Away from You
By: mj0621
Disclaimer: I don' own anything…sigh but I own my homemade smores…:D
Author's Notes: I wrote this ficlet around 12am to 1am in the morning… I was just so devastated (ok, I admit… pissed) with the rumors for the next season of CSI:NY…It's sorta a way to calm myself and finally sleep (at least for four hours only! I have to wake up 5:30am!). No matter what happens, I'm loyal to my ships (yeah, still a solid Grillows and SNickers even though I saw the sixth season finale). The same with SMacked and M&Ms… My first drama/angsty/romance fic ever… ok, GRILLOWS and SMacked fans can relate in this fic someway…I think…
Stella's POV:
Raining…dark…cold…that describes the weather in New York nowadays. Alone… quiet… here in my apartment…frustrated…lonely…emotions running through my brain… I can't take this any more! I had to go…remembering memories…my heart will explode. I have to save my sanity…doing something for myself this time…meeting her, seeing him with her…he's obviously happy…I know I made the right decision…leaving… It may seem selfish but it has to be done… the longer I stay, the harder it'll be…I love him…I never got the chance to say that…maybe that's for the best. I can't ruin the friendship we have…that's the only treasure I carefully keep now… I may regret this, at least I held my head up high…Tears flowing down from my eyes...as I look out my window…soft and mellow…, oh why are love songs so sad?
A knock on the door intervenes with my thoughts…who would do such a thing?... I reluctantly opened it… to see the man who's haunting my mind… I fought the urge to slam the door at him… I looked at him seriously,… why now?
"Uh… hi, can I come in?"
I'll hear him out, maybe he'll say something interesting…I know it'll hurt me someway, I just do… but he a least deserves a chance to talk… even for the last time…
I gave him space to pass through the doorway… he walks in…tense…I could feel it… uncomfortable…what the heck is his problem? We both stood… looking at each other…he better say something now or I'll shove him out…I'm not in the mood for this kind of things…I place my hands on either side of my hips. He still doesn't budge. Must I always do the first move for everything? I quit my job, and still it wasn't enough…I am getting tired of this…
"What!"
He swallows and I can see he's nervous. I don't get it, I rarely see him like this…what happened this time? Ok, that was harsh… he's still my friend…I sighed and spoke softly "What's the problem Mac?" He slowly steps towards me, I step back every time he does… he had hurt me, no doubt about that…he advances with more speed…too fast for my current state…I stared at him…he returns it…then…I heard his voice…faint…
"Why?"
I gave him a look. I can't believe he doesn't g tit yet…I thought he could read me as well as I can with him… I guess I was wrong again… I didn't respond and pursed my lips… He grabbed both of my wrists with his rough hands and again, I heard his voice
"Why Stella?"
I try to escape …guilt rises… Did I hurt him as much as he did to me? He pulled me closer and I grudgingly followed…now I see him very well…he's soaked by the rain… my clothes gets soaked…I can't really process it right now…but I do fell the frequency of my heartbeat.
"Why did you leave me?"
I mustered up my voice and retorted "You hurt me Mac…besides, it didn't really matter. You didn't need me anymore. You got someone new…I must stay away…away from you."
He raised his brows in surprise. I guess he didn't expect me to feel that way. He didn't know what he unconsciously did to me…anger rises…through my veins… he felt me being stressed…he holds me tighter…closer… oh…I would melt right now… I fought my heart with my mind…
"I'm sorry I hurt you…I didn't realize…"
I gritted my teeth, trying to push him away…"Damn right you didn't-!"
"Stella listen!" his face was too close for my liking…"I would never hurt you…no intention."
I tried to avoid his penetrating gaze…he lets go of my right hand to cup my face, forcing me to look at him "I never push something important away from me."
Wait…I didn't…is that what I think…my heart skips a beat…trying to think logically…I can barely focus on his voice "I can't loose someone I love again…"
I shook my head…no…that's not right…that can't possibly be…"You don't mean that…"
He gives me a small smile…I'm falling again…all over again…no…I hurt myself enough, thank you very much…I can feel his breath…tingling on my cheek…slowly, he leans…I love this… there's that word again…love… I felt his lips on mine…swift…sweet…intoxicating… I try to reason out…but his arms wrapped around me…I melted…I love him… and here I am…paralyzed within his love…his love…he loves me…still…he has someone…someone new…I pulled away…bit my lips…if I ask this, there is no going back no matter what he says…
"What about her?"
His arms held me tighter…forehead resting on mine…
"She wasn't the one…sorry for taking it so long to realize…I love you Stella…without you…I don't know where might I be…"
Sincerity…I felt that in his words… music in my ears… I hugged him as tight as I can…face buried on his chest… "I love you too Mac…so long…"
"Don't leave me Stella… I'm alone without you…"
"I'm here Mac…I'm always here for you…" I said as my lips once again found his.
Raining…dark…cold…the weather in New York tonight…with the man I love…drops of water can be heard in the stillness of the night…relieved… contented…sadness long forgotten…the warmth from his body was enough for me to stay…never again will I run away…
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I'm not that calm about the rumors yet… that makes me more eager to see the premiere… oh…hope you enjoyed the fic… my first sad ficlet….sniff please review! Gladly appreciated… mj(wgf)