Hello again everyone!

Sorry about the delays, I had a really bad case of writer's block, plus a heap of assignments for uni. I will try my best to get chapters up a little more quickly soon. A big THANKYOU! to all of you who reviewed! I treasure all of your enthusiastic and helpful comments and I am so glad you're enjoying this so far.

Love Always, Boann

The feeling of helplessness was one that Scott Tracy was not unfamiliar with. It drove him crazy, so much that he'd do the craziest things to make it disappate. Lying in his hospital bed, he stared up at the white, lifeless ceiling above him. He'd woken only a few hours ago, yet those hours had felt as long as years. Years he had spent being fussed over by his family and friends. Yet despite their expressed sympathy, they would not allow him to see the one person he'd let down, the one person who had almost died because of his stupidity and carelessness. The one person who was the reason for this agonising feeling of helplessness.

He had spent the majority of his childhood caring for his youngest brother. Changing his diapers, walking with him to his first day of school to deter bullies, helping him with his homework, tending to the scratches on his knees. All of that seemed insignificant to this. After all of those years, he couldn't even save Alan's life.

Upon his awakening, apart from being greeted by a monster of a headache, his father had held him and told him of how he was proud of the way Scott had tried to defend Alan.

Tried. And failed.

His father had left, and Scott knew where to. He had begged for Jeff to take him with him, but Jeff had merely replied with a shake of his head. Scott had been shocked by the look on his father's face. An expression of exhaustion, one of sadness and…disappointment?

Scott had told himself he had been imagining things. Nobody seemed to be mad at him. They had all expressed their pride and sympathy quite sincerely. But for a fleeting moment, Scott had believed his father blamed him for losing Alan a second time.

No, he told himself, clenching his eyes shut and gritting his teeth, Dad understands. He knows I would have given my life to save Alan if I could have. He knows I tried my best.

But did I?

Scott opened his eyes at this thought. Had the reason he'd failed been the plain and simple fact that he hadn't tried hard enough, that he hadn't fought for as long as he should have?

He'd always struggled to protect Alan. Throughout these past few years especially, Scott often had to remind himself to step back and let Alan take control of his own life. However much Scott hated to admit it, his little brother was growing up.

Scott remembered Alan calling to him from inside the police car. It had broken his heart to hear Alan sounding so weak and helpless. Yet a small part of him had been pleased that Alan begged for his help.

Scott frowned. What kind of sick person was he? Taking pleasure and comfort out of his brother's pain.

It was agonising to relive. The one time Alan had called for him, he hadn't been there for him.

He twisted his head slightly to look at his clock. It was just past three in the morning and from the sight of all of the sleeping forms in his room, it seemed that nobody was going to leave the hospital anytime soon.

Making his mind up, Scott slowly pulled out his IV and slid carefully out of bed, trying his bed not to shift John, who was resting his head on his arms on the bed next to him. A little unsteadily, Scott put on a dressing gown and silently walked out of his room. The hallways seemed to spin, but Scott's determination outlasted the symptoms of his concussion. From a discussion between John and Penny outside his room, he had heard where Alan's room was located. When he reached it, he stood with his hand on the doorknob. Was this a mistake? Would he be able to handle seeing Alan like this knowing that he was partly the cause of his brother's trauma? Would Alan ever want to see him again after he had let him down?

Scott swallowed the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him and turned the doorknob, walking silently into the room. He stopped at Alan's bed, where is brother lay unmoving. Tubes fed into his arms and an oxygen mask lay over his pale face. Dark circles swept under his eyes. In a way, he looked peaceful. But Scott was haunted by the stillness of his brother's form. Gingerly he sat down in a chair beside his brother's bed and it was only then he became aware that he was not the only person with Alan. Jeff sat on chair opposite him, one hand tightly holding Alan's and his head resting on the bed. Scott was thankful for his father's slumbering.

Gently he took Alan's limp, warm hand. "Alan?" he whispered, "It's me, Scott."

"I know you probably don't want to see me right now, and I can understand that," he began. "But please don't give up. I don't know what I'd do if you…"

Scott's eyes filled with tears at his own words. "I'm sorry, Alan. I'm so sorry, please forgive me." The tears spilled down his face as he choked, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you when you needed me the most."

"Scott?"

Scott jumped at the sound of his father's voice.

"What are doing here?" asked Jeff, slowly getting up from his position and walking over to Scott.

Scott didn't care whether or not it was manly, he didn't care how stupid he looked in front of his father, he let the sobs escape him.

"Dad, I'm so sorry!" he cried, "I'm sorry I couldn't stop him!"

To his surprise, Jeff's eyes filled with tears and he embraced him in his arms.

"I know," he said, his voice slightly muffled. "I know you tried. I'm sorry too. You were so brave. I love you."

It was a sight too rare to be imagined. A father and his eldest son, both too alike in their stubbornness to been seen expressing their grief, now huddling in each other's arms, sobbing.

"Why couldn't I stop him?" sobbed Scott, "I know I could have, why didn't I?"

Jeff knelt down in front of him, cupping his cheeks in his hands, "You did your best, Scott. Corper was mad, not to mention armed. You had no idea it was him."

"But I should have known! I should have checked! I shouldn't have been so stupid!" cried Scott.

"None of us blame you for what happened, Scott," Jeff told him sternly. "Please, believe that. The only thing that mattered to you was getting Alan to safety. It was the only thing that mattered to any of us and we all could have made the same mistake. We were all careless," said Jeff, his eyes filling with tears once more. "We were all careless," he whispered, his eyes drifting out of focus for a moment.

Scott understood almost immediately, "Dad," he forced out, "We don't blame you. We don't blame you!"

Jeff screwed up his face and his shoulders started shaking as he tilted his down to hide his tears. Scott held him tightly, "You did you best, how could you have known?"

Jeff looked up, "It means everything to me that you don't blame me, son. But how can I not blame myself? How can I live knowing that I failed him?"

"The same way I can," Scott replied sternly, "Alan's going to be ok. And we're going to help him. He needs you, Dad. He needs us all more than anyone else right now. Let's not let him down a second time, okay?"

Jeff smiled lovingly at him, stroking the side of his face before embracing him once more. They stayed there for a long time, until another pair of arms embraced them, then another and another. The only sounds that could be heard were the sobs that escaped all five of them as they held each other in a tight embrace. As Scott sat amidst it, he could have sworn he felt Alan's hand tighten ever so gently around his own.