Mamoru looked down at the floor of the elevator that was taking himself and Usagi up to his apartment. "Usagi," He said after thinking for a while. He didn't wait for her to answer, "You know that it's not going happen right away. I mean, I can't just stop over night, cold turkey if you will." He stumbled over his words, not sure of what her response was going to be. 'Well, why the hell not?' He could hear her say. 'You either start being stone cold sober right now, or we're finished.' He didn't want to loose her, she was all he had left, he felt that way anyway. But he found her saying something quite different than he hadn't expected.

"I realized that," She said as the elevator doors opened and they stepped off, "And I don't expect it to be the easiest thing in the world for you. Though I really don't want you to be using it anymore, from this moment on. I know," She said when he began to protest, "It's gonna be hard. But please try." She found it funny how neither of them could admit what they were speaking about, always calling it 'It' as if, if they didn't refer to it properly it wouldn't exist and would disappear.

He opened the door to his apartment and they both walked in, "I want you to," Usagi continued, "go and get everything you have and give it to me." She kicked off her shoes and walked into the living room. He opened his mouth to retort, but thought better of it and did as she asked. He left only to return moments later with a baggy that was a quarter full of a white powder, "All of it," she said and held out her hand. He sighed, reached in his back pocket, pulled out another bag and handed it to her. Her jaw mentally dropped open, how much crack was here? She thought. This must have cost him a fortune. Shrugging off that thought, it's like I'm talking about collectables and how expensive they were, she immediately went into the washroom, opened each bag and flushed the powder down the toilet. He reminded her of a sulking child when his favourite toy was taken away from him. She then turned to him, "I know it's difficult, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. If you ever feel that you can't handle it, give me a call and we'll talk, okay? Even if it's three in the morning." She turned to him and took him in her arms; "It'll be okay. We'll get through this."

He truly felt he could at that moment with her there. Maybe all he needed was her strength to get him through this. Her strength and love. He smiled down at her and kissed her softly, "Thank you." Was all he could say.

She smiled back his 'you're welcome' and squeezed him one last time before heading to the living room again. "So, how did your exams go?" She asked trying to catch up on the last week.

He stopped dead in his tracks. Exams? "Shit," He muttered under his breath.

"What's wrong?" She asked concerned, "You did write them, didn't you?" Her eyes looked at him expectantly.

He heaved a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck, "I forgot all about them." This is it, he thought. Life is officially screwed up, and there was nothing he could do about it.

She wanted to stand up and start yelling at him about being so irresponsible. How could he have forgotten something like that? This was his future, this was what he had been working so hard to accomplish. And he just let it go out the window. No, she calmed herself down, he didn't mean to. A lot had happened recently, it wasn't any wonder why they had slipped his mind. "Well, we'll just have to call the school and explain to them that you have been recovering the last week. I'm sure they'll let you write them," She headed to the phone. He highly doubted it. What had he been thinking? How could he have forgotten about his exams? How could he… He sighed not wanting to finish the thought. He truly started to hate himself right then. He sat down on the couch and listened, as Usagi reasoned with the Dean. She explained to the Dean that Mamoru had not been well, and had been hospitalized over night. She also explained due to his recovery and recent events surrounding it, things had been forgotten and this, unfortunately, was one of them. Finally, Usagi said her thank yous and good-bye's and hung up the phone. She turned her attention back to Mamoru and sighed, "He said that you can write them on Wednesday, but you have to bring a doctor's note or some kind of proof that you were in the hospital and not feeling well."

He was relieved, for the most part. He was worrying, though, about whether it would state on the doctor's note why he had been in the hospital. He also started thinking about everything Usagi was doing; he thought about it a lot in the next few moments.

"Why do you care so much?" He finally found himself saying.

Usagi, who had moved back over on the couch after Mamoru hadn't said anything, looked at him. Her heart dropped. It hurt her that he would even think that she didn't care, let alone ask why she did as if he didn't want her to. She found it hard to answer the question. She knew why she cared so much, but when it came time to put into words she was speechless.

"Because," she started, "I care about you." She paused, and then realized that wasn't enough, "and I love you."

"Yes," He began, "I know, but---"

"Isn't that reason enough?" She asked. Tears stung her eyes. She didn't know why, but this conversation they were having hurt beyond belief. It was like he didn't believe her when she told him she loved him.

"I guess I just need more of an answer," He replied, not sure if he was making any sense.

She thought a moment; "It doesn't matter why I care so much," She stood, taking him with her, "I just do." She hugged him and felt a twinge of pain, when he didn't hug back. "You know," she began, pulling away from him, "It's going to be very hard to help you and be here for you, if you keep pushing me away."

"Mmmm," Was all he said before he walked to his bedroom and closed the door. Usagi took a deep breath, picked up her purse and went home, where she cried non-stop for three hours, before she finally fell asleep.

Mamoru heard Usagi leave. He heaved a sigh before collapsing on his bed. He was so depressed. He couldn't justify why he was as depressed as he was. Sure he was entitled to be a little bit depressed, but not as depressed as he was. He felt that if he just laid there, on his stomach, arms at his side and his face half buried in the comforter, time would stop. Everything that was happening around would stop and he'd be frozen time and when the sun rose tomorrow morning, everyone who had ever known about his existence would forget about him entirely. He wasn't sure if that thought and him being depressed made any sense together if he explained it to someone else, but it made sense to him. It like saying that after an injury it felt heavy, numb and painful all at the same time. It didn't really make sense, but it did in away. He furrowed his brow, why was he thinking about this? Even his thoughts didn't make any sense. Slowly, heavily he raised his right arm beside him and used it to push himself over on his back. Staring at the ceiling he began to wonder what the point of anything was anymore. He screwed things up at school, even though he was giving a second chance, he didn't know if he'd be able to concentrate while writing his exams. And he was sure he had screwed things up with Usagi. He looked over to the phone beside his bed. He should call her and apologize for walking away. He wanted to, but didn't at the same time. He sighed, another contradiction. He guessed that he wanted to, but didn't feel like arguing at the moment. Besides, he assumed, she wouldn't be home yet. So he decided he would call her tomorrow. He then looked over to the pile of books by his dresser. Maybe he should study. Deciding that that would be the best way to get his mind off things, he stood and collected his books.

Walking into the living with his books under his arm he felt numb, like this was all a dream and he'd wake up. No such luck, he thought as he clumsily stubbed his toe on the couch, spilling his books all over the floor, he grabbed his foot and cursed, this definitely was not a dream.

Usagi sighed, "Am I doing the right thing, by staying with him?" She asked herself as she sat on her bed staring at the wall. She suddenly realized that she was having a conversation with wall. She was even answering for it.

"Of course you are. He needs the support right now. Don't let him push you away." She paused and pondered on that. 'It's hard not to," She finally said, "I don't feel welcome around him anymore. I feel more like a burden than someone to lean on." She sat staring at the wall waiting for an answer, when she didn't get one; she sighed and picked up the phone. Who am I calling? She thought as her finger hovered over the keypad. She hung up the phone and walked to the bathroom. She stood staring at the tub for several seconds before she decided that it wasn't going to fill itself and moved forward to turn the water on.

"Of you're going to feel like that," She said, now starting a conversation with the water as she sat on the toilet, lid down, staring into the steaming tub, "And it's going to feel like he's pushing you away," She reasoned, repeating the comment she had already made in her bedroom, "but don't give up on him. He wants your help, he just won't admit to it. And if you give up…. If you give up…." She trailed off not able to finish the thought. What would happen if she gave up? Would he go back to it? Would their relationship cease to exist? Would he… Oh stop it! Stop thinking like this. You need to think positively. You need to believe that he will overcome this, that he will start studying again, that your relationship will strengthen from having worked this problem out. Because if you don't believe, who will?

Double helixes, DNA, chromosomes. It was all Greek to him now. Wait, isn't a double helix the same thing as DNA? He shook his head in a feeble attempt to clear it. He turned his text book pages to the working of the heart and lungs. Wasn't there a section in the exam about this? It seemed all high school science to him. Why are we going over shit we covered in high school? Ugh! It was all too frustrating for him. But wait a minute. Was this the reason he starting taking those poisons in the first place? If it all seemed so elementary to him, why had he needed them to concentrate? To take the edge off? Maybe things are only as bad as you let them seem. So he had almost ruined everything he ever had going for him, for what? Because he let himself think that these problems were huge? Because he didn't know the answer one day? He cursed himself silently.

"How could I have done something so stupid?" He wanted someone to smack him hard across the face, because he knew he deserved it. Hell, he deserved a lot worse. He shook the thought out of his head. He needed to clear it if he was going to spend the rest of the day studying, and that's exactly what he had planned to do.

The ring of the phone jolted him out of his sleep. He rubbed his hands over his face. Looking around he discovered that he wasn't in his bedroom, but he was actually in the living room where he had been studying. Ugh! I let myself fall asleep. Why can't I get my act together? It's just so…

The phone continued to ring, annoyed at the high pitched chirping, Mamoru launged for the phone.

"What?" He said angrily. There was a bit of silence.

"Did I call at a bad time?" Usagi's voice came through from the other end.

Mamoru sighed, "No. Sorry I fell asleep and the phone startled me. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay. Sorry if I scared you. Anyway, I was calling because…"

Usagi voice drifted off. Mamoru looked over to his textbook, which had been his pillow for the past who knows how many hours. There was a small drool stain on it. He reached over for a tissue and wiped it off, hoping that it didn't cause too much damage. He then marked his place in the book. And then got up and went in the kitchen for a drink. As he was pouring himself some Orange juice he heard someone say; "How does that sound?"

"Hmmm? What." He suddenly remembered he was on the phone with Usagi.

"Have you been listening to me?" Usagi asked a little disappointed.

"I'm sorry, Usako. My mind is everywhere but here right now. I'm tired and agitated, and I just wanted to go to sleep for several years." Mamoru ran his fingers through his hair and heaved a sigh.

"Maybe I should call back tomorrow then?"

"That might be a better idea." They said their good-bye's and hung up. Mamoru walked back into the living room and stared at his books. He didn't feel like studying anymore. He turned off the lights and went to bed.

Mamoru sat in the empty lecture room, staring down at his test paper. He heard the voice of his professor, "Mamoru? Are all right? You've been here for almost an hour and haven't answered a single question."

Mamoru sighed, "I'm sorry. I just can't seem to concentrate. There's a lot going on for me right now, and…."

"Well, try to. Whether you pass or fail rests on this exam."

Great, thanks. Why don't you just add to the tension? Mamoru cleared his mind and tried to concentrate the best he could. It took him almost three hours but he completed the test and handed it in.

A few weeks later he met Usagi at The Crown to grab a bit to eat. He was expecting a cheerful hello, but what he got was, "I talked to your professor today."

Taken aback by this statement, he blinked and said, "Excuse me?"

"Said you barely passed your exam."

Mamoru slowly sat down across from Usagi, "yes, but I did pass it."

"But barely. Mamoru, you're capable of so much more. I know you could have passed that exam with flying colors."

"I took that test a week after going cold turkey. My head was swimming, I always felt like I had a huge weight on my chest. I couldn't breathe half the time, let alone think. I think I did pretty good for the condition I was in."

"Yes, but you could have done better."

"Why is it that everyone expects perfection outta me! I'm human I'm going to make mistakes. Why can't I slack a bit? YOU always seem to be able to do it and no one says a thing. But as soon I let things slide a bit, people go over broad with answers as to why. And then they come and tell me that sometimes my best isn't good enough! I always have to top of my class, at the top of everything. And maybe I'm sick of it! It's been a month since I quit and I think I'm doing pretty damn good! But no, it's not good enough for anyone who's ever known me. They expect perfection! And I've had it!" With that he got up and started to walk out.

"Where are you going?" Usagi asked.

He did answer. He heard her, but he didn't answer. He walked out the doors and into the fresh air where he took a deep breath. It was a good question though. Where was he going? He looked around and made up his mind. "I'm going to make a purchase." He said to himself and began to walk down the street.

AN: Well there you have it….. It took me forever and a day but it's finally here…… I'm in the process of updating all my fanfics. The next one I plan to do is my Elios/Chibiusa story….. so watch for that one. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this and don't forget to review