Sirius' font
James' font
Remus' font
Peter's font
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1. Do not start a nudist colony in any bathroom or teachers office.
You are really sick, Pad, you know that don't you?
I just do what the voices tell me.
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"Roll up! Roll up! Just two gallons and you too can be au natural!"
"Black! What are yo-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Lily ran down the corridor, mentally scarred for life.
"There you are Pads-oh my god" Remus turned a rather intresing shade of green and ran to the nearest bathroom that did not have a naked Padfoot at the door.
"Sirius what on earth are you doing?" James asked keeping his eyes strictly ahead, it didn't help that his friend was jumping up and down with excitement.
"I've started a nudist colony! 64 members so far! Want to join?" he asked putting an arm around James who shrunk away with a green twinge to his face, "No thanks pad, I'm…I'll be going…detention you know"
"Oh! I'll come!"
"NO! – erm, I mean, aren't you needed here?"
"Well, yeah bu-"
"Right, see ya!" James legged it down the corridor after Remus, Sirius merely shrugged.
"Roll up! Roll up!-"
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2.Don't fill the entire Slytherins common room and house table with flowers.
It's amazing how many of them had hay-fever.
I know, they looked like walking snot by the end of the day.
AHHH! BOGGIE MONSTERS!
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"Is it just me or do they-"
ACHOO!
"look really-"
ACHOO!
"green?" Peter asked as another snot covered Slytherin rushed past holding his nose,
ACHOO!
"They look green" James admitted dodging another boogie-boy running past, "Urg!" he cried, "He got me!"
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3.Don't drink an entire bottle of Firewhiskey.
Wormtail!
What? I can totally handle my drink!
Sure you can…
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Peter took another swig out of the almost empty bottle of 1883 Fire-whiskey (Very good year) sloshing half of the gulp down his already sodden robes.
He grinned blearily at the person on his right and in a slurry voice continued their conversation,
"And it's plug, oh Moony ol' mate, ol' chum hic it has such a pretty plug! Remus, Moony, mate, you should see it's plug…such a pretty plug"
He took another clumsy gulp of alcohol, "I love my toaster!" he gave another hiccup which succeeded in unseating him.
"Such a pretty plug" his muffled voice mumbled from beneath the heap on the floor before loud snores echoed around the room.
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4.Don't and I mean DON'T stalk Lily Evans and then when she asks you what the hell your doing act like a fish out of water.
Are you implying I'm an awkward teenager? Because I'll have you know I am the epitome of casualness when I am around Lily.
It wasn't that when you walked into the glass door, although you certainly did get her attention then.
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"Or we could dye his hair gr-" James stopped mid-sentence, his eyes fixed upon a certain red-haired beauty passing in the oppiste direction, he craned his neck to keep her in sight,
"James watch out for th-" CRASH "Never mind" Remus muttered, James shook his head in confusion, wondering why it hurt so much and why he had just slid down the greenhouse door.
"Your hopeless" Sirius muttered helping him up and away from the jeering crowd.
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5.'Sorry I don't have my homework, Professor, Peter's socks ate it' is not a valid excuse.
It was true though!
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"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" Sirius ruched down the stairs of the boy's dorm in complete panic, "HELP!" he yelled racing up to his friends, knocking a first year's homework over in the process.
"What!" James asked startled out of his Lily induced trance, Sirius gasped at James and Remus, "One of Peter's socks has escaped!"
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Half an hour later found the three Marauders upstairs in their dorm room, Sirius armed with a chair, James with a frying pan and Remus with a peg on his nose and the laundry bag in his gloved hands.
"Get back in the sack sock!" James commanded of the mouldly, steaming, manky sock in the middle of their hicdly-pickdly circle.
"I'm not going back in their it stinks!" the sock declared, the smell from the hol out of which it spoke making them all heave, it was at this moment Peter desided to enter the room.
"Peter! If you can't control your socks you shan't be allowed to have any!" Remus yelled at him, his voice oldly high pitched.
Using this distraction to it's advantage the sock made a dash for the door, "Help! Help! I'm been hasstled by a killer sock!" Sirius screamed jumping on the nearest bed. James ran at the sock and began to batter it with the frying pan, "Die! Die!" he yelled inbetween thuds.
Peter let out a sniffle, "Its dead now" James narrowed his eyes at Peter and whacked him over the head with the frying pan, "Pete, it was a mercy killing"
The sock let out a final, painful "UUUURRRRGGGGGG"
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Sorry about the delay!
Ideas that you recognise proberly aren't mine!
I really will try to update again next week, PROMISE!