Disclaimer: I own none of Tolkien's creations and only lay claim to my own humble creatures.

Chapter Quote: "And how can one live without their soul?"

Chapter Fifty-Five

Tender Kisses

We left two days after the trial. It rained. I sat in front of Legolas with my wounded arm bandaged tightly to my chest. Legolas had slung a cloak about me as he cradled me to this chest. The road was dark and the forest foreboding. I couldn't remember much of what occurred in the first two or three days that we rode... I sweated withthe remains of my fever and shivered with chills from the rain.

I slept a while- a long and merciful sleep. I dreamed of Talorta... of my brother... and of home. Home. Strangely- for the first time in nearly a decade- that old farm way back when seemed kindlier then it had before. I missed it.

The horses trod on- and the wind blew through the trees like children crying and the rain pouring down from the heavens were the only sounds that drifted through our unearthly company. I lost track of time. Thewhen next I was awake and aware,I was wrapped up in blankets by a crackling fire. The rain had stopped.

The flames danced grotesquely over the branches and I watched in fascination as they curled and withered in the oppressive heat. The last time I had been that close to flames was when I had watched in horror as my flet- my home- had burnt to the ground leaving nothing behind but a smouldering pile of ruins. Those flames had broken me for the first time in years.

I hadn't wanted to keep breathing.

And then, at my weakest point, I met Legolas. I tried to think to myself... what was I feeling now as I stared into the flames? Well... I felt numb. Like I had hit the bottom and there was no going up- like I was drowning. Despair is a sin- one of the worst. But that... despair... wasn't exactly what I felt now- because Legolas was here, again. I felt cold- but a strange warmth had started to seep back into my heart. And that, was because, again, Legolas was here to save me.

I had loved Faerlain with an intensity that had burned and ached when we were parted. A love that had threatened to kill me over and over when I found out first that he had survived the slaughter- only to learn that he had died... at my master's hand. But Legolas is different and therefore my love for him was different.

My love for Faerlain could have been eternal- the kind you read about in fairy tales. But it had been buried under my heart of stone for too long to survive. Legolas... he was now my life. My soul. And how can one live without their soul? (1)

"Good evening." I heard his soft voice say to me and I turned my gaze from the flames and looked up at him as he approached. He was carrying a bowl whose contents steamed in the frigid winter air. I smiled as he knelt beside me and returned my smile.

"Hello yourself." I said, gazing at him adoringly as he leaned over and planted a kiss on my brow. I loved him... how I loved him.

"You're feeling better." He said as he settled beside me and lowered the bowl into his lap.

"I think my fever broke." I replied hesitantly, running a mental check over my bodily systems as I spoke. I was sore- and my shoulder ached where that foul elven arrow had pierced it. But as for feeling ill- I felt better then I had in months.

"Ai." Legolas said through a breath of relief as he laid a hand on my forehead. "I was worried about you."

I grinned slyly at him. "The Prince of Mirkwood worried about little 'ole me?"

Legolas chuckled, "Such a place you must have come from- they must miss you there."

My smile faded slightly and I thought again of the rolling fields, of home. "I'll have to tell you about it sometime." I said softly, thinking of how I would explain traveling to this place to the man... er... elf... I was so deeply in love with. He kissed me, slowly, gently. And I let his warmth drive the chill from my body. When he broke away he looked deeply into my eyes and caressed my face.

"I would like that."

I decided again, for the millionth time, that surely I didn't deserve him. But here he was, proving to me again and again that there was a God- even when I felt too worthless to feel his touch. He straightened and gestured to the bowl of soup in his hands.

"I brought you something... it is not much- it's hot."

I shook my head ruefully. "I'm sure it's better then your dungeon gruel. Anything is better then that."

He laughed and I smiled, it was a welcoming sound- one I could get used to. "I promise this is better then that- though I've not had the pleasure of tasting it myself."

I think I could have managed to feed myself- but I also think Legolas liked, or rather needed to take care of me. So I let him. I didn't mind- honestly. It gave me the opportunity to study his eyes- somehow they always seemed beautiful when he looked at me like that.

It took nearly a fortnight to reach the village. Not so much because of the distance- but mostly because the warriors traveled slow and warily; they had been attacked too many times before for their liking. With each passing day I healed a little more and got my strength back as I listened to Legolas' voice and awoke to him hovering worriedly above me- only to have his angelic features melt into a smile when I'd kiss him. I think I might be partial to elves from now on. I've heard tell from more then one elf that Legolas' face was chiseled by the Valar themselves. They were probably right- but I didn't love Legolas just for his looks. He had a nasty temper when you got down to it.

This of course, despite all, was quite a way to live.

I think Legolas was the reason I was gaining strength so quickly. For so long I had nothing but revenge and murder inside of me. It had made my heart cold and bitter- leading such a life makes you numb and hard inside. But now... now Legolas had given me something to live for. And even though the gloomy countenances of the surrounding warriors sometimes mellowed my mood and muted my words- they could not contain the wild smiles that would pass over my face when I thought of his tender kisses and gentle caresses.

I think I smiled more in that two weeks time then I had during the five years time since the slaughter of Gilloth. It was more then happiness- happiness is when you see a good movie, go out with a friend, or are treated to your favorite candy. I was filled with something different. Joy- which something entirely different, and deeper, altogether. A contentment of my very soul.

I was in love and loved in return, and I wondered how I could have ever lived in any other way. We had our own little fantasy- I guess you could call it our honeymoon by certain aspects. We weren't married- or alone. But we were together, and that was enough- for now. Until this was all over.

It would be the best we ever got.

But the road wouldn't stretch on forever, however misleading appearances may be. And it was late morning on the fifteenth day when we reached the remains of the village. Ironic- my past would definemy future.

I suppose that is truly what you would call fate.

No one spoke as we rode into the village square. Chills ran down my spine and I felt Legolas reassuringly squeeze my arm. We had entered the village under much different circumstances previously.

Star-Trees never really lose their leaves during the winter months like other trees. The seemed to glow softly (if only dully during the winter) all year round. A mist had formed over the partially melted snow

"Will you be all right?" Legolas asked of me in a whispered tone.

I shrugged, "I have to be."

The warriors halted their horses in a semi circle before us and turned to Legolas for further instruction. "Form a perimeter around the village and keep watch." He said to them, his eyes clear and cold- his voice emotionless and strong. He looked to me- asking silently where we would go. I nodded in the direction of Mirliac's... of my... old flet and Legolas turned to the warriors again.

"I will accompany Lady Knightengale to the old Healer's flet. Captain Cudir knows where we will be."

Cudir- who had remained resolutely silent though strangely protective of me during the ride, nodded sharply and then turned to the others to give soft orders. Legolas' horse moved forward and I felt a pang as I realized that it was not Talorta beneath me. Talorta was no longer here. Legolas had given me a sackcontaining hisashes in one of the last few days. I tied the sack around my neck and slipped it beneath my dark garments- a morbid reminder that though he was gone, my best and truest friend would always remain in my heart.

Neither Legolas nor I spoke as the horse plodded softly through the village and to my old flet. Nothing stirred in the long since abandoned streets. The flets, half-covered with ivy and snow, were silent testimonies of those long gone, those who had suffered for the mistakes of myself and others. Dark marks from the grave upon our souls. The air was chilled and the forest silent. No one spoke. My heart hammered fiercely against my chest. My future depended on what lay forgotten in that little flet.

The king had not mentioned what would happen to me if I never found proof. Maybe he was leaving it up to my imagination, maybe he was being gracious. Maybe he was giving me a chance to escape- I didn't know or care. All I knew was that by any standard I didn't deserve to be happy ever again after all I had done.

I didn't know... I hadsaid it before... I didn't care. All I was aware of was the snow crunching beneath my feet as we dismounted, the creak of the old door as I pushed it open, and the beating of my own heart as I walked across the floor of my old home. Of Mirlaic's home... the last place I would ever see her.

I had to remind myself to breathe.

We worked together- starting in Mirlaic's room. I was hesitant about entering my own and answered my problem by procrastinating- never smart, but it bought me time. We didn't find anything of use. The elements had weathered most of Mirlaic's belongings and I could see traces in the dust and snow where Legolas had discovered Mirlaic's last words to me.

We found some old listings of healing elixirs- a few valuable ones which listed some instructions on how to make elixirs from the star-flowers. I cleaned the room afterwards- it looked untouched once more, a victory of the past. Legolas slid the old parchments into a saddle bag he carried over his shoulder. I didn't cry- but I didn't speak either as he placed his arm around my shoulders and led me out of the room. I looked up at him and smiled bravely.

"Well... there's only one place left for us to look."

Legolas squeezed my shoulder reassuringly and I looked to the doorway, partially open, which led to my old bedroom. Legolas spoke not a word- and I wasn't afraid now. With bold steps, we approached the door together, and I pushed it open.

The room looked just as I had left it- with the exception of the snow piling in through the half-open window and the trailing vines that covered the sill and the floor up to the chest at the end of my bed. I closed them, fastening the clouded glass and then looked around. Papers littered the floor- one or two had some of my old sketches on them and I heard Legolas snort softly with a smile on his face as he looked at a few. He started to pick them off the floor one by one while I set about to looking about the room. The bed was caked with dust, and I knew I'd find nothing there. The dresses in the closet had been lost to time and a few, by the looks of them, torn up for bandages.

That wouldn't help either. The little vanity in the corner was empty- and that left only the chest. I heard the mattress creak as Legolas lowered his lithe frame upon it but I didn't look up as I knelt beside that chest. It had been a gift from Faerlain- he had inscribed our initials on the side. I smiled softly, though my heart skipped a beat as I imagined what, if anything, lay hidden inside that chest. A crackle of parchment.

"You never told me where you picked up the name 'Saronedhel'." Legolas said, examining my signature in a few of the newer drawings.

"Faerlain called me that." I replied softly, tracing my fingers over the bold strokes in the wood and shivering. "The night he proposed to me."

Legolas didn't answer, but I felt his eyes upon me as I lifted the top of the chest open with an effort. "You never told me." He said, his voice pained and stunned.

"You never asked." I replied, my ownvoice strained and breathless as I looked curiously inside. I could hardly hear myself speak. There was a portrait attached to the inside of the lid, one Araviniel had done of me laughing by the bank. She was never really good at drawing- but somehow that picture had come out all right.

"You loved him didn't you?" Legolas asked, but I wasn't listening.

There was something else inside- something that filled the entirety of the box and which was wrapped in some fine linen. I unwrapped it... the first was a lei of dried star-flowers. I frowned, not recognizing them. So I moved onto the next object- it was a veil...a veil of flowers. I remembered that veil- though the flowers had long since lost their color and beauty. I trembled as I removed the wrapping of the last item- and I knew what it was even before my fingers lifted the wrapping.

Legolas was standing now, concern plastered over his face... but I wasn't paying attention. I could never forget that dress... the dress of my youth. I had been presented in it... had danced with Faerlain in it the night he had returned. The night before he would kiss me for the first time. I closed the chest, pulling the dress out and laying it in my lap, my slender fingers tracing the delicate designs in the silken material. I smiled, faintly, my face losing its color.

"I wore this... the day I was presented." I wanted him to understand. This was my past, but I would not let it destroy the chance I still had with Legolas. But he needed to understand, this was as much a part of me as anything. This was as much a part of me as he was. Neither of us could ever forget that.

Legolas paused, and I looked up and met his troubled, silver gaze. "You loved him... didn't you?" He repeated slowly.

Tears sprang to my eyes and I angrily batted them away. "Yes... I did. Very much."

"And you said yes... when he proposed?"

I hesitated, and traced again the flowers on my dress. "We were to be married... when he- when he returned." I hesitated again. "He never did."

Legolas nodded once, and I could hardly bear the pain I saw in his eyes. He knelt beside me, and stilled my irritated attempts to thwart my tears. He wiped them away tenderly and looked down at the dress in my lap. "It's very beautiful." He said softly.

"Faerlain gave it to me." I replied huskily, hating myself for what I was doing to him and to myself.

Legolas nodded again. "You should put it on." He said simply.

I turned to gaze at him in surprise, bewildered. "What?"

He planted a kiss on my forehead and rose. "You should put it on." He started for the door, then paused when he reached the entrance way and met my eyes. "He loved you- he will always be a part of you Victoria. You have found your proof... but I want you to find yourself." He smiled wistfully. "Not all tears are evil... and I believe... I know... you looked very beautiful in it." He nodded again at the dress and slipped out into the living room. "Put it on." He repeated, "I'll wait for you here." Then he closed the door... and I was alone.

I stared for a moment at the dress... then, slowly, I unfastened my tunic... and slid out of my garments. I trembled as I slid the silken material over my naked arms and skin. The color had faded slightly with age- but it was still as beautiful as the first time I has seen it. I felt Faerlain's arms around me again, the way his breath had warmed my neck as we had danced. The way he had laughed. My knees wouldn't hold me anymore. I sank to the floor again, feeling ill, my heart aching.

My body shook with sobs as I cried, my tears staining the beautiful dress with my regrets, my sorrows, and my memories of a life long past.

A/N: Yes... well, I liked this chapter significantly better then the other one. And I hope you all did too since I made you wait for an update for so long. Now I have several things to say in this author's note, so I'll do the first and foremost first.

All right, here it is. I've been writing fanfiction for almost five years and have been posting it online for nearly three. It's time I started an original work- which I have. My goal is to finish the first manuscript by the end of this summer and work on getting it ready to be submitting for publishing over the next school year. I've been trying to write at least ten pages a day to accomplish this goal. What does this mean to you as a reader? Simply that I don't have as much time to devote to my fanfiction. So that while I will still update, I won't be able to update as often.

Secondly, I got accepted to the college of my dreams (which is two miles from my house) and I will be starting summer courses this July (because both me and my mom are over achievers... what are you gonna do?) Again, another cut into my fanfic time. Top this with my job and my horses and my web design- get the picture? All this means really is that I'll probably be updating every ten days instead of once a week to give myself more time since I take my fanfiction schedule very seriously and feel lower then crap when I post chapters late. So... that is my really big announcement and I hope you will all forgive me. :) I envision SIMA tobe completed by the end of July at the earliest and I might post chapters more frequently if I get the time to write them up quickly- either way I am in no way abandoning this story... I'm just slowing down the pace. :)

Ok, note number two. You may have noticed at some point or other a little (1) mark up there in the chapter. It's because I stole that particular quote from an amazing novel called, Wuthering Heights, by: Emily Brontë- an excellent book by the way though highly depressing. Though morbid, the way the main characters described their love for eachother put me in tears, so I decided to put some of my favorite quotes in my fanfictions randomly as they suit me. The 1992 movie version starring Ralph Fiennes was excellent by the way- I have the hots for Ralph right now, amazing actor and even more amazingly beautiful and I highly recommend it for anyone looking for a great, twisted romance with a heavy dark theme to it. It was wonderful. So ends my rant for Wuthering Heights.

Lastly... well... this is it for this obsene author's note. I apologize again for this very LATE update- I'm a terrible person yes I know. I'm sorry. You can badger me for more updates if you like on my website, it's on my author's bio. Also, if you want to state your opinion on the SIMA plot, have any questions or just want to tell me how I totally deserve Legolas (yes, understandable I know, but you really don't have to say so if you don't want to) then simply tell me in your review or log onto the website I made specifically for that reason. :) Remember, if you find any errors in the chapter- do let me know! I don't bite and I certainly don't mind. :)

Thanks to all you guys for reading and reviewing and please don't give up on me yet! And thanks a million to my wonderful beta, Kiann, without whom I'm be a puny, pathetic morsel. :) Toodles!

TO BE CONTINUED...