispered softly, sliding off Talorta's back before the prince could ask more questions. But as I stumbled up the steps I could hear him limp hurriedly after me.

"What is this place?" He asked.

I was silent for a moment as my finger tips brushed the cool metal of the door handle, thinking of the right answer to this question. A sob caught in my throat as I blinked hard in an effort to reply,

"Home." I said, my voice wavering as I glanced back at him.

"Home."

I swung the door open and was surprised, despite everything, to see leaves strewn about on the floor. Mirlaic had always kept an impeccably orderly home, so to see the front doorway in such disarray was a reminder that Mirlaic would not be reappearing around the next corner, worried about me and wondering where I had been all this time.

I stepped inside, not bothering to see whether or not Legolas followed. The chairs were still there and I remembered when Cudir had come to thank me for helping to deliver little Turwithiel. The windows were open in the kitchen, Mirlaic had always liked to work with the windows open. Snow had begun to pile up on the window sills and I hurried over, feeling suddenly faint, pushing them shut and fastening them with a soft click. Mirlaic's herbs were scattered across the table and her shelves looked as if she had been pulling things hurriedly off of them without putting any back. Jars lay open, powders spilt.

"She worked here." I said quietly.

I saw Legolas look up at me out of the corner of my eye. I turned round, smiled as I saw the table. "We used to eat here, Mirlaic and I." I stumbled again, slamming down hard onto the dully polished wood of the table before me. I felt Legolas take a firm hold on my arm.

"You should rest, you are not well."

But I wasn't listening to him. "I used to ground star-flowers there...and I watched Mirlaic sew my fall festival gown here by the fire." I was babbling...I knew I was babbling...I just couldn't help it. All the memories, all the ghosts clamoring to be recollected as I stood in that house, remembering. I could almost see her there, mixing herbs, the sunlight catching her face as she smiled at me while I walked in. "Mirlaic." I whispered. "Mirlaic." My knees buckled and I felt myself fall, felt to hands catch me around my waist before I could hit the ground.

"So you lived here...then where did you used to sleep?"

I looked up at him, I knew he didn't believe me...even now. I could hear it in his words. Some things will never change I suppose. Maybe I would be a murderer forever. Maybe I would never be forgiven. I felt so tired...and incredibly cold all of a sudden. I shivered and I tried to stand again and, after a short struggle, Legolas lifted me up without a word and headed towards the door to which I had pointed.

I was asleep before my head even hit the musty pillows. And, for an instant, I could pretend that nothing had ever changed and that Mirlaic would be waking me up for breakfast at dawn.

She had surprised him again, he would admit it. He thought he'd had a proof at last that she really had murdered the villagers when he saw that the flets had been left unspoiled. Orcs would have ravaged the homes and set fire to them. Victoria...well...he wasn't really sure what Victoria would have done.

What he hadn't expected however, was for her to know one of the flets and to call it 'home'At first he'd labeled her actions as a charade, maybe she was really still trying to seem innocent to get off her crime guilt-free. But there were still so many unanswered questions...so many things he desired to know. He slept for an hour or two in a dusty chair outside her room, he could hear her muttering when he awoke.

It was dark out now. He lit a fire in the hearth which was located just across the room. He felt an odd sort of protectiveness about her...whether it was through his own personal gain or by the simple fact that he was worried about her, he didn't end up fighting the urge to glance once more time upon her sleeping form and, gliding silently across the floor, he opened her door.

He had closed the windows in here earlier once he had laid her down. Vines had started to grown inside, creeping in down the window sills, over the furniture and along the floor. All the other furniture besides the bed was a mess, covered in leaves or vines and occasionally patches of moss. She was still feverish, and he fought the desire to change her bandages again. That would only wake her up and he needed silence right now, he needed her to sleep. He lowered himself into a chair beside her bed and gently laid his hand upon her forehead. Her skin was warm beneath his fingers and her murmurings quieted and she squirmed a little before she spoke again.

"I don't feel well Mirlaic." She whispered.

He removed his hand with a jerk when she spoke coherently, but after a few more moments he deduced that she was still sleeping.

"I wasn't able to go to the river today or pick star-flowers for you. Won't you make me better? You always do." The she smiled, even as sweat began to form on her brow. "Yes. ...I will miss Faerlain. He's been giving me lessons you know...under the star-trees."

Legolas started at the mention of his friend's name and wondered once again how the elf-slayer could have possibly known him.

"He's going away soon...off to fight on the borders. I'm so frightened I won't see him again, Mirlaic. Is it wrong to wish he had never left at all? Oh...but maybe I've been dreaming...it's all blurred in my mind somehow..."

He waited in silence for her delirium to pass, and he thought for a moment it had when she fell silent. He got up and pumped some water into a basin from the kitchen, found a rag among the debris, and re-entered the room, sitting again in the chair. He dipped the cloth into the water and began to gently bathe her forehead. She was very ill. He could recall seeing Aragorn like this before...on a hunting trip when the human had gotten himself hurt. He smiled, foolish mortal. He frowned as his thoughts lingered on his friend. He couldn't be dead...he just couldn't be. The orc must have lied...the Valar wouldn't have been so cruel.

But did they not take your mother...and brother? He thought to himself silently. Why not the human as well?

He shook his head, stealing his resolve not to think on that again, though he couldn't manage to shake the feeling of foreboding whenever the ranger's name came to mind. He went to bathe her face again after he brought himself back to the present when he realized with a jolt that she was awake now. Her eyes were open, but the icy blue depths were clouded with fever. She was smiling at him.

"You came to see me?" She asked softly, and it took a moment for him to answer when he finally realized that she was talking to him. Her smile was unnerving...so unnatural to her stern features.

"Um...yes?"

"You were always so thoughtful..." Her face grew troubled. "I'm sorry I missed our lessons by the stream...I don't feel very well."

He didn't answer for he had no idea as to what to say.

"You are angry with me then?" She asked.

"No...no." He said for lack of anything better. She must still be dreaming...what lessons?

"They said you went off to the border...they said you died there." She said sleepily. "Tell me you haven't died Faerlain. Tell me you still love me."

Legolas' eyes widened in surprise and he found that he lacked the breath to answer. Tell me you still love me... He was spared an answer however when he noticed that her breathing had deepened and she was asleep once more. Tell me you still love me... tell me...

She had loved Faerlain? No...that was impossible. He refused to even think on it. She had killed him, she must have. There was no other exploration for it. She had, had the medallion.

...tell me...

...she must have...

...she must have...

I need to clear my head. He thought to himself as he rose shakily to his feet. She was sleeping soundly now, and he had seen some crushed star-flower powder on one of the shelves in the kitchen. Retrieving it, he blew some onto her face, relieved with the knowledge that there would be no more muttering until she awoke...and then he went back to his chair by the fire and he slept.

...tell me you still love me...

I woke up with a pounding headache and a sore throat. I didn't want to get up at all and I half expected Mirlaic to come in, give me some tea, and tell me to go back to sleep. But then I remembered that she wouldn't...because Mirlaic was dead. I sat up, grimacing, and held a hand to my forehead, messaging my temples. I couldn't remember the last time I had been so ill...oh yes...when I had met Araviniel. Even when I had been found by the old man in the forest I hadn't felt like this...and I had, had an arrow in my side then. This was something much different. Only that time, after the forest, Mirlaic had been here to make everything better...and Faerlain had come to see me.

This time...I knew I was on my own. I glanced around the room and realized that I wasn't surprised to see it in decay. This place represented an old part of my life...a past I couldn't return to, a past I no longer deserved. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and swayed as I rose to my feet. What did Mirlaic used to give me when I had headaches? I was still feverish and rather weak...but I wasn't going to hang around and wait for Legolas so I could beg him to help me.

I glanced out the window as I thought...admitting to myself reluctantly that Legolas was right in bringing us here...no matter how I felt about returning. I walked drunkenly through the doorway into the main room. Legolas was sound asleep by the fire, which was crackling heartily. I found a strange fondness seep into my thoughts for him. Despite everything, the animosity and the differences between us, he had taken care of me...like I mattered. He looked carefree while he slept...and I wondered if it was only me that had brought such tension into his princely features whenever he was conscious.

It was still cloudy out and I realized that we would be getting more snow by nightfall. I walked carefully to the kitchen and, with trembling hands, I picked up the remaining jars that contained a few herbs that I recognized, their names drifting hazily into my mind. Now for some tea...

He didn't remember falling back asleep once he had added wood to the fire. But as he blinked himself awake he was surprised to see Victoria up and about. She stumbled a bit and swayed and he heard a soft clinking from whatever she was doing. He sat up straight, watching her back before she turned to him, carrying a mug in each hand. She didn't smile or say much of anything as she walked over and sank wearily into a chair opposite of him.

"Here." She said, handing him one of the mugs. He took it cautiously into his hand and looked closely into the murky contents.

"What is it?"

"Tea." She answered, sipping the steaming liquid and closing her eyes appreciatively. "There were a few usable herbs left, one or two good for easing sickness." She opened her eyes and nodded towards his untouched mug. "I don't suppose you need it as much as I, but it tastes wonderful."

Staring at it still, he looked up when he saw a grim smile appear on her pale face.

"I didn't poison it if that's what you were wondering."

He shook his head and brought the cup to his lips. "I wasn't." The hot liquid burned him momentarily as it rushed down his throat, but he found it warmed his aching limbs considerably.

"Good?" She asked, looking at him smugly. He nodded, took another sip.

"Yes."

The drank in silence and he glanced outside. "Late morning." She said. "We have a few hours before noon."

"About two to be exact." He murmured, gazing at the clouded sky.

"Where's Talorta?" She asked, ignoring his comment and sinking back into the chair.

"He found his way into a stable out back- it was well stocked with hay...he should be fine for a while."

She nodded, closing her eyes and pressing her free hand to her forehead.

"How do you feel?" He asked gruffly.

"I've been better." She replied. "Much. But I think it'll pass in a few days."

He nodded wordlessly.

"Wake me up in an hour...all right?" She asked softly, setting down the mug and already nearly falling back asleep. He didn't answer, but she already knew what it would be.

He spent the hour wandering about the flet, which had obviously belonged to a healer at one time or another. The herbs were a silent testimony to that. There was another bedroom off the kitchen, it had only one, closed window which kept any vegetation from entering it. There was a small bed against one wall, and a chair by the window. A small chest was located at the bottom of the bed and a small dusty mirror hung on another one of the walls...lastly, there was a small writing desk under the mirror. There were some papers scattered across it and he sat in a chair beside it and curiously started to shuffle through them.

Most were notes, not really meaning anything except to their writer, really just lists. They were all written in Sindarin, which was common enough. But it was what he found next that caught his eye, it was a letter that looked as though it had been hastily sealed for the wax was smeared across it. Written on the front in the common tongue were for words: To my darling Victoria.

He frowned as he brought the letter closer to his face. That couldn't be right...why would someone have taken the time, an elf no less, to write a letter in the common tongue to a person whose name was so unusual? It was obvious that the letter had remained untouched for years now- so it couldn't have been Saronedhel trying to pull a prank. No...he moved to open it when he suddenly heard her calling his name. He hurriedly placed the letter in a pocket within the folds of his tunic, and upon standing, he strode gracefully from the room.

She was standing now, and looked as though she was preparing to go outside. She looked up at him as she finished tying a cloak around her shoulders. "I was wondering where you were...you missed my wake-up call." When he didn't answer she continued, "We should be going. If we get to the clearing a bit early we might be able to get the upper hand on this whole situation." She glanced at him again. "There's come extra cloaks in that chest by the door if you're cold."

He found this last sentence slightly amusing and he cocked his head quizzically, suppressing a grin. She shook her head as she remembered something. "I forgot." She grumbled darkly. "You elves don't really get cold do you?"

"Call it a blessing." He replied.

"Throw any snowballs at me and I'll pummel you."

He stared at her curiously in surprise, was this humor coming from the elf-slayer? But she wasn't looking at him anymore. Pulling her hood over her head, she crossed her arms and braced herself for the cold as she opened the door. Legolas, coming up swiftly behind her, followed her outside and then closed the door behind them.

I found Talorta out in the stables, dozing peacefully out in his old stall. The stable had been large enough to house more then just one horse, but we had never ended up getting Talorta any company- I think he preferred to be by himself. After all, as I had once told Legolas, we weren't really from around here...neither of us really belonged in this place...no matter how beautiful it had once been.

The wind was bitingly cold and it snapped at my exposed skin as I trudged weakly through the snow. I leaned on the doorway of the building as I glanced inside, gathering my strength and catching my breath before I roused Talorta and led him outside. I was already tired and I'd hardly been outside for more then half an hour. Legolas was waiting for me a little ways from the stable. He stood lightly atop the snow I was forced to trudge through and his body was held up tall and straight, seemingly unaffected by the cold– how I hated the elves for that.

I stopped a few feet away from him, leaning hard on Talorta and breathing deeply and I struggled to get air into my lungs. He neared me and I found myself secretly envious that he was in such good health and able to walk so gracefully over the snow due simply to his race.

"You are still too weak." He muttered as he came to my side.

"Nothing that can be done about that now." I replied, moving to mount Talorta. He caught my wrist and I turned to him inquiringly.

"There is no point in killing yourself before we even get to meet this stranger." He said softly.

I felt suspicion flare up inside of me, clouding my senses at this statement. "Since when have you cared?"

I saw his face flush with anger as he shot back, "Since now."

It was with some surprise that he lifted me onto Talorta's back and swung up behind me. I turned to look at him accusingly. "You know something." I said.

He shrugged, meeting my gaze. "Come on, we should go." He said simply and with a sharp command he got Talorta to walk towards the forest without ever having touched my horse's sides. He acted as though nothing had changed, but I knew that, somehow, the tables had indeed changed. For better or for worse had yet to be seen.

Yes, he did know something. He knew that Victoria had been known by the villagers here, and that something had gone amiss during her stay. She was still so weak, he recalled how mortals should be in bed for weeks when they were as ill as she...but there would be no rest for either of them now...the end was too near. The spotted stallion walked heavily through the snow, dragging his feet as he stumbled on. He could feel her shift once in a while to direct the horse with her legs towards the forest. He could feel her shiver as the wind picked up, and he felt her stiffen as they passed the graves of the villagers.

They rode in silence until she whispered a command to the stallion and he slowed. Legolas looked up her shoulder at what lay ahead. "We're here." She said softly to him.

The clearing, as he knew it to be, was nearly uncovered by the snow. Tall trees towered above them, the wind had died down in here as well. "We're early." He said, glancing upward and gaging the time by the position of the sun.

"Let's explore." She replied.

He dismounted first and stood to the side at Talorta's head as she followed the movement, knowing all to well that she wanted to keep her distance from him now. She seemed relieved by the lack of snow and she started walking out further into the clearing. It was large, more like a field then anything else. She tilted her head to look up into the sky, breathing deeply while he occupied himself by otherwise searching the ground. The clearing was located close tot he borders of Eryn Lasgalen, he knew that much. He pulled a map of his country from somewhere deep inside his memory. He had been searching for Gwenél in the North...they must have been traveling South in order to get here...though he knew this meant very little to him because, for all he knew of these areas of the forest, Victoria could have ridden in circles to throw him off her tracks.

He started to search the ground for any signs of tracks, patting the stallion's neck before he moved on. They had passed a few star-trees on they're way out here, but then the trees had started to get sparse by the time they had reached the clearing. There was one, however, a little ways into the woods that sparkled dully in the dim light of the forest. Glancing over his shoulder, he noted that she was still standing, looking up into the sky and would probably still be able to see him if he wandered off a bit.

This having been decided, he started off towards the tree with his senses on high alert. His leg was a bit troublesome, but being nearly completely healed, he was able to walk more or less soundlessly through the underbrush. He stopped before he reached the tree, looking curiously at the fallen flowers, sparkling faintly beneath their pale covering of snow. He bent down, reaching out to take one into his hand. The flower was frozen and had started to wilt- though by all appearances it looked as though its leaves had fallen only a short time before. He gently ran his fingertips over the flower, then placed it gently within the pockets in his coat. He looked around, there were no signs of life in the forest now besides the star-flowers that sparkled so faintly through the dreariness of winter.

He looked again at the ground before he started to rise...but wait...he stopped, knelt again. There was something that looked curiously like a leather strap lying half buried beneath the fallen flowers. Carefully he grasped the strap with one hand, trying to pull it free from the earth and dusting it off as he did so. It was frozen, he pulled again, reaching out with his other hand to get a better grasp. He tugged the handle free, his silver eyes studying his newly discovered artifact and his knotted, blond hair falling into his face.

It was a satchel, still frozen from the snow and covered with bits of earth in some places, but it was a leather satchel just the same and it looked as though it had been there for a very long time. He gently lifted the front flap, peering inside and was surprised to see a number of old parchments still in good condition despite where they had lain for so long. He carefully reached inside, discovering a writing utensil, and then a stick of charcoal- like the sort you would use for drawing. And he found a withered star-flower that crumbled into fine powder in his hand. And, lastly, he pulled out the parchment themselves.

They were not letters as he had first guessed, but neither were they blank. They were drawings, lots and lots of drawings. He started to shuffle through them before he took note of the creator's signature in the left-hand corner which made him freeze. For, in a bold, flowing hand the name read:

Victoria Knightengale

Legolas wandered off, I could see him crouched by an old star-tree a little ways into the forest. I shrugged him off as I looked around. The headache I had woken up with this morning was back and I wished for nothing more just then to sleep. I spied a log a short ways from where I stood and I made for it, sitting with a sigh of contentment and I started to rub my temples. I couldn't stand much more of this...the illness, the travel, just being near to the elf-prince was starting to drive me insane.

I remembered Araviniel suddenly as I sat there...I had not thought of her in a long time. I remembered her telling me of her fondness for him, for Legolas. I remembered her telling me about the presentation festivals held every spring at the palace. She must not have known him, I thought to myselfShe must not have known the Legolas that I knew now. The cold, bitter Legolas which haunted my dreams, my memories, and my waking reality. A reality in which he wanted nothing more then my death.

That was the Legolas that I knew. I remembered my vow- a vow I made never to kill him. And I knew I would keep it, I couldn't kill him now. And then I remembered how he had held me when I cried, I remembered his hands cooling my body as I burned with fever, I remembered the concern in his eyes when he saw me sway weakly on legs that refused to hold me. And I remembered his arms holding me tight and the sound of him breathing as I fell asleep against his chest. Was that the Legolas Araviniel had fallen in love with? Was that the Legolas everyone else had known? What would that make me then? I knew I was no longer the woman Faerlain had known.

Would he had loved me now if he had survived? Wold he had loved the Victoria I had become? The elf-slayer? I shook my head to rid myself of such thoughts, I would not think on this now. I was about to meet the 'ghost' who had taken my alias and burned my home to smoldering ashes. Would I get the medallion back? Would I keep it for myself this time around?

Faerlain...why did you leave me Faerlain? I cried silently with bitter tears. Why?

He stared in shock at the pictures, there were a series of them, all images of his people. But there was one that stood out from all the others that make him nearly breathless as he stared. It was one of his friend, of Faerlain. He was laughing, it was one of the only drawing in color, and there was a note written on the back...written in his own hand. And it was addressed to Victoria.
I heard him approaching long before he was at my side. He was angry about something...really angry. I had been kneeling, picking up star-flowers I found laying about and placing them carefully into my pockets. I stood as he approached, watched him as he stormed through the underbrush with a curious expression on my face.

"Something wrong?" I asked when he was closer- only he didn't stop. He grabbed me by the shoulders, his hands gripping me hard until pain shot through my arms, then he started to shake me with something brown and soiled in one hand and a piece of parchment in the other.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW HIM?" He demanded angrily.

Dazed, I could only stare at him in surprise as he shook me again, his fingers digging into my skin.

"How did you know him?" He repeated.

"Know who?" I gasped weakly, suddenly very afraid of this Legolas before me, of the fire in his eyes.

"Faerlain." He said darkly. "How did you know him? How did you know Faerlain?"

He held out the parchment, releasing his hold on me and demanding an answer with his eyes. I felt my breath steal away as I looked at the parchment...it was impossible. My mind flew to the last time I had seen that picture, I had smiled when I saw it...it had been after the Spring Festival. He had set a note beside it...a note I later attached to the back of the picture that I had dreamily sketched when I had spent an afternoon thinking of him. I opened my mouth to answer Legolas when instead I suddenly froze. I turned to gaze at the other side of the clearing, the parchment clutched tightly in my hand.

There was someone at the edge of the clearing...a little girl who was staring directly at me with a cold, calculating stare. I felt my heart stop beating as I looked at her, my legs weakening as it suddenly dawned on me had I had seen her before.

"Ana?"

A/N: Woho! I got my internet hooked up sooner then I realized so I imagine seeing this update in your inboxes was a pleasant surprised. Yes, I have moved to a gorgeous home with plenty of land for my horses, on Wednesday it will be my first official week living here. Wow...that's tomorrow isn' it? I have to say that I am over whelmed by all the support I've received for this story, and I've reached my goal, 400 HITS! YES! A HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS HELPED ME TO ACHIEVE THIS GOAL! At this rate, who knows? Maybe I'll hit 500 reviews...one can dream can't they:)

Oh, and an important little !NOTE: In case some of you have forgotten about the Satchel, remember how Victoria used to draw pictures of the villagers in some of the earlier chapters? Well, that one day when Ana went missing and she had to battle a big ferocious orc she lost her satchel...Legolas just found it. Just thought I should remind people in case they forgot. :) !END NOTE!

Thanks a million to everyone who read and most especially to those who reviewed this and previous chapters and a HUGE thank you to my beta, Kiann. Without whom I would be lost. :)

And, before I let you go, I have a little contest for you. I've been challenging myself with trying to think of really excellent lines to put into my stories and I want to know how I've been doing. In your reviews, please tell me what lines you liked! I really enjoy finding out, it makes me so happy. :)

The next chapter should be up by this weekend so look out for it:)

TO BE CONTINUED...