Disclaimer: I own none of Tolkien's creations and only lay claim to my own humble creatures.

Chapter Quote: "... I learned how to laugh again. I wasn't made from stone anymore."

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Chapter Fifty-Eight

Say It

I stood frozen, staring at him in disbelief. "What?" I finally managed in a horrified whisper, my eyes wide. Faerlain shook his head angrily and turned away from me. I could still see him trembling in the faint light.

"I was fighting on the borders when word reached me of the massacre. I was granted leave and I traveled as fast as I could back to Gilloth." He slammed a fist against the tree and I started. "There was already a company there, burying the dead, when I arrived. A few were former inhabitants like myself- Cudir was there. He told me that the only body he couldn't find... was yours." The muscles in his back were taunt and I flinched as I thought of Faerlain arriving home only to find death where once was life.

Sorrow where once was joy.

He shook his head, laughing bitterly. "It gave me hope when we could find no sign of Talorta either. I thought- wished- that perhaps you had escaped." He was looking at me now- but his face was wreathed in shadow. "I searched tirelessly day and night for you for two years- not long for an elf, but it felt like a waking nightmare. I imagined all of the horrible things that might have happened to you because I hadn't been here."

His voice faltered, filled momentarily with the memories of old pains, deeply buried. "I returned to the village twice a year. I searched the entirety of Mirkwood... I even wandered into mortal countries... countries I knew you had never been to but might have gone. But I found not a single trace of your existence." He gestured to the scar over his eye. "I was robbed of my belongings and left for dead one day. I was found in the forest by my sister."

My eyes widened perceptively and I drew a short breath.

"For a year I was senseless with sickness and madness. And for a year she nursed me back to health until I was well once more. She told me how she had been searching for a ghost called Gwenél... how she had her suspicions that this ghost might help us... so I took up the search with her." He gestured to the forest, his voice dark and low. "So I have been ever since- searching and hoping for a ghost who probably never existed. I was returning to the village for the last time before I left the forest for a greener country when it was then that I finally found you."

He turned to me, eyes wide and pleading. "You were standing there... as if nothing had ever happened, as if we had always been-" He neared me, but I found that I had drawn back, from surprise or fear I didn't know. But I instantly regretted it when I saw the pain in his eyes. "Victoria... where were you?" He asked. "I searched all of Mirkwood and found nothing that would lead me to you. What happened?"

I stared at him... feeling stupid when I couldn't think of anything to say. "I...I..." I stammered... and then I stopped, breathing deeply. I took a deep breath and I told him what the last five years had been like for me. This time I didn't cry.

We were both silent when I finished and he stared long and hard at me. "That was it then." He said. "You came back... for evidence?"

I nodded, unable to meet his gaze as my face burned with shame. "You were dead. " I said, trying to make him understand what I needed to tell him. "You were dead... and it had been because of me." I shook my head. "I didn't think I could ever forgive myself. I wished every day that I might die... just so I could leave this all behind." I looked up at him, my eyes shining. "When I met Legolas..." I hesitated, trying to form what I was trying to say into a coherent thought. "... I learned how to laugh again. I wasn't made from stone anymore."

"He showed me how I could live... live as I never knew how. And he helped me to forget..." And then I stopped staring at him... but Faerlain stared still at me.

"Life... fate... irony." He murmured, he grabbed my arms, not in anger, but in desperation. "You found love again... you moved on."

My face blanched, paling. I swallowed hard. "Faerlain I-"

"You love him." He said softly... incredulously. "You love him now... love him as once you loved me."

"Faerlian no I-" But what... what did I have to say? Yes... I did love Legolas, loved him with all my heard. But I loved Faerlain too- with an intensity that had driven me insane when he had gone. "I do love him." I whispered. I gazed up at him- searching his eyes. "And I love you... loved you so much that I wanted to die when you were taken from me."

He shook his head. "You promised me... you promised me that you would wait for me."

I smiled brokenly. "I did wait... I waited for so long. "

We were only inches apart... his eyes glowed with the reflection from the star-trees. My eyes widened, but I found I could not pull away. I felt his hand release my arm and rest on my back... but I stood frozen against him. Unable to move or to speak.

"Faerlain-" I whispered, but I never got the chance to continued. Suddenly his mouth was crushing mine, seeking me hungrily, earnestly. And I found I could not resists him... even if I had wanted to... as I kissed him back. I saw stars... my hand slid up to his shoulders and I felt his pain... his fears.

And I remembered Legolas... and I tore from him, gasping. We stopped, his forehead pressed to mine as we held each other breathlessly. "Say you do not love me." He said softly, his warm breath tingling my skin. "Say you do not love me and I will leave you forever."

No! I couldn't give him up again- I just couldn't. Half of me wanted desperately to kiss him again- to feel his passion and his love once more. But the other half was screaming for me to remember Legolas... still asleep back in camp. He couldn't ask this of me... he just couldn't. To try and make me decide between my first love and the love that had saved me from myself. Oh God... help me...

"I need to go..." I whispered, fleeing from him as tears began to stream down my cheeks. He didn't follow... didn't say anything. I fled back to my tent and I collapsed on the floor. I curled up under the blankets and I cried until morning... more confused and torn then ever.

A/N: What did I tell ya? Angst... yep. I'm an angst addict. To correct a few incorrect, (but very good) theories, Faerlain never did go to Victoria's world. To date, she hasn't told anyone that she really isn't from Middle-earth. So everyone basically thinks she's from some 'mortal country' as Faerlain calls them. A very short chapter... and I apologize. The next one will be longer. But this one was all about Faerlain and Victoria reuniting and I knew it couldn't be too long... so here it is. Preview for the next chapter: Victoria battles with her decision over Faerlain and Legolas. Legolas and Faerlain have a little chat. The company starts heading back to the palace.

Until then! Thanks for all your guys' support! Updates will come probably within two or three days because I'm rather excited about finishing this story... though it will be a bittersweet parting. And I give my sympathies to any Faerlain/Vic shippers who are reading this chapter... I haven't been kind to you. :) And thanks a million to my beta, Kiann! Till the next update!

TO BE CONTINUED!