Disclaimer: I own none of Tolkien's creations and only lay claim to my own humble creatures.

Chapter Quote: "But you will never be alone."

Chapter Sixty

Please

There might have only been twenty of them to our group of fifteen. But even the best trained warriors couldn't have prepared for so lethal an attack. The elf riding beside Cudir was struck instantly. The orcs didn't ride their demon wolves, this time they fell from the trees like spiders- landing on the backs of the elven horses before the warriors could even draw their swords. The horse beneath me reared in fright and I kicked my feet free of their stirrups and slid off its back before it plunged madly into the forest.

The orc I faced was half my size- but what he lacked in height he met in agility and strength. And I knew by the sudden pain radiating in my left arm that opponent had drawn first blood. My countenance darkened and I felt my former self, the person I used to call Gwenél, shift into a battle stance. I moved into a defensive position and kept all emotion from my face as the orc attacked- only this time I was ready for him.

He sneered and cursed me as I easily parried his uncoordinated blows. But I felt nothing. Not anger or aggression to draw blood... his blood... that I had felt in a long, long time. I saw nothing besides the blackness of his eyes and the beads of sweat dripping down his face. I heard nothing besides the quickness of his breath as I slowly played him for weaknesses... until it was too late for him to realize that something was wrong.

That moment came in a swift movement in which I impaled him gracefully with my blade. Victoria would have winced and jerked away as the orc's life drained through the gaping wound in his chest. But I wasn't Victoria... I was Gwenél... and I twisted the blade inside of him and met his stunned gaze coldly as the life left his eyes. I grunted in satisfaction as he slid with a thud to the ground. I wiped his blood on the hem of my dress- it felt warm and slick between my fingers.

I turned to my next foe. But there seemed to be so many of them to the gloom and darkness that darkened my mind- and the elves seemed so few. I imagined I was alone. That once again I was in that dark place inside of myself where no one would find me... where no one could take anything away from me. But even then there was the weakest of whispers. You were saved... you were saved...

Three orcs lay dead at my feet... victims of my sword. And this time... I shuddered as their dark blood trickled down my arm. My hands were shaking. I looked for Legolas... but he was locked in combat. My eyes flooded with tenderness and it was then I realized that Faerlain was watching me. From across the battlefield, my gaze melded with his... and I realized he understood. He knew. He knew. Words lept to my throat... useless words... but there was no time to explain... nothing.

I saw the orc standing far from the camp when no one else did. I froze when I saw him maliciously lick his lips and fit an arrow to his bow. I saw gleam in his eyes as he targeted his prey. My heart stopped beating. Legolas. He was going to kill Legolas... and I found I could do nothing to save him. ...You were saved... you were saved... My body seemed turned to stone- and I found I could utter no word as I stared at him in horror. ...You were saved... you were saved... The arrow flew... I imagined I could hear the twang even above the din of the battle... and it soared through the air... straight to Legolas' heart.

Faerlain saw it too... and a look of fear flashed in his eyes for only a moment- but that look was replaced with another emotion so strong that it made me quiver. Fidelity... loyalty...love. Love to sacrifice one's self to give the one you love another chance. Love.

I stared helplessly as Faerlain slashed his way through his enemies as the arrow flew. I watched as he shoved Legolas out of the way... and I started to scream when I heard the dull thud of the arrow as it pierced his chest... I heard the whir of air as another arrow shot past him.

Both fell... an orc bashing Legolas' face brutally with his shield as they plummeted to the ground. I killed him first... now that I found I had feeling in my limbs once more. In a blind rage I found my legs at last and with white hot fear numbing my mind I charged at my enemy. I slew them.

It was over.

None of the elves had died... there were a few wounded. But the orcs... they were dead... all of them. I would have smirked with victory... but that would have been Gwenél smirking. Not me. I only felt a numbing blindness as I stood motionless on the field... and it was then I realized that neither Faerlain or Legolas had risen... and that all the elves had gathered around them.

My face blanched and my sword clattered to the ground. I forgot momentarily how to breathe... and I whirled to them. They wouldn't let my near Legolas. Something was wrong but they wouldn't say. I started to panic and I was ready to attack them when I heard the quiet voice of a younger elf from behind me.

"Lady Victoria?" He said, averting his gaze from my reddened eyes and my bloodied hands. Legolas had forbade them to call me Gwenél. It reminded me... why was he bothering me? I needed to see Legolas! I needed to see him NOW. I was about to turn from him impatiently when he called my name again. This time he spoke gently... calmly. The sane voice broke into the depths of my confusion.

"What is it?" I asked sharply... only his pleading tone made me stay.

"It's Lord Faerlain, milady..."

A stab of fear sliced through me like fire and I suddenly remembered the arrows... the sound they had made as they had hit him. I gasped. "What's happened? Where is he!"

He gestured meekly behind him and I searched his face with wild, probing eyes.

"He's dying milady."

Stupid... stupid Faerlain! I couldn't think as I ran to him- stumbling over the dead bodies as the warrior paced my disoriented movements. He's dying... he's dying... NO! It couldn't be true! Arrow wounds weren't always fatal... but I couldn't forget how loud the arrow had sounded when it had pierced his chest. How resolute he had looked as blood poured forth from the wound.

I wanted to vomit.

This is happening too fast! This wasn't suppose to happen! Didn't I deserve a 'happily ever after' after all of this? Wasn't that my right? I didn't understand... and I wanted to curse God for what he was doing to me. But I was too stunned to be angry... too hurt to curse. I found that I couldn't speak as I stopped beside him... found that I couldn't breathe as I looked into his face.

My knees gaze out and I feel beside him, tears coursing down my cheeks as he gazed at me with love. Love! How could he love me? How could he leave me when I was the one supposed to leave? His eyes... once so full of tenderness and love were racked with pain and weariness. His veins had blackened in many parts of his body... he writhed slightly in agony. The arrow had pierced his heart... and I realized numbly that he had been poisoned... and that he was really dying.

He seemed to see me suddenly and his labored breathing evened. His eyes- so sad, filled with a gleam of hope. Hope that threatened to drive me insane. I took his hand into mine... but he was already too weak to squeeze it.

"My Saronedhel." He whispered and again I fought reality. No... no... no... NO! This was not happening! Too fast... it had happened too fast. He wasn't dying... he would get better... he'd- He must have seen the emotions play on my face. Because he smiled... smiled for me. No... it was too much. They could not ask this of me... could not take him from me... not again... not like this.

"I shouldn't have made you decide." He said softly... the first of us to speak.

I shook my head and brought his hand to my cheek. He felt so cold... "No... you had every right... but you won't leave me now... you'll get better... I'll..."

He be silenced me, weakly shaking his head. His voice was soft... raspy. "You were right to love Legolas. I knew it from the first. He saved you when I did not... he-"

I shook my head, moaning. "No... please Faerlian...no..."

"He was good to you. He deserved you."

"I have always loved you." I whispered. "I did everything... I... I-" I killed for you. That's what I had wanted to say. I killed for you... and I am ashamed of what I have done. Because you would have never wanted... you... Oh God... what have I become? But he already knew... knew even without my words.

"Then love me." He said gently. How could he be comforting me now when it was he who was facing the void? When he was the one dying when it should have been me? Over and over again? "Did the ends justify the means?" He continued. "Can you truly say good-bye?"

And he knew... he knew that it would happen all over again if I didn't say it now... before it was too late. It was all he asked of me... but I would have rather cut out my heart then say it to him just then. He wanted me to say to say that it was true... wanted me to admit what I had wanted to hide from him. That I loved Legolas. That everything I had felt for Faerlain had been buried along with a past that had died the day I returned to that village and held Mirlaic as she died in my arms... just as I held Faerlain now. He wanted to die in peace... in peace with the knowledge he had saved the man I loved... so that I would be happy.

But I couldn't do that to him... not to him... not now... "But you have to." He whispered, his voice growing fainter as he held my gaze. An agonizing cough racked his body and my hand flew to his wound- as if to heal it with my mere touch. His heartbeat felt so weak now... would his life slip between my fingers as had countless others I had taken? Orc or no?

"We are all running from something." He said quietly. "Bravery... is when we stop."

He couldn't ask this of me... he just couldn't... I had to lean close to him not to hear his words. But I had to explain... had to make him understand. "I can't lose you again." I whispered brokenly. My hand, entwined with his own, rested over his heart. And he held my gaze... even as his own life faded.

"You never will." He whispered.

And I kissed him. It would be the last kiss I ever gave him... and a part of myself died with him as I realized I would be the last person who ever held him. But he knew... and I knew... and it was enough. That our love would remain with him... buried with him... forever.

"Good-bye." I breathed into his ear- and just as Beren had parted with Lúthien... so would we. The death of two lovers. The end of the tragic tale.

Faerlain sighed contentedly and closed his eyes. And he died... lying in the snow... for the second time to me. And I cried... holding his lifeless body in my arms.

It was dark when a warrior pried him from me and washed his blood from my hands and told me they would prepare him for burial. But the nightmare wasn't over... and as the warrior wiped the grime from my face I stared, incomprehendingly, as he began to speak. It took me a while to understand what he meant.

"The Prince, milady... you should go to him."

I felt sick with grief and death... a part of me felt hollow where my love for Faerlain had vanished without a trace. I regarded him mutely. The warrior hesitated.

"Prince Legolas is... gravely ill... milady."

I blinked. No... no... There was no possible way... but there was. As I looked into that elf's eyes I understood. And in a moment of unbearable terror and grief I let out a wail of anguish and I slumped against him- sobbing. It was Cudir... it took my a long time to recognize him. He held me tightly and rocked me in his arms. I felt his warm tears on my cheeks.

"He needs you, milady." He said gently as my sobs softened.

"What's happened to him?" I choked.

"Lord Faerlain... may he rest in peace... saved the Prince from the first arrow- which would have killed him instantly if not for his intervention. But there was a second. It pierced his shoulder- poisoning the main arteries there."

"How bad is he?" I begged him. "Speak plainly that I might know." I pulled away from him, cursing the dark that I could not see his face. Cudir's voice was soft and broken when he replied.

"He will not last till morning... he slipped into a coma at nightfall."

No good-bye... no forgiveness. Only death... stark death. What had I done to deserve this? I moaned.

"Go to him milady..." He prodded, pausing him. "... he asked for you."

He was on a makeshift bed of blankets when I arrived... his tunic had been stripped off- exposing his bare chest to the winter air. Though I knew he would not feel it, I shivered despite myself. He lay unmoving- still as I had ever seen him. The black poison was already so near to his heart... his face was ashen grey. How long would he be with me still? Sleeping as if nothing had gone wrong?

I knelt beside him and an elf who had been bathing his forehead with heated cloths turned to me in a wordless question. "May I...may I be alone... with him?"

He nodded, rising and gesturing for the others to follow. Someone had fashioned a lamp from star-flowers. I stared at it angrily. How could they take both of them from me? Had Faerlain died for nothing? Had his sacrifice been in vain? I moaned again as I planted a kiss on his forehead... but I received no reply. I shook my head- what had I been expecting? A miracle? I seemed to be fresh out of them. I threw back my head in agony and the camp fell silent at my cry.

"Why are you taking them from me?" I cried to the heavens, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Have I not suffered? I don't know what to do... I don't know what to do..." I sobbed.

No one comforted or silenced me. It was if I were alone. "WHAT DO YOU ASK OF ME?" I pleased. "This man is innocent... take my life! Take mine instead of his... only spare him!" I shouted, not caring who heard my prayers. "Have mercy on him... please... save him. Do not kill him because of me... do not... do..."

I closed my eyes and a breeze rustled through my hair. "Please..." I begged.

"...please."

When I opened my eyes again it was light all around. The forest had gone and ti was only me and Legolas... but Legolas had not moved.

"You are never forsaken." A resonating voice said from all around me. I gazed around in wonder, wiping tears from my eyes.

"Who's there?" I managed at last.

I saw a figure... bathed in light... approach me. "Did you not call to me?" The voice asked.

I felt shamed somehow... but I didn't care. I took Legolas' hand tightly in my own... as once I had held Faerlain's... "Please." I begged. "Do not take him... take me. I should have died... not him." I gazed at his face tenderly. "Not him." I couldn't see the figure's face.. But I could almost imagine him contemplating.

"A woman's love." He said softly.

It felt like an eternity before he answered.

"You would give your life for this man?"

Elf. I corrected mentally... but out loud, I answered only with a simple- "Yes."

Silence again.

"You are not of this world, Victoria Saronedhel. Perhaps it is time you returned."

I gazed hard at the figure until the light radiating from him burned my eyes. I gripped Legolas' hand so hard I feared it might break. "Sir?"

The figure knelt on the other side of Legolas and though the light surrounding him was so bright that I could not see his face, I knew I could not gaze at him and I lowered my eyes. "I will give you a choice, Victoria. You may return to your own world- nothing will have changed here. Legolas will live... in his own world."

I hardly dared to breathe as my hope soared.

"Or you may choose to remain... and he will perish."

I thought of my home... of my parents. And I thought how I would give my life just to see Legolas look at me one more time... just one more smile... one more day. "Why is this choice mine?" I asked, stalling before I answered.

"You are a special woman." He answered... but the way in which he spoke to me... I felt loved... I felt warm. Tears flooded my eyes.

"If I go home... he will live?" I repeated slowly, fearing I had heard wrong.

The being nodded. "Know this- you both will be unchanged. Legolas will never remember you... his life with continue as if you had never existed. They all will."

He would never recall my name... my touch... my kisses. I breathed shakily. "Will I... remember?"

The being nodded. "Far too much has occurred... this is a burden you will carry forever, my child." He paused. "But you will never be alone."

I gazed at Legolas... I had lost all sense of time but I knew he was hardly breathing. Have mercy... I turned tearfully to the being. "I will return." I said. "I will go back."

This time the voice changed as I answered... and the being faded into the figure of my older brother. I gazed speechlessly at him.

"How...?"

He held up his hand to silence me. "The Creator has given you this choice... not me." He said kindly. He gestured to Legolas. "We have to go... it's time to say good-bye."

He rose, leaving me along with Legolas. I turned to look at him, memorizing every detail of his face, the way his golden hair glowed in the light... the memory of his eyes... and I spoke to him... as strongly as I could...

...for the very last time.

A/N: If I am not Queen of Angst... I sure am now. This chapter was so hard to write! I've been planning it since the beginning but I felt like I killed a bit of myself with Faerlain died. He has to be one of the best characters I have ever created... I need to make a memorial to him or something... good lord... I hate myself sometimes for being so twisted. I apologize- since the rest of you have no idea how this is going to end this was probably a lot harder for you all.

There will be sixty-four chapters... I stayed up till two A.M. yesterday finishing writing this story... now I only have to type it. I feel sad... and also a little relieved that's it's over... but I won't give away the ending!

Also, Zach is not the creator. He is dead... so he is taking Victoria home. The creator is God... the Valar... that sort of thing. Tolkien based his writings on many Catholic Roots and there are many metaphors found in the trilogy itself. I was sort of leaning on this fact when I used the 'Creator' as a character. Eru... God... Creator... same difference. I just wanted to mention that. :)

Thank you all so much for all your undying support- and I apologize for any errors (which I'm sure there are) that myself or my beta missed. And thanks again to my beta, Kiann! Updates should be coming within a day or so... I'm going to spend obscene hours getting this story all typed up. So please, send in those reviews! I need to hear what you think! Till next you read,

TO BE CONTINUED...