Disclaimer: I own none of Tolkien's creations and only lay claim to my own humble creatures.

Chapter Quote: "It would be an injustice to have you convicted falsely of crimes against Mirkwood."

Chapter Fifty-Nine

Getting Old

"Shall we be returning to the palace, your majesty?" Asked Cudir of Legolas that next morning. The air was crisp and the sky spoke of an impending storm. Winter in Mirkwood.

"As soon as possible." Legolas replied. "Faerlain has returned... his is all the evidence Victoria will need to testify in court."

Cudir nodded, following Legolas' gaze as he looked about the village. "I do not think I will miss it here." Cudir said softly, shaking his head. Legolas turned to him for explanation. "The dead are in peace..." He nodded as a silent salute. "... I would like to leave it that way."

Legolas nodded. "Where will you go?"

Cudir shrugged. "I am not sure... I have served in the king's guard for a long while... I think it might be my time."

Legolas' eyes widened in surprise. "You will pass?"

Cudir inclined his head. "Justice has been brought to the dead... there is nothing left here for me now."

It shouldn't have been surprising. Many elves had left for the green country after the War of the Ring, Lord Elrond of Rivendell and Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel of Lothlorien included. And it would be so easy for Cudir... he would have family waiting for him as Legolas would when his own time came to cross the seas to Valinor. But Legolas had something... someone... here now. It would not be so easy. Could I ever pass? Could I ever say good-bye to her? He glanced at Victoria's tent. She was asleep... he had looked in on her earlier that morning.

"I wish you happiness." He said quietly and Cudir took his outstretched hand. "Thank you, your majesty." He gestured to the village borders. "I should get back to the outposts." Legolas nodded. The fire was cackling healthily as it had the night before. Legolas warmed his hands by it even though he didn't feel the cold. At least... not on the outside. Inside he felt as cold as ice as he thought of Victoria leaving him in Faerlain's arms. The thought of Victoria's kisses and love given to a man she hadn't laid eyes on in five years.

It made him cold... cold and sick with anxiety. The fire did little, if anything at all, to ease that chill that came not from the winter air... but from his own fearful heart. He heard footsteps and he glanced over his shoulder and noted with surprise that Faerlain was walking back from the woods, shaken and pale. Legolas gestured for him to come closer.

"The fire is warm." He said and, hesitating, Faerlain came forward. "Are you well?" He asked of his old friend, though inside it was hard enough just to be civil with the latter elf. But Faerlain was no longer listening, he stood still as stone- staring into the flames. Legolas frowned when the latter didn't answer and he touched his arm. "Faerlain?" The younger elf started, looking at him as if he were surprised to see him standing there. "Are you all right?"

Faerlain nodded, seeming far away... "Can I ask you a question, Legolas?" He asked, his brows furrowed.

"Of course." Legolas answered. No matter what Faerlain was to Legolas, an ally or rival, he deserved at least common courtesy for old time's sake.

"When you met Victoria... was she- different- then she is now?"

Legolas thought of Victoria laughing the night before. Speaking with him about anything that came to her mind during their long journey to the village. He recalled how unrelenting she had been when they had first met... how angry and violent she had acted. How deeply in love she had been with Faerlain... how deeply she loved... or still loved himself. He pursed his lips and slowly nodded.

"Yes." He murmured. "Very different."

I could hear voices and footsteps milling about as I awoke. I felt sick... and no more rested then I had been going to sleep last night. Faerlain... Oh God this was killing me! How could he possibly ask this of me? Say you love me... leave you forever. Forever. I would die one day... but if I said no to him... he would remember that rejection for eternity. How on earth could I refuse either of them?

How could I say to whom my heart belonged if it was so cleanly divided in half? I pushed myself up, glanced around the tent. It was morning... my head hurt and I knew my eyes were red and puffy from crying. But I couldn't stay in here forever. Legolas had supplied me with a few, simple winter gowns when we had still be at the palace. I shuffled through my bag until I found a brown one and I shivered as I slid out of my soiled presentation gown. I would clean it later. It was colder this morning and I threw a cloak over my shoulders to take the winter's chill from my body. I quickly combed and braided my hair and then slipped out of the tent.

They were both by the fire when I emerged and both of them turned to me as I approached them with a growing sense of trepidation brewing in my stomach.

"Did you sleep well?" Legolas asked politely... he seemed to still be in the dark about what had transpired between Faerlain and I the night before. I found that I couldn't tell him.

I nodded, shivering, and I hugged my arms about myself. I stood between them, not stepping closer to either and holding out my hands to the flames to warm them. Neither Faerlain nor I spoke and I could almost imagine Legolas' brows rising as he watched the two of us suffer through an awkward silence. He cleared his throat.

"I was speaking with Faerlain earlier... he said he would be more then willing to testify in court on your behalf."

"He did... did he?" I shot him a questioning look, surprised to find that they had been talking about me. Faerlain modestly inclined his head but swiftly avoided my gaze.

"It would be an injustice to have you convicted falsely of crimes against Mirkwood." He said simply. He wouldn't call it Eryn Lasgalen as most of the other elves. Just as Araviniel and I would not.

He did not say 'crimes against me', but I read his meaning in the words and I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. Legolas interjected again. "We can begin out return journey today... you have your evidence."

I turned back to the fire and rubbed my hands together. "Yes." I answered softly. "I am ready to leave this place."

Neither of them argued with me.

I didn't return to the cemetery and we eft the village otherwise untouched. It would be a memorial to those who had perished here for all of eternity. Eternity. I couldn't imagine eternity... I couldn't even imagine my own future. I would be banished from Mirkwood... even when Faerlain testified. And even then, where would I go and with whom? I couldn't go on loving the both of them forever. It would need to have an end... and that was a decision that I alone had to make.

Legolas seemed to sense something was wrong between Faerlain and I and he kept his distance. It was something I loved about him. And then there was Faerlain, desperate with longing to speak with me and realizing at the same time that I needed space. That was something I loved about him.

But dammit! I couldn't make a list of pro's and con's for the two of them and decide that way!

I helped pack up camp even though all the elves seemed indignant at the mere thought. Though most of our escort considered me guilty, they had been bred manners for centauries. I wasn't in a mood to listen to their feeble arguments, however, and I continued to work anyway. And then, of course, there was Faerlain and Legolas constantly staring at me from all ends of the camp. It was unnerving at best, annoying at worst. I was torn between murdering them or simply hiding in a corner and crying.

We mounted up at a little past noon, all on our own horses. I wondered where the warriors had gotten the new horses... but I didn't bother to ask. Elves... though they deny it... have a certain magic of their own... I was certain. What else could explain the spell that those two fools had woven over me? Of course, it had to be my fate that I had to fall in love with two elves instead of just one. And that, fate would have it, that they would be connected... and not dead... and neither horrible enough to make it easy for me to choose between them.

The ride back was silent and much different then my first journey with Legolas. That had felt like a honeymoon. Now we were all somber and morbid as we rode. The two of them flanked me on large, elven mounts the entire way... as if I might break or something. It was irritating. We stopped to make camp at dusk and Legolas tried to make conversation... but after some, long, awkward silences- he gave up and we ate our evening meal wordlessly.

I was angry more at Faerlain then Legolas for no reason really- I would have had to make this decision eventually ... I was just frustrated that I had to make it now. I was not a happy camper as the days passed and my moods gradually grew darker and darker. I grew more miserable at the thought of having to say good-bye to either one of them... but also knowing we would never be happy just as we were. My suitors gradually grew more downcast as we rode on. But I didn't care.

Good... I thought angrily to myself. It's your fault that I'm in this mess. But I couldn't stay angry at them forever just as I wouldn't live forever. Because I didn't have forever. And I wouldn't have them forever.

Damn.

I didn't know what to do. I loved Faerlain... I really did. Or rather... I had. And I had waited for him... and I had terrorized Mirkwood to take revenge for his death. And I had forgotten him.

And Legolas had saved me... and he had won my heart. But how could I ever chose between them? It was like asking which child should be spared... which life should be taken. I wasn't a god to chose life and death for those whom I loved. I was Victoria... and by heaven and hell I wasn't even suppose to be here. And neither of them knew it. And they never would- because I would never tell them.

Because I would decide.

And I would hate myself.

The dawn of the third day came. My wounds were nearly healed besides a few aches here and there. We still weren't talking.

"We are a few days from the palace." Legolas said softly.

I nodded but I didn't look back to either of them. I wanted to run and leave this decision behind. I wanted to leave... leave them to decide their own fate... but I couldn't. My love for Faerlain had been buried under so much pain and heartache that I was surprised any of it had survived at all. But I knew something had changed between us... because the both of us had changed. Even our love had changed.

Where once was a bittersweet ache was now a hunger- a longing to taste the forbidden fruit that I could see every time I looked into his grey eyes. They were a soft grey, a marked difference then Legolas' which seemed bright enough to be made of steel at times. No... Faerlain's eyes were like a stormy sea. A sea filled with despair... and longing. And then there was Legolas... and I knew my silence was hurting him even more... because I hadn't chose him right away- though he would never dream of voicing that aloud.

But even this longing I felt for Faerlain hardly held a candle for what I felt for Legolas. It was something much deeper... much stronger... that radiated throughout my body like the air I breathed. But how do you tell someone that? How do you tell them that they waited, searched... hoped... for nothing.

How can you gently break someone's heart? How do you ease the mutilation of a soul? So I kept my silence... and I said nothing. And I hurt the two of them even more.

The forest was silent- even the wind had died down. I wanted to badly to leave them... so whirl my horse around and gallop from the forest where none of them would ever find me. But I knew such a choice would kill me...worse then indecision was killing me now. So I stayed... though I died a little more whenever I looked into either of their eyes.

Mirkwood had felt dead to me for a long time... but I knew as our horses plodded silently along the road that something was wrong. I have long since learned the smell of death. The warriors in front stopped and I could hear my suitors/torturers both simultaneously draw their swords. If I hadn't been so miserable I would have laughed... they were both more alike then they knew.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice hoarse from days of silence and nights of tears.

The warrior in front never answered- he never had the chance. The orcs attacked us with more speed and brilliance then I had ever allotted to their foul race. And I thought, as Legolas tossed me a sword and both he and Faerlain formed a protective circle around me how old this was getting.

And how much I longed for an end.

A/N: I know what you're thinking- the millionith orc attack on these poor group of people is getting rather old. Well- I agree. That's why this chapter was called such. But I've been planning this particular orc attack for over a year now- so there was no changing it. I think that can give you all enough of a pit of dread in your stomachs to last until the next update. :)

Now, as for poor Victoria (I pity her... I really do.) This chapter was rather... well... repetitive because I wanted to show her thoughts and, obviously, her mind would be constantly warring over how on earth she was going to decide between the two elves she loved- hence this chapter.

I'm so close to the end now that updates should be coming within every five or six days. So sit tight... I think this will blow everyone away... at least I hope so. :) A shoutout to my cousin, Cailey, who was bunking at my house for three weeks and went home a few days ago (my room feels so empty!) and has been pleading for this chapter ever since she got hooked on it. I miss you luv:)

Thanks SO much to everyone for their reviews, I hope future chapters don't disappoint! But don't keep silent you all- I'd love to hear your opinions on this most recent development, who you favor more... Vic and Faerlain or Vic and Legolas? Cailey is a HUGE advocate of Faerlain and Vic and wants me to rewrite the whole story so that Vic and him can get married and have lots of immortal/mortal babies. :) While my sister, Ashley, is an avid fan of Vic and Legolas with some amply sympathy for Faerlain. So drop me a line and tell me what you think! And I promise a swift update in return! And, as always, thanks a million to my beta, Kiann:)