Redemption

Chapter 11

"I'll see you tomorrow at 1300hrs."

"Thank you, Admiral. I appreciate you agreeing to see me on such short notice," T'Pol answered.

"Not a problem. Forrest out."

T'Pol touched the viewscreen and it went dark. She was surprised that Forrest had agreed to see her on such short notice. He'd been intrigued by her request to see him. He'd assured her over the viewscreen that the red tape involved in making her a Starfleet commander was going smoothly, and she need not worry. She explained that wasn't the reason she wished to see him, and that she rather discuss the matter in person.

It was late into the afternoon already. She gathered Jonathan and Rebecca had arrived in Fiji. She pondered if he might get in touch to check on Porthos. If he did, it probably wouldn't be tonight. Besides she had his contact information in case of an emergency so there really wasn't any need for him to call.

Porthos had been sitting by her feet the whole time she'd been talking to Forrest, so she assumed the dog wanted to go for a walk. She stood up from the desk and went to retrieve his leash.

She seemed to walk aimlessly, letting the quadruped lead her to wherever he wanted to go. Her mind was focused on what she wanted to ask Forrest. She was conscious of the fact that there was a slim chance he'd grant her request, but she had to at least try. Jonathan might have asked the same thing if he hadn't been relieved of duty, and then whisked off to Fiji.

What she'd said to Jonathan in regard to the Illyrians was true — it hadn't been meant to just comfort him. She could have asked the Xindi for their help in locating the stranded ship. For that matter Trip or Malcolm could have said something to her, but they'd all been in a state of shock over Archer's supposed death on the Xindi weapon. The Illyrians and their fate was probably the last thing on anyone's mind.

Her own grief over her captain's death had been overwhelming. She'd kept her feelings to herself and attempted to set a good example to the crew; somehow managing to focus her energies on getting Enterprise safely back to Earth with the help of the Aquatics.

The senior staff had probably been aware of how she felt — they'd been experiencing the same: shock, disbelief and sadness. They'd all expected Archer to waltz in through the airlock along with Hoshi, Malcolm and the MACOs. When Malcolm had told her and Trip that the captain didn't make it, it had felt surreal.

She recalled pacing around the Ready Room, in Archer-like fashion, clutching a leather-bound book that had belonged to him. Illogical as it had seemed; having something of his close to her had been a source of comfort.

And it hadn't been the first time she'd mourned the captain. He'd had close calls before, but she hadn't been faced with the reality of his death until he'd volunteered for the suicide mission to Azati Prime. She'd been incredulous when she'd heard his plan, but he'd been determined and once Archer made up his mind to do something, there was no changing it. Similar to how he'd decided they couldn't have a relationship now.

With the destruction of the Xindi weapon his demise had felt more real. When there'd been no news of an explosion on Azati Prime she'd allowed herself to hope that he'd been still alive. But after Malcolm announced that the captain didn't make it she acknowledged there was no plausible or logical explanation for an escape, therefore there was no point in nurturing hope.

Of course with Daniels thrown into the mix there had been a plausible explanation.

She was so absorbed in her thoughts she hadn't noticed Porthos had stopped at a crosswalk. He was a well-trained dog. She stopped allowing the traffic to pass and waited for the signal to turn green, and then she crossed safely.

What had she been thinking? Ah yes, the Illyrians and then she'd got side tracked into remembering how she'd felt about Archer's death. It wasn't until her return to Earth and Archer's miraculous appearance that she'd thought about the Illyrians.

Jonathan's guilt over his actions was understandable. He was a good man and his conscience pained him because he knew what he'd done was morally wrong. He might not recover until some affirmative action in this matter was taken. Perhaps her trip to see Forrest might help.

Porthos had led her to a park not far from the apartment. He'd found a stick lying around and deposited it in his mouth. He looked up at her — stick in mouth, tail wagging madly and she wondered what he wanted. Glancing around she noticed a tall blonde man a few feet away from her with a black Labrador throwing a stick and the dog giving chase, returning the stick to the owner, and the whole ritual starting over. It seemed Porthos wanted her to do the same.

She unhooked his leash, took the stick the dog offered and threw it in the air. Porthos sprang into action and within a few moments was back at her side, stick in mouth. She repeated the action several times, surmising that this was supposed to be a fun activity for both pet and owner. It seemed illogical to her. She couldn't imagine ever throwing a stick for her pet sehlat.

The man with the Labrador glanced in her direction a few times and when he caught T'Pol's eye he smiled at her. She turned abruptly away, unsure of his attentions. A few moments later she heard a deep male voice speak to her.

"Excuse me, are you T'Pol from Enterprise?" She turned around and came face to face with the man.

"Yes I am." There was no point denying it. Besides, the pointed ears were a dead give away.

"I don't mean to disturb you, I just thought I recognized you. I guess you get this all the time, but since you're here I thought I'd take the opportunity to thank you."

"Thank me?" she asked, a little puzzled.

"Yeah, I really appreciate what you, Captain Archer and the rest of the crew did for our planet."

"No thanks are necessary, we were merely doing our duty."

"Well it makes me feel better to say so."

"As you wish."

"I'd have liked to convey my feelings to Jon as well, but I don't know how to get in touch with him."

"You know the captain?" she asked, taking an interest.

"I knew him a long, long time ago — feels like another lifetime actually. He probably wouldn't even remember me now."

"If you give me your name, I could tell him I saw you." On second thought she wondered if that was a good idea. Another person congratulating Archer on saving Earth would probably only serve to aggravate him, old acquaintance or not.

"Is he in San Francisco at the moment?"

"He's currently on vacation."

"Well when he comes back you can tell him Steve Johnson asked about him. But the name probably won't ring a bell."

"And he can contact you where?"

"Starfleet Medical. I just started there this week."

"You're a doctor?"

"Yes," he smiled.

His smile reminded her of Jonathan — the Jonathan from a long time ago, who'd been happy-go-lucky, before the Expanse had changed him forever…

They were similar in height, had the same hair color and build. She wondered how he knew the captain — they looked about the same age, perhaps they'd gone to school together at some point.

"Do Vulcans like dogs?" he asked, pointing to Porthos. The beagle came running towards her with his stick and was disappointed when she didn't throw it for him again. She proceeded to put his leash on, so he wouldn't have the opportunity to cause trouble with the Labrador.

"This is Captain Archer's dog, I'm looking after him while the captain is away."

"Oh I see. Porthos, right?"

"Yes."

"The world's most famous beagle," he smiled, and crouched down to stroke the pup.

"And your dog's name?" she asked. She wasn't remotely interested but her time with humans had taught her it was polite to ask such questions.

"Bailey. Had him since he was a baby," he answered, straightening up.

"He appears well behaved," she noted. The dog had sat by its owner patiently ever since he'd approached T'Pol.

"Pretty much, but it's taken years of patience and practice."

"It's getting late," she explained. "We'll be leaving." She wanted to return to the apartment. Dr. Johnson seemed friendly and harmless but she didn't really feel like making small talk.

"Okay, well it was nice to meet you, T'Pol. Maybe I'll see you and Porthos here again sometime?"

"Perhaps."

"Bye."

She bid him goodbye and walked away with Porthos in tow.

Entering the apartment she let Porthos free to roam around while she prepared his evening meal. With that done, she started to make herself a salad.

She spent her evening watching the news, then a science program about Earth's weather patterns. Afterwards she prepared for bed and then meditated for around an hour.

She found it hard to center herself; her thoughts kept turning to Jonathan. Was he happy or was he being as irritable and short-tempered with Rebecca as he'd been with her? For his sake she hoped his mood was mellower.

She unfolded her legs, stood up and picked up her meditation mat from the floor. Turning off the lights in the living room, she walked into the bedroom, dropped the mat in the corner and then climbed into Jonathan's bed. She decided to sleep on the same side as he did. Leaning back into the pillows she had to agree with him — this was a lot more comfortable than the sofa bed.

Turning off the bedside lamp she stared up at the ceiling and found herself wondering how many women had shared this bed with Jonathan. Of course it was none of her business. Obviously Rebecca was one of them…as for the others well that was unknown.

What did it feel like to spend the night in Jonathan's arms? The closest she'd ever got to it was the night they'd spent together under a blanket in the temple at P'Jem. She could be in possession of that knowledge if she hadn't stopped herself a few nights ago. Just the memory of that moment caused her stomach to tighten and her heart rate to increase.

What if she hadn't stopped? Vulcans didn't have one night stands — at least not any Vulcans she knew of. While her knowledge of sexual practices amongst her people was not as extensive as she might have liked, she felt certain that only bonded or married couples engaged in such intimate acts.

So it wouldn't have been right to make love with him while he hadn't been of sound mind. He wouldn't understand what he was getting himself into. Not only that, since he'd been drunk he wasn't really giving consent.

Turning onto her side she acknowledged that she'd made the right decision, but felt a tinge of regret that she'd never experience falling asleep in Jonathan's arms or waking up to his smile. Is that what Rebecca was experiencing this very night?

Why did her thoughts have to take this direction? This was precisely the reason she'd felt trepidation over sleeping in his bed. She'd anticipated that her thoughts would trouble her.

She closed her eyes and hoped to fall asleep soon.

At 12:50pm the next day T'Pol climbed up the steps of Starfleet Headquarters, opened the door and walked along the corridor to the nearest elevator. She selected the third floor and made her way to Maxwell Forrest's office.

She told his secretary that she had an appointment with the Admiral. The young lady noted she was a few minutes early and asked her to take a seat and wait while she informed the Admiral of her arrival.

A few minutes later the secretary said she could go in. T'Pol stood up, buzzed the door to his office and heard Forrest call her in.

"Admiral, I appreciate you seeing me at such short notice," she said as she sat down in front of his desk.

"Not a problem, T'Pol. My schedule was rather light today. I know you said yesterday that this wasn't about your application to Starfleet, but since you are here I wanted to let you know that it's still being processed and should be approved shortly. Jonathan's recommendation was extremely praiseworthy. He thinks you're an exemplary officer and that you'd be a credit to Starfleet. Looking over your record, I'm very much inclined to agree with him."

"Thank you, Admiral."

"So, what can I do for you?"

"I came to see you about Captain Archer."

"Oh?" Forrest seemed surprised.

"I'm aware of what happened several days ago in the debriefing…Ambassador Soval filled me in on a few details and I know that you asked Captain Archer to take some time off."

"Yes I did. I was pleased to hear he took my advice. Do you know where he went?"

"To Fiji with an old acquaintance."

"Rebecca?"

"Actually, yes." It seemed everyone knew who Rebecca was.

"Good. If anyone can talk some sense into him, she should. She's got her wits about her. Never could understand why Jon dumped her."

"Admiral, do you believe a two week vacation will cure what ails the Captain?"

"T'Pol, you make it sound like he has a disease."

"No, I didn't mean to imply that. I am concerned about his emotional well-being."

"I see. I did speak to Doctor Phlox about it 4 days ago, asking him to keep an eye on the captain."

Well that explained the dinner at Madame Chang's then.

"Admiral, do you know what the problem is?" she asked.

"The doctor said he could be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder."

"I'm no psychiatrist, but I believe the source of the problem could be the captain's guilt."

"Can you explain, T'Pol?" Forrest had an inkling where the Vulcan might be going with this but wanted precise details.

"He won't forgive himself for what he did to the Illyrians and until he comes to terms with that and just accepts it, I don't think he will get better."

"The ship that was stranded because Archer ordered their warp coil to be stolen?"

"Yes, Admiral."

"A tricky decision. As I recall, if he hadn't done so, the rendezvous with Degra would not have happened?"

"That is correct."

"Jonathan knew going in that his mission was to save Earth at any cost — everyone was counting on him. Sometimes decisions like these have to be made. War is a nasty business. I don't see what else he could have done."

"I'm not discussing the options right now, Admiral. I'm stating what I believe to be the problem. I would like to suggest a solution."

"I'm listening," Forrest replied. He was deeply impressed with T'Pol's concern for her captain, and acknowledged that all of Archer's praise of her was well deserved and not exaggerated. She would be a great asset to Starfleet.

"The Illyrians need to be found and rescued."

"T'Pol, are you suggesting we go looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack?"

She was familiar with that Earth saying, but didn't think it would have to be that difficult. "Admiral, I believe if we enlisted help it might just be possible to find them."

"Help from whom?"

"The sub-space amplifiers we used to contact you while we were in the Expanse are still there. I believe we could use them to contact the newly formed Xindi council. I would like to enlist their help in locating the Illyrians. I personally know one of the Xindi humanoid commanders and I feel certain he would be willing to help. In fact, I wish I had actually done that before returning to Earth."

"T'Pol, as much as I'd like to help, I just don't think this is possible. Enterprise is being repaired, Columbia is still being built and there aren't any ships I can send out into the Expanse on a fool's mission."

Admiral Forrest was not an easy man to convince. He did have a point. There weren't any available ships even if the Xindi did agree to help them. "Then may I at least have your permission to contact the Xindi commander and see if they'd be willing to find the Illyrians?"

"Why would they agree to do that?"

"It would be a personal favour. I know from the captain that in the future the Xindi will be members of a Federation alliance with Earth. Why not jump start that now?"

"Let me talk to the members of the Starfleet council and get back to you in a few days."

"Very well, Admiral." She was disappointed, she'd hoped he would at least have allowed her to contact the Xindi and request their help. He obviously wasn't aware of the extent of Jonathan's deep-seated guilt.

She got up to leave. "Thank you for your time, sir."

"My pleasure, T'Pol. It's nice to see how much you care for your captain."

The Admiral had no idea.

That evening she had dinner with Phlox. He'd heard that she was staying at Jonathan's apartment and thought she might enjoy the company. She'd accepted his invitation and looked forward to it. Though she did not mind being alone, she enjoyed the doctor's company. He was her friend and after Jonathan he was probably the one she was closest to. They'd seemed to share a bond on Enterprise, being the only two non-humans on board.

The doctor seemed in good spirits. They were having dinner at an Italian restaurant in Ghiradelli Square. T'Pol ordered the tagliatelle in pesto sauce, while Phlox decided to try out the meat lovers' pizza.

"You don't mind do you?" he asked, after the waiter left.

"Mind what, doctor?" she asked.

"Me consuming meat."

"Oh that. No, I've become accustomed. The captain and Commander Tucker almost always eat meat at our meals together."

"Yes, of course," he chuckled. "I remember that time you came to sickbay after your first meal together asking me for a double dose of nasal inhibitor as you said the smell of steak made you nauseous. Amazing what you have become accustomed to over the last three years."

"Yes," she answered absent-mindedly.

The food was served promptly and the doctor proceeded to go into a monologue talking about some new medical experiment he was interested in. Her mind was elsewhere, thinking over her visit with Forrest, wondering if she'd pushed her case hard enough. She wished her meeting with Forrest had been more fruitful. But at least he hadn't flatly refused her.

Phlox noticed that his Vulcan friend seemed light years away and asked her if there was something she wanted to get off her chest.

"No, I'm fine."

"It's a shame the captain didn't take you with him, a vacation might have done you some good as well."

"The captain didn't go alone, doctor."

"Oh? I must be behind on the latest gossip. That's what happens when Hoshi's not around. Who did he go with?"

"Her name is Rebecca…I believe she's an old friend."

"Ah…and this Rebecca troubles you."

"I am uncertain as to why you would come to such a conclusion, Phlox."

He shrugged his shoulders and stuffed his mouth with his last piece of pizza. "Something is obviously bothering you. I know you care about the captain, perhaps you are worried this woman will hurt him?"

"The captain's love life isn't any of my business."

"No, but that doesn't stop you from being concerned," the doctor answered.

"If the captain was happy with this Rebecca, then I would be happy for him, Doctor."

"Very well. So what's the story on this woman?"

"You'd find out more by asking Commander Tucker or Admiral Forrest. They both seem to be knowledgeable about her."

Phlox noted T'Pol's reluctance in discussing Rebecca and began to form a theory of his own. It wasn't that she was concerned as to whether this woman hurt the captain or not, it was the fact that this woman may be in a position she wished upon herself.

He smiled to himself…he'd been keenly aware of Archer's attraction to his first officer, it could very well be that the Vulcan had developed a romantic attachment to her captain. After all Vulcans were not automatons, they had emotions and feelings just like everyone else — they only choose to hide them better. He decided not to press her any further about Rebecca.

"You and Porthos getting on well?"

"Yes."

"Make sure you don't give him too much cheese," he advised.

"The captain instructed me on the amounts permitted."

"Good." Phlox asked for the dessert menu and then ordered something called a triple chocolate meltdown.

"What's in it?" T'Pol asked as she didn't have a menu.

"It's a fudge-filled chocolate cake topped with dark and white chocolate, plus vanilla ice cream and hot chocolate fudge," Phlox said reading from the menu. "Sounds delicious!" he enthused.

"Sounds highly unhealthy."

"You should indulge your sweet tooth now and then, who knows you might enjoy it."

She didn't reply and took a sip of water. Then she remembered something she wanted to ask the doctor. "Phlox, do you know of a Dr. Steve Johnson?"

"Hmm…I don't think so. Why?"

"I met him today. He says he knows the captain, and that he started working at Starfleet Medical this week."

"Well I'm on leave like the rest of the crew, so I'm not up to date on the hirings at Starfleet Medical."

"No I guess you wouldn't be. I'm sorry I asked."

"No problem. I can find out about him if you'd like."

"It's not necessary."

After Phlox finished his dessert, they paid the check and exited the restaurant. T'Pol decided not to take a taxi, it was a pleasant evening and she'd enjoy the walk. The doctor offered to go with her, but she said it wasn't necessary and didn't want to inconvenience him. He thanked her for her company and said he hoped they could do this again soon. She politely agreed and bid him goodnight as he climbed into his taxi.

She watched the vehicle drive away and then started on her walk back to the apartment. It was a cool evening, but she enjoyed the feel of the fresh air on her face. It was foggy which reminded her of her past escapades from the Vulcan compound to her jazz club. Thinking back to that time it all seemed so uncomplicated. Her path had been straight in front of her — she'd hoped to further her career working for Ambassador Soval.

And then Jonathan Archer had crossed her path and it had become so complicated. Despite that, she had no regrets. She didn't wish to undo her emotional attachment to him — if anything she felt it made her a more rounded out individual. Vulcans may suppress their feelings, but as V'Lar had told her once, they still experienced them.

T'Pol entered the apartment and found a rather happy beagle dancing around her feet. "Porthos, I assume you are pleased to see me."

The dog barked back and jumped up onto her legs. "No, you already had cheese today, I'm not going to give you anymore. You'll only end up feeling sick." She refilled his bowl with fresh water and prepared for bed.

She checked the viewscreen before retiring thinking Jonathan might have called and left a message, but there was nothing. She made herself some mint tea, then headed to the bedroom and went to sleep.

TBC