A/N: This was not a prompt, but a little bunny that sprouted from a conversation about kingly football games and What Lucius Would Do If It Happened To Him. Enjoy the weirdness. (:

When Lucius had suggested that he and Narcissa have a picnic in the park that afternoon, he could never have foreseen what would happen.

They were enjoying their meal (Lucius had a ham and cheese sub, Cissa was eating grapes and French bread) when Lucius heard a distant shout, and sounds of a ball being kicked around.

"Bloody kids. Ruining a perfectly good picnic afternoon." He muttered.

"Why darling, the birds are lovely today." Cissa remarked, in her vague, upper-crust way.

After a few more minutes of quiet munching and remarking on the incredible weather, something completely different happened.

A football ball hit Lucius squarely in the chest, knocking his sub from his hands, landing on the checkered blanket.

"What the duce….?" Lucius said, quite peeved.

"Sorry about that!" A man said, running into the picnic area after the ball. He was dressed in old medieval clothing, with a cape and funny little shoes, and was that…an arrow?..sticking out of his chest!

"Uh. No problem?" Lucius, said, distracted by the arrow.
"Oh darling! We have company!" Cissa said, seemingly just noticing their guest. "Who are you, then?"

"Boromir. Nice to meet you. Gotta get back to the football game, though." He said, flashing a smile and dashing off again.

Cissa happily went back to her bread and grapes, and Lucius scowled at his dropped sub, reaching into the basket for a new one.

"Strange man, that one." He muttered under his breath, taking a bite of his sub.

A few moments later, the ball returned and with it another man dressed in king's clothing. The man collected the ball and proceeded to run away (Bravely!) back to the football game. Lucius peered out into the clearing and eyed the glimpse of the game he could see warily.

About a half hour later the ball came flying back into the picnic, upturning Lucius' glass of wine, staining the white squares on the blanket a deep burgundy. A man dressed as a king came jogging into the clearing after the ball, apologizing as he ran.
"WHY THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU ALL DRESSED AS KINGS!" Lucius demanded angrily. "My wife and I are just trying to have a bleeding PICNIC and you all keep UPSETTING IT. I don't give a sod about your ball or your game and you all can just go rot!" He threw his hand up in defeat and stood, grabbing Cissa's hand and pulling her up with him.

"Come, darling. Let's go home. We can finish lunch there."

"But Lucius love, I want to go watch the handsome king play football…" Lucius narrowed his eyes and tightened his hold on her hand, continuing on his course towards home.

Stupid kings and their stupid games.