Iron Chef: Amestris

Sabotage

"What? That's cheating!" Al protested.

"I am the evil villain, I am suppose to do morally unethical things." Envy replied with a shrug.

"That's not a bad idea…" Winry mused. "It's a rather good idea."

"But!" Al began but was cut off by his brother.

"I bet hat bastard colonel is planning to sabotage us as we speak!" Ed shouted.

Envy grinned, "Let's make a little havoc." Eyes settled on Jean Havoc, who was still in a hard battle with cucumbers.

"Queue James Bond theme." Envy whispered, tiptoeing towards the stove.

"Stop joking and just do it."

"Okay, okay." Envy tiptoed over to Havoc. One hand reached up into his pocket, pulling out a lighter. He grinned again, a mischievous grin.

"OH MY GOD!" A scream came from the left, cameras and eyes all diverted in that direction. "MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE! GET A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!"

"HAVOC'S ON FIRE!" Everyone screamed silmutanously.

Havoc, cigarette still in his mouth, was running in circles, pants on fire.

"Colonel! Get a fire extinguisher! Major, secure Lieutenant Havoc!" Riza said drawing her pistols. She scanned the area and caught a flash of dark olive whisking around the corner back to the Full Metal side of the stage.

"There you are," Unhesitatingly she took aim and fired. Bullets slammed into the set.

"Lieutenant! Stay still!" Armstrong grabbing Havoc by the shoulders.

"Alright, Havoc, I've got the extinguisher!" Roy said, trying to operate the thing.

"Colonel! Put it out! Put it out! I'm on fire!" Havoc shouted. "Why the hell is the Flame Alchemist trying to put out a fire? HELP!"

Roy gave the handle a squeeze and white foam flew everywhere. "Oh thank god!" Havoc crumpled to the floor.

"Well, that worked." Winry said, staring at the scene. Ed and Al nodded in agreement.

"What do you mean that worked?" Envy shouted, bullets nicking his heel. Riza was standing not too far away, both firearms drawn and firing.

"Uh, let's see, you're gonna get killed by Hawkeye and the Colonel's sabotaged. It's all good." Ed said with a smirk.

"Damn you all! I will get you all!"

"Of course, you know Full Metal Shrimp, you've crossed the line this time." Mustang said, stepping over to the other kitchen. "Trying to set fire to my subordinates?"

"Oh, things are getting heated now!" Hughes commented.

"Who did you call a shrimp?" Ed shouted lunging at the colonel.

"Brother!" Al tried to restrain him, but was too late.

"Oh, leave him be." Winry said.

Roy dodged the attack easily. With a clap of his hands, Ed transmuted his arm into a sword and lunged again. Roy dodged all of his attacks. Another transmutation and a hail of kitchen utensils sailed towards Roy. With a snap, the weapons were incinerated.

"Damnit!" Ed grunted and hands clapped against he floor. The tiles on the kitchen floor began to rise. Roy jumped out of the way, landing on the each tile as they rose. Jump on each like stepping stones.

Ed hopped up on one as well, climbing like stair and racing towards Roy. Ed lunged again. Roy caught his fist. "Stop trying to hit me and hit me!"

"Stop trying to act like people from the Matrix!" A second fist missed Roy's face by inches.

Roy jumped back on the ground and was nearly knocked over by Envy. Bullets flew over his head. "Hawkeye!"

"Sorry colonel!" With determination she reloaded her weapon.

"Oh god, I'm safe, I am safe now." Havoc sighed with relief, picking himself up. Before he could do anything, he was given a bear hug by Armstrong, was in tears.

"Havoc! I am so glad you are safe!"

"Major, I'm glad too. Please." Havoc struggled. "I. Can't. Breathe!"

"Five minutes remaining."

"Oh god…"