Thankyou so much to all of those who reviewed! Don't worry, there's heaps more where that last chapter came from!
The next time Jeff became fully aware, it was morning. The sun was shining through the blinds on the windows, lighting the dull room.
Jeff was still sitting on the couch with his arm around John. His son was leant on his shoulder still asleep.
Jeff checked his watch; it was 7:30 am. He'd slept for too long it seemed. Getting up gently so as not to wake John, he headed into the kitchen for some coffee when he found he was not alone.
Gordon sat at the table, staring at the mug in his hands as if waiting for it to do something.
Jeff halted at what he saw in his son's eyes. A mix of depression and naked fear.
"Hey, you're up early" he said
Gordon almost jumped, "You got some sleep? He asked
Jeff nodded, "Probably more than I needed" he said, pouring himself some coffee and sitting next to Gordon, "You alright?" he asked quietly
He could see the stubbornness in Gordon's eyes, "Its nothing" his son mumbled, shrugging, "It's stupid"
Jeff looked at him, "Why do you think I wont want to hear it?"
Gordon shrugged again, not looking up from his mug, "Its just…its….don't worry about it"
Jeff sighed, "Gordon, we're all going through a rough time at the moment and we're dealing with it in very different ways. I couldn't call myself a good father if I didn't want to hear what you were thinking
This seemed to make Gordon think for a moment. Jeff waited patiently for him to talk
Gordon finally sighed and held his head in his hand, "Its stupid…. but…I feel…alone"
Jeff frowned, "Why is that? Gordon we're all in this together, you'll never be alone"
Gordon smiled, his eyes filling with tears, "I know that" he said, "but I still can't get over…him not being here…with me"
Jeff started to understand
"All the time...we've been…like a team, you know…and now that he's gone…" Gordon struggled for words, his voice starting to break
Jeff put a hand on his son's arm, "Ever since Alan's been gone, you haven't smiled, you haven't laughed. You've lost your spirit Gordon. It natural for you to feel lost or confused as to how you should act-"
"But that's just it Dad!" Gordon exclaimed, trembling so violently that he spilt coffee on the table, "I feel I can't do anything! Like I can't feel anything! I'm just sitting here like a shadow! I can't be myself anymore because…"
"Because you feel that if you did, you'd be betraying Alan" Jeff finished for him, a lump now wedged in his throat
The tears in Gordon's eyes now silently fell, "I just want things to go back to the way they were" his voice shook, "Alan and I mucking around, playing pranks. I want to hear him laugh again Dad"
Gordon looked up at Jeff, "I miss him so much" his shields came crashing down and Jeff let him collapse into his embrace. Jeff gently rubbed Gordon's shoulder with his thumb as Gordon sobbed openly into his shirt, "We're going to get him back" Jeff could hear his own voice failing, but tried to hide it from Gordon, "I promise"
Gordon didn't calm down, "But even if we do, nothing will ever be the same"
"It will be, it will be " Jeff cupped Gordon's' face in his hands
Gordon shook his head, "No it won't Dad it wont"
Jeff wiped his son's face with his thumbs, "Everything will be fine, given time" he whispered
"Dad, don't lie to make me feel better" Gordon pulled away, wiping his face with his hands, "If Alan comes back, he won't be the same. Nothing will be the same"
"Gordon" Jeff's voice became stern, "Things will be different. And you're right, Alan wont be the same when he comes back to us. None of us will be the same. But we will have each other to lean on. We will triumph over this as a family"
Gordon looked up at him, hope in his eyes
"I don't know about you" said Jeff, "But I'm not going to let that bastard Corper tear this family apart, are you?"
Gordon shook his head definitely
There was a pause, before a voice behind them both said, "Neither are we"
Jeff and Gordon turned to see Scott, Virgil and John standing in the doorway
The brothers drew up chairs and sat huddled together at the table
Jeff sighed, "Now I know this is going to be rough" he said, "But just you boys remember what we are doing this for. And if you ever need to talk, cry, scream for all I care…feel free no matter how 'stupid' or awkward it seems"
The boys nodded. Scott put a hand on Gordon's shoulder in support, which Gordon replied with a small smile and nod
"Where's Fermat?" asked Jeff, noticing the boy's absence
"We gave him first go in the shower" explained Virgil
"Okay"" said Jeff, pondering for a moment, "Heres what's going to happen today. It's time we finally got control of the situation. I want you boys to all shower and dress. Virgil, radio home and ask Brains to come and collect Fermat. After the watch incident I don't want him exposed to this situation any longer, for his own safety. Scott and John, we're going to the police and knuckling a few heads down there. Gordon, I want you to man the telecomm connections. Penelope should be reporting in soon"
The return of Jeff's commanding personality seemed to reenergize the boys as they all stood.
"Lets give this guy a run for his money" said Scott
Jeff nodded, "Thunderbirds are go"
For the first time in ages, he saw his sons flash brief smiles