Disclaimer: I own none of Tolkien's creations and only lay claim to my own humble creatures.
Chapter Quote: "They were dead Ana. All of them. Mirlaic was dead...you were dead."
Chapter Forty-Four
Little Ana
I felt Legolas slowly let go of my arm, I saw him follow my stunned gaze. Oh please...don't let go of me. I could feel my resolve slipping away as I stood there, I swayed and I felt him steady my body again.
"Do not show your weakness." He hissed in my ear and then gave me a forceful push forward.
I stumbled, straightening once I regained my footing. Legolas didn't know Ana. Legolas hadn't been in the village when all that had remained had been bodies. Ana was suppose to be dead. She looked different...older, much older then the last time I had seen her. She looked nearly sixteen...but that was impossible- elves do not age that quickly do they? All these useless thoughts swirled in my mind as I stared at her, Ana was dead...she had to be.
I glanced back at Legolas, trying to gain strength from his presence...but he gave me none. He didn't even meet my gaze...and I wondered what he was thinking as we both stared at the pale elf-girl before us. I turned back to her and I found myself enraptured by her gaze. My heart flew to the lonely child I had once told stories to...the one who had dreamed of finding her Prince Charming. I remembered the joy on her face when I told her of Cudir, her brother's, return.
I remembered her eyes and her smile when she held little Turwithiel for the first time. I remembered her laughter, clear and melodious. I remembered her soulful, green eyes and the way her small hand used to grip mine. I hesitantly approached her, reaching out as she stared back at me.
"Ana?" I asked again. "It's me...it's Victoria." It was then that I saw a flicker of life in that pale face. Her slender body, clothed in white, now told of the curves and beauty that would to grace her young, vivacious form as she came into her womanhood. Her eyes flashed and her expressionless features now twisted into a grotesque scowl.
"I know who you are." She hissed softly. I froze as she tipped her chin up, staring full into my face. "You are Victoria Saronedhel...the elf-slayer."
No...my face paled. She couldn't possibly believed it too...she had been there. By what miracle she had survived, I did not know. But she had been there. She knew what had happened. I couldn't believe the words that came from her mouth, I felt betrayed.
"You don't...you couldn't possibly believe..." I faltered as I fought to regain my composure. "You were there, Ana... you know..."
The scowl faded slightly from her face, her eyes spoke of the depth of her pain, pain that I had borne on my own for so long. "No." She said softly. "I do not know...that is what I have brought you here to tell me."
I blinked in surprise, shock registering in my mind. Little Ana...my little Ana...had done all of this? She had stolen my alias? Burned my home to the ground? Impossible!
"Yes." She said. "It was all me."
"Ana...my flet...my home..."
Her eyes flashed. "There was nothing left for you there."
"There is nothing left for me here. Why did you bring me back here? To torture me about a past I have never ignored yet have tried so hard to forget? Do you not think I am haunted by the ghosts of this place day and night since I left?"
"You left." She answered simply, we stood rigidly about fifteen paces apart, my mind burning with fury and an unquenchable sense of loss and betrayal.
"They were dead, Ana. All of them. Mirlaic was dead...you were dead."
To this she said nothing, instead posing a new question to me. "But you ran...they said it was you who brought this upon us. They said it was you who brought destruction to my village."
I felt tears spring to my eyes as I felt the pain in her words. "Do you really think that I would have ever forsaken you?" I moved to embrace her and she almost seemed to long from my touch...but at the last moment she pulled away, her eyes filled with loss. She averted her gaze, training it on something behind me.
"Why is he here?" She demanded icily.
I turned back, had nearly forgotten Legolas was still there, staring at the two of us as we spoke. He had a strange expression on his face and I hurriedly introduced my little Ana to him so that I could avoid his probing gaze, I had not the strength to deal with it. She stared a moment at him and then narrowed her eyes at me.
"Is it true then? Is it true that you have been keeping prisoners, Victoria?"
The anger that swept into her face frightened me and I shook my head. "No." I said, I glanced back at him again as I met his gaze. He was confused about something and he had so many questions. I felt guilty and I didn't know why. "Not any more."
My gaze softened as I looked back at her, I took a tentative step forward and just before I could touch her skin, she jerked her hand away and glared coldly at me.
"Ana...they are my people too." I said, desperately trying to get the sparkle in her eyes that I remembered from that little girl so long ago. She drew herself up tall, glowering down at me...why did she suddenly seem so tall?
"They were my people, Victoria...Legolas' people. Never...were they yours."
I sank to my knees, tears forming in my eyes.
"You do not take prisoners? Then why does the Prince of Mirkwood travel with you? What other reason would he have?"
"Ana...please, let me explain-"
"Explain? That is something you do need to do, Victoria Saronedhel. My village is dead and they say it was all because of you. What am I to believe? Who am I to believe?"
"Please Ana...if you would just listen to me..."
She cut me off with an abrupt wave of her hand. "That is exactly what I came for, answers. You," She narrowed her eyes, speaking with a voice that dripped of disgust. "...are going to give them to me."
Legolas watched the little elven girl with narrowed eyes. This was Gwenél? This slight of a girl not yet old enough to be presented? After finding out that Victoria had been Gwenél, he had been expecting something a bit...well, it was pointless now. He had learned long ago that appearances could be deceiving...especially after having met Victoria.
Something was different about her...maybe it was only the fever. But he could see it in her face every time she looked at him. It was as if pieces of her were being chipped away. Her resolve was weakening- and she wouldn't last much longer at this rate. She had lost her hatred...which he knew had been her initial driving force. So what pushed the elf-slayer now? What had drawn her back to this ghost-village? What had she expected to find?
He wondered what sort of woman would survive this long the way that she had. She was deceitful...treacherous. She was a murderer, a prison-master, she had harassed his people for years now...or had she? Everything that had happened over the last few days had made him question all of the convictions he had against this supposed elf-slayer. Even the evidence against her now seemed lacking by her recent behavior. What had the warriors seen that fateful day five years past? What did they believe that made them hate her so much? Had they made an error of wanting to aim their grief and anger at someone and Victoria had been the only one available? It wasn't impossible...it had happened before.
At the moment, he felt his anger slipping away as it had when he had heard her call out to Faerlain the previous night. But then he would remember her smug looks as she boasted of her conquests and the hard glint in her eyes when he had been at her mercy, and then he would remember the drawing still clutched in his hand. He would remember the note to her on the back and the anger would all come flooding back in a torrent of pain.
Why won't you answer my questions? What are you trying to hide? Who do you want to protect? He stared pitilessly as she fell to her knees in sobs. Good, he thought, let her cry. Let this elven child teach you a lesson. Let her get it through your thick skull that magnitude of what you have done. And then his thoughts shifted as he realized what he was thinking. Is this the prejudism that had caused her to become an outlaw in the first place? Is this what haunted her now?
He shook his head, determined not to be bent to her side. He just wanted answers...he just wanted to know. He looked up at the elven girl again, staring at her as she spoke coldly to the elf-slayer before her. He blinked, strangely...he was having trouble focusing on her. It was almost as if...but no...that was impossible. But he couldn't shrug off the eery feeling that he couldn't focus on the girl because he could almost see right through her.
This was becoming all together ridiculous. What wasn't fantasy coming to life nowadays? First Victoria a ghost and now this? He found himself wondering in amazement how they could have pulled it off. Now she was speaking loudly to Victoria, her eyes flashing.
"If you speak the truth to me, elf-slayer, then what happened that day? Why are all my people dead?"
He watched the girl as she averted her gaze to meet his own. And he knew then that this slight of a girl didn't want just vengeance as the others had...she just wanted the answers. She wanted to know once and for all...just as he did.
I waited until my tears subsided, then I would be able to speak my words firmly. I didn't meet her gaze. "I suppose it would be no good to tell you I was innocent- that's what I told them all but none of them ever believed me."
That was how I began it.
"I don't know how you survived, little Ana, and what cruel fate it is that we should be brought back together like this...perhaps it will make no difference between us if I tell you my story..."
I glanced back at Legolas, his face was drawn and taunt and his eyes, his flashing silver eyes, they were filled with such eagerness...such hunger. You waited so long, my dear prince, will you open your heart now to the truth? I pleaded with him silently , wondering as I turned back to Ana if he could here me...if he would listen. I have tried so many times, Oh God...I cannot do this alone. I owed it to him, I realized, as I stood there, as if on judgement day before the two of them. I owed it to Legolas.
I began to speak, hesitantly at first, and I told Ana of how Mirlaic healed my wounds when I was first brought to the village...of how the others mistrusted and despised me. All them...all, except for Faerlain.
"That's not a terribly long time if you look at it from my viewpoint. But I was away for so long most people probably thought I was dead or something of that sort. And I have to say, out of the all the mortals I've come to meet, I'm liking you the most." he said, his eyes were bright with laughter.
"Can't of been terribly many of them then."
"You could say that."
We talked all the way to Mirlaic's, and I found myself surprised when we reached her yard, it had seemed like only seconds for I had liked Faerlain so much. I showed him where the chickens were kept and helped him catch two and put them in his cage.
"I had an enjoyable time Victoria." He said as he prepared to leave.
"Yes, feel free to come and catch chickens whenever you please." It was an absurd comment, but he only laughed.
...I told them of our lessons...
I smiled, "I guess they can't seem to see why you even want to associate with me. A mortal, oh the scandal!"
"Well, it's obvious that I wish to associate with you and why is none of their business." he sat down on a patch of green grass by the riverbank. I noticed he had a few books laying there and he looked up expectantly at me, "Shall we begin?"
I spent most of the day there and very slowly I began to learn the ways of the Elves. For not only did Faerlain teach me Sindarin, he taught me the history of his people. By the day's end I regretted having to leave and I wished that we'd be able to do it again.
'You're a good teacher.' I said slowly in his language and he smiled.
"You are foolish to let my tongue wander so freely. But perhaps we could do this again?"
...and how he had come to see me when I was ill...
He smiled and pressed a finger to my lips, "Don't speak. I'll talk for you."
...I told Ana how I felt when I held little Turwithiel in my arms, of the joy in her brother's face when he had held his daughter for the first time...
"This... is ours?"
"She is, Cudir." Elenowen said lightly, sitting beside him and leaning on his shoulder to look into Turwethiel's face. "Yes, she is ours."
His hands, slender and rough, traced the outline of her cheek. He smiled delightedly as she looked up at him with her deep blue eyes. Araviniel had once told me that elven children are born with green eyes, to represent new life. But Turwethiel's were clear and blue, like the sky. They mirrored Cudir's own which were just as clear and sharp as his daughter's. He gently rocked his baby girl in his muscular arms and sang softly, the sweetest melody I had ever heard in my life.
...I told them about my dress, about being presented, about the glow that seemed to radiate inside of me when the villagers of Gilloth had embraced me for the first time...
Then, very softly, I heard clapping. It was Ana. Turwethiel, seeing her sister, did the same. Elenowen grinned and then joined them. It was like a wave. Very soft as first, but then everyone was clapping as it grew. I could hear cheers, shouts of good will. Mirlaic was hugging me tightly... I had tears in my as I hugged her back.
...I told them how Faerlain had danced with me all night long...
I found that I couldn't tear my gaze away from him. I had so often recalled the image of his smile, the familiar twinkle in his grey eyes. The sound of his laughter, the way he spoke. The way he looked at me. It made me feel so warm inside, no stable boy or high school jock had ever given me that same feeling when I was back at home. I was so afraid that I would lose him if I even just looked away. The day passed like a dream, all blurry and not quite there. The only thing I was aware of, was him.
And we danced.
...My words were stronger now, and I could feel my tears drop down my cheeks as I recalled all those memories I had tried for so long to forget. I told them about Zachary... about Caden. I told them how the orcs had attacked me from out of no where, how the arrow had pierced my side. I told them of the mist that blanketed the village, of the bodies that had lain twisted and cold on the ground, of the blood that had run rivers in the streets.
I told them of the icy touch of Faerlain's medallion upon my breast when first Caden and then Mirlaic had died in my arms- just when the warriors had finally arrived...
I watched them, staring, my body still as if I had been turned to stone. They filed into the village, bows raised. Some now exclaiming curses or cries of grief. Yes, you see now don't you? You see what you have done? I gritted my teeth. It was all their fault.
Talorta whinnied anxiously and all of their eyes turned to me.
They stared for a moments, their eyes traveling from the sword, to my blood stained hands, to my ears. My plain, rounded ears. And I saw their hatred, and I saw their looks of disgust and anger. I saw them stare at the medallion on my chest. And I saw them all raise their bows. I heard their war cries, I saw them run for me. I snarled.
Nin goheno Mirlaic.
I told them how I had stared in disgust at their stunned faces and of the rage that had numbed my pain as I realized that they had come too late, and that it was all over. And I had hated them for killing my people.
"I attacked them...I was angry. Furious that they hadn't come in time." I shook my head, rising to my feet on legs that were starting to give out on me. "Everything had gone wrong. No reinforcements had been sent, and now the fight on the borders was going to be lost and nobody was left alive in Gilloth...except for me." I closed my eyes, pained by what I was telling them.
"I wanted vengeance...retribution. I wanted everything to go back to what it was...but the warriors refuted me and I was driven into the forest." I paused here and glanced at Legolas. "I have been hunted as a criminal ever since."
"A pretty story." I heard Ana snarl from behind me and I whirled to face her. "Victoria walks away innocent and anyone could defy her, dead. Everyone...except for me."
I looked helplessly at her, exasperated. "I told you the truth! You were there weren't you? You survived! You would have seen...you would have known." Ana closed her mouth with a puzzled expression on her face and I paused, studying her. "But you didn't...did you? That is why you needed to find me."
"I...I don't remember." She stammered.
I approached her again, not reaching out this time to touch her, just kneeling by her, in hope that she was see the truth in my eyes. In hope that she wouldn't be blinded as the others had become. "I brought your brother's daughter into this world, little Ana." I murmured tenderly, gazing full into her face. "I loved them. I loved them all so much. So much. Why can't you see? What is this sorcery that has hardened you, and all your people to the truth?"
She wasn't looking at me now and I felt tears in my eyes more. "Why can't you set me free?"
"Love?" Came a harsh, demanding voice from behind me and I turned to face Legolas who stood tall in the light streaming down from the forest canopy. His face was full of malice and anger burned in his eyes. "You are not capable of love, Victoria Saronedhel. You've murdered and lied, betrayed and tortured. Who are you to love?"
I felt myself go cold as fury raged inside me, draining all the warmth from my body. "Love?" I hissed sharply, drawing a startled look from Ana's deep, green eyes as I rose to my feet once more. "Do not speak to me of love, Prince Legolas of the Woodland Realm." I said, mockingly. "Who are you to lecture me?" I spat.
His eyes flashed, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. "It was a simple question-"
"Deserving of a simple answer?" I cut in, my anger blazing. All the injustices, all the lies came back to me in an instant. I had waited to long, come to far to turn back now. I was innocent. "Is that it? I will tell you of love, Son of Thranduil. I cannot decide whether it harms or heals. Whether it is a paradise or hell. Love." I spat the word into the dirt. "Do not speak to me of love...you couldn't possibly know the meaning of the word. Do you love your father? Hm? Or perhaps your mother?" I noticed with a gleam of satisfaction that a muscle had twitched in his cheek, I had touched something there. I sneered at him, playing with his heart was all too easy.
"Did you love Faerlain?"
That made him really mad and I grinned madly. "You killed him!" He snapped, moving closer to me with a purposeful stride.
"Killed him? I killed him? Have you not been listening to me?" I raised my lip into a snarl of disgust. "You did not even know him."
That only made him angrier.
"He was my greatest-"
"Friend? Really Legolas." I paused, my anger dying as I sighed regretfully. "I loved him." I whispered. "I loved him."
He was standing only inches away from her now, the rage inside of him boiling as he gazed into her weathered face. He had wanted to kill her then, more then he had ever wanted to kill anyone before. But as the malice faded from her face and as she spoke those words, he found that his anger froze in shock and he found himself speechless as she continued.
"I lived nearly three years in that damned village. And I loved him."
She turned away, crossing her arms over her chest and covering her mouth with her hand, looking up to the sky. She took a deep breath and he heard the rattling, tell-tale signs that she was trying to hold back sobs. When she spoke again her voice was soft, and he could hear her sorrow as she spoke. "But no matter what he said...or did, I knew I would never be enough." She looked back at him, tears flowing freely now. "Because of what I am. I knew there would never be a happily ever after for us."
Even Ana was still now, watching her through sharp eyes as she continued to sparkle strangely in the faint light. Victoria was staring at him again, defiance in her gaze. "And yet...you still believe that I killed him?"
Legolas then found his words again, his fury running hotly through his veins. He glared at her, leaning towards her still figure. But the anger had lessened now...mired by confusion. "Then...how did you get that medallion?" He asked, forcing himself to speak loud and true as he did so. The fire flickered in her eyes only once, and a dreamy expression stole suddenly over her face.
She smiled.
"We were in the forest...it was just after I had been presented...just after he gave me that note." She pointed to the parchment that was clutched tightly in his hand...so tightly that he'd nearly forgotten about it. She gazed around the clearing, seemingly lost in thought...lost in time.
"He was so sad...he was leaving soon- he'd been called up again to fight on the borders." Her smile faded, the lines of weariness evident in her face deepening. "He told me that he loved me, that we'd work through everything somehow." She turned to look at Ana, who's face was set in stone.
I smiled gently at her...I could almost see his face...his beautiful face drifting in and out through the trees...'Victoria' The wind seemed to whisper. 'Victoria'.
"He kissed me. And he asked me to marry him, to be by his side forever." I turned to Legolas now...he was so confused...so very confused. He looked nearly like that strange man who had brought me to Gilloth in the first place. Strider was what Mirlaic had called him.
"I said yes." I murmured softly. The smile came back as well as my tears. "I can remember the look on his face...he was so happy." I blinked, focusing on Legolas once more, urging him to understand. "He...he didn't have a ring. So he gave me it...he gave me the medallion. He wouldn't tell me where he had gotten it, but I knew it was special to him."
I breathed heavily, I had no words left to say...my tale had been told, and now Legolas knew...everything.
"I do not understand." Said Ana from behind me. My gaze flickered to her, noting her knit brows and clouded gaze. "Everyone said it was you."
I opened my mouth to anger but instead I heard a deep rumble from Legolas. "Yes...everyone did say it was you. How do we know what you say is indeed true?" He snarled. "I have the word of an entire nation against yours...whom am I to believe?"
I stared at him in disbelief. He didn't believe me? How could he not? I had bared my soul to him. I had nothing left...couldn't he see that? I was shaking now..."What do I have to gain by lying to you, Legolas? I have nothing left! I am dying inside...it feels like I'm crumbling to pieces...can't you see that?"
I didn't let him reply, I jerked forward, so close that I could feel his hot breath against my skin. "What proof do you have that it was really me that killed them? Hm? What makes you think that one woman could possibly slaughter an entire village of elves? It defies reason, Legolas. Surely you must know this...even you could understand that." I sneered. "The word of a few vengeful warriors has set an entire nation against me...the word of a few...that's all you or anyone else ever had against me. I told Ana once that every girl had a knight in shining armor."
I met his gaze, snarled under my breath. "That's who Faerlain was. My rescuer..."...save me now... "...my redeemer..." ...show them the truth... "...my friend..." ...I need you...
I backed away from him and I turned back to look at Ana. I was startled to see she was close to me now, only a footstep or so away. I wanted to embrace her with so much longing that it made my heart ache. She was crying, and I also realized that she was still so small in my eyes, though in reality, I could see I had only a few inches on her. What had happened to my little mouse? Where had that little girl disappeared to?
She reached out and I knelt. Something in her face warned me not to try and touch her as a pale, shimmering hand slowly neared me and gently caressed my face. I closed my eyes as a strange warmth over-powered me, easing my anger into numb acceptance.
"You have answered my questions." She said softly as I opened my eyes and gazed full into her face. I saw something there that I had not seen in a long time... I saw trust. I felt the ache grow stronger as I realized that she believed me...she was the first. She looked up at Legolas, giving him that cold, unnerving stare. "You stayed at the flet of Mirlaid this past night, did you not Prince Legolas?"
He blinked in surprise, having been lost in his own thoughts until he realized he was being addressed. Gathering his wits he answered the question with a brief incline of his head. Ana nodded in reply.
"Then I believe you have something that belongs to Victoria."
Legolas stared in disbelief at this little elven child, wondering at her nerve to give orders to him. Prince Legolas of Eryn Lasgalen- heir to the throne of his ancestors. But he found that he could not hold onto his rebellion as he gazed into the girl's alabaster face. Remembering instantly the letter he had discovered on the old writing desk, he slid his hand into his pocket and drew it out- well aware of the two pairs of eyes concentrating on him. He neared Victoria, his hand containing the letter outstretched.
"I found this while you were sleeping." He said gruffly. Victoria took the letter tenderly into her grasp, her eyes trained upon the handwriting on the cover. She brushed her fingertips over the letter lightly, and then she spoke- her voice shaking. "This is in Mirlaic's hand." She gazed into the elven girl's face and Ana smiled sadly.
"It pained her to write it." She said softly.
Victoria moved to open it, somehow unsurprised by Ana's words but she stopped with she felt the cool touch of Ana's hand stay her movements. "Not yet. All shall be revealed in time."
Victoria looked doubtful, but followed the command nevertheless and gingerly pocketed the letter as she rose weakly to her feet.
"You have brought peace to my people, Victoria." Ana whispered, not quite low enough to escape Legolas' sharp ears. "You will find it someday for yourself as well." She gazed about the clearing, pausing momentarily as she caught sight of Talorta, lazily standing by the road that led back to the village. She smiled fleetingly at him before she turned back to look at the elf and human waiting for her to speak once more.
"Come, we will return to Mirlaic's flet, there are certain things I wish to discuss and we do not have the luxury of time."
"What can't we stay here?" Asked Legolas curiously.
Ana stared at him unblinkingly before she answered curtly, " Death lingers in this village, my prince. But all is not well." She gestured to the forest. "Even the trees can bare safety for those who wish to avoid prying eyes, but our voices might have instead caught someone's attention. We shall be safer there." She turned to look at Victoria, paused, and then slowly pulled something out of her glittering garments.
"I believe this belongs to you." She said softly, handing the trinket to Victoria. It was something metal...it glinted in the sunlight and it took Legolas only a moments to realize that it was the medallion. Victoria held it reverently in shaking hands and he stared wordlessly until Ana raised her emerald eyes to meet his again. "Help her onto the stallion, I'll walk. I will meet you back at the flet."
He nodded briefly in agreement and turned to look at Victoria. Her arms hadn't stopped shaking and she looked exceptionally ill as he moved silently before her. "We're going back to the flet." He said. "Ana will meet us there."
She looked up at him, tears in her blue eyes had replaced the hardened glint. Her lips trembled. "Here...you should keep this." She said, holding out the medallion with a pained look on her face. She might as well have been giving him a piece of her flesh- that was how much the medallion meant to her. And he also realized as he looked into her tear-stained face that, somewhere deep inside of him, he knew she was telling the truth. "After all...it's what you wanted all this time...wasn't it?" She continued.
His gaze lingered on the medallion a moment longer...realizing that he no longer cared. No matter how hard he wished it, the medallion would never bring his mother, or Faerlain back. He closed her fingers around the cold silver with two, slightly trembling hands.
"It no longer belongs to me." He said gently. He didn't know what he saw exactly as he looked at her, but she closed her eyes and whispered, 'thank you' before she swayed, saved by a collision with the earth only by his arms, and passed out.
A/N: I know the flashbacks are repetitive and they weren't originally in there...but they just seemed to fit as I was typing this up. :) Oh, one other thing, Nin goheno Mirlaic, means 'Forgive me Mirlaic'. I just thought I should mention it because I forgot to post the translation before.
This was an EXTREMELY long chapter and I hope you are all satisfied for now. I try to update around the weekends, so I think you guys can get into the habit of expecting that.
Thank you all SO much for your reviews, they inspire me to update quickly. And remember, if you have any questions or comments, don't forget to say so in your review! And, as you also remember, I love hearing what lines you enjoyed, if any, from my latest chapters. Lastly, thanks a million to my beta, Kiann! God Bless and enjoy everyone:)
TO BE CONTINUED...